Name: MSSP ep 304- Green Skins and Vampires
Uploaded: 2020-07-07T21:48:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP ep 304- Green Skins and Vampires' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP ep 304- Green Skins and Vampires' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-07. Transcript available.

MSSP ep 304- Green Skins and Vampires

love it i think it's i think it's sick i think it's the way of the future you
know it's the way
of the future going live is the way of the future it's the only thing you can
commoditize anymore
it's the direct experience recordings all get sent to the cloud you know we're
i mean we are
approaching the singularity the only thing people can have is your direct
experience that's the only
thing left to sell your direct experience in real time hell yeah yeah that's
why that's why stand
up's not going anywhere dude true true a lot of people a lot of talk that's a
lot of talk saying
stand-up's dead nothing nothing beats being in the room dude well the only
thing i've seen a lot
of shitty comics seem really funny by being in the room true but the only thing
that sucks is like
your special your people's hopes of like working on a special can be dashed by
one dude with a
camera phone who records like 20 minutes of your set true but you know i don't
know that i listened
to most of louis special before it came out true when it came out i was still
like hell yeah true and
if you're alive if you saw it live it'd be kind of sweaty yeah yeah that's and
that's the only that's
the only argument i think stand up will evolve to people doing 20 minute
specials like once or twice
a year i think so hot 20 minutes 45 45 to an hour is a little long a little
long dude a little laborious
it's like just rip a hot 20 chuck it out and keep everything on the web and
just keep it ripping
that's that's just me that's just me matt mccusker futurist writer whatever you
know what i mean
that just is that just is what it is for sure how's the uh how's the sound
levels the mayor
any shit talking any shit talking any fucking whiners
bump it a little is not bad bump it a little is not bad people can hear you get
guys who are like
dude i run 17 jackhammers on a on a fucking helicopter it's like yeah bro i'm
sorry i'm
fucking sorry all right doing the best i can jesus christ um got a lot of hate
this week dude
really a lot of motherfuckers hating on me what are they saying people loving
on me a lot of people
loving on me a lot of people hating on me what were they saying it was bullshit
dude i did the i did the
the patreon i did the patreon with the guy again i have i don't divulge my
sources but this guy
seemed like a pretty learned dude on the foreign affairs you know uh
information informational warfare
which i didn't know i didn't know we were in an information war i mean i
suspected it obviously
but i didn't know what's up with the mayor
what's that gonna do
lamare do you oh thanks lamare do you have a mic
jesus fucking christ we are live so what happened you put on a guy and
everybody shit on him or
something well not everybody you know that's the thing you're gonna have to
that that's the thing
you have to deal with you know doing online stuff is ambiguity you'll get three
people like yo this
fucking rules and one person like yo this is fucking dumb yeah like fuck this
is dumb and then you
look it up and you're like nah this this fucking rules but the funniest part
was i people will be
like dude i knew everything in this it's like all right dude yeah great don't
watch the whole thing
i've never watched something i've known the whole thing of wait until the end
and be like dude i knew
all this it's like yeah turn it off bro well i was i was turn it off or refresh
i was a real snob
during the grant on the history channel oh you're a real snob dude did you hit
i was like hitting
facts before they said i'm just looking at my parents like this is everybody
knows that
that's what i was dude i there was one thing i didn't know mother jones
apparently according to
a russian defector mother jones was russian propaganda or it was started as russian
propaganda
the blog people like you didn't know that it's like well no i mean i suspected
it yeah but i didn't
fucking know don't know shit about mother jones it's like yeah it's like a left-leaning
blog so
this guy defected a high-ranking kgb official defected and like told a bunch of
secrets one of
them too this is another thing i had no fucking idea you do you hear billy ever
tell you about like
the third world dictator who ordered covid tests and like yeah tested a tomato
and it came it became
it was in ghana okay so this this russian guy who defected said one of their
ways of getting out like
you know weaponized information is you hit up a third world contact you're like
yo i got the i'll
secure the bag push this story out in ghana and they're like yeah fucking who
gives a shit
so like yo we tested a fucking a covid thing on an apple and it came up
positive and then russia's
press can be like oh shit do you guys see this thing that happened in ghana
then you can throw it
back in without being as obvious didn't know that it was exactly what the story
my little brother told
me and i'm like damn dude there's an information there's a informational
warfare tactic right there
there you go and now now everybody knows and now well everyone already knew
excuse me oh yeah true
but it was fun i had a good time i i like uh i do like that and people are also
mad they're talking
about china the guy was like yeah china like eradicated a lot of its poverty
you're like fuck
that dude trying to know it didn't it's like i don't know man i'm just talking
to a guy i don't i
i can't sit here and tell you exactly what china's poverty is like i'm
suspicious of the fact that you
seem so you know like oh dude bullshit it's like hit me with some facts bro
yeah don't just hit me
with but again you know that's just what it is dude put your heart you put your
blood you know
blood sweat and tears into a thing people are going to shit on you yeah i
support it i'm happy for you
i supported you it was fun when i got wind of it i was like oh that's a sick
