Name: Ep 368 - Island BoiZ (feat. Mike Rainey & Tim Butterly)
Uploaded: 2021-10-20T18:43:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 368 - Island BoiZ (feat. Mike Rainey & Tim Butterly)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 368 - Island BoiZ (feat. Mike Rainey & Tim Butterly)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-20. Transcript available.

Ep 368 - Island BoiZ (feat. Mike Rainey & Tim Butterly)

the wild wild west there we go we made it just three island boys baby a couple
island boys
what's up bro epstein island boy get molested by bill clinton probably gonna
feel my cheeks
figured by gary glitter that's so i must be hilarious when you're down like
taking the
weirdest requests and it's like you know like you're like i need 12 year old
cambodian chicks
and i'm like whatever bro that's meat and potatoes they're like what about two
little special needs
wickers yeah do you have any florida wigger twinks i need some reggae tone 14
year old white reggae
tones and they're like i think we can find them i don't know you do twiggers
they're on the menu
start calling around yeah that's pretty hot you think they got parents getting
up in one of them
little island boys so florida island boys where in florida are they from a
little fellas too you
could definitely they're i was when i saw their pictures you could take them
both by force at the
the same time oh dude no problem dude i could do forced oral on both of those
just two headlocks
twisting my torso to whoever i desire maybe i could make them spit roast me
well you back one up into the wall oh let him you don't let him you got it he's
going to try to get
like lateral movement but you got to back him into the wall and then you just
pull the other one into
you you do force sodomy on yourself yeah yeah dude it's going to force sodomizer
to force someone to
you in the butt that's crazy i call it bottoming from the front
might be a fucking i mean there's power bottoms it's when you throw it back but
that's like absolute
dictator bottom dude it's like no you're gonna me in the butt yeah you little
bitch it's the ultimate display of power it is it's it's it's a pair it might
be a strange loop
that's the ultimate paradoxical display of power it's the dictator bottom it's
kim jong
dude i'm here with mike rainy i'm here with
motherfucking what's up bros this is great jane's in california good for him
man what's he doing partying
no he's uh he's opening up for a very famous oh right right right i forgot
about that oh yeah the
biggest news in the world yeah i forgot about that sometimes sometimes daddy
has to take very
important business trips dude wow yeah i hope he brings us back presents i hope
so he better come
back with presents for us i mean a little key chain a little mug does he take
like does he take like a
trinket of yours and like take pictures of it on the road for you and send him
back i wish like an
absentee father yeah i gotta take this uh this stuffed uh frog to the eiffel
tower and take a
picture on a business trip i just have my baseball glove dude i'm a little maddie
out front every day
just tossing my card on my glove every time you hear like a car passing it's
like a quick perk up
little maddie dude be truthful would you get jealous would you get jealous if
you saw an instagram video
of him in the pool with the island boys that would be the thing i think that
pushed me over the edge i would
tear this whole podcast apart just out of spite and rage it's being like what
the fuck i'm an island
boy dude not you yeah if you like got tatted up with them i was in the pool
damn my island boy
there's i call me what are you doing right now what are you what are you doing
uh no i just got this thing i just got this one thing i gotta do today and then
i'm probably just
gonna go back to the hotel i'd be so i'd be devastated dude if you was with the
island boys
what's their names again it's like red something kodiak kodiak look at those
two little youngsters
bro gardini i appreciate you disciplining yourself with the google you've been
uh pigging out lately
and people were very upset guard dog you could be an island boy you're built
like that uh are you saying
you could force him to you in the ass i'm just saying it wouldn't take much you
think you could
back it up on him yeah how what trap you have to set a trap you know they're
those little kids are
rascals bro they're quick dude i would leave a trail of m&m's leading to my
asshole it would you'd
have to do like one m&m one xanax bar and then they would those kids they look
they strike me as a
couple fellers that love barbiturates how old do you think they are you gotta
be 14. i mean look at the
one go to the one where he's looking top right gardini guard dog go to gotta be
14.com i feel
like soldier boy is connected with these guys look at that guy guy loves xanax
dude yeah it's also how
are you getting so many tattoos these fellers for the audio listeners i promise
you talking about two
maybe what 120 pound fellers kids look like this in high school now it's nuts tats
yeah it's crazy
don't you need like a parent to come tat you up i don't know boys dude i think
international waters
true that they probably live in like orlando i think parents are like kind of
letting their kids
go for it on tick tock now true if you need full body tat that's the only
reason your mother and i
are gonna have to support you yeah that's the only reason i'm having kids they
better wear like
up with eye contacts the whole time like like glowing eyes yeah i can't if my
kids don't go viral
what is this are you not on perks are you not on xanax right now what's wrong
with you
hey why don't you call like nine of your friends over here and stay here for
like i don't know two
years and see if you guys start something let's pay this mortgage i learned it
by watching island
all right i'm gonna pressure the out of my kids to go if my kids don't go viral
i'm gonna be pissed
dude yeah that'd be so sick your kid starts making like 250k a month just put
them in the pool in
basketball shorts and don't let them out till they come up with a jingle
raisin skin i'm gonna tap my kid's face i'm gonna be like you'll hold the
