Name: Ep 369 - Honeymoon
Uploaded: 2021-10-28T18:28:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 369 - Honeymoon' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 369 - Honeymoon' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-28. Transcript available.

Ep 369 - Honeymoon

wow wow wes yo i like the way you walk back with authority dude
or didn't he walk back like a man on a mission
welcome back oh you got yourself a mic yeah he's tapped in dude tap in dude
guard dog you little
weasel dude greg guardfield dude who would have thought that guard dog was such
a climber
who would you set up you're like well if you guys do the podcast i'm gonna have
to
be on camera then i'm gonna have to sit right next to you and then he secretly
sets up his own mic dude
the gardini the gutfeld gardini is gutfeld you might be the next greg gutfeld
yo what do you think about um i'm trying to think yeah dave chappelle getting
canceled give me a give us like a five minute monologue the liberals are trying
to cancel another
great comedian dude you're so silly from the talkies i'm so silly from the dark
childhood
although i did take it a little easy i don't know there's half a bar missing
you're lucky i didn't
take my ashwagandha today what's that you'd have been in trouble what's ashwagandha
indian ginseng
why would i be in trouble you should be in trouble dude the is your problem
i'm sort of making here with matt mccusker uh alleged comedian i sort of make
gunfeld face all day
i actually do most of the time yeah i have this line i have that line dude you
do not make gutfeld
i have that line if i wake up grumpy dude i'm full gutfeld for the whole day
if i'm grumpy dude i'm greg gutfeld
guard dog you you're a bit of a gutfeld man you don't like gutfeld
the fuck's your bro why do you like gutfeld i don't care smoke you in a room
dude oh my god
honestly he's like tom myers he's a roaster he really is all he does all he
does is roast
he's grinched he's grinch looking as well yeah he's got a bit of a grinch face
speaking
of the grinch dude yeah yeah speaking of the grinch dude the grinch got rowdy
at helium
shout out the philly's funniest dude it's all we'll say about that i don't like
the yeah the
the curse of philly's funniest it happens dude you up you get paranoid you get
in your head dude
it's too much fame i thought someone's gonna shoot me afterwards it's too much
fame i thought
someone's gonna do me like xxx tentation dude i thought someone's gonna
catch me at the atm while i was in my honda civic dude i heard you had a tight
five
and then just light you up gutfeld gardini yo what are you doing dude i'm tired
whoa now he's
sure oh my god dude he's like it's hot in here i forgot i have abs
yeah you have some abs let me see those abs yeah let me see that belly there
when did you go to high
school i'm not showing my body when did he go to high school yeah when did you
graduate like four
years ago yeah dude yeah six five or six years ago did you have sex with girls
in high school only one
that's nice that's pretty that is nice man i got a hand job from a dead girl
though well she's dead now
damn dude that was amazing she was the best i miss her so that was your girl
she's the best you're in
the bathroom how did she pass away don't say dude don't want to talk about it
don't yeah you shouldn't
have brought that up dude you got well you called her a dead girl that's how
you referred to your
true i'll tell you they love it it's like processes there's a girl who passed
away how did
she passed away she passed away um in a car accident i had a feeling dude yeah
that's how
old babies there's several babies i know that passed away and perished in fiery
wrecks yeah sometimes
like a whole group of them seriously it happens everyone can't put all your
baby girls you can't
put all the eggs in one basket dude you can't man you can lose a whole car full
of babies dude
especially with that young too that's like prime like yeah sometimes having a
good time and just
you hear the heartbeat to the beat of the drum yeah becky look out at every
school there's always yeah
there's always like one card gets terminated well she wasn't in school anymore
she was in college
all right you're really narrowing this thing down yeah jesus yeah you shouldn't
have done this
probably i'm sorry you should probably edit everything you set out i'll be all
right
so matt what the heck dude what's going on my brother yeah now that i've
officially announced
that i'm done doing the podcast true now you see that i'm on the reddit dude oh
i'm watching you
boys oh do you really oh i watch everything those little snakes somebody yeah
somebody was trolling
the boys and was like now that it's official that jane is leaving the podcast
and dude's like
fuck him dude i was just on a tour bus with louis reading comments like yeah
what the hell
i was gut felt out dude another one uh another little guy another alleged
comedian
talking about me on the reddit i can you losers get a life
i'm not gonna stop laughing if you keep doing i'm not gonna you're gonna you're
gonna think i'm doing
gutfeld i have that line dude i have the line dude what are you talking about
the line is there you do
i'm not doing it on purpose doesn't try to do it i'm not trying they hit him
with the news he
every morning he's like i think i lost it they open the news he goes
what if he hears the liberals dude when the liberals are acting up gutfeld's
nose just
he senses it i have it you can see there's a wrinkle there there's a line there
is that from when the
libs just bother you yeah you fuck your nose just you go like this you've seen
that face dude i have
gutfeld i have gutfeld face about you you should get plastic surgery to
eliminate your lib detector
dude that's what it does if you get botox it's like yeah like it was a peaceful
protest and you're just
like really yeah i think so too it seems pretty peaceful dude i'm so
conservative right now are you
really i don't know why that fucking ray epps fired me up oh you know what got
me my aunt came over and
started talking to me about how we need to basically we really need to
