Name: Ep 383 - The Lone Pieman
Uploaded: 2022-02-16T19:30:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 383 - The Lone Pieman' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 383 - The Lone Pieman' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available.

Ep 383 - The Lone Pieman

the wild wild west hello we're live welcome to matt and shane's secret podcast
what's going on dude
we're here with sean gardini the biggest superstar the biggest superstar sean
gardini the superman
are you the superman no you're the super italian man big italian boy i'm not
just a normal guy
yeah right how how into your italian heritage are you to be to be honest um i'd
say about i'm half
irish so i give each half they deny it dude tom's half irish too really they go
strong wop yeah that's
kind of crazy yeah yeah which side do you like i embrace my irish heritage
which side do you like
more he likes his papa's he loves his dad i love my daddy i love my mommy too
you don't love your
mom as much they're both half irish half italian oh really okay yeah so grammy
and grandpa were uh
we're uh irish and italian each full blood full blood yes none of that half
blood crap none of
that half blood crap i can't i hate it half blood
yeah a little bit of like finland or something like you're definitely finished
dude i fucking hate it dude i would hate that i'll never look it up oh dude i'm
pissed i'm
probably half scottish yeah i spent my whole life being like dude just 100 irish
yeah pretty much
turns out i'm fucking scottish too i i i actually fuck with scott too though
heavy
scotland fucking rules dude yeah scottland's a strong holdout technically i'm
canadian
why do you think my my mom's side the kilkenny's came over to canada first
yeah but they probably scotia action they probably fled they're probably
getting like
i think my grandpapa went out to saskatchewan for a while what yeah
but you got some canadian i'm a bit of canadian that's why my heart's just torn
over this whole
trucker situation how long ago was your family in canada uh i think they came
from my mom's side
from ireland to canada so they might have been trading a couple of fucking beaver
pelts they were
trading pelts dude train some pelts yeah they might have been a lot of the
french dude
love their pelts they love a beaver pelts they love pelts they blew it dude
they came here and
got a lost on the flash what do you mean they could have just dominated but
like no this place is only
good for pelts yeah they blew it yeah they did blow it how do you guys like
yourselves now
yeah idiots france nice going dumb asses how do you see how do you see those
dumb asses doing in the
next 50 to 100 years france yeah they're not going to stick with us they rely
on russian russian oil
yeah the the gas and the oil too yeah they have oil too yeah they'll uh if they
if they align
whoever lines with america is going to come out good in this that's the only
thing you gotta do
yeah we're the best yeah what do you think about the ukraine dude that'll be
tough that'll be tough
i got a battle with my girlfriend over the ukraine what was her problem she
just wanted to fight very
clearly it is nice though to keep fights to that it was the good i've never
been more angry why
because we were fighting over russia ukraine what were you saying i was like i
don't care
so you're swiss you were swiss i was fully like dude i'm not going to nuclear
war over ukraine
yeah yeah and then i started looking into it dude yeah don't look into that don't
look into
ukraine dude what do you mean you'll see putin's got some decent points he dude
that's the one
thing i will say decent points on this i don't want i don't want to turn i don't
want to get like
most conflicts both sides tend to have decent points yeah putin sometimes pulls
my heart strings i'll
make a case and i'm like dude you remember that motorcycle gang for his
security in the adam
curtis stock that's pulling my fucking that kind of fucking rule they were they
were like remember
the swords of your grandfather the eurasian it was like yo you remember he uh
he banned i think
recently banned porn hub allegedly he banned porn hub was like go meet someone
in real life
no i swear to god look it up guardian look it up what the kind of fucking rules
he banned
pornhub and was like knock it the fuck off yeah go get a pussy dude people are
going to be incentivized
to have kids pretty shortly 30 years or so they're going to be like come on let's
go yeah we need
i don't like it we i'm with bill gates dude we need to depopulate we are we're
definitely we're on
course great uh bill wasn't his dad allegedly a eugenicist yeah allegedly of
course that's bill gates
fucking motto but i haven't heard him he really piped down yeah he's shut up
dude yeah he really
pipe down shut up dork uh i think we should have done it what someone should
have been like shut the
fuck up you're seeing him get pied in the face no it's the ultimate dork dude
someone pied he became
a little angry dork after he got pied yeah who pied him i don't know a fucking
lone pie man
he fucking pied him right in the fucking schnoz dude i gotta show you this pie
pornography is banned
in russia yeah porn hub and you porn uh authorities have told citizens to meet
people in real life
direct quote yeah yes they have a whole uh bill gates pie and face you can
google this is a good week
that might be the intro no this is very old this is right when he began he was
like we need to depopulate
let me see this dude this is a great pie oh oh my oh he goes in a full like
nerd
oh i'd be fuming if someone pied me on the way to like a courtroom he was all
on camera too he was
like hi everybody if he had played sports i think he would have avoided that
pie there's nothing you
could do to avoid that pie dude if he had played sports it came around a pillar
it's true true we would
have been more aware i always dude if i'm walking around a pillar i'm checking
for pies i'm checking
public pied also that gunman dude carrying a pie all day just standing behind a
pillar with a pie
people had to walk by like no way no way what's he doing with that did he not
