Name: Ep 115 - Hype Beasts
Uploaded: 2020-09-16T00:06:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 115 - Hype Beasts' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 115 - Hype Beasts' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-16. Transcript available.

Ep 115 - Hype Beasts

holy fucking shit we're here right now we're live yo we're alive the tech has
significantly improved
yes look at that look at that yeti dude i'm still i might still hold it yo do
you dude you might have
to what you up to man halfway across happy my heart's happy to see you bro i
can tell how far
you i can tell how far away you are i just feel my heart dude and the more it
aches i go he's must
be out oh he's coming back to minnesota the ache is a lesson yes no i'm still i'm
still in this dude
i think i'm the first guy to ever do this i was just like can i just stay in
the comedy condo for
a few more days they were like yeah i guess yeah you just gotta be out by wednesday
i was like all
right i'll stay till wednesday i'm just in a comedy condo in phoenix people don't
understand the
people don't understand that there are com well this one this one fucking rules
what this one hold on i'll give you a little i'll turn this around for a second
you can see it's
probably a little messy but yeah the comedy condo fucking rules see those
crunch berries
oh i had some captain crunch going on
yeah if they were putting a comedy condo near my house i would petition the
neighborhood i'd be like
yo we have to we can't let this thing in our neighborhood we can't have a
comedy condo in here
they're typically very very bad this one's all right this one's good but you
know you do get a
weird dude in your apartment complex once a week that's what i'm saying that's
what i'd have as a
public safety thing i'd be like yo band we're not having no comedy condos in
our neighborhood
chances are there is a alcoholic sexual predator
living in your apartment complex once a week
that's what comedy clubs like the catholic church they just they're like all
right we'll put you over
here we'll move them around with the atlanta funny bone
no dude we just talked about this
dude i uh yeah speaking of pedos hold on last night i watched i put on cuties
bro all right so i didn't watch it i like scrolled through to get to the
scintillating parts to see how wild it was because i was like maybe maybe it's
not that wild
yeah bro it's wild what was spud actually did a breakdown of it
oh really they did a there was you know the fucking wet ass pussy dance where
you're on the
ground and fucking you know the girl does that and then teaching them all how
to twerk and like
slapping their asses while she dude it was like it was genuinely like man this
is actually weird
yeah i mean it although it was weird i thought i was thinking it was like
you know there's that thing on the right where they're like
they're like constantly on the lookout for pedophiles
hey man which rules which rules it rules
it's funny because hansen was carrying the torch by himself for years
nobody everyone was like look at this weirdo and like people just pick it up
hansen carried the torch for it dude he must have hit people with that show and
they're like say what
yeah but hansen was he was getting the bottom of the barrel pedophiles
the right's not after the try not looking for like indian dudes and retarded
guys
hansen never did he ever roll up any like i heard hansen cowboys
said cowboys and indians just retards and indians
the goal of the game is to try to get a kid
yeah i think hansen actually found epstein's island i think he found enough indians
and retarded guys that
it like he connected the dots and he was like all right so we got this guy
working at chuck e cheese we
got this guy going here this dude this dude's it here and they go oh my god the
fbi should have
hired to bust he should have just walked in that temple and been like what are
you doing here
what are you doing well dude it's like you know the people can defend the movie
and say oh you know
it's it's i think the thing is they're like they're preaching against pedophilia
and it's like
all right like we can all agree that you don't do that but like dude to have
first of all to cast the
movie everyone's talked about like casting the movie so there's 300 i think
there was like 300 girls that
came oh casting must have been fucking weird dude how do you how as an adult do
you cast a young girl
for sexual role because you have to there was a 40 year old man who was just
kind of like
nah 13 a 12 year old's not that hot uh she's hotter than her dude i mean how
else are you gonna do it
why didn't they cast a chubby woman that's my problem why didn't they there was
a chump
just one there was one thick bbw
oh my god one bbg one bbg was it really what was the parent what did the
parents look like
uh they're african muslim immigrants they ever smashed in the movie i didn't i
didn't watch it
long enough i literally watched the one the first dancing and i was like this
it was it was genuinely
making me like i was like this is weird that i'm watching this yeah i was
watching fucking monday
night football and i was like i'm gonna toss this on real quick just sit on my
phone and i was like
i tried to record it to send it to the group chat and it i think netflix
probably is a thing where
you're not allowed to record from your iphone maybe maybe there's like screen
grab a netflix show i
don't know are you watching this on your phone yes what nick i don't think that
technology exists
well then i'm wrong maybe i just fucking missed the button you know but once it
didn't record i was
like i don't need to try to record this and then i was like man it'd be weird
to hit for me to have
that video on my phone it's time to get out of here dude dude that that's kind
of the i like got
into a one night i couldn't sleep so i stayed up and watched just like youtube
cuties commentary
and it's everybody on there being like i want to share how fucked up this is
but i can't
it's just young chicks being sexual and i don't want to be the guy being like
yo
here's the clip like i can't show the clip and dude it's like
