Name: Ep 375 - Puss-Fluenza (feat. Lemaire Lee)
Uploaded: 2021-12-25T02:55:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 375 - Puss-Fluenza (feat. Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 375 - Puss-Fluenza (feat. Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-25. Transcript available.

Ep 375 - Puss-Fluenza (feat. Lemaire Lee)

the wild wild west there we go yes what's up what's up wow it's good to be back
in this dude
yeah man the official still in with our with our guest today lamare lee you may
know lamare as
the guy who got fired arguably the simplest jobs of all time yeah i i didn't
ask josh
adam meyers to move oh that's all it was that's all it was it was one of the
all-time greatest
episodes too it was a great episode the fact that we lost that vid man yeah no
man that's like when
they used to burn those libraries and you just never know like thousands of
books all the knowledge
lost all of josh ademeyer's stories that was one of the that was so funny lamare
then he came the
next week and then fixed our blunders fired him and had him on he like fixed
our shit and like
feel kind of bad um so matt what's going on with you i'm scared of the omicron
bro the omicron i'm
not yet i'm i'm gonna crumb i'm trying to get the omicron dude i'm a fucking crumb
i caught the omicron
dude i caught the omicron last night everyone's having sex i was like oh fuck i'm
a crumb yes
that shot down pussy bro i was like i'm a crumb there what type of pussy are
you getting where's it
from no pussy these days oh you're single yeah dude i'm sorry i didn't know
that it's okay it's okay
dude it's okay did she break your heart did she die from omicron yeah you broke
her heart i had to i
just had to stop things yes i had to end it i had to end it oh yeah does it
have ah never mind yes
a hundred percent yes it does have everything to do with a six minute video you're
a heartbreaker
you know dude i'm gonna play now you're business bro he's business bro and they're
strictly business
yeah dude get in give me some cuddles and leave that's yeah yeah that's it man
so what type of
pussy are you on the market for now geographically speaking geographically
speaking i hate that i'm
so honest but i really would like to have sex with indian women that's pretty
that'd be pretty badass
yeah dude yeah be tight i think that'd be cool learn some things what do you
think they would
teach you the kama sutra yeah yeah on the art of love making trying to find
your kamala dude yeah
i need a strong half black woman in my life yeah what type of like have india
what type of love
making do you think you would make what type would you make now would you say
you do anything that's
in the kama sutra right now no naturally i think i'm if it happens it happens i'm
just i'm kind of
flexible you know physically flexible or like you're open to things both
physically yeah i'm physically
flexible yeah i can do parking my palms can touch the ground dude straight leg
so what how does that
serve you sexually um getting in the ass i'm getting hounded yeah i'm getting
pegged yeah yeah indian chicks
will peg the hell out of you yeah indian chicks will peg you they'll absolutely
peg you oh hell yeah
i love the hand job with the head yeah bobblehead night so you're looking for
you're looking for an
indian queen uh no you need to approach an indian princess and just tell her
two things just be
like i know how to be patient and i know how to meditate yeah dude i'm a playboy
i don't need
no queens that's a young sadhana you're a playboy now dude play poor now you're
a playboy you guys will be
back together in two weeks you'll be you'll call yeah no it's dead instead do
you feel comfortable
talking about this uh maybe on the patreon or so but now this is what we are
this is the real deal we're
live okay okay no no no you don't have to say anything more yeah i'm sorry he
was asking if
you felt comfortable saying what you've already divulged being oh oh i mean if
i if somebody dumped
me and then they acted like a jerk like this i'd be pissed no i'm just i'm just
my heart's hurt too
dude i gotta protect my heart by being you're laughing through the pain yeah
yeah dude i tried to love i
got all i got is living and laughing now true it could be a fire right now yeah
what the
smells let's pause up there's a fire okay maybe one of your dumb cigarettes got
thrown into a pile
of leaves you're going to burn down the block they might be cooking some
downstairs they probably don't know how to cook hey bill is something on fire
bud
it doesn't it's like in here
it's just this hot-ass fucking fume is the fume burning no it's not
maybe something's just outside burning the door's cracked that's probably what
it is so it smells
like plant like an electrical fire all right we're good we'll find out where if
we catch blaze it'll
be actually great for the podcast it would be very good but you'd have to salvage
that yeah you'd have
to grab the equipment we're still we're good right yeah we're still all right
yeah yeah sorry about
that we smelled a kind of chemically flame yeah it's getting stronger yeah it
might be math
oh it is it's it's it's the chat there's a vent fan it's a vent fan um so lamere
you're you're
fresh out of love yeah and i'm hurting dude i started listening are you hurting
metal yeah you
listening to metal yeah yeah like what like like hardcore like all right
knocked loose is a band
yeah yeah really yeah you didn't even know that side of me dude i know i know
that side of you dude
yeah right like pop punk and screamo dude no oh yeah i like coheed and camby
so embarrassing i switched between coheed and camby and drake yeah it was my
two moods those worlds are
colliding i might be a gemini you might be a gem actually i really am very gemini
those worlds are colliding at light speed yeah they are aren't you a sag for
real though i am a sag for
real though okay dude yeah um here's what i'd like to discuss i went to a girls
high school basketball
game this weekend we're talking a big time shootout 29 28. what what grade and
it was 25 at half
it was like 25 to 18 at half so is it it was a bad winning team scored three
