Name: Ep- 341 Juice WRLD
Uploaded: 2021-04-02T21:43:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep- 341 Juice WRLD' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep- 341 Juice WRLD' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-02. Transcript available.

Ep- 341 Juice WRLD

the wild wild west yo shadows right there yo no pinching dude gotta lay ground
rules
pinches are definitely ols yeah big time i'm just i grab grab no grabs unless
it's like a like a
in solidarity like shoulder rock you can't be grabbing you know if i can't i
guess yeah dude
of course do it grab a fucking forearms dude okay okay we're good talking i'm
just making sure i
don't know your brother just called me gay to start the podcast i didn't call
you they insinuated you
were insinuated i didn't know obviously obviously dude or is it the spartan
handshake doesn't even
matter i just i watch a whole thing on spartans dude they fucking rule what is
it with all right
dudes that love spartans they're kind of the shit dude like their whole lives
just rule
they chill all their beiges go out and learn dance and how to tease them to
make them have tougher skin
i've watched a whole documentary how do they tease them they pinch them no they
just like make fun of
them to give them tougher skin oh like figuratively tougher according to
ancient history so the guys
would go out and like train and wrestle they would train the girls would go and
learn how to sing
dance yeah you like the wrestling so they they'd come home from they've come
home from like seeing
their friends get their head cut off and their wife would be like oh i mean
dude to die in battle
was the greatest honor yeah so they weren't thinking like you guys they were
they wanted how they got
tricked into that that's just guys like gardini out there the real italians
dude they're out there they
want to die glory dying there's nothing glorious about it dude back then there
was i'm more of a
guy from athens sorry i'm more of a uh put me in some robes let me have some
boys for sure
you're a philosopher i'm just up here yeah how can i get more boys thinking
yeah the thing i was watching
there's not a lot of that boy crap really yeah they leave that out conveniently
yeah i mean yeah
i think it was i think it was everywhere i think it was just i think everyone
was getting into it
boy butt yes back then the sweetest butt dude if there was no internet no cell
phone it's you and
a boy you're on like a long trip and it's like 1300 where there's no rules you're
just all road trip
you're instinctively gonna crawl up in it you're i mean that there might be
another
i love that you went to it's out of necessity
oh maybe all they're thinking about is i mean dude look you're on a road trip
you're tired there's no
cell phones you're gonna boy you're definitely gonna play games a little bit be
like yeah
your college freshman you're like i mean you can stay in my room if you want i
never did that
what'd you do a college freshman i want the dcq president's list yeah yeah
president's list
obviously obviously you president's dollar county community college did you
play any sports there
nah wait why'd you get the president's list got good ass grades what'd you get
always
sure you got straight a's at delaware community college yeah then i went to
temple and why what
i almost modern how do you like i wasn't it's not even party life it was juice
world yeah he was
living the party i like platinums came out that was sick remember bud light
platinums came out
yeah i didn't like them was that like michelo bolcher for bud light no they
were just heavier
duty bud lights like what just stronger bud lights yeah just really they're amped
up oh yeah
i just remember the commercial i just wanted to i remember kanye west was it
really yeah you know
that song uh he did bl platinum it was a runaway yeah i don't know at the
beginning yeah they'd
use that for the bud light platinum debut it's kind of i remember being like
the marketing guy
here is a genius this is a dude looking at his report card like i'm gonna have
to tell my parents
were you afraid to tell your mom and dad that you got bad grades no not at all
my uh i was doing
in the summertime i was doing demolition my uncle drove up in a truck and he
was like what the
fuck are you doing it's like what are you talking about he's like you're going
to school for
construction management you're already doing it there's no reason for you to be
in school
i guess you got a point then the next semester i went in and i was like you
know what this isn't for
me should have done something like astronomy or something sick i mean all this
is like youtubeable now
what about astrology shot yeah i know that's why i remember that you should go
back to
a community college for astrology you know bill's into astrology i mean dude he
checks tarot cards
what do you what do you it's just all my youtube algorithm 2020 is the year the
i think it's uh
the maiden meets the fool correct me that's what billionaires do billionaires
2020 is the year we
look in the mirror dude 2020 it's the reflection 2021 yeah interesting i just
okay fair enough
did you have some more cbd really yeah okay i'm a fool 2021 made it meets the
fool dude
i'm telling you dude it's actually the age of aquarius you met a maiden
obviously what do you mean
what you're out of your mind you're out you're a damn you have a girlfriend how
do you i don't
have a girlfriend you don't have a girlfriend can i say what these four walls
yeah obviously i don't
all right all right so he was talking to me about it he was like i got a young
he's got he's got a
little young thing i didn't say young i just don't know how old she was she a
young guy he brought in
her age he's got college babe okay awesome co-ed yeah what's uh what's her deal
college babe what's
her deal i was like let me see some pics bro and he was like yeah no honorably
he was like i'll show
you in person yeah and i get here today and he's like oh i'll show you the pics
oh she did she deleted
her instagram dude i've never seen a fake a girlfriend in my life yeah oh she's
if she's