yeah man i if you can say the movie like oh the people should be able to do
whatever they want the
movie is inappropriate whatever but it's like dude from a work perspective if
first of all if i was
like yo if i like i was working on a script i'm like shane check it out here's
what i'm going to
write a movie about you know if you were like dude that's weird i'd be like all
right mckeever
check this out he everyone i know would be like dude stop knock it off yeah i
think that is kind
of weird well they'd also be like how okay so say you make this film your
passion project is like
11 year old sexuality how are you actually going to make this and we're like we
can get some kids
we can get come on like dude the fact that they were on set like no hump hump a
little heart like
there was grown-ups instructing her how to like grind the floor and how to be
more like you're telling me that 11 year old was that sexual or was that 11
year old trained to be
that sexual again i haven't watched it but it's like i'm thinking of checking
it out but it's like
as a director when you're trying to like think about checking it out when you're
trying to tweak
uh like a person and as a direct we're trying to direct it's like you have to
tell an 11 year old
like you gotta like did the 11 year old come as sexual as the director needed
her or was the
director like no no like a little more sexually like this and like that it was
true i wonder i
wonder if they sent like army recruiter type people to like elementary schools
and we're like who's the
biggest slut here man you gotta serve your kind the country of france true but
yeah like there's so
many practical concerns of like how did they direct the child how was it and it's
just kind of like
i don't know man it's kind of weird it opens up a lot of uh weird shit to like
dude everyone
bitches about the movies it's like dude these are there's so many parents out
there they're like
take my daughter take my daughter take my daughter for sure it's like you
fucking sicko for sure but
yeah i was i was thinking you know also they changed the verbiage on the
description of the show which
is funny i noticed that well they didn't say the description the description
yeah the description of
cuties was she joins a twerk team and now it's like a free-spirited dance team
it's pretty funny yeah
that's they got a little people like yo this is pedophile they're like we gotta
get rid of twerking
and change it to free-spirited dance team but then keep the scenes in yeah man
i mean i i spot word from
spud he's like it's soft core child porn dude he's like this if that's the
thing too if you're a pedo
and you're watching that that's got a rule so as a rule of thumb it's like let's
not try to get
pedos pumped let's keep the fruit forbidden for the pedos that way we can roll
them up you can't just
be like they can be no no no that's fucking cuties or they could be like i'm
working on an art house
film like why is there like an 11 year old getting her pussy and like no no no
no no there's a film
set i swear he's not touching
literally during the dance scene first off it's the first scene the first dance
scene is probably like
it's like a two or three minute like music video type of them dancing the girl
instructing them
uh and the camera's like zoomed in on their ass while they're dancing that's
great it is it's weird
well there there's a scene where what yeah nothing well there there's a scene
where it's fucking weird
i think the one the one thing i saw on youtube there's a scene where a um like
the girl steals
her stepdad's cell phone and he's like give me my cell phone back she's like no
she runs in the
bathroom takes a picture of her pussy and then uploads it and then it's like
the stepdad gets in
trouble wait where is this in the movie apparently she like they're she's
fighting with her stepdad
like she has his phone he's like give me my phone i know you have it and she
runs into the bathroom
takes a picture of her pussy and then uploads it and apparently again i just
saw this clip
but i guess like gets her stepdad in trouble there's some cuties apparently
yeah from the little
youtube clip you get in big trouble for that stepdaughter's pussy first of all
why are we
giving them this idea dude so you're a pedo so now you're a pedo dude you think
this is pedo fantasy
world you're like no it's not mine my stepdaughter was getting revenge on me
and took a picture and
it's like dude stop stepdaughter revenge porn i mean exactly this is pornographic
dude
yes i didn't realize there's there's a park full of old black dudes that sit
outside my house and i
basically like every time i walk by them they like say something to me and i'm
like okay
every time i turn into an australian every time i turn to australian every time
i was delivering all
the t-shirts the other day there were so many of them that i just took my stroller
and just filled
the stroller with uh bags like boxes and bags of shirts yeah i pushed it to the
uh post office post
office was closed came back i said hi to them they came back with a stroller
like all right now they
say whatever like you know all right now i see you out there with the stroller
and i was just like
hello and i was like god damn it dude it's like every time i try to just think
of a first thing to
say and it sounds so ridiculous like what's happening i'm 28 post office coast
dude i did uh
i did a fucking interview with this australian tv show here did you really yeah
it was via zoom
and the only like they're gonna edit it out for sure but the whole time i was
like i in 28
what i was like love on the spectrum and they're like you guys know about love
on the spectrum and
i was like it's huge here they're like yes what yeah really yeah they had no
idea what what was the
show for uh i don't know some cancel culture q a in australia and they were
like nah you can say
whatever the fuck you want dude this is australia i was like sick uh but i
think the lady hated me so
we'll see i bet they added that to make i was pretty i was pretty cavalier
about the whole thing
which they probably didn't l