Name: Ep 365 - Weed Guy (feat. Brian Six, Lemaire Lee, and Ryan Shaner)
Uploaded: 2021-09-30T22:27:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 365 - Weed Guy (feat. Brian Six, Lemaire Lee, and Ryan Shaner)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 365 - Weed Guy (feat. Brian Six, Lemaire Lee, and Ryan Shaner)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-30. Transcript available.

Ep 365 - Weed Guy (feat. Brian Six, Lemaire Lee, and Ryan Shaner)

Wow, wow, Wes.
And we are live and recording.
You guys didn't think that would happen that fast.
Yeah, we didn't think it happened that fast.
After two hours of sitting here.
True.
Man, laser.
True.
Laser fast.
We had some technical difficulties.
Gardini's riding the soundboard.
Gardini, don't hesitate to fucking tell these animals to lower their voice.
Yeah, right off the bat.
I told you.
I'm backing up.
Dude, you guys are fucking wild, dude.
You guys are wild, man.
Yo, thanks for doing this.
I appreciate it, y'all.
There's also, there's more dog chocolate.
There's more spindrifts, dudes.
Help yourselves, you know what I mean?
Yeah, get some blackout.
Some blackout.
That's 85%.
I'm sorry.
That's my new podcasting substance.
85%?
Yeah, what's the other 15%?
Sugar.
Yeah, what else is it?
I'm a milk chocolate guy.
It's just 85% cacao beans.
Is it the tears of the Haitian children that had to harvest the beans?
Is that the other part?
Haiti's dealing with a lot of things right now.
Yeah, but they're chocolate production off the charts.
This actually might be Madagascar.
Oh, excuse me.
Less of a crisis.
Less of a humanitarian crisis.
I got, I'll just get right into it.
I got so, I got so stoned last night.
I pigged out on hash.
I smoked hash for the first time in a while.
Forgot how like ridiculously high you get smoking hash, which it's fantastic,
by the way.
It's awesome.
I like, you know, I sat there.
I got a, I got cold.
Me and a, me and a, me and a, okay, yeah, obviously.
Yeah, I stood up.
I started to die.
I got a beach for the day.
We did a little daytime beach trip.
It was nice.
Stayed with friends.
It was an impromptu thing.
Very nice.
Yeah, you're calling to smoke some hash.
So I, I rolled myself, obviously, a personal, you know, this is the age we live
in now.
Only personal J's.
So I roll a personal J with hash.
And I ask, I go, you know, the gentleman, is it, you like some hash in your
joint?
They say, no, thank you, sir.
So I said, fair enough.
Very good.
I'm so happy because I, I want, I was on Pluto and this, this person hasn't
smoked weed in a while.
So like, I would have like ruined the night.
I ruined my own night.
Who's the person you offered it to?
Just some dude.
It's like one of our friends.
Some guy, father of five, just trying to enjoy the beach.
Fellow dad.
And you're like, hey man.
Yeah, you are experienced, do we?
Do you want to lose your mind for, so how do you feel about Cthulhu, dude?
Get fucking wild.
Dude, I, we were outside and I'm like sitting there, after we smoked it, I was
like, it starts kicking in.
And all of a sudden I'm like, what?
You started popping and locking?
I didn't know what it was.
I was so stoked.
Dude, I started, I'm like this, I'm going, and I'm like, dude, stop shivering.
And I'm like, oh, you're fucking cold, man.
He's like, go get some sweats.
And I was like, yes, I need sweats.
You're like, I think it's working, dude.
He's on the ceiling sweeping.
He's like, this is great.
I would be talking.
I'm like, yeah, I totally agree.
I'm like, oh, fuck, dude.
Oh, shit.
Dude, are you sure it was hash and not just formaldehyde?
Are you sure it wasn't?
I was just chilly, dude.
I was so high.
You can get so stoned that like regular bodily things just don't get, they don't
go through
the right channel.
So you're outside.
Intercepted by me being like.
In a blizzard, you're like, I don't understand what's going on out here, dude.
I'm fucking freezing.
It was a subtle change of temperature.
It was just like the first kind of chilly night.
Were you still at the beach?
What time?
We're at the beach.
Oh, you were getting sea breezes too, dude.
You're getting the breezes.
Bay breeze, dude.
It is getting low cold.
