Name: ep 336 The Outsider Renegade Born in the USA Podcast
Uploaded: 2021-02-24T17:45:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ep 336 The Outsider Renegade Born in the USA Podcast' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ep 336 The Outsider Renegade Born in the USA Podcast' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-24. Transcript available.

ep 336 The Outsider Renegade Born in the USA Podcast

the wild wild west here we go dude oh i like the damn our new producer yeah
sean gardini guard dog
the guard dog is in the house dude unfortunately pain it pained me it pains it
pains us and when
you're an ep that's what you gotta do sometimes when you're both eps you gotta
use the audacity
and vimeo sometimes you gotta fire people that you love and unfortunately
lamorp john lamorp lees has been placed on uh at least for now permanent
suspension yeah indefinite
very indefinite permanent it's not the right word we should have sent him to
itt tech
he is going back to devry we are funding him to learn how to
fucking produce a podcast which apparently is one of the more complicated jobs
anyway lamere's been fired he's been fired he's been let go he's suspended let's
he's been he has
been suspended we'll definitely have him back on we love lamere yeah but uh i
think it'd only be
appropriate for just a nice moment of silence and remembrance yep for a good
friend lamere lee
i love him that was i was i was sick i was sick over the decision and you know
at the end of the day
he knew i called him and he was like no i get it i fucked up a lot it was it
was fun he was probably
gaming when i called probably he was probably he's probably kicking someone
with chung lee and was
like yeah for sure i can see that he was his game for that i think he did i did
yeah he probably
didn't pause his game lamere strikes me as a guy who doesn't pause his game for
us i think he was
probably yeah okay all right yeah i get it see you i get it and then after the
game it was probably
like fuck what the fuck happened i've been there happens dude but i mean the
end of the day
we have to make sure you know we secure the video and then gardini dude we
needed a new wop we need
a fresh wop true look at a pale wop how are you a pale wop north country uh-oh
at first words give
a shot dude he's too scared to speak i like that i like your conservative
approach not trying to be
the star of things like lamere was i like a good humble wop behind the it's an
oxymoron true
shut up noah noah is the senior back there noah was tense i gave noah the news
i was like hey man
just don't let you know there's been let go and he was like what really yeah
dude noah took it hard
oh man he's like why why i'm like we still love each other noah yeah we all
love each other me shane
lamere love each other but we need some time apart yeah we need some time apart
i might have to take
i might have to take noah to like a phillies game dude with the man he's
crushed i think he's crushed
yeah we're gonna have to drop him off at the house you have to watch lamere
play video games
every weekend yeah noah was devastated dude that hurts to hear no i thinking of
thinking of noah sad
yeah yeah he was what do you mean i'm like no it's not your fault i'm not gonna
see him anymore
he's like no you're gonna see him you'll see him i'll be on we'll have him on
we'll have him over
then we'll wait we'll schedule him to come on he won't show up and we'll just
be like no it's not
you it's not your fault yeah no we'll be sitting on the stoop out front with a
fishing rod
he didn't show up yeah i think noah was like dude am i next you're not on the
chocolate you're not
on the chocolate but guard dogs your new dad that's your new father yeah the
guard dog but yeah that was
uh what an emotional weekend emotional here you can see the remnants of his
cookie yep the cookie
wrapper that you heard on the last episode that you heard and didn't see there
was there was the
cookie wrapper very no it touched that thing very noisy oh my god very noisy
cellophane might be one
of the noisiest actually it's funny because it says serving size a quarter of
the cookie is one serving
true the per container is 490 calories yeah 60 grams of carbs do you think
anyone that buys
a cookie from the gas station observes like no one no one has i've look i've
eaten these cookies
before and i've never once even been like oh snapped it in a force oh i'm not i'm
getting 11 milligrams
of calcium that's good nice that's what i get from these sheets macadamia
cookies from the entire
cookie or per serving that was per serving you can get a ton of magnesium good
magnesium you need to
boost your mag i'm wanting to boost a mag i'm pretty sure people open those and
like are pissed there's
not two cookies in there you have to be dude remember when uh beezer got laid
up from 7-eleven
snickerdoodles yeah man put them in the put them in bed dude yeah you can't
watch these no dude they
get he had doodle tooth he had a severe case of dudes what was that his tooth
got like hollowed out
just got a dead tooth from snickerdoodles damn just smoking cigarettes and
being like oh i'll get
some snickerdoodles snacking them in his bed he was late he was laid up for a
couple days yeah he was
in a tomb anyway how are you what's going on man pretty good the weekend was a
uh good weekend
it was victorious dude oh man our nation's capital we went down to our nation's
capital paid a visit to
lincoln it was it was so man i i like it was funny we were right near the
capital and chain literally
had to yank me by my boots to pull me down off the back i was going over i was
going over matt
scaled every fence he could see i was going over dude of course you were you're
a patriot i need
to go i need to take a selfie with that that was important for us to go take
selfies we should have
yeah we should have recorded an episode from pelosi's desk we could have easily
it couldn't have stopped
us there's no chance it would have stopped us but yeah i was like scam i was
over the edge he grabbed
my he's like we got a show to do and i was like you're right you're right our
responsibility is
the defense and we both put our hands behind behind each other's necks
