Name: Ep 372 - Matt and Shane's Copyright Safe Podcast
Uploaded: 2021-12-03T17:08:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 372 - Matt and Shane's Copyright Safe Podcast' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 372 - Matt and Shane's Copyright Safe Podcast' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-03. Transcript available.

Ep 372 - Matt and Shane's Copyright Safe Podcast

Wow, wow, Wes.
What's up, bro?
What's happening?
What's going on here, Matt?
Chilling, dude.
Just fucking, you know.
What's all this mumbo-jumbo you've gotten yourself into, dude?
You talking about my SEBS-y, bro?
What is this?
It's my SEBS-y.
It's a ceremonial hash bite from Morocco.
It's not a big deal, dude.
You seem to be making a big deal out of it.
I'm not making a big deal.
I'm just setting it out, dude, ceremoniously.
It's a nice piece, dude.
I always want to show it off, you know?
Well, I'll tell you something, man.
I don't like it.
Some of us prize fast cars, dude.
This is my stuff.
This is what I ball out of.
What is this?
The fucking high spirits, dude.
Key of G minor, 432 hertz.
See it on the insignia?
Rainbow moonstone with the exact ripple that 432 makes on water or sand.
I'm flying as hell, dude.
You hate it.
What is the top there?
This piece is called The Fetish.
This is what gives it its voice.
So if you were to slide this thing back, it would throw off the whole sound.
It has to be placed in the proper place.
Billy was talking some mess about my flute on there.
I heard you got yours off Amazon.
Amazon is from high spirits.
It's a reputable dealer.
I heard it was a colonial.
Here's the thing.
I heard it was a colonist flute.
Look, I try not to.
Look, I try to engage in wrong speech.
Why harm other people in their businesses?
Oh.
Yeah, you don't want to put down the man's business.
Oh, his business.
You don't want to put down a colonizer's business.
He's thriving.
The whole thing started because.
Did they run off the real Native Americans that made those?
No, not at all, dude.
They're probably working in tandem with Native artists.
But Billy and Spud.
I was teasing them because we all went to this place in Florida.
And I'm like, dude, I want to crush this lady.
She has a little trading post.
It's cool.
She's a nice lady.
I picked up a flute there.
Mine was in the mail.
So I'm like, oh, let me hear his voice.
I wasn't really digging the sound.
And that's all I said.
Spud got one.
And I was kind of like.
Yeah.
He picked up a bad flute.
It's a decorative piece.
It's a beautiful piece.
But it's more of a decorative piece.
That's what I was trying to tell him.
This needs to stop.
What?
This is whatever this character is.
This is one of my least favorite characters.
This is one of my least favorite characters.
I want to do a cover.
This lady has a.
Dude.
Why are you doing this to me?
What are you doing to what?
You know you're doing this to me.
I'm not.
Why are you doing this to me, man?
I was just saying how good things were.
Things are good.
I'm saying they're trying to say that's a colonizer flute.
That's also.
That's a cover, by the way.
By, I believe.
By you.
That is.
I don't want to steal credit for that tune.
That was a cover?
That's a borrowed tune.
Yeah.
That's a dancing moon by Purnell.
Purnell's a beautiful artist, dude.
How are you talking about?
I'm doing this to you.
And I'm glad.
You're doing this on purpose, dude.
Things have been great.
Things have been great.
What are you talking about, dude?
You're doing this on purpose.
What?
Cop the flute?
Trying to sabotage our lives.
How?
Dude.
I'm getting into bullshit.
What are you talking about?
Dude, it's a beautiful instrument, man.
It is.
It's an inlet.
It's just a pentatonic minor scale.
Can I hold it?
Yeah, dude.
Please.
Let me.
Here.
Get the spit out.
Get the spit out of that.
Dude, hold that thing.
Feel the power.
You're right.
That thing's beautiful, man.
It's lighter than you'd think.
Oh, yeah.
For sure.
Man.
That is a beautiful piece here.
The leather.
Dude, I'm dead.
I've been genuinely worried about someone smashing this thing.
Really?
Between you and Brittany, I have two strong contenders for a flute break.
