Name: Ep 357 - DaBaby (feat. Lemaire Lee)
Uploaded: 2021-08-04T03:01:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 357 - DaBaby (feat. Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 357 - DaBaby (feat. Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-04. Transcript available.

Ep 357 - DaBaby (feat. Lemaire Lee)

Wild, wild, Wes.
We're live, man.
Damn.
We're here with LaMare Lee.
Buzzer beater, too.
Called him?
The LaMorp.
I called him.
Didn't hear anything for a while.
I know.
I called him after you texted me.
Did you?
Moments after you called him the second time.
Yeah, fired me up.
I was pissed.
I found out he was, what, are you sleeping in again?
I was canoodling.
Oh.
I was doing some canoodling.
With a lady.
Yeah, and I didn't.
You were snuggling with a woman.
I was snuggling.
I didn't hear the phone the first time.
You guys are both sleeping in?
Yeah, we're sleeping in.
We're taking a lazy day.
Yeah?
Really?
Lazy day?
Yeah, it looks like it's going to rain, you know?
Ooh.
What do you do when it rains?
Just hold each other.
Watch movies.
D, would you say you're in love?
No.
What?
You're in love.
I wouldn't say that.
I've never seen LaMare.
LaMare's glowing right now.
He is glowing.
You might be pregnant.
He is glowing.
I'm pregnant?
You're glowing.
I've never seen you in love like this.
What are you talking about?
How are you not in love?
Why would you say no?
You almost blew us off to lay in bed.
True.
You put love before your career.
I was just sleeping.
It wasn't like we were just sleeping.
Love and podcasting, dude.
Damn.
I like the gray in your beard.
Thank you.
I'm trying to be a young Questlove.
I don't even know who that is, bro.
I'm not going to lie.
Trailer from the roots?
I don't even know who that is.
Why?
No, that's what the baby said.
Questlove came at the baby.
The baby was like, no disrespect.
I'm not trying to be a dick.
I don't know who that is.
Fair.
That's a great response.
Who?
Do you think the baby ever watched Jimmy Fallon?
Hell no, dude.
No.
No.
Thugs don't watch Jimmy Fallon.
No.
That barely reaches normal white people.
That's literally designed just for dorky white people.
Okay.
True.
That's like, yeah.
That's like the nerdiest guy in every office is like, oh, perfect.
Did you catch Fallon last night?
Got a little heated there.
The guy from the office was on Fallon last night.
I love the office.
That's when worlds collide.
Yeah.
When they start making like, what's that guy?
Helms?
Chris Helms?
Oh, Ed Helms.
Ed Helms, like jump on boxes or something.
That gets silly, dude.
Pie Face with Jimmy Fallon.
Dude, the office is probably buzzing.
With that drunk Jimmy Fallon.
Is he an alcoholic?
Yeah.
Allegedly like a raging alcoholic.
Which does make the show a lot better.
That's kind of nice to know.
Which does make, because every once in a while you can see he's got the full
moon face.
Like the full alcoholic face where he's just like, hey, everybody.
Welcome to us.
Whoa, we've got a great guest.
I feel like you'd have to be hammered to do that job.
To get hype.
Just to do like this fucking same shit over and over every night.
Get some vodka on you.
Stumble out in front of a live audience.
That'd be fun.
Say, hey, everybody.
What bullshit are we doing tonight?
Yeah, we got to do.
Everything's done for you.
You just got to read the monologue, interview people, and be like, oh, so tell
me all this
movie you're here to promote.
It does seem dark.
Oh, yeah, dude.
It is.
Yeah.
And you're like, you know, it's like, I'm the king of late nights.
King of late nights.
Yes, man.
Dude.
Podcast.
It is like a dorky title to be the king of late night.
Now it is, for sure.
It was cool a long time ago.
Now it's Sing.
What's that girl's name?
Lily Sing.
Lily Sing's the king of late night.
She's the king of late night now?
Yes.
I don't even know.
What's the late night scape look like?
Jimmy Kimmel survived blackface, right?
Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon both survived blackface.
Yeah, it was a fun.
They both blackface.
I wonder, is there like a skull and bones for like late night?
You got to do blackface?
Absolutely.
Jerk off.
Like the bushes jerk off to you in blackface?