And if I drink a little bit and smoke weed, I sometimes do get chilly.
It's the stuff I noticed.
What beach were you at, Jeff?
Sea Isle.
We're at Sea Isle.
We're at Sea Isle.
You're at Sea Isle City.
You had to be at Ocean City, dude.
It's chilly.
Ocean City is a dry town.
I wouldn't drink down there, by the way.
But you wouldn't get cold.
Because you wouldn't be drinking, dude.
Fair enough.
I see.
Fair enough.
I'm just telling you.
I'm trying to help.
True that.
I mean, I had a glass of wine.
I'm a moderate.
I'm a very moderate.
So you had a glass of wine smoking Pluto ash?
You're like, this is pretty good.
Then he starts breaking it.
It's just seawater.
It was a gentleman, dude.
I'm a gentleman.
For one reason.
I'm fucking dehydrated.
They're like, we should go to Ocean City.
I was like, that's a dry town.
I don't want to disrespect town ordinances.
You can still drink there.
You know that, right?
That doesn't mean you can't drink alcohol.
There's vision there.
Dude, I play at stake, by the way.
Tom Ocean.
Whatever corporations tell me to do, I do.
Whatever local town ordinances say, I do.
I'm a 100% law-abiding citizen.
You're just smoking hash.
You're like, I respect your laws.
It's okay, dude.
I will not drink.
I thought it was legal in New Jersey.
I hope weed's legal.
I think weed's legal in New Jersey.
Weed's legal in New Jersey.
It was illegal there.
So, and I've been dying to smoke weed in Pennsylvania,
but as a law-abiding Pennsylvania, I'm like, I'm-
Yeah, but you're not smoking weed.
You're smoking hash.
I think it's not the same thing.
No, they'll get you.
This is stoned in Camden, looking across the river like one day.
It's common.
I'm going to go over there and smoke so much weed.
So here's the thing.
I will respect your laws.
I will not do opium over here at the boardwalk.
I will walk down.
Excuse me.
I can't wait to fly to Laos to have sex with children.
You're asking every place.
I'm a totally law-abiding global citizen.
You're like, look, I'm going to respect your laws.
What is the age of consent here?
Because I need to know.
I'm going to smoke this.
I'm going to get a travel agent and be like, what's the country?
Just be like, look, what's the age of consent there?
I'm just curious.
What are you, a travel agent for Gary Glitter?
Just like, what is the age of consent?
Those kids are vicious down there.
Planning a whole trip.
Do you think you could start like an Epstein Island theme park, island, where
you don't
have sex with kids?
But it's like kid workers.
It's like Disneyland.
They'd be like, they'd be like playing, instead of Snow White, it'd be like a
12-year-old sex
slave, but she's 30.
Instead of Six Flags, his name's Six.
Six Gags.
Six Gags, Great Adventure.
Horny Park.
Horny Park.
That'd be tight if you started it.
It was just nothing but powerful politicians being like, yeah, we decided to
come down.
What would the trademark hat be of that place?
Epstein's, it would be a thing.
Just like a torn up green card?
No, it would just be a written secret you write to a child.
Like, don't tell anybody.
It'd be a Yankees hat like this.
It'd be true.
So nobody could see your eyes.
It'd be red, dirt style.
Instead of the Mickey Mouse here, that's exactly what it would be.
It'd be a newspaper over your face.
It's two hands.
It's just a jacket over.
Yeah, it's funny how many of our leading politicians visited that pedophile
island.
And athletes.
Yeah.
And athletes.
A lot of athletes.
I think Shaq was there.
Shaq went to the island?
Now, did any of them talk about it?
God, imagine this poor guy.
Oh, he came on there like Godzilla, dude.
It's enough having like nerdy fucking, like, you know, whoever.
Bill Clinton, obviously, coming off the thing.
And you're like, hey, he's pretty tall.
So I'm like, little politician.
And you're sitting there, you're a kid.
And you're like.
You think kids are on it like Shaq comes off?
And you're just like fucking on it.
Shaq comes off, dude.
Shaq's just walking around like, get on, kid.
Shaq's wife.
And I'm not implicating Shaq, obviously.
I'm not implicating Diesel in child sex.
But his wife is like, his wife is four feet.
When it's Kazam.
Kazam.
It's not me, Shaq.