Who's going to break it?
Brittany's going to break it.
She kind of likes it.
I've actually turned her around.
She's trying to trick herself into saying she likes it.
She was in the bathtub and I was playing downstairs.
She's like, dude, I was about to fall asleep.
You can't.
It's 432 hertz, dude.
Now that I can carry a tune on it.
If you're taking a bath and you hear that drone in below you, the floor below,
you're
just kind of like, oh, man.
I go on my roof deck at nighttime and just put a blanket and just fucking wail
so hard
on it.
Dude, you cannot be doing this.
So, like, no one can see where it's coming.
No one can see where it's coming from.
So, people are just probably walking their dog and they're like, let me hear it
again.
Dude, so you're walking your dog down the street and you hear this in the
distance.
You like the end.
Oh, you got it.
You figured out how to do the end.
Dude, I might start getting up first thing in the morning, hitting people with
one of
these.
Sorry, that's not good.
Sorry, guys.
I have too much spit in this moisture barrier.
There we go.
Early in the morning.
But, dude, it's nothing personal.
This is just a hobby I'm into, dude.
It's nice.
I'm not going to have it every single time.
I wanted to show it to you.
Where does it come from?
What tribes?
What are we talking here?
I don't know.
Honestly, I haven't done my due diligence here.
I'm more of a musician.
You know what I mean?
I just, I'm a music guy.
So, it's like.
Oh, no, dude.
What?
You're a dark chocolate also.
I'm more of a musician.
What are you doing today?
What are you talking about, dude?
I'm here on Sunday.
This is out of control.
Now, what's going on with that pipe?
Got me out here on a 7?
I'd like to see you smoke that pipe.
Patreon.
I'll save that.
You're going to save drugs for the Patreon?
I'll probably have to, you know.
But, I'll need total silence.
So, if you guys would respect.
Why?
Well, it's a ceremonial pipe, dude.
I can't smoke it amongst chatter.
I mean, I'll go outside if I have to.
Dude, how the fuck was Jamaica, dude?
I haven't seen you in a while.
Jamaica was crazy, man.
Was crazy?
Yeah.
It wasn't really that crazy.
I was just, I got fucked up at a hotel for five days.
Who else was with you in terms of like the demo at the place you were at?
It was a rich people place.
So, it was all rich adults.
I feel like when you go there, there's a lot of like Canadians.
Yeah, there were Canadians.
Yeah, man.
When you go on vacation, it's just you.
You're just in Canada and another country.
Yeah.
There were Canadians.
British are down in Jamaica a lot.
Yeah, I could see that.
And it was like a...
Man, I love to sock it to a British tour.
I would love to punch a fucking stomach, dude.
Oh, God, dude.
People keep asking, when you come to the UK, it's like, bro, you'll know when I
come there.
Yeah.
And it's going to be a fucking problem.
There's going to be a big time problem.
It's going to be a fucking problem when I come to the UK.
Yeah.
Do you think I'm going to walk on to enemy land, dude?
I never forgot.
I never forgot.
If we go and do a UK tour, it's going to be a problem.
It's going to be a fucking problem, dude.
The IRA might show up.
They probably will.
And come back.
They will.
Is this bad?
No.
It's totally fine.
It's totally fine.
I don't know if we're allowed to say it.
Now I know why when they're telling Muslims, like, yo, denounce radical Islam,
they're like,
meh.
No, those guys are kind of cool.
I wouldn't be able to.
Like, yo, denounce those dudes.
Denounce the rock stars of your religion.
I'd be like, meh.
Denounce the dudes that risked it all to fight an umpire.
Yeah, do you think they're like Italians with the mafia?
They're like, yeah, one of my uncles is in the Taliban, dude.
Talk shit to me.
They're definitely going to be like Italians with the mafia.
Definitely.
There's all dudes from like the Kandahar province.
Dude.
That's their New Jersey.
The Kandahar province.
They're all like, yeah, my uncle knew Bin Laden.
He was Bin Laden's driver.
Yeah, he kind of smuggles Poppy.
I do believe that.
I mean, dude, how could you let that go?
You have to be.