investigate the capital yeah the
uprising so she was the one who got she fired me up a little no but she was
hitting it as like
well those people all need to be sent to jail i was like well well then we need
to look into blm is also
i hadn't seen my aunt in like a year that was the first thing and she came and
fired you up came in
because my lady likes watching fox and fox news was on yeah and she was she was
like what's this what
what is she what's i guess who's their gutfeld i guess it's lemon she was just
like whoa no that's
tucker is tucker's the fox lemon yeah true yeah talkers the goat yeah true tucker's
fox's goat
lemon is cnn's that's the goat top dude yeah and maybe maddow true maybe it's
that who's that uh
who's that fat boy on cnn yeah i know that fat boy he looks like the
fucking killer from season one of true detective he looks like the spaghetti
monster you know what
i mean he looks crazy what's that dude's name that fat boy yeah who's that fat
boy on cnn
who's that fat boy that had to eat his words about uh he was talking about roguies
dude he got
he had to eat his fat crow dude he got body he's bodying cnn dude he's crushing
him he threatened to sue
yeah stelters stelter stelters fat bitch ass dude he's a he's a fat bull dude
he's a good bull he's a
fat boy there that's the most annoying face he's stelters their gutfeld dude stelter
smiles like a
fucking like a kindergartner like he literally smiles like he's learning how to
smile it's crazy
yeah true it's a let me see that pic again i just got my uh two nephews school
pictures today
and dude they're exactly stelter damn stelter used to be a skinny young boy was
he really yeah he looked
nice yeah that's now that's the journey of that's a classic whoa stelters
dealing with something look
at him back in the day that's a fiery literally looks like a fucking he's he's
is he out as gay
i thought that was i thought all cnn hosts were gay no legitimately i thought
like all the male
hosts on there were kind of gay that's why gerardo left from that picture he
looks now why gerardo
left he's like i'm i'm not gay i'm drawing it was like yeah dude i'm straight
as i get too much
pussy to be on this channel was that the guy who showed his abs gerardo didn't
you put a sexy photo
yeah he had a sexy photo damn dude although i think i don't want to slander my
man i just got
felt it did you see that what'd you tell i was looking at pictures of stelter
and i went
yeah stelter is a uh he's a beefy boy a lot of libs though go fat yeah a lot of
the men do a lot of
lib men get kind of puffy i like it i don't i don't mind that i like it i like
they get weak and i like
little fat pussies talking about the news you know what i mean just like can
you believe this is going on
or someone brings up a good point in an interview like well how so then you
change the subject
immediately and i've seen a lot of that i've been getting fired up on talking
points dude which one's
that uh a blazing point what is it called crystal ball and songer oh yeah i don't
watch that i heard
it's great i watch them all the time dude dude they're the ones who fired me up
on the puppies
i started oh dying because fucking fauci's ripping beagles throats out yes well
he was funding
research where they slit beagles throats and let flies eat them to death and
put their heads in cages
dude the pictures are fucked it's just heads they're beagles laying there their
heads in
like a mesh screen i've seen that and flies just eat them to death flies are in
there munching their
heads and they slit their throats so they don't have to listen to them bark
what are they researching
i don't know like flies and flies give diseases the dog i don't i think the fly
gives people a disease
that fly would like people up so like let's let them eat beagles and see if the
beagles get the disease
but yeah they're under fire also too it's just a good time to uh thank our
sponsors eco health
alliance for this podcast eco health alliance definitely didn't cause a
pandemic guys anyone
says they did is a fucking idiot and should shut the fuck up yes also our new
sponsors taiwanese
beagle torturers wait who who's doing the torturing it's not taiwan it's
somebody over
there somebody over there that has nih funded it what the hell's going on with
asia and their lack of
regard for dog lives i don't know they hate them dude korea korea band south korea
band
said no more i'm launching yeah dude everyone's laughing and then everybody in
korea went like this
uh we're not allowed to eat dogs anymore here well congratulations we live in
communism
thanks joe biden i don't even know how he talks so exactly like that yeah i
just like
anytime somebody's in a suit and cool sneakers yeah i've heavy with that i
immediately know to take
them seriously for sure it's lsa i'm very it's very lesbian ellen rocks that
pretty hard yeah true
it isn't a thick lesbian outfit oh for sure i mean that's like you know if you're
getting because you
can't wear like a if you're a lesbian you can't go like full like forbes 500
business suit yeah although
that would they should go like wink point tip shoes but yeah you got to show
like you know
you got to be quirky as a lesbian dude can you believe what chapelle said i
mean i'm with the
netflix walkout oh for sure i support them i was there you were there i was
there being like yo let's
get them oh you were the provocateur you were the ray epps i was there reading
it with the roy i was
reading fbi crime statistics is it ray or roy epps ray epps you're the ray epps
of the netflix
walkout big time you were there on january oh my god girls hey girls come on
ladies let's get them
yeah yo did you see that girls uh we're covering we're just this is basically
gut felt we're covering
all the hot topics true there's a lot of hot topics right now there are hot
topics the libs have been
taking an l dude it's it's coming out that the pandemic was probably created in
a lab i also i should
you know nothing to do with the eco health line so peter daszak what isn't it
clear that it was from
a lab yeah but you don't know dude we didn't even look at th