Name: Ep 338- George Washington's House
Uploaded: 2021-03-10T18:52:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 338- George Washington's House' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 338- George Washington's House' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-10. Transcript available.

Ep 338- George Washington's House

the wow wow west yes hell yeah dude we're here with column what's up column bro
how's it going
man yeah call them yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry for my co-host just don't do an
impression of me now
sorry very yeah definitely very offensive if there's dead air i'm just gonna
here we go does that piss you off when people do that it can do yeah really
well it's no it's just
sometimes it's just like i don't know i get it but oh yeah but i don't i don't
hate on their fun
because it's like if i was indian i'd be doing the same thing you know if an
indian was beside me i'd
be all up in their face well that's you're that's the thing you're like the
only one we can do this
too yeah i know if you were indian i wouldn't be sitting here like oh don't go
bird i'd be just
shaking my head and yeah i wonder are you guys allowed to do that in ireland
shake the head yeah
make fun of me yeah in ireland you can do whatever you want yeah i think it's
tough now because we
didn't have immigrants forever so we were all just like yeah we love black
people and stuff like that
and then we just let a load of them in and now there's a lot of race wars going
on so it's like
for years it was like for years we were like now there's no racism here it's
like there's no one to
be racist against yeah and now it turns out yeah we've got you guys are capable
of it we've got
some underlining problems i guess which the guys the guys who the guys who came
over should have
told you guys you know all the irish people that came to america should have
written back like
oh we're very capable of it you wouldn't believe the the the streets are paved
with racism where
you're getting immigrants from and it's like new jersey
it's a lot of mexicans come over really no i'm about to say dude that's a bad
that's the battle
royale if the lads and the irish linked up they're they're linked dude
genetically speaking i really
think dude if you're talking about the mythology in the mayan tale there's a uh
cajolan or whatever
there is a cajolan in maya or in the mayans so i think they're the same people
yeah i think mexicans
irish people are the same they're very similar yeah yeah just sort of working
drinking yep making
loving god just love like catholicism fire jokes and stuff farts yeah
yeah dude if i only got a wave of mexicans dude yeah it would become the
greatest nation on earth
they would get so hammered true it'd be a lot of fights those are the two most
fightingest people
yeah a lot of stabs do spanish fight a lot what's that like mexicans do they
fight a lot
yeah dude i didn't do the spanish yeah i didn't know that oh or do you mean the
mexicans
i'm talking about the same people here oh okay do you you mean you i thought
you were asking about
spain they're talking about mexicans mexicans love to fight do they if you go
if i remember reading
a book i was i was going to go to mexico and uh it was like a tourist book and
they're saying like
fist fights are very common fist fights are like whatever stabbings when people
are like whoa whoa
break it up it's like a fist fight is like whatever but if you're really pissed
you'll bust out a knife
yeah god told me that exact same thing in spain really yeah like verbatim about
mexico or spain
about spain like they'll fight and then you will someone will stab if they're
dishonored enough
it's usually like you're allowed to like slap for some reason yeah oh slapping
is like slapping is
like a common like way to settle a dispute if you go close fist that's
considered like you're trying
to fight and you're allowed to stab now wait are you allowed to physically slap
in spain i think so
you have a license to slap yes damn backhand or forehand well it depends it
depends what the
offense was i could i honestly like my honor just a slapping just to settle it
real quick yeah that's
a slapping right no that's a back oh yeah but if it's perhaps mocking one of my
lovers yeah how dare
you yeah i would honestly believe if someone told me spain allow slapping i'd
be like i i believe that
yeah most likely i think they can yeah we got to bring that we need to allow slaps
dude slapping is
genuinely it's pretty harmless it's just kind of like a like it's a it's like a
rattlesnake dude
it's like it's a little rattle on the tail but i'll fucking slap you right in
the face if you want
slap me back you can try i told you i slapped my friend why did you slap your
friend he punched me
in the dick and i slapped him as hard as i could and it was like a hard like
yeah came it buckled him
he like went down did he like he was just blacked out did he do a split and
punch you in the dick no
he did not johnny cage he was like hammering he saw me i'm doing it what it was
out it wasn't like
fun it was like almost out of aggression wow and i slapped him and he's like he
was hammered he got
hammered and then the everybody held him back after he tried to assault me you
were in your
leave all right i was leaving you were defending your penis yeah you're within
you i was absolutely
that's one of the spanish rules defend your penis at all costs that's how all
dual started that's how
all dual started how do the irish feel about the spanish um we like their
country we don't necessarily
like them why not i like them you do yeah i like i think maybe because you
could speak spanish oh you
don't like them because different languages they don't speak that's just it
that's it get with it
yeah you better learn not even my language you better learn english yeah it's
funny you're saying
there's no like problem with racism in ireland i was doing an open mic at fergie's
and they remember
that were you there that night there was a the irish couple yeah i believe so
so the one guy came
over and was just like i was talking to sydney gantt and he walked over he's
