Name: Ep 385 - Master Chief Ferrari Truck (feat. LeMaire Lee)
Uploaded: 2022-03-02T19:01:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 385 - Master Chief Ferrari Truck (feat. LeMaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 385 - Master Chief Ferrari Truck (feat. LeMaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-02. Transcript available.

Ep 385 - Master Chief Ferrari Truck (feat. LeMaire Lee)

the wild wild west hey what's going on what's happening guys go
we're here with the lamar lemar hello lamar james what do they call you lamar
joe
shout out to my goobies yeah your host for this evening
lamar joe here comes a little more yeah he called me something completely
different the first name
he was like justin josephs yeah he was just taking shots yeah i tried to go up
to the piece of paper
and what your name they actually wrote it down and i went up and tried to put
lamar joe on it
he with him again the last show really he called him something else again yeah
it's all goofy or
it's all you before osmosis jones i heard there was a fucking there was a rumble
at mcgooby's i
heard through the grapevine oh yeah christopher titus fucking rumbled with
somebody in the crowd
wait what i just i heard this today christopher titus got in i heard titus who's
the man by the
way dude he has both his hands didn't he have like a dysfunctional family or
something uh yeah probably
i've heard about he loves cars he's like a kick-ass liberal now hot rods he's a
badass liberal is he
really yeah dude who likes hot rods he wears a headset on stage and he's like
kind of rules not gonna lie
sorry sorry i'm not racist dude he got both hands free that audience member
probably got fucked up
definitely especially coming down from the stage yeah i think he brought up
trump and a guy was like
pussy and he was like hey i'm a kick-ass liberal you motherfucker but i also
love hot rods i love hot rods
hot rods stink and the democratic party hot rods are the worst do suck i i
never i don't like the look of
them they're not gonna work on it i'm not gonna work on that they're too sharp
right like they're like
i think they're extremely rounds it's like punch they look like pt cruisers wow
i think they're
incredibly round but like a 1970s mustang is a hot rod right nah that's just a
muscle car i think
muscle cars bro damn yeah hot rod looks like a pt cruiser with just like pipes
coming out of the top
they stink yeah they're the worst yeah i would never devote my time to them carlisle
used to have the auto
the auto show yeah just be 10 000 hot rods descend upon central pennsylvania
and be like you guys better
take the vaccine we're kick-ass damn what's cooler than a kick-ass damn i
retract my statements on bill
maher dude yeah i was pumped on him for a day he had some good points and then
he had a rough showing
last week well i think it's you know you got to swing back you know he's a he
had to swing back to
make sure he didn't get labeled as right wing he's kind of a badass damn he's a
bad he's a badass damn
he brought one good point though i think uh so tonight's the state of the union
dude yeah to see
joe yeah we get to see lamar president lamar joe biden he gets to come out and
talk his
shit tonight really he's gonna come out and be like i told you it was gonna be
good it's going well
true i do a good what do you think oh yeah i forgot oh but here the democrats
are doing one of the
members of the squad yeah yeah is doing a rebuttal so usually it's the other
party so after the state
of union usually the other party so when trump was giving it a democrat would
give a speech that night
as well like they did schumer and pelosi together uh now a republican's gonna
do it and a democrat
from the squad because biden's not liberal enough really it's gonna be tight so
he's gonna get
opposed on he's gonna get opposed yeah dude is biting in third party i i would
say the squad's probably
closer to the third party he seems to be pretty democrat yeah yeah damn he's
gonna get they're gonna
rip his uh speech to shreds he's gonna be sad yeah he's gonna be i hate
thinking of biden sad though
he's just a guy like come on he's a geese dude why are these guys doing this
a lot of points coming at me there's gonna be a lot of points dude there's
gonna be a lot of good
points a lot of good points from two different sides that'll if you had
dementia and people came
with you like two sides of points you'd be like the hell yeah that's how i mean
i i don't have
dementia and if somebody who's like someone's like you're being a liberal i'm
like i love republicans
then someone's like you're racist i'm like i love black people shut up shane
you hate making
biden sad because your family's responsible for some of their greatest sadness
right oh yeah it took
me a second yeah it's in there it's still corncob truck the corncob truck
headed to the gillis
mushroom farm laying the lumber dude actually speaking of which la maire is
trying to state
that most train accidents subway accidents to be specific are not fatal yeah
yeah most subway
accidents are fatal like you get hit you don't get like killed you get like you
get run over by the
train what's the reasoning what do you why why are something i thought you were
talking wait is this
a statistic are you just coming up with no i saw a statistic on it i would
imagine the statistic is like
someone standing too close and getting hit by a door or something like that
that's what i said that's
that technically counts as a subway accident dude if you're talking about
people in front of the train
that's got to be 99 that's what i'm talking about dude and it's not that high
give me the reasoning
for it though what's the reasoning because you think you can lay you think you're
a little homeward bound
too where you're under the truck at the end no because like all right because
we're about to
because you get here in san francisco you get hit and you're like on it and it
pushes you instead
of like piercing you true so you could stand in front of a car and if you got
hit by it you would
just stay in front like wiley coyote and a cannonball you come you become 2d
and it's hilarious