points in the second
half i believe it was chaos what and they don't and this was good girls about
like the highest level
triple a six a six a six a six a ball doesn't get higher than six a girl's ball
watch my old man coach what's he running zone or is he running woman on woman
no they're running
little kid soccer where everyone screams and chases the ball and then whoever
has the ball
looks straight down and goes like this it was crazy what i couldn't believe it
i was
i've had arguments with my dad about how many points i would score and he's
like shaming these
girls would whoop your ass and i watched i was like definitely not dude i would
score a hundred
points yeah it would be it would be unbelievable you wouldn't have to play i
wouldn't have to play
everyone's like oh you think you could run the whole fight i'm like first off
that's very insulting
yeah yes i can jog up and down and stand still
i could have scored 30 with a beer with the beer i could have scored even if
you didn't you could have
stayed on off literally cherry picked the entire exactly the amount of i would
outscore them exactly
yes just field goal percentage alone you could have just gotten off the court
yeah when it wasn't
here and then just step back if i do get tired i could lay down at one end of
the court and then
finally sit up and be like all right here you could like run up to score and
just take the third quarter
roll yeah the only thing i did realize is i would get in trouble for offensive
fouls
in the post any movement the girl would go flying true yeah you can power you
can power so here's
what i was doing my mom was sitting courtside dude you know how it goes really
we get a little money
we get a little flashy my mom's sitting courtside 6a girls ball and i was in
this exact sweatsuit
and so i was running i would run down the baseline or the courtside and be like
can i get 50 cents to
go to the concession stand and then sprint out of the gym dude and just made
trips to the house
snack bar was crazy i got skittles m ms my niece and i went in on skittles did
you really
what was your fastest time my fastest time from from stand i mean there's one
thing i've noticed
because it was all little kids running to and from the concessions yeah yeah
when an adult man runs
people get very alarmed you see a man sprinting in any situation like that
people are very like
that's like a run and a slide on swish like swishy pants you run to slide on
the baseline
i mean what and also the whole time i was thinking this is how phil is gonna
die
phil is gonna have a heart attack in the middle of a girl's high school 6a ball
on the bench in front of all the girls that he's coaching and they're all gonna
be like ew
it's like that's your stuff dude he's gonna die at like at redland or cedar
cliff and they're gonna
have to put him on the bus oh he's gonna die at an away game they're gonna enshrine
him they're
gonna enshrine him like mary magdalene dude beneath the school i think that's
the worst death you could
possibly have dying at a girl's heart attack on the bench of a girl's
basketball game if you fall down
and you just that's it i still think i think amusement park your dad and gino
oryama is gonna
have the same death true who gino oryama who's that he's a coach all-time
legend of yukon girls
basketball you gotta freshen up on your girls yeah what is it about girls boys
guys having heart
attacks i'm legitly into the wwe can you imagine can you imagine the stress
also no not no mate not
making sexual jokes the stress of actually watching them play be like look up
and you don't have to
you don't have to throw the ball yeah dude the other team's defense was just
their bench yelling
and the offense of the other team would panic anytime they did it they would
start with like a low scream
and then build it up like a shot clock yeah and they just eventually back and
the girls the girls
on offense would be like it was it was crazy so he's building a sound barrier
it was dog break
it was dog break there was some start loud noises and the other side would be
like
it was wild so at the very i put it on my story it was very funny on instagram
i watched the game
winner there was eight seconds the other team was down two they inbounded this
girl took a fade away
airball three it was so funny it was so funny oh dude her whole life would have
changed it would have
changed it's so funny if she would have sunk that three i would have been like
yo this is incredible
it would have been all she took a like running fade away three from the corner
these girls hadn't made a layup in two quarters for the game winner they were
like all right i got this
it was one of those it really was she had like one leg kicked out shooting a
fade away and it it
air boiled on the other side of the rim so like it didn't touch anything it
just landed it went over
the rim yeah that's impressive on the other side that's impressive actually
true if she's a champion
she'll use that to become better she will yeah yeah but it doesn't matter if a
girl sinks the game-winning
shot in high school her world doesn't change it's like a tree falling in the
woods yeah it's just
gonna get so much like i knew i knew a dude yeah i was at a game there was
there was a dude in my
high school who sunk like a game winner three in playoffs and like he got into
like college from
that yeah yeah actually yeah i think it actually kind of him up he got too much
it was like too much
pussy at once but uh you have a girl wins a girl could like dunk it for the win
and every dude's
he's gonna make ew plus fluenza what is that he just had an influx of puss and
it warped his brain
you ever heard of affluenza yeah i understand the angle you're coming from
this isn't going the way i want to know you got the stoners up in arms dude the
stoners are rowdy
what type of dope where you guys they all eat weed cookies dude oh you guys ate
weed cookies
what are you on noah i hope something
are you on opiates
dude no he's got his team dude the fellowship is falling apart it really has
dude i've been watching
fellowship of the rings or the lord of the rings oh nice all about the
fellowship t