Oh, man.
There's the guy, Corden, James Corden.
Yeah, I've seen some of his videos.
He's pretty fucking brutal.
He gets wacky.
I've heard he's cool.
Yeah.
Firsthand accounts, I've heard he's the man.
Yeah.
From dudes that have done the late night, like the sketch.
But, man, that guy sucks.
God.
He seems, I'm sure he's great.
But, man, he's such a dork, dude.
Just like.
In case he never gets back to him, he's a nice guy.
He's a great guy, seems like a great guy, but man, what a fucking gay pussy,
that guy is.
Can't forget about Trevor Noah.
Trevor Noah rules.
Yeah, he might be the king of games.
Yeah, he tells it, he kicks, he.
He tells it exactly like it is.
Yeah, he tells it like it is, bro.
He's a straight shooter.
Finally, somebody telling it like it is on the late night circuit.
For sure.
I heard his stand-up was very.
He had a couple rough ones.
He made fun of like, he would make fun of like indigenous people.
Yeah, he got in trouble for that.
He had to go to like an indigenous museum.
Did he really?
Yeah.
And look at their arts and crafts.
He'd go to the museum and be like.
No, he'd probably saw like.
His arts and crafts.
Some clay stuck to a leaf.
He'd be like, wow, this is powerful.
I never.
Whoa, I never thought of it like that.
He's like, hold on, Hillary Clinton's calling me.
Okay, show me your like beehive thing you made.
Let me see this bowl.
Is that a spear made out of rocks?
Whoa.
Whoa.
A 10,000 year old bowl?
I guess I never thought of it like that.
Sorry.
I didn't know you guys were capable of spoons.
Matt, do you like Trevor?
No.
Would you like to write for The Daily Show someday?
If it happens.
Do you think it's going to happen?
No, I'm just not going to happen.
No, it's not going to happen.
I don't think I'm smart enough to write for The Daily Show.
Yeah, I don't think you are either.
I think you can crank.
Hit me with some.
What would you like?
Today's thing's going on.
Hit me with like a quick monologue.
Yeah, what's going on?
Yo, Bezos just went to space.
What's going on?
Hurry up.
30 seconds or you're fired.
I fucking love that.
Bezos should go to space.
No, that's not a joke.
Write a quick monologue joke.
And if we like these, we can keep them.
Yeah.
Bezos is in space now, and he ran a big dick with an old lady.
I don't know.
Whoa.
Oh, man.
That wasn't even close.
That's the founder of Amazon you're talking about, dude.
Come on.
I'm a big Bezos stan over here.
Do you like Bezos?
I kind of do.
I respect him.
Me too.
Yeah, he was a fat guy who just got rich by making a bookstore.
It's funny.
Last night, my dad.
My dad's getting old.
I was with him last night, and he tried to make a go-into-space joke.
And he's like, what are you, Jeff Boros?
He's like, who?
And he goes, huh?
He knew he was wrong.
And then he tried to pretend he didn't say it.
He's like, what?
He's like, who'd you say?
He's like, Jeff.
Boros.
Boros.
Jeff Boros.
He makes up George Soros and Jeff Bezos.
Jeff Boros.
Yeah, he became an old man.
Oh, yeah.
It's funny to just be like, what'd you just say?
He's like, what?
What?
That's going to be crazy.
That's your monologue?
Yeah.
Jeff Bezos went to space with a red and old lady?
Is that what you said?
He went to the moon with an old lady.
He didn't go to the moon.
No, he gets hot young pussy.
That's why his marriage crumbled.
Yeah.
That's the type of stuff you got.
Matt knows how to tap into a joke.
You got to figure that out.
Okay.
You know?
It's like fracking.
Let's do DaBaby.
I don't think...
And let's do you supporting his rant.
Go.
DaBaby, the rant about when the guy threw the shoe at him?
Do you see that?
Smell like your pussy smell...
No, a guy threw a shoe at DaBaby.
What?
Yeah, at Lollapalooza.
A guy threw the shoe at him.
Wait, I thought he wasn't allowed at Lollapalooza.
No, he was at a...
I think it was Lollapalooza.
Rolling Loud.
There's that Rolling Loud.
Sorry.
Okay.
Sick.