episode it was fun man
it was a good time it was a good time but uh yeah the guy was very sympathetic
to chinese interests
but again he stated his what his i don't like that well what part of his job
for the record i was
not on that episode oh you dude i would have crushed him with that chinese
bullshit well
here's the thing here you see that a wrinkled flag it's wrinkled from battle
true with a closet true yeah yeah a wrinkle with the battle of like seven years
in a closet
the uh but no dude the it's so funny someone just had a squished flag in their
closet true i'll never
say who it was billy well i won't say billy's not a patriot dude oh wow it's
maybe it's i mean
honestly the wrinkles on the wall true you would think you you would think he
would have came and
you know steamed it out but whatever but yeah that was uh that was fun man i
learned a bunch of cool
shit about well that was the thing too this guy had to get into enemy he was
like dude in order
to protect for threats i have to get into enemy mindset so he's like i'm like
going through their
culture i'm going through the history i'm trying to understand what how a
threat why it would go the
way it would to try to predict it yeah he's like here's some shit we've done to
china people shut up
pussy fuck you fuck you hong kong rules and it's like dude hong kong's number
one hong kong rules
taiwan number three what china i'm all about hong kong china's ass china number
one china's fucking ass
though dude yeah man good well i'm good you're addressing your fucking haters
it's important it's
important to respond to those fucking that is my favorite thing being like he
didn't even say anything
the first half an hour it's like dude i gave i blew like three fucking
informational warfare tactics out
of the water dude it was just it was it almost made it does make me laugh and
people are like i
fucking knew all this shit it's like dude fuck you dude yeah the best is when i
catch myself on
patreon being like i'll like check and be like lifetime support my 140 bucks i'm
like fuck him
fuck you dude yeah i gotta address my haters too fuck you dad oh what's he up
what's he doing he was
complaining about the podcast dude he's like i try to turn it on it's just you
and your buddies talking
about wiping your asses for 10 minutes it's like what are you 30 grow up that
sparked a rebellion in
the house though true you i came back with some vicious hatred i was like oh
well all right he
so i walked downstairs my sister's getting her hair cut by my other sister okay
classic bowl cut in the
kitchen from the gillis sisters from slamming sarah and fart mcguire just
shaving a bowl cut into
fart mcguire just get a bowl cut we all have the same hair yeah that's sick i
gotta yeah i can't do it
anymore because it's receding but i used to we used to all have straight bowls
you could bowl out
i can't why i could go to like the hispanic bowl yeah you know i mean the one
that's like at the top
like a yarmulke um like saint francis of assisi but she's been heated okay you
know she's got two
kids running around so there's it's it's tensions are high true so i came down
the steps oh i was called
to hold her kid while she was getting the bowl cut i was in the middle of the
orcs
where the greenskins were attacking my draculas yeah is this when your dad
approached you when
the greenskins were attacking your draculas no i was yelled i was summoned by
fart mcguire to come
downstairs during her bowl cut while the greenskins were impeding onto my
fucking sacred land can you
pause you could but i was in the middle of a battle true the computer was
running hot when it's in a
battle yeah true so i had to finish the battle and it took long because for
some reason the fast
sword button wasn't working so i just had to play it so it took like maybe 20
minutes so who watched
the kids while you were battling the uh i just made fart mcguire i had to tend
to her own i was like
pretend i'm not here and then i came downstairs and i could i you know i couldn't
divulge that it was
because the greenskins were attacking my vampires true you were that was a
secret information i was like
i was working on something yeah like i'm doing something but that started there
was a lot of tension and
then phil came in from working outside and hit me with the fucking i just
listened to your podcast
it's you and your friend talking about wiping your ass for 20 minutes you're
not allowed to take mom's
car anymore damn he hit me with the you're grounded so i think because the
cruise was in the shop so
you're fighting the green so i had to take you're fighting your dad i got the
green skins coming down
from the mountains i just dude i just united all the vampiric clans yeah all
right sure
the last thing i need is more stress true and getting my mom's crv taken away
from me true i needed
my mom's crv so as soon as phil hit me with the you're not allowed to use your
mom's car because
all you guys do is talk about wiping asses uh the sisters slamming sarah and
fart gorgeous
shit we keep ripping the live stream we'll just uh well is it still recording
okay are you plugged in
why would it not be plugged in
what do you mean you don't know we're going off wi-fi on that
you have your mic
holy fuck right lamare lamare what is happening
what the internet or can people even hear this right now
yeah it's not plugging into the router
it's not like the message it just keeps coming out
you know it's not going quick
you have it in the right hole all right we need to call luis j gomez yeah he
handles this kind of stuff
he just screams at them and they wait a half hour
and every single stream is a half hour late and this is why
yeah true because if you think the guys who do podcasts are losers imagine the
people fucking working behind the scenes
well hell yeah we gotta address that so are we what's going on here
this is still on youtube right now what happened during the incredible story i
was telling was that
no i can't everything's still on everything's still yeah everything's still on
everything's still on
everything's still good great i mean we're breaking the fourth wall like a
mo