Name: Ep 340- Endangered Broski's
Uploaded: 2021-03-24T15:50:59.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 340- Endangered Broski's' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 340- Endangered Broski's' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-24. Transcript available.

Ep 340- Endangered Broski's

wild wild west oh dude the motherfucking bees he's bad boys how are we oh con
pretty good man
we've assembled the broskies yeah dude that's what it's all about right now it's
all that matters
yeah that's the only thing that'll get us through this dude just loving our bros
just
forging the bonds tighter than ever yeah i feel it dude it's all feel the love
it's all we can do
right yeah you're the one tearing it apart how how on earth could that be i
yeah i mean skis don't
show emotion dude can't do that true ski what zero emotion can't show that's
not i've been riding
that train for too long i'm gonna start letting my yeah my light shine yeah
yeah yeah i've been
holding back a model for your i've been afraid of the criticism you know what i'm
just gonna be me
that's what i'm talking about you think you haven't been emotional no no no no
well i've only i've only
i haven't i haven't i haven't pushed the top i've been all negative i let the
negative come out but
i don't show the positive almost zero positive value right right so that's it's
time you gotta change
take a look at bees yeah almost all positives what are you grateful for right
now top five
being here this is fun being around my boys nice not showing emotion yes that's
just two through five
right there easing it up yeah yeah it's good i learned a lot from the bees this
weekend positive
energy yeah man just keeping it how was your dog shit how was your guys hotel
we had a great time
we all right we did have fun but it was a weird situation there yeah yeah we we
got there and the
hotels were booked up so i couldn't because of the tournament sure so the boys
the boys stayed on the
broskies had to go to the outskirts of town what and find a shitty hotel we
found the closest cheapest
hotel and then so there was a there was a venn diagram of places the broskies
can stay
and where the strippers are staying yeah say yeah they those hotels tend to be
fortresses of
prostitutes yeah yeah yeah there was a lot of every time we'd leave there was a
lot of handbags
how did you feel in there what i i felt all right yeah did you ever do you ever
stay in a hotel and
you look at like that latch door and you're like i wish i could just like
whoever's on the other side
just open this and connect and be like dude let's just keep this open man keep
it open yeah sexual
air of course yeah maybe or maybe just like you know whatever watch porn
together and like edge
something about coming yeah something there's no way we're opening this middle
door jerk off and
i'll watch you but let's just open this door and figure it out i feel like when
i was a child i went
to several parties with that door open i don't know what happened when i was
young i feel like that
happened a lot really yeah maybe it was just sports oh yeah maybe that was it
but dude i'm gonna start
banging on that door furiously and demanding it be open then be like no just
get in yeah yeah the worst
is when you hear like fucking a family on the other side like just kids
chirping i don't ever hear
anyone man every time i just stare at the door and i'm like if we both opened
it dude this would
be the love of your life this would be the craziest weekend yeah on the other
side of that damn thing
you never know yeah there's no camaraderie in the hotel it stinks dude not in
that one between rooms
yeah dude they should do a thing i want to do a hotel where every like 30
seconds the walls just go
transparent for like one minute and then they go back it's a random yeah it's a
good like sci-fi movie
yeah that'd be fun come on that'd be terrible let the walls go transparent i
told you when i was in
hawaii for my honeymoon there was these windows and i thought they were like
you couldn't see through
them kind of like other tenant like i can see out what people can't see in and
i was just naked dude
well during the day it actually had some sort of reflective properties but i
thought it carried
it in the nighttime and i was out by the pool and i looked up into the hotel
and it's clear
i was just standing there naked like oh my god were you masturbating did i
masturbate on my honeymoon
yes i did actually what hey man why that's why i'm in marriage forever i don't
know i did i remember
that i remember i like fight at all on the honeymoon yeah dude oh really yeah i
mean i can't even
imagine like because at that point you've been together for like four years
five years of course
you're gonna fucking fight i suggest not going on a honeymoon really yeah just
go on it wait and
don't go on a honeymoon go on a regular vacation well honeymoon would it was
useful for people that
didn't fuck true or like yeah kind of chilled on fuck yeah especially in the
summer like everyone's
windows had to be open so like you were ripping like a a nut that was inside of
you for a long time
and you got home you got married that would have been like oh yeah yeah you had
to fly you and your
spouse like somewhere just a remote island yeah yeah cabin so you can
he's flying back to nebraska and you're like hey bob hey see you how was the
honeymoon yeah i remember
i i think i yeah i think i fapped on my honeymoon i remember uh was it an angry
fap was it resentful
i was kind of like i was just addicted to porn dude uh i was so horny yeah i
was so i just was so
addicted to porn dude yeah i've been to that place it was like i would get i
still suffer from this
little i'll get pussy and i'll be like i should jerk off right now like i like
yeah not every single
time but i'm like a treat yeah i'm kind of like a little bonus dessert a little
bonus let's just watch
something crazy these are you ever masturbate after you have sex after no all
the time we're
like the day after sex these two fucking days like literally you come and then
you're like i should