lemare says you can't die from a smush you get smushed you get flat you like
your arms gone for
sure and you can't die from a smush yeah it's just a big oh you can't yeah and
then it runs you over
and it just protects you it's just a lot of you just stay on there on the
windshield until the next
stop is you ever see a dog get run over by a car yeah that's what it's kind of
like they just keep
rolling you just keep rolling under the train so when if the train stops on you
you'll die for sure
but if it like rolls past it's like you're like a speed bump you speed over a
speed bump you barely
feel yeah that's how it would be for a train it's definitely not metal we
definitely connected to a
track
lemare this this could be the dumbest thing you've ever said i'm telling you
dude it's the truth and you
are chock full of dumb statements i'm telling you dude it's true there was a
comedian like a couple
years ago who got hit by a train to survive he tried to kill himself he jumped
in front of the track
it was a lady and i think she got chased so but she survived damn she did the
fugitive she tried to do
the fugitive jump yeah
i want to make a movie where a guy just dies takes a super high jump on his scm
yeah he died
he's dead i would like that that'd be nice that's just the climax of the chase
he dies fbi grabs a
briefcase back and they're like all right thank god yeah we did it thank god
that dumb ass jump
he's dead
yeah god damn dude yeah i don't know so lemare i obviously this you're wrong
but um
what else you got because you you wanted to start talking about russia ukraine
no and i said please save it for the podcast because i cannot wait to hear oh i
was you guys
were making fun of me for drinking but i haven't been drinking i've been
drinking since the russia
war started it's just oh really yeah i don't know why i got you fucked up yeah
they got me spooked yeah
it's a little spooky yeah the specter of nuclear war yeah yeah i was like
shaking for like the first
three days i was just shaking really you got you nervous yeah yeah what what
about it i don't know
it's just like because the i don't want to like i don't know it's i was okay so
one thing i noticed
is like i feel like this is the first time where like money has like a i don't
know i'm not keep
going keep going i feel like this is the first time where like all the like
money people are like yo russia
what the fuck are you doing we're going to take away all your funds and i feel
like that's going to
stop them from doing crazier things or encourages them to do crazier things
because they got nothing to
lose now that's fair yeah and then uh that was spooking me and then uh when uh
there was the
they took chernobyl that was pretty crazy yeah you don't like that you want to
control of chernobyl
yeah i don't want control of chernobyl it's just like what are they going to do
with it
what are you going to do with chernobyl yeah clean it up maybe they want to
take it over and clean it up
you know they want to make up for their past mistakes life is flourishing in chernobyl
right now
actually what's what's growing there like a free-eyed frog god damn it dude lamere's
the
lamere's getting hit with clickbait on facebook and being like oh this is true
they're watching vice articles i'm heavy in the vice i know a lot about bbls
and chernobyl livestock
what's bbls uh brazilian butt lifts oh that's where they take the fat from the
guts and put it in your
butts true yeah dude buzzfeed buzzfeed just unleashed a really nice article
about like it was like 10
movies or shows if you're if your guy is into the red flags they just took
every oh no all the cool
movies they do the braveheart braveheart's one of them you're not supposed to
like braveheart no
braveheart no scarface no american psycho scarface truly is the number one red
flag though you know
i don't watch scarface if you have a scarface poster that's a whole different
thing
scarface posted you're like this is my favorite movie scarface well you're that's
kind of racist
but go ahead why is that racist you're describing like a bunch of black dudes
from 1995 no no no
they liked belly they liked belly please belly yeah belly american psycho fight
club pulp fiction
v for vendetta those are all good movies vendetta rules dude the punisher
clockwork yeah the social network is like all right i don't know what scott pilbert
first the world
is scott pilgrim versus the world's great and if you like that if you're a guy
it's just you're gay
it's like a fucking anime rock and roll it's literally like yeah family guys
yeah we're talking
about family family yeah what the hell 50 shades of gray no guys like they're
actually right about that
family guy has to be the number one background like sex show oh yeah every porn
hubs they're always
watching family yeah dude he always hear peter laughing so maybe that is a red
flag if you're
if you're gonna date someone that's gonna talk you into making sex tapes for
porno he's gonna be
watching family what do you think about uh wolf of wall street that better not
be red flags i like all
the red flags rick and morty joker what on the bottom is boondocks that's the
last one
yeah brave heart first american history no american history x is like the
reason why they say it's a
prime example of a movie that goes the distance to teach you a lesson but
people inexplicably walk
away from having gotten the wrong message i remember the first time i watched
it i was like yeah i think
i might get into white nationally that looks pretty cool i'd like to get in my
ass like that guy
what about the mid 90s you ever see that movie the joe in the hill movie with
all the kids sex
is that is that buzzfeed approved it's probably it's oh yeah yeah yeah it's
probably buzzfeed approved
good they have kids sex in that yeah dude yeah they have a little yeah blocked
it out yeah
they had sex with the kids have sex with each other yeah there's like two kids
who have sex in
that movie how old are they in real life i don't know but in the movie they're
10 and 14. sick i was about
to go safe but you're about to rip the safe check swing brought back didn't
cross the plate
yeah it's pretty sick it's pretty tight now they're completely uh
tryin