Name: Ep 376 - The Sponge (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)
Uploaded: 2021-12-30T16:26:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 376 - The Sponge (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 376 - The Sponge (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-30. Transcript available.

Ep 376 - The Sponge (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)

the wild wild west hello welcome to matt and shane's secret podcast uh
unfortunately matt
is not able to join us he is at home with an undisclosed illness yeah that
there was never a
vaccine for no i don't know upper body injury i don't know what's wrong i think
he's taking
some personal time but uh i'm sure he'll fill you in he does need a vacation he
needs a vacation
yeah need some time off um so in lieu of matthew i'm joined by my two adult
male roommates chris o'connor
and tommy pope your caretakers yes my men my boys chris's hairy feet as a third
guest dude
ew what is that on there they're disgusting what is that it's a piece of fuzz
it's all the dirt
that he brings in from the street and he just recollects on his bare feet no
they're actually
not that bad you can't see you know what you just ate a sandwich as soon as you're
like i'm gonna go
take a shower that's actually a spot-on impression you did it's unbelievable
you did your asian lady
walked like which took 10 minutes to get to the fucking store i'm sure you know
what was underneath
you three pieces of meat no way yes three pieces of meat raw fucking ham that
missed your mouth because
you're not capable of using a plate no this is fake hold on i haven't checked i
haven't checked in a
while is that nick diaz t-shirt no tag still on the ground dude that lasted he
doesn't know i don't
want to be a jerk i kept tabs on a piece of trash that was on the middle of
your floor
two to three months do you know why you know it you remember it you saw it
every day yeah i didn't
know i don't notice that you would recognize it maybe i can't believe it's gone
that thing was
part of the apartment it's because it's because uh his girl slept over oh yeah
yeah so he had to
kick everything he's making love emergency deep clean you made love dude i
think your ex's dog
is under there somewhere no no probably yeah uh yeah that impression of you is
pretty good
which is funny because chris tries to fat impression me yeah hey what you know
when you
when you want to make fun of a fat guy you go oh yeah chris will do that you
got a low baritone
though maybe he's just trying to no it's a fat impression i understand it i've
done it you got
a deeper register that's as close as i can go is that me no well that actually
was
but it turns out the fat impression i think is better it's a good impression of
you it's better
impression of me you think yeah chris is just always sleepy beepy all you gotta
do is just
you just gotta he's like always running out of battery you know what i mean i
had a job once
where i was like answering the phones for the company oh my god hello and it's
like and we were
whatever it is i don't want to buy it we were at we were all at like kind of
basically sharing one
big desk and we had computers on it and so i would be transferring people to
the the guy the actual
workers and i every time i would transfer someone they'd have to like i could
see them answer the
question what's wrong with that guy oh god no he's fine
i would be like they'd be like you gotta cheer it up a little bit i i don't
know what are you talking
about yeah i've never experienced joy before i can't yeah i can't i can't
answer dude i got home from
not seeing chris five or six days was at my girlfriend's for christmas not a
single we sat
out here in dead silence of course it was insane i had while i was playing a
video game i was like
iowa was nice yeah that was i was like you want to talk yeah yeah i always just
think he's mad about
something hey yeah and then after the second time you ask him because we've
been sitting in silence
for 30 minutes i'm like what what's wrong you all right he goes yeah i'm just
enjoying my time
you guys had a wild night last night yeah we got up i came out
you're clean normally of course i do like what do you know all the time no no
at night usually you
clean up like everyone smile oh yeah yeah i know when you had a banger because
there's like gummy bears
sitting here i got a three-pound bag of trolley in the bedroom today was wild i
came out here it
looked like there was a party dude you too dude i i think i went in i think i
went in like two
two o'clock 2 30 which is not that bad no that's not bad i fell asleep for an
hour and then i got up and
i was like ham i need ham because his mom gifted his christmas the boys are
hitting the ham it's great
ham well if it ever runs out you can just check the couch cushions for this fat
you can make yourself
a little sammy cushion me so i come out there's no way there was ham on the
couch why would i
fucking bring that up i i can't tell you i can't tell you how much i guarantee
you there was ham on
the couch yeah i promise so i didn't see it and i know it was there no way i'm
fucking starving
so i'm gonna go make myself a ham sandwich i bucked this corner and i can't
tell you how sad
how sad the view was dude he's just going like this leftover indian somebody
watched watching the
darkest hour the whole way through last night yeah i did i got on netflix today
it was the whole way
through dude you watched the darkest hour after imagine how late were you up
imagine i was up to
like five i mean i got shit-faced i played 18 holes of golf the darkest hour
how depressing is that yeah
you want to know something funny when uh when i was getting canceled by snl
that whole thing you remember
that i got yeah you guys were here for it and uh i steve's our old roommates
his amazon was hooked up
or maybe it was yours somebody's and i bought the darkest hour like while i was
going through it
yeah and someone was like in our group text was like who bought the darkest
hour i was like who the
do you think and he was like chewing like like a llama when he was just like
shit's just dropping
