Name: Ep 354 - The Industry (feat. Brian Six & Ryan Shaner)
Uploaded: 2021-06-30T17:32:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 354 - The Industry (feat. Brian Six & Ryan Shaner)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 354 - The Industry (feat. Brian Six & Ryan Shaner)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-30. Transcript available.

Ep 354 - The Industry (feat. Brian Six & Ryan Shaner)

the wild wild west we're live dude that's we're already arguing dude yes we're
here with you
fucked it hey you fucked it shaner's in charge by the way i put shaner in
charge he just gave
me the address and i fucking well shaner he answered when i called his he's in
the chain
you're in charge i just got done fixing my toilet and i saw you come up that's
why you're in charge
dude i don't know why i thought you had tattoos everyone thinks i have tattoos
you don't have any
right everyone thinks i have no that reminds me first order of business let's
go the antifa
bartender in richmond reached out to me what he said he's not antifa and he
thought it was funny
us criticizing him and mocking him that's energy dude no no he oh he genuinely
thought it was fun
he was like no it was hilarious i was like dude my bad i thought he was saying
it's actually pretty
funny you think no no no he said it was he enjoyed it he said it was not
because i was like oh shit my
bad yeah and also you know there was also his side of the story what was it
which was them end of the
night all of a sudden a guy comes in and says he's on molly 15 times so you
know there's there's that
side of it but yeah remind me because you're a big industry you're like anti-fi
if you weren't in
comedy you'd be anti-fi bartender no way you'd be in it have you ever fucked
around with anti-fi babes
fuck you like anti-fi babes fuck it you like gritty the mascot do i like would
you get a gritty
tattoo fuck no yeah you would with a hammer and sickle no way dude no if i'm
getting any fucking thing
crossing anything you've ever seen angola's flag that's the fuck yeah so i'm
gonna throw you one
fascism or communism you have to pick one which one fascism or communism fuck
you're a commu all the way
i hate that i'm like well am i taking fashion over practicality here fuck me
yeah uh which one gets
you more pussies oh what's your communism communism gets you more puss until
communism no no true fashion
no i don't know about that you if you are today in philadelphia if you're on
the online dating scene
communism will get you no yeah but if you're a successful fascist you'll get
more pussy that's just that's
if you're successful at anything you're gonna get more well especially if it
doesn't even matter who
you are that's true if you're the best fascist you're getting pussy if you're
the best communist
you're getting fucking slits that's how it fucking works there's no way you're
not
talking like a real fascist you like fascism so you've taken down some anti-fi
babes yeah
definitely what's their deal what's their deal what do they want what do they
want they just want
anybody to be open to anything so really just fucking how about a punch in the
gut
compliments to the red white and blue
how about a punch drop the fucking high-waisted jean belly dude yeah dude it's
like a lot of them
off with the highways dude every girl dresses exactly the same now i don't like
the highways
nobody wear highway either wear dad they wear like the baggy dad jeans and like
a
well it's because it's that billy eilish fashion that everyone wants to dress
like they're like is
that what that is yeah dude that's a young chick yeah bringing back like 90s
baggy bullshit fashion
because that's what they want they just dress like i want to i want to see
their fucking ass yeah dude
yeah i want to see their flesh except not i don't want to see their cheeks i
don't like that i don't
like the cheeks what i don't want to see that dude you don't like what i want i'm
going painted on
shorts that go down to the mid-thigh are you what i don't want to butt cheeks
is just gratuitous are
you fucking ridiculous dude there's no no one wears bras in new york i noticed
that yeah no bras
that's what's up talking to my brother about it when you see nipples like once
every now and again
it's tight when everyone's nipples are out it's like dude i was just talking to
mckee about that
on the way really he was like a girl walked into wawa young because i was i've
covered it before
but i was talking to him about how i joke about yeah on here like i i want to
young girls of
course and then you realize young girls are that's just because we're geezers
now sure we're all
getting horny as hell for like the what we should be which is the hottest
chicks on earth yeah like a
24 year old chick gotcha that's all you gotta say the perfect thing but now
that i'm a geezer i see
them and i'm like what's that a 15 year old yeah yeah she's a child you have to
be careful now all
of a sudden it's like i like hot children ah you gotta watch it true but anyway
he said a girl a young
girl walked into wawa with her nipples out and it's just the mix mckeever was
in there a little horny
mckeever got instantly he was like i got school shooter energy immediately i
was like dude yeah it's
the same thing if a hot girl walks in if i can't have you no one can and i'll
kill everybody for sure
for sure you know yeah he's gonna be delighted i brought this up
that's how you get them in like that's how you get into like like caging chicks
like i don't even
want i don't get like phallically horny anymore i just see a chick and i'm like
oh you get i just
want to capture and detain yeah you want chicks is correct yeah i just want to
impossible one day
or just like train or just possibly capture torture or train psychologically
torture you're definitely
fascist without a doubt that's fascist maybe yeah i'm more like i'm more proto-fascism
i don't know what you know about communism i don't they liked detaining
true i mean everybody likes to take that fascists will just execute fascists if
you're talking about
communists will just execute true yeah it might be the same thing it's kind of
the same thing pretty