circuit my kid like a
teardrop it across nine months that baby will go viral dude if i tatted my baby
my baby go viral
probably get paid i might do a um i might start yeah if i have another kid you
know anytime soon i
might have my maya like do stunts over the newborn yeah like jumps and like tat
them up
tat up my let her do like jumps or like or just like see if i could train my
newborn to like you
know when jackass kids bop yeah you know when strong men have like uh people
step on their stomachs
like trucks i'm gonna train this infant to be able to withstand like i don't
know maybe like a dog or
something dude if you have another girl you could have island girls island gals
would be nice dude
island gals i don't know that would be yeah that would be way more successful
if these were 14 year
old girls in the pool yeah we don't we don't have like uh island girls conjures
a different image
by the way island boys is like you're smoking weed playing soccer island girls
is like you better
put this basket on your head dude get this basket on your head right now
true as a culturally insensitive i shouldn't have said that sorry no yeah
island boys have a lot more
fun than island gals dude island boys they're falling out of hammocks on weed
yeah you guys
because island gals island girls dude there's a lot of done there's a lot of aggro
island boys too
like a lot it's a lot of like yeah we're chilling it's because they're getting
concussed from falling
coconuts dude i i briefly i briefly dated a woman she was dating an island boy
and she got kicked out
of her house because there was an ak-47 island boy had an ak-47 and apparently
he was beefing with
someone and like the person came to the house who also had a gun that's why the
cops came
and he got deported back to the island boy and then we'd be hanging out and
some guy from ohio
another island boy who moved to ohio would call her literally i swear to god he
would call her like
25 times we'd be sitting there on her phone like mer mer merch like yeah he
calls me like 20 times a
night he freaks out wow sometimes island boys probably love that too probably
definitely love that it made me
scared when i found out her more you're scared that you like she probably told
you more details watching
you getting freaked out she'd be like yeah and he's just like crazy it was just
island boys dude i was
dude i was fucking chilling with a lot of island boy i might have been putting
out island boy vibes
myself so that might have been why we were vibing so hard i had fleas in my
house at the time
that might be the most island boy thing about you she was a trooper she would
come she saw i have
fleas like come to my spot dude that dude was sick i've told this story before
that's when i slept
in a bodega for like yeah would you her with your jams on uh no we would we
would we would make love
to like the uh madea dvd you know when a dvd is all loop yeah it was just loop
in the background would
you hear her like no i don't remember actually i don't remember the sound of it
i think no i think
it was actually silently looping in the back medea being like okay buddy stop
picking out on the
screen only upon command i'm sorry i'm kidding guardian i appreciate you and i
i celebrate you
he's fired up off all that dark chocolate you gave him i get bossy dude when
the dark chocolate hits me
i you knew you know this about me i get bossy as hell you turn into a you turn
into a city boy
i turn into a fucking it's a new york minute dude i get the dark chocolate in
me i'm fucking i'm like
logan roy from uh did you watch uh succession no new seasons out oh my god this
is one of the shows
that you told me it was good my favorite i think it's my favorite show i don't
know i can't i can't
watch shows dude i don't have the capacity to watch a show anymore you watch
squid games
i did watch squid games yeah that's pretty good yeah that's pretty good i'll
tell you what and
this this is i thought you're gonna clown me like did you watch did you watch
that
shit i thought it was so far i think it's pretty cool i do get discombobulated
and i say this with
respect and i here's you know i'm gonna i'm gonna frame my statement a lot of
times i've uh you know
i've talked to people who aren't white and they say they have a hard time like
seeing the difference
between certain like especially like um like if a white person a younger white
if island boy dude if
you want to buy liquor you want to go to the store that has someone who's not
white because it's like
it's harder from the gauge how old if you're not white it's like you're not 20.
like you can't
really tell as good it's like your things off and you know i've talked to a lot
of people who aren't
white have been like yeah i have a hard time telling white people apart and i've
totally been like
that's fair that's a fair assessment so i say all that to say this when i watch
squid games and
they all come out in a crowd i get my eyes start getting all like you become
black it's like dude
it's just like going into a dark room out of the sun oh i need a minute i need
like three or four
episodes real quick you ever see ea sports you ever see like when you play like
nba 2k and like the
crowds like it's like four people but there's a thousand yeah yeah yeah they
all emerge into the
playing fields i always start going like yeah because i'm trying i'm like come
on matt you're better than
this and i'm like i can't i'm getting confused dude i know the four the main
characters and i can't look
at one asian person at a time i see all of them at once it's up and i don't i
don't say this with
glee it's something i'm working on i watch split games like matt come on dude i
need you to distinguish
every single person and they call come out i'm like oh i'm getting dizzy it's
hard yeah it's hard yeah
when you're watching a real-time scene you're like is this a flashback from a
different character
is this the same person what is he puts on like migraine glasses that are
actually just those
those trick asian glasses because i see like the five main characters and then
all of a sudden the
rest of people come out and i'm just going like come on man you're better than
this and 