Name: Stoner Dadz- Ep 4- Droppin' The Hot Boy Ft. Tom
Uploaded: 2022-04-09T00:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stoner Dadz- Ep 4- Droppin' The Hot Boy Ft. Tom' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stoner Dadz- Ep 4- Droppin' The Hot Boy Ft. Tom' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-09. Transcript available.

Stoner Dadz- Ep 4- Droppin' The Hot Boy Ft. Tom

Welcome to the cast. Welcome to the motherfucking stoner dads. We're here.
We actually just fell victim to the freeze pipe, dude.
The freeze pipe.
I got my brother Tom in the motherfucking chamber. What's up, bro?
What's up?
Is the freeze pipe an official sponsorship, or is this just like...
Nah, right now I'm just fucking simping for them.
I'm just simping for a test drive.
Yeah, they're doing Matt and Shane's, and I'm going to try to get them to see
if they'll do this one, too.
If they don't, I'm just going to tell them.
My offer is like, look, you could give us money, or if you don't, and we'll
still do the same thing.
Just trash it.
It would be...
You can't trash the freeze pipe that everyone know you are.
Everyone know I'm full of shit, dude.
Let me just...
You can't trash that.
How long have you been...
You can't trash that.
When did you first?
I didn't want to just do that.
I did that just for freeze pipe.
When did you first dream of having a weed sponsorship?
Right when I realized I wouldn't become a pro skateboarder, I was like, all
right, what are my other options?
I was like, Birdhouse doesn't seem like they're going to ever sponsor me, due
to my, like, being able to 50-50 stall on a curb.
Dude, what if people started putting out weed tapes like skate tapes?
We're going to be smoking weed in, like, a very sick way to a cool song.
We've got to make that anyway.
You probably could get sponsored by freeze pipe if you started making, like,
sick weed tapes.
I forgot about skate tapes.
We're going to start some.
Dude, like, the black version would be, and one mixed smoke.
Give yourself a nickname.
Could you imagine the black version of weed tapes?
So much razzle-dazzle.
Yeah.
Everybody, like, oh, shit.
I feel like, I don't know, I feel like there's just, like, Instagram live.
Get, like, Soulja Boy going hard in the paint on a fucking blunt.
That buzz is back, by the way.
I've got to move those chords.
Pause.
Seek it out.
Pause.
All right, we're back.
Welcome back, or welcome to, who knows.
What's up, dude?
Yeah.
No, I think, no, we're keeping weed tapes.
That's such a legit idea.
That would be pretty nasty, actually.
Just, like, that would be pretty tough.
What would you do?
Hey, what song would you pick?
What would you do?
Wow, man.
You've got to go with, like, 311, Don't Stay Home This Time.
Damn.
That's pretty nasty.
I don't know, man.
I would go with 311 Down.
Just footage of me making out and smoking weed.
Yeah, like, I don't know, you're doing, like, a handstand and smoking.
You know what I mean?
You're doing a handstand over a bong on the floor, and you're smoking it, and
you're, like.
Now you're setting the bar too high.
I was just trying to, like, hang out of a Jeep.
No, dude.
I was trying to hang out, like, of a Jeep or something.
Well, then.
I was thinking, like, Tim's thinking.
No, it would start out that way, but it would only be for so long until some
innovators came along and really changed the game.
Yeah.
Fuck.
My song would be Onyx Slam.
That would be nasty.
It's going to be, like, you know who's going to change it?
It's, like, kind of wiggery dudes are going to start putting a little swag on
it.
And then eventually it's just going to be outright tricks.
True.
You know?
Be skateboarding again.
Mm-hmm.
That would be great.
Yeah.
Did you guys skateboard at all?
Oh, dude.
I was so bad.
Really?
I was so bad and fat.
Damn.
I never, I never, ever, ever grasped the concept of even, like, a regular Ollie.
Really?
Yeah.
And I tried so hard for so long.
It's maybe my greatest failure in life is skateboarding.
Is skateboarding?