much the same thing yeah but every but when it comes down to like the nuts and
bolts everyone likes
detaining chicks this is the way it is you want to detain them you want to tie
them up you just said
everyone does are you not everyone yeah dude are you not part of the crew beezer
shut up i'm like
i'm letting him ride this out i'm like yeah dude beezer what's the most violent
thought you ever had
towards a woman immediately punched him in the face that's what you wanted to
do to them a couple
times yeah you've wanted to strike them yes how was it closest you ever came
never you have to get
never this is what will that thing pull around he's doing great these are good
on this table
yeah no i uh chug water into the mic with an x i got the thought and i remember
being like i gotta
leave here you got the thought of striking her i mean she was out of control
psycho like it was like i
gotta get the out of here yeah it's only when a woman gets so crazy the only
she like yelled
shit like why don't you hit me then i was like bitch i will tune you on i gotta
go yeah yeah yeah
she put it on the table yeah and it's like all right i gotta go yeah i thought
about taking that
one yeah you need to start punching the steering wheel have you ever struck
women no but i have
i have though i the only the only time i've ever got i've only hit one girl in
my life and that was
when i was in fifth grade i punched it all right thank god it was when i was in
fifth grade i punched
what's the cut off to like i think eighth grade i said elementary face in fifth
grade fifth grade
did you mean to yeah yeah of course dude we were so she was a tomboy and we
were like wrestling in
her living room she was a lesbian whatever either way uh we were wrestling and
then we stopped and then
we were like sitting on our couch like a couple minutes after we were done and
she like punched me in
the balls like super hard and out of instinct i just belted her in the face
yeah i was out of jealousy
but it was just like i just did it and then she ended up crying i split both
her lips and she was
like i probably put on a dress both her lips yeah both hell yeah did you get in
trouble uh no i left
and she cried i just left while she did she wear a dress the next day yeah did
you knock her into being
straight she came to school and she had busted oh boy being like oh no because
i felt bad like she was
gonna tell everybody and she didn't she just kept it and then i went to her
house because you were
walking by you went back another time yeah i went back because i liked her i
had a crush on her so you
do look like an abusive dad i know what i know in like a kid's movie you look
like the drunk abusive
dad for sure you've been sober i know whoa oh yeah dude how long great yeah
dude i heard you've been
killing it too i heard you've been funnier yeah beezer's give me the right now
these are these are
a good uh bible how much of a liability i was oh yeah yeah thanks yeah remember
the one time when
i kicked you mistaking you for a pile of trash in my house yeah at the top of
the steps i forgot about
that i was just saying don't just put that on me is that the day you guys day
drank that was the day
we got i remember that we got four logos i came in i saw four loco cans i'm
like who the
fuck yeah the hallway was all it was dark and i came in i like saw something i'm
like maybe they
left a bag of trash i went oh i just kicked it and get it out of my way and it
was like who is that i
held my cell phone i was like oh shaner i was like jesus christ i was down at
the basketball court with
four logos telling those kids how to play basketball it's like oh yeah we got
the kids me and shane
humiliated the one time down there destroy them i also yeah i think that uh
like it's like crying
calling my ex yeah we watched that one we watched that one music video stop it
was what'd you watch
don't wait oh wait a minute what i didn't know about this no no no no if you
tell this i'll destroy
you guys have a joint no we cannot tell you you cannot tell anyone this dude yo
you can't i'll
fucking eviscerate you this is a secret brotherhood this is just a friendship
we had we had a very
serious moment and i was like i actually was moved can i get the artist at
least i'll tell you no that's
the worst part no i'll tell you later i can't no that's why i'm not doing it
thank you because i'm
embarrassed by that it's very embarrassing i'm embarrassed by that it's a
secret brotherhood
we had a nice time we both blacked out on four logos watching videos dude you
put that on i was like
come on man you're like no seriously dude you got checked yes and i was like no
this is dumb and
then you put it on like oh my god yeah it was great just hammered on strawberry
lime
i was just like holding the kiwi lime just like you gotta be kidding me dude
yeah you gotta be talking with me
and i'm fighting back tears i'm not kidding he just has like a blueberry stash
he's like
shader could i open up to you and dude we were sitting and you're like sitting
on that stupid ottoman like
yeah that was oh man wow switching gears i did not know about this yeah dude we'll
tell you we'll tell
you what time it's very funny it's a good song it is a great great song but we're
not gonna tell anybody
don't tell anybody dude do not tell anybody what's the matter if we would be
destroyed
it's super embarrassing because i felt like when we were done and i laid down
on the floor i was
like i'm gay yeah is that how you went upstairs you're crying i just went in
the hallway like
i gotta lay face first on the floor to get over this guys don't even worry
about it the blue times
it's just like dude i gotta tell you something but yeah but uh yeah warhead
mouth
too many warheads it's funny i've i've listened to the song since i've been
like what the
fuck it'll get you funny if it was so good it's still a good song it's just all
right well if you
know you tell me let's get off it yeah don't worry about the song it was great
uh but yeah
a hundred plus days sober so that's great yeah yeah that'd be tight if it was
take the long
way home don't guess look it was funny too somebody was like oh shaner hit rock
bottom i was like
i don't know if he did that i think 