What kind of shoe did someone throw at him?
Was it a K-Swiss?
Was it that guy from Iraq?
It was like a sandal.
It was like a Yeezy slider.
So, thank God.
If that was a great New Balance, that would have been a hate crime, dude.
True.
Thank God, dude.
He dodged it, too.
He was like...
He saw...
It was like a good...
So, this is him recovering from him just saying, like, hey, I want women who
have pussies
that smell like water, taste like water.
I didn't know about this.
You don't know about his rant?
No.
It was the same show?
Yeah.
I didn't...
He did a...
He started that before.
You want to say it in the mic?
What are you doing?
Fuck Christ!
God.
Start talking about festivals, and a 22-year-old starts yapping real quick.
It was rolling loud.
I'm 21, actually.
It wasn't Lollapalooza.
It was rolling loud.
So, what happened?
What happened there?
It rolled loud.
So, he started his, like, the put your phone up or whatever because someone
threw the shoe
at him.
And that's when he started the AIDS rant?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because he wanted to get the crowd back on his side.
I know how to get him on my team.
So, wait.
The guy threw the shoe in response to him saying what?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Just because it was like a bad set.
There was like a mosh pit.
There was a mosh pit going on.
People moshing at the baby?
Yeah.
It was like a black people mosh.
It looked mean.
It looked like, wait.
Moshes look mean, but this one looked like mean.
So, you're saying when black people mosh, it seems meaner?
No.
Now, you know how we feel when you guys protest.
We're like, we protest, but this seems meaner.
You know?
Wait.
So, right now, there was a black mosh pit at the baby?
There was a black mosh pit with the baby.
Some guy threw a Yuzi slide at him.
Do you think there was HIV exchange in the pit?
It might have been an open wound, yeah.
The baby was concerned.
The baby was like, hey, you guys better not have any fucking AIDS down there.
He just brought some, like, 1992 awareness, you know?
Yeah.
Dude, what did he do?
I don't know.
I'm fucking unaware.
Break it down.
Break it down, Noah.
Break down the baby's rant.
I mean, well, yeah.
The baby.
He was like, he was like, fellas, you know, like, he's like, if you're gay and
you don't
got AIDS, put your lighters up.
You know?
Which is like.
But you're gay and don't got AIDS.
And then, yeah.
Yeah, I'll be like, you know what I mean?
He was like, ladies, if your pussies, if your pussies smell like water, put
your
lighters up.
Let's go.
Yeah.
Nice.
And then people started, people were like starting to turn at that point.
And then he was like, fellas, if you, if you're not out there sucking dick in
the
parking lot, put your lighters up.
And then everyone started freaking out and booing them and everything.
So he was basically just calling the guy who threw a shoe at him gay.
Basically, yeah.
And then afterwards, he came, he came out afterwards and he was like, I will, I'm
not
like homophobic.
It was a Kramer moment.
Yeah.
He was getting heckled.
He tried to say the worst thing he could.
He didn't drop a half.
No, he said that.
He said that his gay fans are not disgusting.
They would never have AIDS.
That's why it's okay.
I think he did drop an F.
I'm sure.
Did he?
I'm sure he dropped.
There was something in there.
Maybe.
No, he kept saying fellas.
Fellas.
That's the only F the baby dropper.
Fellas.
Hey, fellas.
I just got an easy slide.
Fellas.
You got any AIDS down there, fellas?
Could you guys suck a dick in the parking lot outside?
Making whoopee?
Dude, I wonder what moshing to the baby is like.
It looked wild.
They were like, it's just moshing.
They were just, except they're doing boxing.
So it was just like vicious haymakers?
Yeah.
So they box up.
That's how they mosh.
Everyone gets knocked out.
Everyone gets knocked out.
Yeah.
The winner of the mosh fights the baby.
The baby would be a problem.
I wouldn't want to fight him.
He's jacked.
The baby is jacked.
Yeah, you should have seen the way he dodged that slide.
Really?
Yeah, it was like right here.
And he was like.
Yeah.
Damn.
Fast reaction.
Really?
He said that?
Walk through that.
Like someone was going to be like, I did.
That's so fucking.
It's so funny in a shoe throw at you and be like, gay guys have AIDS.
And then stic