Name: MSSP Ep 334- The Myth of Women Sleeping
Uploaded: 2021-02-10T16:14:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP Ep 334- The Myth of Women Sleeping' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MSSP Ep 334- The Myth of Women Sleeping' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-10. Transcript available.

MSSP Ep 334- The Myth of Women Sleeping

wow wow wes and we're live we're just tidying up a little bit just tidying up
making sure things
yeah i didn't know we had so many uh i didn't know we had so many experts in
astrophysics from last
week i looked at particles they just figured out how light space is 2020 that
was something that
puzzled physicists like myself been burning for a week i didn't even trip about
it it was something
i was so obvious it's like dude have you been to space yeah how do you know
have you even been
there have you been to space yeah so shut up about space if you're crazy man i
only want to hear from
lance bass true and other has he been in a i think he went to space he tried to
wow first gay man
launched into orbit how does he know that i assume all astronauts are gay you
have to you have to just
assume i do rockets come on man come on dude you're into rockets zero gravity
sounds a little gay to me
you want to be lighter than air dude they just ran a commercial for uh i think
it was in the super
bowl they ran a commercial for like first civilian only stop i was watching
like all right just
definitely civilians gonna die it was like a civilian like a like a trip they're
doing an amateur space
mission you can go to space where it's just send it up randoms what except
everyone that's definitely
gonna explode you think so yeah damn that's just another thing i gotta worry
about is like oh you've
never been to space i'm like i haven't been to fucking europe dude come on yeah
give me some time
just launching regular people into space actually i think i went to ireland
once i get scared on planes
true i don't think i could leave the atmosphere no what's the what is it just
to go up there and
like check it all out yeah it's just what lance bass did people being pissed
they get out the lance bass
go to space all right he went with the rookies what the fuck that fucking
traitor that motherfucker
they launched a lot lance bass imagine putin be like sir hold on we have one
more for the crew
well it was funny because they were sending like dogs and monkeys and shit and
they were like
we will also send gays and then humans jk sent boy bands you gotta launch them
into space hell yeah
do you think when last bass was up in zero gravity he did the fucking bye-bye-bye
puppet
do you think that's what houston said to him when he on liftoff like bye-bye-bye
we have liftoff
that's a that's great yeah we have a lot of ocd types apparently tablecloth at
a wrinkle everyone's
like yeah it's fucked up we know the set sucks hey man i think i think it's
pretty good it yeah
whatever i like it it's better than our last three sets true living room
sometimes your bedroom
the living room would have been tight basement would have been tight basement
yeah candles that
would have been terrifying dude i didn't say i don't think i went down that
basement for more
than like it got pretty scary yeah man we had a hole we had a hole in the floor
scary down there
we had a hole in the floor the whole thing it was a scary no no my basement the
one i lived in
not not the not the very spooky basement yeah but i did live down there and i
was convinced
how creature was coming out of that door how spooked were you i got spooked a
lot
yeah i don't know there's like a whole mud room yeah like literally just a mud
floor that was
probably centuries old yeah and then a tiny door that creature catacombs a
creature of the night
could have come out of the catacombs dude i was always on guard for creatures
of the night
i would be i would i don't know if i could sleep in a basement i'm too soon i'm
having a i'm having a
tough time sleeping now why because i keep going to sleep to world war ii books
oh and i just keep
having wild fucking dreams really yeah they're like fucked up dude the pacific
what you've been
come on man talk to me about the pacific so you've been reading about it i've
been listening yeah i
fall asleep listening to sledgehammer talk about his experience dude dude's
like
fucking using their k-bar knives to take out japanese teeth
there's one guy that was alive because they were gold teeth the gold teeth
nice and there was one guy who was still alive so he kicked the dude's jaw open
like he cut him here and here gave him a little joker yeah and then kicked his
the bottom jaw open
to fucking get in more the guy was still alive for it and i'm just tossing and
turn damn dude
imagine getting handed down to you your grandpa when his grandpa passed away he's
like here's four
gold teeth i ripped them out of a japanese guy's mouth you gave them to your
slut granddaughter and
she got drunk in the club and lost him oh my grandpa's japanese teeth are in
there i need to get
they all got melted down to form like uh first name golden necklaces christina
they got they got
turned into christina necklaces dude how hot was that when chicks used to have
necklaces with their
names on them yeah it's christina it's like all right obviously slut yeah there's
definitely slut dog
tags if you have your first name like embossing gold around your neck it's like
what and if you
fuck them you get to treat them like a dead soldier and you collect their dog
tags
they just see each other like where'd you serve like millersville university
i did four i did seven years millersville i was a marauder
my ass was plundered
i was in an elite unit called delta siga phi
man we were really slumbered up sluts
i got a slut battle one of my sisters got her stomach pumped
dude that must suck is that real is that a real thing
slut battles no i know slut battles i'm saying stomach cum stomach pump
i don't know there's a rumor about lil kian
marilyn manson a lot of a lot of people got his stomach pumped
he had his ribs removed to suck his own dog
someone also said he got his stomach pumped because he had so much cum