just like we gotta shout i know we both want to go in there and take pictures
of ourselves in those
fucking swivel chairs let's go to the lincoln memorial and honor this country
properly by reading
it around a bunch of tourists that don't care and mexicans taking quinceanera
photos
mexicans love the lads love getting pictures at the memorials that was wild
what an honorable
there was a mom and daughter i think they do that just to throw it in everybody's
face back home
but they don't like we made it baby true look at this we're at the memorial
right now true they could
have just been stunting there might have been no i think that's lad stunting oh
you think there was
absolutely no quinceanera because there was a mom and her daughter in like just
prom dresses not
yeah prom dresses how about the mom 26 degrees the mom
those cans the tamales were out that's the one thing i remember from visiting
the lincoln memorial
yeah massive mexican tits yes by the reflecting pool it was crazy i might go
back to the
reflecting pool and reflect on those big titties if you look dude that'd be
sick if you go in the
reflecting pool and you just see big mexican tits and you're like oh sweet
that's what this country's built on they were f's they were they were f's dude
they were fa's dude
absolute fa's that was crazy just getting those bombs in a dress and she
probably gave her a talk
before the reflection pool she's like donya one day your upper thoracic
mobility will be trashed
but you have the biggest titties yes that's the quinceanera just get ready for
having f's dude
how do they get f's out of nowhere i don't know mexican ladies kind of
they have a couple kids dude they he's probably like the transformation is near
the incredible
hulk you're alive you won't like me when i'm pregnant and then they're just
like
yeah she's like you are lithe and slender senorita but we will pop out a kid
and you will transform into a unit into a fucking wagon everyone's gonna notice
your bombs at the
fucking reflecting pool those things were crazy they ruled they stopped me in
my tracks they did
they were the most awe-inspiring thing we saw you went one way i went another
way i was like look
you can pull me off that fence but i'm going and getting front row center to
these big mexican
bombs dude of course big government tried to stop us from that too of course
capital police were like
keep it moving fellas and we're like yeah right dude i can stare for seven
seconds that's my legal
right as a citizen you're allowed to stare at a woman i think for like i think
it's three seconds
you're within your legal right to just go yeah and then keep it moving your
left no one can stop you
from doing that i think you can do i don't know what the what the age thing is
how close can you be
that's another dude you gotta observe fauci six feet you can't be up in the
grill staring oh yeah i
think there is a foot thing i think as long as you do i think if you just give
it your wingspan so
if you go up don't touch the girl but if you go like i'm legally allowed to do
this i'm measuring the
distance i can be so i can stare at you for full three seconds and i'll be on
my way man it's my
legal right yeah also you can hit them with a hard stare in passing if you're
both walking on the
sidewalk you can hit them the whole point where you can't turn your head that's
the only thing
true yeah i'm stare as long as you want while you're walking and passing on the
sidewalk but
the second you turn your head it is it becomes a bit of a harassment we gotta
start bird dogging
pussy harder dude i think we need to just turning around and say look i don't
want anything i'm just
i'm just bird dogging you do you ever do you ever meet guys that like are in
relationships so they're
like i'm gonna flirt though hey i'm a flirt yes fucking rules yeah i haven't
run into that in a while
yeah i've run into it guys that flirt they're like i'm a flirt i mean the kid's
a flirt i want to
flirt said the kid likes wood man's a flirt is he a flirt oh wood man dude i
don't even i just pound
if i meet beezer beezer's a flirt is he a flirt absolute flirt i'm a flirt is
that r kelly or is that
is that a nick cannon might be a combo i might have got both artists i might be
kells and cannon
the ultimate first assignment can you uh get the yeah garnini fact check that
fact check i
believe that's kells and the cannon guard dog you have a monitor right there oh
well this isn't good
no is it no one's in his ass dude damn dude no one's on him no one wants to
throw no hurry up and
get that answer before him beat the guard dog that was the prince whose phone
was that it's just kelly
featuring t i and t paint t pain t paint oh man guardian over one over one on
talking
dude what about ti got fucking slammed with some sexual trafficking charges
that's all right they came
at there was a couple girls that came at him and tiny who's tiny ti's wife dude
i don't know what the
fuck fuck them you don't know ti's wife tiny no yeah dude they had a reality
show ti and tiny and tiny
yeah dude ti apparently girls are coming out and being like he was drugging us
and forcing us to be
like i think he was a pimp i think he was i think he got i think he actually
was i think he wore his hat
sideways i think he was he was absolutely pimp i think he got in trouble i don't
think you could be a
woke and then be like also i was a pimp was he broke what ti well maybe he's
not i don't think he's
woke at all no you're right i think he's like i'm gonna check my daughter's hymen
true yeah i think
he's very i think that's his right is that his right i don't think that what i
think that's
medical i don't think you're allowed to you're probably not but you can slip
the doctor see what's
going to slip the gyno 50 bucks and be like true yo is that thing intact just
one or two just be like
like you don't gotta say anything just hit me with one if it's intact two if we
got a problem yep
little paul revere she's doing good one if by tight as hell yes my daughter's
tight as hell true
that's all you can hope for as a man well it's also one of the tightest
daughter yeah once it's on
those ti the problem is yeah i mean that'