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
Did you have a supported pack of skater dudes that would hang out with you and
be like, no, dude?
Oh, dude, every single one of my friends was semi-competent at skateboarding.
I felt like such a fucking loser.
Could you at least do, like, did you do the tail slide all the time?
I mean, not even that, man.
You couldn't even do a take-up.
Not even that.
I don't even think I, I never once successfully grinded.
I mean, that's, I mean, this, this might be my darkest secret as an adult.
Dude.
This is the thing.
No, not Ollie-ing is your darkest secret.
Not Ollie-ing.
I could Ollie.
Like, I could inconsistently, like, I'd get lucky and land a kickflip once
every six weeks.
Oh, that's not bad, then.
That's not bad at all.
No, no, no, no.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Trying for hours every single day.
How many kickflips did you say you landed in your lifetime?
My lifetime?
Less than 10.
Yeah, I'm with you there.
I could not, that was my, I mean, and I feel comfortable speaking about this
now that you've come out.
I don't think I've ever landed a kickflip, per se.
I landed, like, one heel flip once and then kind of, like, stumbled off the
board a little bit, but I counted it.
Yeah.
It's one of my darkest secrets.
It's like, I landed a kickflip.
Did you really?
Yeah, in my lifetime.
One kickflip, never tried it.
Probably the first time you tried, never tried it for the second.
I mean, well, it wasn't the first time I tried, but as soon as I landed it, it
was like, in your face, bitches.
I was first.
Damn.
You know, that was a big deal.
That set the tone for your whole friend squad.
Who was landing the most kickflips was definitely in charge of everything.
Yeah, you decided where you went, you know.
Dude, so I was never really a tricker on the skateboard.
Like, the skateboard just, like, it just consumed my neighborhood at one moment.
And everybody was doing something.
I wasn't going to be a tricker, so I was like, I'm just going to be a guy that
goes fast.
You're a flow rider.
What?
Yeah, right?
They have that now.
There's, like, tapes of people just, like, riding really smooth.
I think it might have failed.
It tried to take off on YouTube, and people were like, this might suck.
And people were like, nah, dude, not everything's about, like, rail slides and
shit, dude.
Yeah, nothing's about doing 720s on a halfpipe in the air.
Yeah, I only get envious when I see longboarders, you know, like, cruising
around.
Yeah, I don't.
I think about how they can't do any tricks at all.
Yeah.
So I kind of, I see them, I'm looking at them as a poser, to be honest.
I look at them and go, all right.
I mean, have you ever even tried to jump up on a curb?
Have you ever waxed a curb?
I've never, like, I've also never grinded, but I've popped up on some curbs.
Did you really?
Yeah, parkour.
Not on a skateboard.
I used to, I used to be competent.
Like, tail slide?
No, just, like, up, like.
Oh, you could ollie the curb on the curb.
I did a million attempted ollies on the curbs, and then there were, like, two
steps, and
then I'd fix the board with my foot, and then I'd keep riding, and be like,
nailed it.
Cleared that curb pretty easy.
Not a big deal.
Could you ollie a board?
Yeah.
No, uh, I can't actually recall ever, like, ollie a board.
Bro, I'm not kidding, worst skateboarder of all time.
You're not as bad as you're making yourself out to be.
Now that I hear you've landed, oh, kickflip.
There's dudes who would literally, legitimately, I thought you were, like, in
the camp of dudes
who can't get the back wheels off the ground.
That only lasts for, like, a couple of weeks for people.
I've seen people who just can't get out of that stage.
It's me.
You're talking about me.
You've seen me.
What kind of deck did you skate?
Oh, man, I forget.
I think I had an Enjoy deck at one point, and I had trucks and wheels and
bearings and shit
that were, like, fifth hand.
Like, they were so ratty, and I never had any money to replace anything.
What was that?
What was the fucking skateboard magazine that would come out with all this?
Thrasher?
No, what was it?
It was, like, the catalog.
CCM.
CCM, yeah, yeah.
You get fucking...
