Name: The Presidents - Part Two (feat. Louis C.K.)
Uploaded: 2022-05-04T19:14:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Presidents - Part Two (feat. Louis C.K.)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Presidents - Part Two (feat. Louis C.K.)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-04. Transcript available.

The Presidents - Part Two (feat. Louis C.K.)

wow wow wes and then again and then again hello welcome to part two of the
presidents
i mean this is crazy matt matt's unavailable he had to attend to his family so
that sounds really
bad yeah it's not i checked in on him he's okay everything's okay there was i
don't mean it
sounds bad like medically it sounds like you know fight no there was no fight
just so we're clear
let's start dude let's start where we left off we're going right into it
because we got to plow
through these guys because they kind of suck yeah some of these guys i'm not
interested at all so
just name them so this is rutherford b hayes he he destroyed uh he stopped um
reconstruction i mean
stopped the slave he was the one of the black people so the reason he did that
is because he
was losing to a guy named tilden in the in the election yeah south carolina louisiana
and florida
were the three southern states that still hadn't counted in the electoral
college
yeah the republicans made a deal with the democrats that said we'll remove
federal troops from those
states if you give them to hayes and they did this is after the civil war is
over yeah still having
this fucking well that's because the kkk was they were they were the real deal
they were
fucking shit up so they had the federal troops down there which actually kind
of helped the republicans
get votes because the black people were allowed to vote at this point they had
the troops down
there protecting them to get their votes and obviously that's that's what the
guy said when
cynically when the when the guy pitched the first guy pitched the name ku klux
klan the leader was k
okay okay he liked that joke yeah and it took him he had to warm up to it okay
okay okay okay okay um
republicans removed it basically he ended reconstruction hayes didn't do much
but this is where this is actually important because this is kind of the end of
it lowered presidential power quite a bit these guys kind of took a back step
to carnegie rockefeller
this is the rise of these capitalists yeah like now with the tech guys and we're
still with the bezos
and the uh and uh elon musk elon musk i'm sick oh my god what are you gonna do
if he bought if
well he bought it right he bought twitter you guys what are you gonna do he
bought twitter
from those really great people that owned it like now it's not gonna be
democracy because the people
i like people before were like the like a bunch of monks or something they were
yeah they're a bunch
of monks like they just knew everything yeah now he took it and he's a piece of
although i don't think
elon musk i don't think trump's getting back on which is the only thing i
wanted you don't know yet
you don't know who knows yeah he could be being coy which one trump trump he
could be like maybe i'll
come back maybe i'll come back maybe i won't uh so this is this is big for hayes
1877. yeah so those
guys the corporations started having more power than the federal government as
soon as he took over
fucking uh industrial north that plowed the south under and then it just became
belching machines
yeah and uh oil started yeah and it it just there was no just steel
coal oil yeah uh what year are we at this is 1877. okay so no cars or anything
but like you know
really big horses horses got bigger huge horses they were like 10 feet wide
wide horses then when hayes took over the trains penn railroad cut employee pay
by 20 so right away
fuckers they were amazon right away amazon amazon sons of bitches so there was
strikes yeah and then
hayes sent in federal troops to put down strikes so the government sided with
the corporations
obviously and they used you know they went down and shot guys that were
striking
best real troops did you ever see never mind do it i'm right i'm just reacting
to i don't know about
and by the way this is what when people get excited and like make pop-off
remarks like i've been the
last two minutes it's because they actually don't know what they're talking
about well we don't i'm only
hearing about it from you yeah this but what you're looking at your phone what
a good way to put down a
strike well this is research i did but that's all right yeah just uh you sent
in dudes to beat the
shit out of the guys the strikers just open fire on them on which uh industries
the mostly mostly
railroad and coal yeah do you ever see matawan it's a great movie by john sales
nobody knows who he is
anymore eight men out about the white socks the black socks no you know yeah i
know about it shoeless joe
yeah so he made a movie called meyer lansky what meyer lansky the jews behind
it i mean he might have
been jewish my hair i'm not he's not i'm not gonna say he didn't do it because
he was jewish you think
that's what hitler was mad about because he did it was the world series that's
what hitler was mad
about i think that might have been what he was pissed about about the black
socks yeah i don't know
um 1880 matter one so matter one is a movie about the coal mining strikes and
these guys that are
trying to make a union right and so there's a kid in it who's a preacher it's a
common thing back then
in rural places that a child would be a preacher yeah a touched child who just
can really rock
sam kinson was a preacher when he was a kid no yes did you know that no sam kinson
was a preacher
before he was a comic yes and he did it wait well lord it sounded exactly like
his act
talking about jesus christ if you don't find jesus christ in your heart you
know you're one of those
guys he does it in one of his specials he flashes into it for a moment wow and
they cut to his mother
in the audience like this and you know she loves him as a comic she loved him
as a preacher but it's the
same energy okay so kid preachers um like they're coming look huh yeah yeah paul
dano plays he's not