apparently his own dick
i mean obviously exactly he got his ribs
marilyn manson's dick came forward
with allegations against him
have you seen the marilyn manson allegations
no what were they
i don't know them exactly but i think ladies that
had sex with him are complaining
okay turns out he was about that life
that he very openly advertised
what was it they're like it felt like we were in a cult
it's like yeah yeah dude
you're fucking a guy that like dressed like the devil on tv
it was like i am the devil
yeah what'd you think
thought it was gonna be like a nice romantic evening
wait so there women are coming out saying he was like evil
i think he's on record as evil
i think he's being brought up on witch charges
also what do you i wonder if marilyn man
they have like puritan judges like
was he actually a witch
yeah dude he's eating your pussy and all of a sudden he disappears
he comes back right the other way
he's like whoa
hex
he did hex
dude if i went on a date with marilyn manson
that's your bad
if not i usually don't blame victims but if you didn't keep a crucifix on you
that's kind of your garlic
yeah dude
they'll get you
dating a ghoul
that's a ghoul coming at you
he was on tv like yo i'm a ghoul
and then you get in the bedroom and obviously he's gonna be ghoulish
there's gonna be ghoulish behavior
damn dude
what do you think he comes like
oh fuck
he's like you
he's like the light
he just it's probably he only comes under strobe light
lights start glitching he's like
he's dude i i don't understand it for the life of me people who want to be that
spooky i never i never have
loud comments but i told you the time i farted did i tell you that when i was
uh
i was having facetime sex with a lady
nice
when i was j owen
yeah
fuck yeah dude
all in the facetime sex
yeah i was facetime i was like uh
i don't think it was i don't think it caught i think apple filters farts i
think they have like a little
filter if you if you're coming you fart
i don't i farted many times on facetimes
more like fart times when you're with me
wait so you had a what are you talking about you talking about slut battles
oh i had a slut battle i was making fun of hooters waitresses i was like the
finest
sluts and this lady was like they're not all sluts i was like
well yeah they are for sure
first of all it's funny you said they're not all sluts it's like all right
yeah she was like and i was like no they're dumb they're dumb beautiful sluts
yeah she's like some of them have phds like all this stuff i was like
i was just making fun of the special olympics and you're defending hooters waitresses
i was trying so hard to make an acronym about titties with phd i was like
pretty
hot td i was like fuck you got it phds there you go pretty huge tits too yeah
but uh yeah it was a slut battle so they were who was coming out against you
just some lady
who like worked at denny's just a beautiful slut no she was a beautiful slut
really she was a
former slut she was defending the hooters sluts really was she uh did she work
did she serve
in hooters i think she must have served hooters is the air force hooters is the
air force for
sluts dude better yet than navy
yeah i mean uh obviously i mean dude i does he really think you're like buzzing
around your car
like passing a hooters being like fucking sluts no she should know that i'm
driving by being like
yes there's loose immoral whores beautiful sluts in there beautiful wing sluts
right there
no hooters sluts rule damn must be so sick to work in the kitchen at hooters
they are like seal team six big time that's like the elite unit the hooters
yeah big time
it's like that and only to do we still do like uh sports illustrated swimsuits
or is it like women
just get like their ass eaten in sports illustrated they must it must be like
triple x must be the
most powerful dude miss january they started i remember when they started the
body episode or body
edition or what maybe that was espn where they would just be everybody was
naked all the athletes what
they're slowly transitioning us into an all-male about fucking time i need yeah
oh dude that'd be a
tough one to just a fucking like wide receivers bulge in his sweatpants you're
like fuck fuck man
that's what i that's why i watch the combine the scout the see the fucking
everybody in spandex
running see these massive hogs true flying down the runway see what's good
all right here we go now i got one for you what i got a good movie for you to
watch you're gonna
enjoy it let's have it you ever see alexander the great uh no i don't think it's
called alexander
it's colin farrell awesome yeah hot one of the hottest dudes out there huge
dong in his prime
hollywood dong does he have a hollywood dong hollywood dong report he's up
there with john
he has to be william shatner shatner i heard shatner had a fucking hog dude who
told you that
i just heard it it was you know it's the buzz dude you are such a you're such a
space guy well
you're the business with me dude come on dude that's the ultimate dude i know i
heard shatner
had a either he had a dong or someone ripped his dong but his dong was in the
mix like being like
shatner had that oh weak ass he had that priceline tongue
shatner never thought anyway you would like this movie because it's about alexander
the great but
he's clearly just a very gay man the whole time what he just keeps fucking
there's all the there's
always hot lady boys wherever he goes that's all yeah dude what the whole
campaign the whole campaign
was ruined by hot lady boys do you ever hear his speech jared leto's in it what
they dress him up like a persian lady boy he looks so good he can get
mysterious as fuck dude dude he
had eyeliner very mysterious i was just about to say he must have had that like
crow level deep but
there's a lady boy that they encounter when they head east that's a secret
weapon they expand to the
empire east but now they are greek and macedonians so they're always plowing
boys after battles yeah
the sweet boys come in they party after battles sweet boys you just killed a
bunch of guys you and
all your boys just got stabbed yep send the women home to be tired they all
literall