masturbate yeah i'm talking about like the day after or yeah i mean if it's
like a couple hours
it passed you wake up in the middle of the night and you're like yeah the worst
is yeah you got the
gear is going the worst when you do fap and then base then she wants to say
journey oh yeah she can
tell at this point she can tell she'll take me in her mouth and go did you fap
i'm like ew she'll
take you she takes you in true i apologize i apologize but oral sex is a sin
but yes not with us
actually unless it does lead to a cream pie it's it's all good is that oh i
gotta i gotta be careful
just for another month a couple months yeah dude i'm telling you women have
kids i was telling you
guys they ovulate after a woman has a kid shortly afterwards their ovulation
thing almost like
reverses where they ovulate three weeks instead of one week out of the month so
they're just on some
like and how long do you mean and horny gets back to regular schedule and you
said maybe never bro i
don't know i don't know what happens dude but like if you go undergo a shift
and they become
mean and horny bro wow just you got a mean lady yeah i mean they're fucking pms
stuff's out of control
yeah i was actually describing it to my therapist i was like telling her i'm
like well you know we're
getting along pretty well but you know uh her like ovulation shit switched up
so now she's like
mean like a lot of the time i was like her words not mine
but yeah dude they uh it's pretty tight you have to like get a fully rank you
gotta go full marble
oh man dude did she ever say like hey anytime i get mad she figured it took a
while to figure out
she didn't know at first we were just ramming heads and i was like what are you
doing and it was
just kind of like because i'm you know i'm like i can take a week here and
there this was like
no light at the end of the tunnel and i was just like you're so at one point i
was just like
you're so fucking mean oh fuck yeah no once we figured it out now i'm like oh
your pussy's
freaking out and then i got horny and now it's yeah once you just get a wild
pussy yeah i was
channeling sexually pardon me i'm sorry i'm sorry for saying this please
forgive me it's like the
basketball coach in last chance you you know you gotta like you charge him up
but then that runs
out sometimes you gotta go i don't know about that analogy that's a little you
gotta go with the
cry i'm sorry matt why don't you apologize to matt for what you know i think he's
likening me to a
black preacher yeah yeah sometimes you gotta charge him up you gotta go after
him but then i don't i
don't want to delve into this too far but i do think you owe a man an apology
no i just you said he
had a mad wife and you compared him to a coach in last chance i'm saying when
you you seem to be
getting on him about the cry i'll tell you where my mind goes when you make a
joke like that i know but
that's you know that's something you need to work okay i'm telling you what i'm
telling you what
i think that's exactly the answer to any relationships problem you have to
become a strong
black christian man if you just attack it from that angle it's you can't lose
yeah you cannot lose
what how how so just if you get into an argument you just gotta be like god
doesn't want us doing
this baby you gotta start citing ezekiel yeah dude yeah all the dudes i used to
work with would
definitely hit me they'd be like well you know god says man created women out
of man's ribs
therefore and i'd just be like yeah bro they would bust they would bust out on
arguments and you know
you have to let us pray yeah exactly it's the solution to all the problems dude
he's like girl
dude god does not want us doing this i had a girl who tried to meditate yeah he's
neutral um yeah
i'm waiting for you to finish this analogy i've never heard it before so i was
very interested
you finishing it and saying that you just go black christian man how do you
keep your bitch in line
i definitely don't turn into a black christian yeah if i quoted the bible
around her she'd probably
fucking hook me why have you ever met this woman i would love the bible bro she
doesn't give a fuck
about the bible dude she longs for church dude no she does not she's a good
woman she longs for the
longs for church dude so you just gotta tangle yeah yeah gotta find that
balance i've seen don't be a
bitch i've seen how busy it handles it it's pretty impressive because he'll
what's that you'll like
you'll make fun of her or like say something fucked up and just keep it pushing
oh yeah it's pretty
impressive you gotta yeah you gotta ride it out no apologies no that's what i
like with philly
girls too especially because they're that aggressive you gotta just because the
minute you show
weakness yeah you're done yeah you're dead in the water say something fucked up
just be like let her
go back to the room you know i don't give a fuck oh yeah it's nice she'll come
back yeah yeah more
than likely they'll come one of these times yeah takes 45 minutes yeah but if
you if you if you get
angry i've actually kind of i think figured this out if you antagonize your bae
and you just let you
go look man like i don't know what happened there but you just let it go you
don't try to be like
well actually that just extends it if you just go like hey like not right now
45 minutes later
sometimes they cool down sometimes they spend that 45 minutes coming up with a
way
to drag you deep yeah sometimes i will say i've had i've got a very they hit
their little like
marcus aurelius tent they're like what does he have in my apartment i can
destroy
yeah that he cares about yeah would she break your things
yeah oh shit really no just admit it
what are you trying to hide her troops got amassed along the border you know
what i mean it was like
nothing nothing i don't think ever got fully destroyed but there was definitely
like
let's find something that you care about he walked in and she had a hammer next
to your television
next to the oculus yeah oh yeah that would be that would be
girls hate the oculus yeah if you slap an oculus on they're just like
yeah if you leave a reality if you leave their dimension
well it changes the neg