Name: Ep 386 - Cursed Is The Man (feat. Mike Rainey, Jon Delcollo, & Charles Blyzniuk)
Uploaded: 2022-03-08T22:42:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 386 - Cursed Is The Man (feat. Mike Rainey, Jon Delcollo, & Charles Blyzniuk)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 386 - Cursed Is The Man (feat. Mike Rainey, Jon Delcollo, & Charles Blyzniuk)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-08. Transcript available.

Ep 386 - Cursed Is The Man (feat. Mike Rainey, Jon Delcollo, & Charles Blyzniuk)

wow wow west wow wow west damn dude that thing probably never jumped that high
got deep palms what's up dudes what's up mike for having us man charles motherfucking
blizznick
thank you for having me podcast shane's on a little ski trip i'm here in the
news dude
new philadelphia headquarters dude i feel honored what's good dude thank you
you got
the pussy eating chairs dude these chairs we should we should all get blacked
right
after this yeah when you buy these chairs you know how when you go to like the
mattress store you lay
down you're like yeah i can do with this people are just like yeah dude yeah it's
gonna work i'm
looking at my new genre just four podcasters getting blacked yeah i had a
feeling walking
that'd be good basement on the way here you're up for something weird reg black
reg or raw
reg i don't like for all black for all is for absolute animals ross yeah black
they're all too
much like a folding chair i need the storyline i need like a bratty wife to be
like
not just some like chick in a hotel getting like no can you be bratty
what does raw mean in this sense blacked raw there's there's like oh well yeah
no go ahead
go ahead okay so no so regular i'm pretty sure regular regular black is like
narrative driven yes
and it's like high production yeah and it's not kind of like studio and then
black draw is filmed like
like a dc comics movie it's like it's like it's like all like dark and then
there's like uh
there's like a flashlight it's like a flashlight like blair witch of black
yeah low production it's all found footage
it's just some lady like oh my god i'm in this hotel
i'm so horny
just that running shot of like
yeah this is awesome dude although matt i i will say this i wish you did keep
the bisexual lighting
that noah had on what we got here that's true
i mean we could have filmed euphoria for men
oh euphoria
it's me yeah euphoria
that would be pretty tight actually
we'll mess with the lighting for the page we'll go like a little deep purple
actually yeah another great idea too yeah euphoria just but it's all 40 year
old dudes being like
terrible gay sluts yeah
for just like one workplace and it's like i don't know it's like takes a pill
and like blows some dude
there can't be anything worse than admitting cheating to your wife with another
dude
oh yeah i mean well i don't know getting caught doing it
yes it's what you think oh yeah
i'm so sorry i'm gay i'm so gay i'm so actually i don't know getting caught
doing it might be better
because it's like look yeah i mean it's pretty plain to see what i'm doing here
yeah the band-aid's off
true and you have your boy there to defend you
you were fucking annoying yourself
beating up your wife
like he wasn't even gay when you guys met you fucking bothered him
yeah who do you defend if like your gay lover socks your wife do you defend
defend him or her
that's quite the dilemma
if she walked in and was being a bitch obviously you got his back
you already have his back
he's your fucking
clutching his fucking belly
dude imagine you're with your boy your wife comes in like oh my god
i'm like get out the fuck out i'm done i'm done with this shit yeah i'm fucking
gay
i'm being fucking gay with my boy yeah boy so we're gonna combine our bank
accounts and be fucking loaded
he doesn't spend frivolously oh fuck
dude imagine if you locked eyes with your wife while you're gay coming
you know you know when a dog you know when a dog takes a shit and looks you
right in the eye
because he knows he's vulnerable
true
just like when you're coming in your boy's ass
true
well we were coming up here in the elevator
a dog really took a liking to john
yeah he was sniffing i guess on the elevator his fucking tail went in the
elevator
i would say he chose me but i don't know matt
did you see his tail when he sniffed john's fucking feet
he tail whipped hard but i think he
i think he sniffed me he sniffed all of us and he got to john and was like what
a great group of guys
and then he whipped his tail
what kind of dog was it
uh it was like a brown pit bull
yeah it was like a weird
oh pit bull
no it wasn't a full pit bull it was like an spca
it had pit in it
yeah it was like one of those
yeah rescue dogs
i would have chosen to put it down but
that dog was dangerous as hell
that dog was dangerous
why can't she wait for that uh the elevator to come back dude
yeah that was a lot
yeah
she was trying to get whited
she saw the four of us
she saw the four of us
wait white raw or white rag
no i would have the storyline popping dude
i'm like i think your dog chose me
that's actually hot
one elevator from the lobby
uh there are one elevator per wings
this is one wing of the building
okay
yeah this building a little fun fact
the building we're in now used to be an insane asylum
very spooky
crazy
and i said as soon as i got here to matt
it's like this looks like gotham
he did
then he's like used to be insane at times
so i was like arkham
arkham dude
it's nice that they let the insane people have their own fires in their
quarters
you had to
although
this could have been like the
you know it could have been set up
this could have been like the orderly quarters
uh-huh
you know what i mean
the same
the insane
the insane o's
are probably down in the basement
damn
fucking the ladies with dogs
we definitely walked through the area
where they were like lobotomizing people
for sure
100
electro shock therapy down there
they're probably doing it in the woods around here
do you think maybe that's why the dog was going nuts
because he felt an apparition
possibly
i mean
my dogs come here and they freak the fuck out
there's probably tons of crazy ghosts
or do you think he freaked out
because he knew his owner was about to get whited by us