everywhere and then i sat down next to him to eat this depression sandwich and
we didn't say a word
for 30 minutes of that movie and then i just went back in the hole phenomenal
movie it's a great movie
it's a great movie it's not something you watch you know what that it is it is
i guess yeah it doesn't
matter that's also when i knew it was trouble i opened the fridge this morning
i saw that indian was
gone yeah and i was like that thing went at 3 a.m eating indian food watching i
mean this is chaos
dude my view is as bad as his he bucked the corner yeah he actually just wandered
out shirtless compared
to you i was flying just stood there staring at me for like no joke like four
minutes i want you
know what was going on in my room i i was trying to oh i hit the peloton
yesterday i'm jacked i heard
that dude yelling oh it sucks so embarrassing i always think you're watching
like a clip and i'm like
that's not funny at all what's he talking about it's just you on the peloton
yeah it's so embarrassing
that guy yelling uh i downloaded that book that audio book of the franklin
scandal okay dude no no
terrifying what i did it's about like government officials and doing a pedophile
ring yeah that
happened it's very scary i overheard some of that you were snoring dude oh i
was going to bed
dude i just hear that whatever they're talking about just the darkest shit ever
yeah i was snoring
loud as fuck i woke myself up i've been taking melatonin it's been fucking me
up does it work for
you i'm so quiet all day that doesn't i don't know what it does it knocks me
out really but i was
falling asleep to like this pedophile ring i just listened to billy and spuds
pizzagate podcast
and then they start talking in this book and they're like and all the addresses
were on one
street in washington dc and i was like it's real i was having like i was like i
don't know what
happened i was getting like scared i was like this is up and then i'd like
start to fall asleep and
i'd hear one of you like ah awful like a putt you made in your oculus and i'd
wake up like
he's been yapping about this golf game and the potential of oculus it's like
the only thing that
brightens his kid's eyes yeah he's talking about how about this where i sit
next to him for an hour
and a half in dead silence the kid's depressed as fuck the kid and then i hear
him go out and put
on an oculus he's like hey guys what's going on how's everybody doing oh man i'm
just having fun out
here yeah you cocksucker yeah it's like he's getting plugged in yeah those
lights come on dude chris turns
it on yeah he does he does he hits the camera dude once that red light turns on
he's a different guy
yeah the rest of the time my battery's charging yeah we gotta record a good
charge record him after
the pod just watch this dude slope around hey now that we're podcasting i don't
like talking
if i'm not getting yeah yeah you got two hours i can't waste i have like yeah i
have like eight
thoughts a day i can't burn them they're all wild that's true i'll do that with
matt i talk to matt
on the phone all the time and we'll talk for like a half hour and i'll be like
this is it and then
we'll sit down it's all every story i start with is like i've told you this
before i think i've said
this before and then i say it that's what i say on every podcast we do i'm like
did i say this yet
i think i've said this you do it for four years like i've told every cool story
i have you've been
pretty good though you've been mostly new stores yeah that's what's nice about
stuff island the
podcast stuff island we're 20 minutes in we got ad read yeah we bought our
first ad
there was a nice little ad for apartments.com earlier i was sitting here trying
to watch south
park chris comes in farts and he's like oh that's terrible sorry about that tommy
walks into the shower
starts scream singing i was like dude i i gotta move the fuck out dude it's a
carnival i'm like i
have to move out i said i'm like scream singing in spanish it was a spanish
song he's in there
you can hear him you can hear him not disappear from the monotony of the living
room i understand
i understand he doesn't even know the english it's a different location in my
mind and soul in there
you're right it's my opportunity for some sunshine and humidity and also you're
not tom you're not
wrong yeah you're not wrong next to this pit of hell no i mean that's not like
i'm a daisy
sitting out here you don't talk to me i'm like you're seriously upset yeah you
asked me yesterday
are you okay or did i do something yeah i was just sober when you do it i'm
just like yeah whack ball
get out of your darkness i told him today like feel bad for me for two seconds
you find ham somewhere
yeah let me check your crackers and ham but let's clear that with the garden
hose let's go out back
and wash you down like an old dirty dog it's crazy how dirty you are
i mean it's pretty impressive it is it is it's been bad it's like one of those
those dogs you just put
on a chain and let's sleep outside it's it's been rough i gotta meet your
parents i gotta meet
them you would you'd be shocked yeah you'd be shocked have you been tested for
like autism stuff
why are you laughing something something we've been testing it guess what you
failed i don't know what
it is it's something something's off yeah definitely dude he rolled the carpet
last night i never said
this to you yet you roll the carpet because he doesn't like me putting my feet
on this thing because
i slide the camera he bugs out the only thing other thing he cares about he
rolled the carpet and then
tripped over it multiple times getting to like the light true yeah yeah he
rolls true he doesn't have
any vision beneath his chin like he doesn't look down that's why he never
cleans the floor no most of
the time i'm looking down that's why i'm not used to if i'm looking up bad
things happen i do i do
exclusively look at the ground when i'm walking yeah if i'm walking around the
city i'm looking right too
many times it's a long fall oh man i can lose balance for 10 feet i've always
said before i hit
the ground the funniest thing i it's never comedy it's like middle-aged women
falling will make me
lose my breath yeah every li