from out of town she's in college yeah what let me see what 18 year old girl
deletes her instagram
wasn't 18 please please don't do that wasn't 18. what's soon to be 18 girl deletes
her instagram
are you just wait it wasn't instagram it was she sent to me on snapchat she
deleted her snaps
she told me that now it's the baddest bitches do be on snap wait so she told
you down damn dude
you're man you're man whoa bro she told you better be careful man the camera
camera camera's not gonna
pick up anything stop it wait so how'd you guys meet huh i'm not gonna get into
this come on i want to
know did you meet online no dude i don't meet girls on the internet in real
life that's what i do
irl met her at a college campus no it was that it was at a get together okay so
you're at a party why
being so weird about it i just dude i just want to have some personal life i
don't need to put that
out there there's too many murky waters true i agree oh people will start
looking up and all that stuff
just everything are you still on social media barely i chip back out once you
once someone says
because me and speaker over this all the time it's like dude fucking obviously
snapchat's retarded
yeah and if you're sitting there and no girls are snapchatting naked pictures
obviously it's retarded
you'll never check it it's so stupid i know that for a fact so you wait till
you talk to a girl
not even i wait i just i still yeah that like and then she's like oh well check
your snapchat
and instead of being like you re-upload that's absolutely retarded snapchat's
horrible i just say
yes of course you want to see the pics yes obviously what do you think of when
you get
simp chat i mean it's simp chat yeah it really is when you simp for these girls
how do you how
does it make you feel you called me at 2 30 in a jam in a jam dude what was you
in a jam about we
weren't in a jam i just said can you do the podcast i said please please i can
say please
do the podcast you said you had snapchat simp chat bruh all right this is too
silly that's
juice world dude that's not juice worlds when you lose all your snapchat y'all
friends see all the
shadows and true once you lose on sad shit dude he's not dude once you lose all
your snapchat bays you
fucking you're in juice world yeah when i'm going to sleep at night staring at
my door and there's a
pillow in between my legs that's juice world yeah you just i'm in juice world
you just see shadows of
your former base so if your girlfriend were to block you on snapchat juice
world that's immediate juice
world if i i'll tell you this if i do this is very good like this if i do
cocaine yeah and i can't
yeah and i can't sleep at night a hundred percent it's a juice world i wish my
wish my baby was right
here obviously oh sitting here i stink dude being just rattled on cocaine it's
still dude it's the
worst what if your baby's there then she's asleep and you're like trying to
breathe quietly you're like
the dude from men in black who needs the sugar waters and then well if your
girl's there then
you're like i wish she wasn't here yeah this is crazy you want to them all when
you're on cocaine huh
no right no you're a teenist yeah i'm not real i don't get real sexual on drugs
i don't really
yeah no molly the most sexual on alcohol midday alcohol midday sobriety midday
sobriety
first thing in the morning a nice few a little shot of algae and some coffee
you get a boner i'm
driving dude if i'm driving i'd be boners all day turns on by al stewart you're
just horny what do
you think about i've had sex that's not really that's that's real you've had
sex with that the
end of the day i've got a head to it i've gotten that's fucking regal i've
gotten head to year of the
cat by al stewart yeah dude you don't get ahead to al stewart that's awesome i
want to get head to
nashadamas that's for the guys i want to get on the nashadamas no no the song nashadamas
by al stewart
oh i thought you meant naz getting head business from like you can hate me now
i'll be pretty tight
yeah that's a little too epic true true you can't get hard you can't you can't
i've never have sex
like i never can do that really what fuck to music it's crazy fuck to listening
to like the weekend
yeah it's embarrassing it's so weird yeah i've never uh i remember in college a
girl put on like
a song that was supposed to be like super sexy yeah and like started she was
like all drunk and
started dancing and i remember just getting sad to me like it's really bad it's
fucking weird yeah i
laid with a woman and she was like do you want to play music and i was like she
was like do you have
like an alexa or something i was like no really and then moments later i was
like moments like
quickly i was like yes i do i put on the music it's pretty tight after i had
finished put on it
really yeah i was like i was just playing babe i got music on deck i gotta
start busting i haven't
busted out music we're gonna listen to a podcast yeah i haven't played music in
forever during sex
no no it's it's for women i'm gonna start playing uh they all have sex playlists
the dream
the dream that's that's right the dream be tight i just could imagine like
throwing on star boy by
the weekend and then having sex what about star boy then having anal sex bro
that's gay you don't have
anal sex no you serious how do you guys do it then
i'm just kidding dude i'm so you met a co-ed take me back to the party it's
night of the party
you're sitting there you got a beer to your chest you're just scoping out the
baby seltzer spikes you
got a spike spikey yeah you're getting a little rowdy yeah i mean this was two
years ago whoa you
guys met two years ago i've known her damn how old was she how many girls do
you know dude i mean
no grabbing no grabbing you're talking to the chair you're talking to the chair
you're getting into my world i'm sorry you're right you're right you're right
listen listen i apologize
that's all i want to hear i formally apologize to you what's what the hell is
wrong with that you're at a
party you gotta spike everybody said how the hell old was she it's like i didn't
say you know what i
hate all you gotta do