What was the skate place?
Dude, checking out, like, hockey skates.
Like, dude, if I had pretty sick hockey skates, I might be good at hockey.
What was the mythical skateboard camp that kids went to?
Woodward.
Woodward.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Dude, you came back to Woodward.
How many fat kids lied about going to Woodward for the summer?
That was the ultimate fat kid lie.
Woodward?
Yeah, if you were an extremely confident liar, you'd be like,
Yeah, dude, my mom got me a bike.
I'm going to Woodward for a couple weeks this summer.
You're like, I couldn't challenge it.
Yeah, the BMX was a tough call, too, because it's like, I don't know, maybe...
You also wanted to believe you knew someone that was going to Woodward.
I don't think it existed.
I've only ever seen it in, like, the deep mirror video game.
I think it was a lie that just spiraled out of control.
Just from one kid.
One kid.
One fat kid.
One kid went to, like, gay conversion camp and had to lie.
Dude, imagine, like, lying, bragging to your friends so hard that it catches on.
Where were you?
At gay camp?
No, no, I was at this place called Woodward.
We were at that camp where they sent gay and fat kids at once.
To correct their sexuality and reduce their body mass.
Nah, dude, I was actually...
I was at this skate place.
I did a backflip on Rollerblaze, actually, into a foam pit.
It's crazy.
Now sponsored by Nickelodeon.
Damn, dude, this is up.
I thought you were just overly fat and gay.
Nah, not at all.
Turns out I'm sick as hell.
Turns out I'm actually sick as hell.
What are you talking about?
You got an expose on Woodward.
Do they still have fat cams?
I don't know.
Yeah, they do.
Have you looked into it?
I had a sister that went to one.
Really?
Yeah.
What?
My youngest sister.
I mean, I'm not trying to dox her, but...
Sure.
She was, you know...
Spent some time in the camps.
How fat was she?
Do you think she was fat enough to go to fat camp?
I think she was fat long enough to go to fat camp.
It was like...
She wanted to do it.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
Like, she's actually more into...
Mom, can I get your fat camp?
She's got, like, brochures.
She's like, Mom, can I talk to you about...
Oh, my friends are in fat camp.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Now, she looked at it as, like, she doesn't know what to do or how to implement
a plan of
action to get herself to lose weight.
When was this?
So, probably, like, seven years ago?
Wow.
They're still around?
That's pretty recent.
Yeah.
It was, like, up in the Poconos.
God damn.
That's probably one of those surviving fat camps.
Did they make them do, like, mountain exercises and stuff?
From what I understand, yeah, they did a lot of hiking.
Like, dragging, like, logs up the hill and shit?
That's what I would do.
Worked them?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, she came back thinner.
She came back thinner.
Yeah.
Did they do any kind of, like, psychological games?
The whole thing is, like, the whole thing is trying to teach you how to change
your lifestyle.
So, they're not...
They're tricking you into changing your lifestyle while you're there.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it's pretty hard to, like, stop eating as much as you're already
eating.
Once you get a taste for a certain level of Kcals per day, anything less than
that becomes
kind of, like, I wonder what would happen if I had those other 800 calories I
usually have.
I wonder...
Do you think they had, like, archery and stuff?
They did.
At that camp?
Yeah.
Yeah, they did.
I think that would be the one thing you have to give them.
You have to give them, like, one actual camp thing.
It can't just be all, you know...
Yeah.
Diet classes.
You've got to give them archery.
True.
Yeah.
How many...
You said it worked out?
It's a positive experience.
It worked out, but she did go back a second time.
Really?
And that time she came home early.
What happened?
I don't know, man.
She's a...
My sister is...
I mean, she's living life.
Like, she's, like...
You know, she was doing all sorts of drugs.
She's way more into, like, psychedelics and stuff than I am.
Really?
Like, she's out there just trying to have as many different human experiences
as possible.
A la Fat Camp.
I mean, that was wonderful.
That's what it was about.
She's like, I got to go.
I thought you wer