Yeah.
Wops in America are all like, yeah, I'm connected.
Oh, dude.
I've every single tailing guy I've ever talked to.
Exception of Gardini.
That's because Gardini's a law dog.
True.
True that.
You guys have been fucking silencing them.
Yeah, play by the rules, dude.
True that.
Gardini, you got roughhoused a little bit last night.
Roughhoused?
Yeah.
You got tossed about.
You got tossed about?
You got roughhoused.
What happened?
Yeah, I did get.
He ran into a buzzsaw that was me and Billy teaming up to bully one person.
Oh.
And it was the Gardini.
Sometimes you're the hammer.
Sometimes you're the nail, dude.
That's true.
Last night, I was the nail.
They got you.
Yeah, they got me.
What kind of stuff were they saying?
It was just freaking.
We don't need to talk about it.
Just junk?
Class A PSYOP, dude.
Was it really?
Yeah, I fell.
Did it work or were you able to go stand?
It was a PSYOP that he fell right into.
Yeah.
Did you really?
I wasn't prepared.
I thought I was amongst friends, dude.
He thought he was amongst friends and he wanted to show us somebody on.
We asked for him to show us somebody on Instagram.
Sure.
I think you probably know.
I'm aware.
So he finally was like, all right, fine.
Because we were like, dude, what the heck?
First mistake.
It's not a big deal.
Gave in to the friendly angle on you.
Oh, no.
Me and Billy sitting on a bench.
Yeah, they're like, come on, man.
And then as soon as he gave it, we were both like, ah.
Oh, they friendlied you.
Yeah.
Good cop.
Good cop.
It worked.
It worked.
It was like, dude, what the fuck's your problem?
We're friends.
We're fucking buds.
Oh, no.
But yeah, there's one thing about Jamaica that I didn't like.
It was a very, very nice resort.
It was like, sickest place I've been.
But it's just that thing where it's like a bunch of rich white people.
Yeah.
Than just black workers in like white gloves.
Yeah, dude.
And like uniforms.
Yeah.
They get very slavy at those places.
Yeah.
I'm telling you.
They do.
I mean, the place is designed like a, I've been there.
The place is designed like a plantation.
It's fucked up, dude.
Yeah.
It's, yeah, they're like, do you want a butler?
It's like, no.
Stop.
No, I feel bad.
It's fucked up, dude.
Yeah.
Even the DR, they do it.
And they, the DRs get racist on the Haitians.
They give the Haitians like the shit fucking jobs.
You have to walk around and watch just like multi-levels of fucking rights.
Yeah, you get to watch the Hispanics be mean to the Haitians.
But you got to watch out.
Every once in a while, those Haitians will get a little rowdy.
We'll curse you, too.
Yeah.
We'll curse you with a little voodoo.
Dude, they were telling us.
They were like, that's the one.
There was a guy.
They fucking hate them openly.
So like these fucking, like the guy working there would be like, these fucking
Haitians,
man.
They've been coming over here.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
And he.
Taking our derbs.
Taking our goddamn derbs.
Yeah.
And then he basically was like, he said something like, yeah, but you got to be
careful because they will
hex you.
So that's the only reason they respect them is because of voodoo.
The looming acts above their head, which is a voodoo curse.
Yeah.
I mean, you just got to keep the chickens and like bones away from that.
You see them collecting chickens and bones.
You're like, yo, dude, what the fuck's good?
We're friends.
I've been good to you.
Don't you dare.
Go weed in the shade.
All right.
Just give me that chicken and bones.
The Haitians.
They're terrified.
The Haitians will rise up.
Like I'm rooting for Haiti as a country to rise up.
They've risen up.
They got it.
They became a country.
I know they macheted a lot of people.
Yeah, man.
That was a real oversight by the French.
What to be like.
There was like, you know, we're boys, right?
There were like 10 white dudes surrounded by a million slaves.
And they were like, let's give them machetes to work the.
Yeah.
True.
These guys are never going to.
Yeah.
They're probably like, we're bullies, right?
Yeah.
We're all good.
Like, I know you can't like do a lot of the stuff you'd like 