like watch out that guy
will steal your shoes what yeah he heard about it he heard about steal your
shoes that's nice i feel
like it got like almost less hurtful because he added your shoes if he had just
said that guy's on a
steal yeah come on dude he's like your shoes you're like that's what you it's
kind of it's kind of a
jolly way he's not taking anything else just take your sneakers yeah like a
mythical villain
yeah yeah like a reverse saint nick
whoops
so so ireland's pretty racist they're not liking the immigrants i don't i don't
know
to be fair i think in any country there's a bunch of people who don't like
immigrants
yeah something you're born i think it's like a thing you it's like when dudes
from a different
school come to your party yeah it's instinctive it's it's in there no matter
what if you're somewhere
and someone else shows up you're like get the fuck out of here i'm telling i
think it's i think it's
just a personality thing i think there's just a personality type who just goes
there's huh
do we know them and like yeah from another to get them the fuck out of here i
swear to god i think
it's just a per i floated this at brinmore i was like i think it's more just a
personality
issue and they're like you can't let that off the hook some people just don't
like people that you
know it's a type c personality yeah they don't know what they're up to and they
go where are you
guys coming from then they read the news and it's like all of them are rapists
you're like i
fucking knew it i knew i had a fucking hunch yeah i had a fucking hunch well
they're probably
call it yeah they're coming from africa they're from africa yeah straight from
like from like muslim
africa or from like i don't know i honestly don't know i never never even
taught about asking
you should ask you guys don't even ask me like no excuse me sir are you a muslim
well they're all
no they're all in my neighborhood if the if there was any black you're from dublin
i'm from dublin
but when i growing up all the black people moved like much more north so we
didn't really have a lot
of them we had like their name would be like black adam like there was a guy oh
we had that we have
that in my neighborhood it would just be called like black adam i thought you're
saying his actual
last name i was like damn nice it's a black adam yeah black adams is that the
one where he
goes in does minstrel shows for sick kids i don't know all right never mind it's
amazing
patch it's a culture reference oh i know patch adams reference oh all right
here we go now
cooking yeah i had a good i had a good racist encounter this week what happened
uh so i was down
visiting a lover in the nation's capital and she had to work during the day so
i went
i went to mount vernon you may have heard of george washington
so i went to his i went to his plantation okay nice check it out and uh this
guy needless to say
they're pretty heavily focused on the negative aspects of george washington's
career they're
not focusing on the hemp all the fucking weedy grew dude true or his brewery
they're not really focused on that that's gonna ruin it for me when i think
about the founding
father smoking weed now i'm like oh they had slaves pick all their weed they
definitely did i was
vibing on them now i'm like somebody had it's just chill that's a chill
plantation it is in terms of
plantations dude what are you growing washington hemp like damn yeah just
fucking fat ass cbd
just big buds of cbd also uh disclaimer remember i told you i took cbd the
other day and like like it
was so high i forgot my mask and whole foods yeah it was weed caught a bad
batch yeah that was
not cbd it was definitely weed yeah that was weed that was weed because i i've
had enough of it
before right you you know you feel it a little bit or whatever yeah caught a
hot bash bro someone's
trying to take me out the only experience i've had like that with cbd was that
time you gave me a
droplet thing and i must have taken too much because my car got side swiped
yeah and i literally i walked
out to it and i was like well that happens like i couldn't like my car got
destroyed and i was like
all right and got my car and drove it home without us without a side mirror uh
anyway i go to i go to
mount vernon and first off no one goes to this fucking thing it was like monday
like grace monday at
like 2 p.m i'm just by myself and then i signed up for the tour actually it was
the 2 p.m tour i
remember and uh i just went in and the tour was of the house which by the way
is like three fucking
rooms sucked yeah and you're not allowed to talk on the tour because of covid
she was the lady who
was giving me the tour was like oh and there's a restriction we're not allowed
to speak inside the
house the fuck she's like all right well this will be a pointless tour yeah you're
not even a tour
i mean she's a i guess it's a physical tour yeah and it was just me and a
family we were the only
ones on the tour it was a mom a dad and their two kids that were very young and
the mom was like i
haven't been here since i was 13 i wanted to show my family and it was just me
in this exact outfit i
haven't been home really yeah yeah she chimed in with some friendly banter
being like you must have
been a beautiful girl true i'm sure you made a beautiful thing true um i'm sure
there's probably
some comedians that would have really liked you
but i'm joshing dude while we're standing out there we're waiting fucking some
fat lady
acting like martha washington washington's wife comes up it's just a fat reenactor
lady
she's a fat ass she did a fat ass but i figured one of those dresses though
really hidden in one of
those things that go out yeah cinderella stepsister dresses it was a cinderella
stepsister that gave
us like the oh mr washington's not here today but i will talk literally i had
to sit there and be like
why where was g wash the general was out what the general was out he's beating
up the
british because our country actually got that done
sorry your car bombs that killed a bunch of kids didn't get it done
we fought them like men that's not where i'm from that's a very different part
of ireland
all right i'm sorry don't wor