Yeah, dude, what if he showed up as Steel?
He's just like.
Come on, kid.
Shaq's wife is four feet.
Oh, man.
Yeah, the one he was with.
Is he still with her?
Hoops.
So my hoops.
No, his original wife.
His first wife.
His wife was called Hoops.
Shaq has a heart-shaped bed, I believe.
Yeah.
He's like a circle bed.
Life size of his.
He had a car bed, but it's just a truck.
He's like, get in, kid.
His bed's like as big as his room.
Yeah, his bed is a gigantic circle, and he had a four-foot wife.
Yeah, those pictures of her, like, Stan and Axel, it's insane.
I believe, I think Shaq was like, I'm going to Epstein's Island.
She's like, no, Shaq.
And he just stepped over his wife.
He's like, what do you think you were?
You were practiced, bitch.
I'm going to Epstein's Island.
I mean, I'm not going to implicate Shaq.
He backed her down.
Yeah.
There's Shaq at Epstein's Island.
Damn, dude.
Old number 75.
Now, wait.
Did any of the celebrities that were accused of going to Epstein's Island,
they ever be like, look, the surfing's amazing.
Of course I'm going to go.
I can't.
I think.
Like, one guy's just trying to play off.
I think some claim to be like, I got a regular massage.
I can't see.
I went to a private island.
I went to a hand.
He has a hand in stone there, too.
It's not just kids.
Yeah.
I'm like, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Dude.
Yeah.
Shaq, four-foot wife.
That's it.
They're on Epstein's Island in that one picture.
Shaq and the Beanstalkers.
Damn, dude.
You see it?
They're there.
Wait, when they're swimming?
They're in the water.
When he's hugging that child in his blue shorts there?
It's like right in the middle of it.
One down, two down shorts.
Wait, what's the?
Well, I mean, having...
I've had sex with a 4-11 chick.
Whoa.
Yeah, finish that.
4-11 chick.
Jesus Christ.
Right there.
4-11.
I'll tell him to be like,
damn, dude.
Stay away from me, dude.
Look at him.
That's him coming on Epstein's Island.
Like, you.
Dude.
You think he's sweating.
He's roaring like Godzilla.
He's like, oh.
Yeah, that butt ain't four-foot, dude.
That's what's up.
Damn, shit.
I don't know why I'm trying to dunk him, dude.
She's going to get that kickstand later.
Aside from...
Wait, when did Shaq come up on the flight?
Who has the flight logs?
And who runs a pedophile island?
It's like, well, you got to sign your name before you...
I don't know.
Well, I guess that was the whole point of the island.
Right.
Did they get off and they lay them or something?
Like, welcome to fuck this.
I was talking to somebody the other day
who had the flight logs from Epstein Island,
and she had pictures from the inside of the plane.
What?
Yeah.
Who are you talking to?
Get the fuck out of here.
Who is this?
It was Jasmine St. Clair.
90s porn star.
I know who's Jasmine St. Clair.
We were talking to her.
Wait, why were you talking to her?
I didn't want...
She was on my podcast, Panties in the Mouth.
Yeah, don't be ashamed of plugging podcasts.
She was on my podcast, Panties in the Mouth.
So you had Jasmine St. Clair porn star.
What kind of porn does she do?
She did The World's Biggest Gang Bang 2.
She went back for the sequel, dude.
Yeah.
Were you hoping for a bigger reaction out of that?
No, no, no.
The World's Biggest Gang Bang Bang.
She was hoping for the same reaction
when she says it to Panties in the Mouth.
So a lot of men had sex with her
in one time in a row?
Yeah.
Okay, we can discount her testimony.
This is that girl.
She had a picture, she had a long.
No, like that's what she used to look like.
So she did a lot of work,
which is fucking weird.
She don't say...
Oh, no.
Is that her?
That's her leaving Lemaire's house?
Yeah.
That's her.
She looked at the Ark of the Covenant.
She has a great...
Well, see if that happens.
After 70 guys have sex with you in an hour,
I think your face works.
I think it's like...
I think it's like smoking.
No, that's what all the kids look like
at all of Epstein's Island now.
They all look like Jasmine St. Clair.
Wait, you saw pictures?
Andy saw the pictures.
I didn't get up and look.
She showed them to Andy
because she was talking about it.
So Andy 