true
was that a boy dog or a girl dog
i thought it was a girl
if it was a girl
it would have both of them
would have got a fucking whited
yeah dude
there's too many guys here for that dog not to get whited
that should be whited
come over
there's like a little bit of dog play
it's the same thing
there's a little bit of dog play
nothing nothing illegal
nothing illegal
but just like a
just make it out
just like sex with a platonic play with a dog
you're just like petting it
like rolling a ball to it
and just getting sucked
it's actually yeah
that's fair
that's fair
i mean if you're feeding a peanut butter
and the peanut butter just happens to be on your dick and balls
yeah that's a big oops
i spilled it but i didn't want to waste it
well can a dog
you can't i think by law
you're not allowed to penetrate a dog
but a dog can definitely lick something off your body
yeah
like a dog can't not lick the nipples
it seems like the cops could walk in
guns drawn
and they don't have shit to say
yeah they can't do anything
yeah
that's one of those situations
where like a lady thinks she has fucking good intel
and they bust in
they're like god damn it
they must have been fucking hammered
fucking shit
you tell her
see the peanut butter on the wall
you must have fucking got out of here
no i think you're just not allowed to penetrate your dog
or i don't think you're allowed to suck your dog's a dick
oh yeah
i think there's just no genital play
because you can do
you can do heavy petting
what if you put a glove on can you jerk them off
if you're in a veterinarian parking lot
i think you're allowed to do it
no i think because you can do pretty heavy petting with your dog
you can spoon
you can kiss
you can kiss your dog
yeah you can do like everything but
yeah
you might be able to fuck him
if you got the dog catcher loop over him
and you're still able to put your dick in his butt
that might be the loophole
you can do everything besides all the way
you just can't go all the way with your dog
what if you get hard while you're expressing their anal glands
that's on you
all right but i'm not going to jail for that
you should
no it could be anything
i want to bring my dog to the vet
to do that
like express the anal glands
and jump in front of it
in the last second
i have a cousin
we used to hang out with her all the time
we were kids
and when her cat was in heat
she used to stick a pencil in its pussy
what
to relieve it of its symptoms
to relieve her of her symptoms probably
because she was fucked up
wait so she would
why
you have to wait until the cat's in heat
is its pussy like completely locked down
it would come out sharpened
why in heat though
i guess i guess
because she was like yowling
and like put her butt up
she was trying to get whited
the cat
the cat was being fresh as hell
the cat was being fresh
don't cat's penises have like a prong or something
aren't they weird
they're barbed
barbed
yeah
sadly probably wasn't the job done with that pencil
true
yeah cat's penis is like a joker hat
you gotta do one of the
yeah you gotta
you gotta do one of the five color bicks
like you know
there's like silly pens
yeah that's the worst part about fucking a cat
is like when it looks back at you
and lets you know that you're not even
coming close to pleasing it
yeah
true
what is this
does this fill you up
mr
mr tibbs
does this fill you up fudge
yeah
i mean that would rock a cat's world
a weird cat take your whole life
and you get this like a fucking cirque human bird
you're just like whoa
whoa
from an animal perspective
i mean the cat's in heat
it's gonna be like
okay
yeah not what i was expecting
but i ain't mad at it
yeah
god dude
that's a lot
it looked like a snake swallowing
like an animal
what
a dick going into a cat
yeah dude
it'd be fucking
cats are a lot of work man
it'd be gripping its belly
it'd be on his back
just like
oh showing you where you were
but damn fucking
you gotta talk dirty to it
while you're fucking it
is that why you kept your cats
fucking pervert
no i'm telling you
you can be as sexual as you want with your cats
you just can't pen
you can't penetrate
they are sexual animals
it's time
we should tell people
you know
we should spread the word
i think we are doing that right now
yeah like
that's true
yeah
there's a lot of people listening to this
looking at their cat a little differently
you're gonna check your analytics
and it's gonna be like twice the downloads
with this episode
i want to say
what's the nambla for like
just like
like stroking it with your
you know
cat cuddle association
yeah just start it
for lonely women
national meow boy
let's just do cat cuddle club
and then it's like
spell it with like three k's or something
you know it's like nothing
i don't know
just to be like quirky
you know
true
just to take the kkk
that'd be a good thing
to take them out
like no we don't fuck cats
yeah yeah that's
that's what the new website says
it's not what all the stickers
on the back of my car say
do you have good looking dogs Matt
uh jackson's pretty handsome
matilda
if i was drunk
invite a couple
when i have a couple
in me matilda starts looking pretty good
i've come home a couple nights
from dinner like two glasses of wine deep
and you're like damn
matilda's a good looking dog
damn where did i put my nutella
that would be the one for the
for the lady to walk into
just be like what
what's up
it makes me happy
well by law i'm allowed to go to third base
what's the penalty for real
what's the penalty
for like
for bestiality
no no not full bestiality
just like
fucking around
but they take you to the pound
i feel like you get caught
like fucking an animal
okay not fucking
we said we
no we already established
that's illegal
we weren't gonna do that
yeah that's not happening
over here
you like heavy bedding
maybe some light
like sub
like femdom
just fucking
extra time in the cage
yeah
noah jesus man
what about exposing yourself
yeah
what if my dog
okay yeah so i'm never gonna call it
how far up on my leg can i put the nutella
is the real question
knee is fine
but
i think guge is fine
guge is fine
you're talking about a lot of work
that's true
so you're saying guge is no man's land enough
yeah
that's like
noah you're saying this like a dog pussy 