even younger than that the kid's a teenager yeah and he was the the spiritual
leader of the town this
little pennsylvania where you're from yeah town of coal miners and there is
some so some guys start to
organize to make a union and the kid that the the churches which was common
also the church was in on the
union so they wanted to help the union so the uh um they are planning a walkout
or a strike or something
so the company sent these two thugs fucking you know guys with whiskey in their
pocket uh to go down
there and go to the meeting to just eavesdrop on the plan so they're sitting in
the back of the
of the church just waiting to hear what the plans are and the kid doesn't want
them to know what the plan
is so he tells a biblical parable he tells a story from the bible that clearly
to anyone who knows
the bible says what time and when yeah how they're gonna do it i don't know the
bible story but the
guys it's a great moment because the guys in the back don't hear it because
they're heathens so they
don't have any faith so the truth is right in front of them and they can't even
hear it it's a great great
nice that's my only thing i'm rather behave that's good though so that's what
yeah back then it was
like this wicked uh but it's important for it's the through line of america
because once we were all
kind of thrown into the same place then it was this thing about the industrial
rich the enormity all over
the world too in england also with oliver twist and whatever and we're doing
when dickens was writing
poor houses work houses that's how they did it over there and here we had a
horrible version of the
same thing three-year-old kids working yeah in mills and uh that against the
impossibility of
a capitalist structure uh and and people trying to organize and that that union
organization was not a
sort of liberal ideal it was the people it was the working people yeah yeah
yeah they had to do it
they had to they just needed leverage that's all they just needed capitalist
leverage they needed their
part in the capitalist scheme that you had that you couldn't just get some
other guys if these guys
wouldn't do it right this is 10 12 years after the civil war that's right half
of these guys were
veterans like they had been through hell yes and now they're coming home and
they're like
actually we're gonna stop paying you guys as much because yes we're getting
richer every uh class
of veterans has come home to total confusion and having no worth in the society
that they protected
they get every class of veterans they get a party yeah like all the guys the
blacklisted guys in
hollywood these were all war veterans these were all war heroes who came home
and saw the country in
tatters and saw had some ideas about another system and they got thrown in
prison for them anyway whatever
but so yes they um so that then hey and also we were pushing west yeah so
cities like city the cities
like the northeast and places like chicago were like churning out black smoke
and industry and in the
west people were still gun fighting yeah absolutely fighting each other with
guns in the 1870s it would
have still been it would have been the indian towards the end of the indian
wars yeah i mean the the
comanche was still going wild like it was it was all these american uh
professional soldiers yeah who
fought in the civil war and some of them went west to fight the indian wars
yeah and then some of them
said fuck all this and just became gun fighters and used this ability they had
which is exactly the same
it's why in japan i don't know if you watch kurosawa movies like samurai movies
you need to you
need to need to need to watch some things
clint eastwood yeah okay fistful of dollars yes fistful of dollars is a remake
oh okay yes of a japanese
movie a black and white japanese movie called yojimbo this is not like a hidden
idea this is a true yojimbo
uh magnificent seven mm-hmm you saw it yes i used to watch all those okay so
the magnificent seven
is a remake yeah of this seven don't nod like you know what you don't even know
what i'm talking about
well i'm trying to get through the story if i'm being honest what nothing go
ahead this is all has
to do with the presence all right we gotta plow through these i know we're
still at haze and we're
talking about japanese movies the seven samurai is a is uh this magnificent
seven is a remake of the
seven samurai it's a total remake go watch these movies it's amazing because
the japanese uh mid i
think it was called the medieval era it was the same as our west because they
had these wars with
samurai and then all those dynasties like broke up and it became just chaos and
corrupted they all
became corrupt yeah and so the samurai just wandered the the the hills called ronin
and they just became
swords for hire yeah and so that was just exactly the same as gunmen so these
great japanese movies
about these swordsmen who were just out for hire and in these towns where there
was no law were precise
perfect i'm just saying that these kind of things happen all over the world um
okay so hayes who came
after hayes who came after hayes garfield 1880 now this is a good one okay this
is a cool fact about
him he could write latin with one hand and greek with the other simultaneously
and they were like
this guy is gonna be he's smart enough he could be the guy to get us out
because this is after he was
another nerd he was a he was a nerd he was a nerd but this is after three
straight duds this is after
johnson johnson grant uh 200 days in his office into office he was on his way
to a college reunion he was
at a dc rail college reunion he was going to a college reunion wow there's joe
shots and he was
going to do beer bong he's going to go wild he was shot twice in the back by a
guy named charles
gato and gato is very interesting i looked into him last night he was a moron
he was a traveling moron
who thought that he had campaigned like a village idiot but a traveling he just
he would go fail in
town to town and everyone hated him fail doing what he religious he joined like
a cult they were like
this guy sucks then he would be like i'm going to start a paper for that cult
in 