eating it just holding
a cream pie dude that's also like how do you know where bill gates is going he's
ready
he stalked him he followed bill gates and cp absolute cp oh dude cped on camera
dude brutal
it is brutal since then he's become a nasty little dork and he was a nasty
little dork he was he was
he was he hated him in microsoft dude they hated him back in the day yeah but
they hate everybody
hates a great man and let's not get it twisted dude gates is gates is clearly a
great man
good or bad he's he's a powerful man but i i would i don't know in all i'm
going through the whole
axes of like a great man like a warrior king definitely not he is a farmer i
don't know i don't
know about him apparently he blew it but you know he was getting it done for a
while i i would
say i like napoleon you know what happened to napoleon what happened to the boy
tried to invade
russia you can't do it bro true yep old general winter comes around
that's their that's their best commander general winter that was his full downfall
yeah
they got chased back by the ruskies has anyone gone and then he lost at waterloo
has anybody what has anyone conquered the ruskies the ruskies and turks no i
don't think so
uh the turks were fighting them for a while the ottoman empire was battling
down there but no you
can't go into russia yeah the same thing germs the nazis collapsed doing it
yeah dude that's
i guarantee you bill gates wouldn't get 30 feet into russia no chance he would
get cp'd like nine
times he'd get pied dude he'd probably get real life pied they got those horny
russians now no one
gets born up he'd probably get real life pied good for them for banning
pornography it's that's nice
for the people dude you get to revert back to put the people you get to revert
back to like magazines
yeah dude going into a gas station buying a fucking porno dude i do shower
beats now just pure
that's nice pure yeah purely in the fucking so i miss beats dude i've been with
my lady too much
yeah i haven't been beaten at all tell her you need me time
i like to save my seed for my lady dude that you have to save it for her you
have to man
but you must i'm i'm ready for a good me time here's a me though you're gonna
be on the road
wait i'm gonna be in salt lake we'll be fapping like crazy me time yeah we'll
be fapping like crazy
i'm in providence this weekend me time i'm i'm busting in there it is crazy
though if you're
if you're having sex regularly and you finally get to jerk off it is like does
rule nice especially
hiding on the couch when she's in the bedroom oh mommy don't catch me
we have to do i have guys we have terrible news uh went to try to play hoops
today tore the muscles
off of both of my legs so yeah i'm dead that's what happens dude you sit around
for 10 years and
then you decide to train hard for three weeks you're going hard as your legs
explode turns out i was
wondering about that i was wondering if this guy was gonna ease you in no he's
well i mean it's easy
workouts but it's very hard for me yeah well still although we did max out this
week yeah that
fucked me up yeah dude maxed out on deadlifts maxed out on bench jesus man no
wonder you're well
it was just to it was just to see where we're at true like a starting point
like it wasn't like i
wasn't in there like yeah you're just like although on bench i was i was sad
dude 200 hit 200 i had to
add two and a half so i was like dude i'm not doing 195 nah bro got it 200 this
is how's the chess
feel then it's uh it's a little a little sore today i have to do presses too
which i've never looked
more yeah i know it's a running gag a lot of people think it's a big joke to
say that i look
like i have some type of mental disability you gotta see me doing a fucking
straight bar press
oh you're doing it's it's so bad you're a strong man right in front of the
mirror just
just my face going straight down guys like jesus christ he's off he's
unbelievable he's off the
charts dude uh yeah so we'll see we'll see what happens definitely you're on
the injured list hip
flexors on both legs are fucked we went to play basketball today it's a real
shame we had to do a
little reconnaissance balled out today it was all right it was all right and
guys let me tell you
the wager has just gone up i'll i'd bet i'd bet everything on this yeah this is
uh this isn't this
is a win yeah it's a lock that's pink it's a lock that's keys you dominated
today i was all right
it was all right i played all right i played all right i didn't i should have
took him more i was
you know i was trying to feed the balls great opportunity you didn't have any
scorers on your
team a con man not a good scorer great defense crazy great hustle we i had uh
crashing boards
crazy o'connor's fundamentals is great i also had a little three-point machine
though too oh yeah
jimmy jimmy bro jimmy was towards the end i discovered jimmy i was so i always
when i'm
playing i always encourage he did you see him hit that when i was doing it to
him oh yeah and i was
like and he goes i was like yes dude i always encourage my teammates to take
shots dude that's
one thing about me i just want everyone to have fun to play as hard as they can
and i was i didn't
know he could shoot i'm like dude take that all day he started draining them i
was like oh yeah
he was hitting them in warm-ups yeah dude he started draining it was a bummer
though i felt i felt
i felt the the hip flexors have been hurting me for about a week yeah the it
first happened i so i
worked out during the day did deadlifts and squats and then on stage i did an
act out where i like
bent down i got both my legs like locked could you see the comedy club did you
see the club that got
injured on stage maybe that'd be a nice workman's comp yeah just destroy the
comedy cellar the first
workman's cop they could afford you could get one guy on no i'd like to take
ownership comedians could
fucking comedians figured out they could do that it'd be over people for the
people dude for the labor
orders i would a working man the comedian the laborers if you get injured at a
comedy club
i'm parking my crv right in 