Name: ep 310- RIP Cleveland
Uploaded: 2020-08-18T22:23:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ep 310- RIP Cleveland' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ep 310- RIP Cleveland' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-18. Transcript available.

ep 310- RIP Cleveland

oh yeah oh yeah baby we're in yo what's up it's brad what's up it's bryson
are you 14 and on tiktok i hope your pussy's wet i'm 21
haha i'm welcome to hot guy tiktok welcome to hot sway house
i hope your pussies are out we're gay boys we're here with our gayest boy
tim that's tim with a u kind of like come that is the face it's you're always
on the edge of coming
you're just like you gotta smile though tiktok is having this killer smile they
do it's like
stick their tongue out and smile so you used to put vaseline on cheerleaders
teeth
what yeah they probably put some vaseline on their teeth they're like
yeah dude that i somehow fell into a dark hole of hot teen year old boy
were you on our goomed no i was on uh i don't know it was it was trending or
something on twitter
where that one kid had a party in la like a mansion party of just unimaginable
it was gold dude
if i get in one of these you have to get i would be like ted bundy what are you
gonna like a sorority
house dude if i get in one of these tiktok kids houses you're gonna kill room
to room taking them
you're gonna kill them i'm gonna have my way with them and probably execute
these boys
first chance i get some of them are good kickboxers dude dude that was making
me laugh so hard when i
found out that they would definitely just tune us up i mean you and me were
like yeah you guys are
fucking gay just get the shit beat out of us you have to be if you're that hot
yeah you have to fight
off you know people who might come into your mansion that's that was the guy
once i looked it up i
remembered who it was they were boys with that one boxer that's uh an absolute
adonis yeah you know
that kid which one i think it's ryan garcia yeah i think that's his name yeah
but that was his boy
who that was like they all have so they all have a slightly less hot sidekick
nobody's hotter than
exactly ryan garcia ryan garcia is the hottest but he that guy was ryan garcia
slightly less
hot sidekick yes and then that guy's slightly less hot sidekick he's getting
hotter dude looks like
my math teacher mr horn he's slightly less hot sidekick he's like a short italian
dude
he's an apprentice hot guy he went too not hot it throws girls do this on all
girls dating profile
pictures with their friends they they they have all girls have like a fake
relationship with a girl
who's like not as hot as them so they can portly homely homely sidekick they
took note from girls
and like oh i need a slightly less hot sidekick so my tiktok pops jesus because
it's too disorganized
if you have guys who are like all the exact same hotness unless they're all no
they do the one does
dude who is it which one's that one of them has it one of my god my main the
main guy one of the
main hot guy houses taylor's sidekick is also jacked tanner he's more tan
equally his name's tanner
i think i think tanner might surpass taylor with the knee taylor with the knee
taylor that's a battle
dude who's which one and they all i think they all spawned from logan paul are
you talking about
tanner probably this all started from logan paul filming a japanese dude that
killed himself
and it's spawned the whole way there's a curse in that suicide forest in japan
what it's like you
only have a hotter a gayer friends and now there's just an army of the sexiest
boys in one house
dancing fuck dude yeah that's it's definitely i mean honestly what would in
terms of like finding
your son in a hot guy house that's that's tough stuff dude you gotta keep now
you gotta keep your son
and daughter off the pole yeah off the top you gotta keep your son and daughter
off my dad like
if your dad catches you dancing yeah he dragged me out of that house by my feet
dude he would no he
would seriously like he my dad would take issue with that you had a cool earring
for six hours
you could have went to piercing i was trying to i had a girlfriend at the time
in high school who was
like no it'd be so cool trust me and i was like okay yeah definitely i went
home my dad said he was
gonna pull it out of my ear so i was like i gotta take this out yeah i've met
your dad that would
definitely be something he'd be like what what is this yeah come here i'll pull
that thing out of
here i was like all right i'm taking it out threw it out you ever have any dad
well let me give you
be a hot guy tiktoker he called me yeah he hit me with the kryptonite and i was
like no i'm not
fucking dopers what are they doing what are you guys trying to figure out they're
chatting they're
looking up hot guys dude the whole room has been in dude once you feast your
eyes on these hot boys
it plagues the group it's all i can think about oh that's how they get some
virus passes on
exactly like wait there's not gonna be any pussy left for us and then you're
like we have to form
a hot guy group we have to start wearing sweatpants and then the chinese
communist party wins that's
how they're winning that's why thank god trump's trying to shut this shit down
oh he has to he
probably saw a couple of those videos and was like no the military is probably
depleting everyone's
probably deserting and it's like no we should just be hot guys let's get out of
here i'm done with
these hot kids i think the algorithm found you i think you hit just like the
lowest level of success
that like the pedophile algorithm is like we can get him true true it works you're
on the spacey i
understand i understand you're just our children dudes in pools true free spacey
if this is if this
was the temptation spacey was hit with i wonder if he did nothing wrong if if
you've yeah nobody ever
found like wasn't he getting like a massage or was that travolta travolta got a
massage he
was just getting it he grabbed a dick at a nightclub someone brought a 16 year
old boy into a nightclub
and i think spacey grabbed his dick he got terry cruz that a nightclub dude i
think of a 16 year
old like all that like excited to be like this is gonna be fucking cool man i'm
going to a nightclub
for the first time kevin spacey comes out of nowhere spacey you have like one
second to be like is that
kevin spacey he just rings your bell he's like ding pulls your dong down yeah
if you go to a
hollywood party it's nothing i mean i i don't i've never been to one but the
reason i try to avoid
it is because i would have to wear a cup otherwise it would be like spacey see
chris would probably
finger my butt if they saw you trotting around dude that's sick ass after i
just ran 2.8 miles that's
what i'm training for you had 2.8 today yeah 2.88 basically three it was like 1.5
like last last week
going hard a robot trying to get in there you're training to become a hot boy
you're trying to
join the sway house i want to get my dick grabbed by an elite yes it's the new
autograph you're like
can you grab my dick can you assault me sexually thanks don lemon he tells
everyone the cup is for
protection but the inside has like prisoner claw marks trying to get out yeah
dude you can definitely
get snatched you gotta be careful dude you're gonna get your dick grabbed
people don't understand what
what we're talking about y'all don't understand yeah they do they're talking if
you look at no one was
all over it no it's no were you know it was their age were you a hot guy have
to be honest you're
young you're hip have you ever taken a hot guy video no i don't have any social
media because it's
for faggots oh no jesus christ come on man come on you're fired you're
definitely you're definitely
fired no no you just got a raise you get extra slices of pizza for that so is
that what is that
what the youth are all about that like social media is just completely stupid
no like they're like into
it i don't know i just think it's a gay so i don't do it man i hate those kids
so much really yeah it
bothers me see that's the thing i've been on a really uh kind of non-judgmental
non-evaluative kick
but i i see that i'm like that's not good it's not a good thing what those boys
are doing i'm like
it's not good it's not good for anyone young men can't be being hot girls they're
just no no
democracy can flourish with that i mean it's happened though i do believe that's
how democracy is like
started no i think that's how that's the peak of a democracy when all the boys
are like oh we'll
just be hot chicks now it's like here comes the dark age no this is just the
newest version of them
consolidating like that is the one percent yeah they have 99 it's been like uh
disproportionate
forever there's been like they're pussy elite top level dudes have been the
pussy elite getting
everybody pregnant as far back as human i might be making this up but i think i
read it so you're
right i know this for a fact so this is just well before it was like i'm the
strongest i can provide
the most resources now it's like i'm the gayest give me all the now i'm so gay
true that's a safe bet
though you need a nice stable gay husband otherwise like a maverick i mean we
can lose it all at any
minute dude we're not you know not only gay also wigger it's the ultimate combo
a gay wigger that
dances well with abs justin timberlake exactly it's been a blueprint forever bieber
timberlake all the
gayest white dudes somehow transformed to black guy or that or just they get
paid true once you get
paid you'd definitely be no i'm saying no i'm saying that you can make a ton of
money it's highly
profitable you see that dude whoever that guy's sidekick tan taylor it's like
you know bieber got
is a billionaire so if you just emulate bieber or just turn up the sauce on
what bieber's doing you
used to be a family man but you used to have to make embarrassing music now you
just lip sync
yeah do rappers know how much of their work is just going into making money for
white twinks that's
what i was thinking like dick burpees and sweatpants that's what i'm saying
does gucci
mane know about this gucci mane gucci mane would be fewer dude i'd be fucking
ticked if i was gucci
man you'd be talked and people come on come on here we go haha i'm so filled
with cum
are you in eighth grade dude that that is this is these are nice to be bored
these are like hyper boy
bands boy bands were a psyop basically they're like to get in and like it would
boy bands would
get your 13 year old daughter horny and then you'd have to pay 200 to bring
them to a concert yes it's
kind of disgusting it is disgusting it's a up business model that goes back
they would torture
your 13 year old 12 year old daughter into like going and see like we got to go
see like the liquid
town what bad was called liquid dream yeah yeah oh town we got to see orgasm
town dad and you're like
how much is this 116 bucks you're like jesus just for you and your friends to
definitely masturbate
during the sleepover yeah yeah dude it's fucked up i mean dude you're speaking
that's facts it's
disgusting facts but that's that's what makes the that was the market you were
dealing with yeah and
and then you would take again we got rid of ritual virgin sacrifice and then we
started taking like
you know britney spears she's 15 16 years old you display her body for the
world and then like
slowly she just gets completely excavated by just people just shitting on her
and
with her they lose their minds christina aguilera i don't know what happened
she got like kind of fat
but maybe she lost her mind too definitely lost her mind you definitely lose
your mind they all
16 year old keys to a kingdom that they have no control of and then expect them
not to completely
fucking wig out dude they're they're basically like slaves they all they all
got molested too i was
watching a dance youtube documentary yesterday and they every single one of
them had to have got i
mean bieber's got his dick bieber had his dick grabbed enough where he's like
enough and he became
a christian like britney spears couldn't take the day off i think britney spears
they were like
nah that's gonna be an inch like if bieber becomes a full like elite christian
and becomes li