Name: Ep 402 - Cat Ass Fever
Uploaded: 2022-07-13T19:27:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 402 - Cat Ass Fever' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 402 - Cat Ass Fever' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-13. Transcript available.

Ep 402 - Cat Ass Fever

the wild wild west yeah we need to have talks about the professionalism in this
environment
what's going on it's it's insane man the guys have run absolutely amok you too
i remember you
used to show up and be like hey thank you for having me this is an exciting
opportunity this
is a business environment dude you can't as much as you think it's all fun yeah
this is a we are
we're a very serious business enterprise we're an llc yeah we're a corporation
s type the s type
yes the s types and you're just going to fart before production you're farting
you farted audibly
before production sean faradini dude sean faradini it's alleged the superstar
faradini shane come on
sean do you have any insight into who pedo pete really is i mean i've heard
that it could be
the president of the united states yeah you don't have anything backing that up
now you're throwing
accusations at the president it's alleged of being a pedophile wait is it is
pedo pete coming from the
hunter biden shit yeah that's his contact name in the phone there's a thing it
says pedo pete and mom
allegedly in the phone it's the family gc and they apparently they're saying peter
something was the
name again it's all speculative but they're saying there was a alias biden used
for like government
work that was named after a thomas clancy spy character named peter something pete
henderson
how about uh do you see the washington post run a cracks not bad article what
for real it's fucking
maybe i'm getting fake news on that allegedly i saw it on twitter so who knows
if it's real yeah but
the washington post like this two days ago ran a article that was like is crack
really that bad it
turns out a little bit of crack's not that bad and conservatives vilified it
because they're racist
what yeah it's like damn come on bro they're saying hunter's just super open-minded
they're just like
hunter's pretty cool yeah well there's also from the from the things again this
is what the hell's
going on it's very you know we are live from my parents oh yeah dude oh yeah i've
already completed
like two loops on that thing it's pretty nice you really got my nephew's gonna
be pissed he's gonna be
like the three bears he's gonna come home and says somebody's been using my
track
something ain't right somebody's been using my hot wheels track he might
actually notice i never
i never liked hot wheels tracks really i liked the look of them yeah i thought
they were sick
i could never get i like the one never get it going i like the ones where you
had a little remote
did you ever get those where you have a little thing and you're fucking
yeah you control how fast it goes you get greedy around the curve yeah i
launched it off every curve
i never once pulled my foot off the gas dude no i could never stop i'd just be
like all right here
we go just fly off every time i know yeah you can it was tough it was tough not
to fully launch it
but yeah dude they're saying uh they're also saying he searched like 12 year
like child saw that
that was like his porn hub search it was like 12 year old yeah
and you know people are it's funny too and like you know he illegally
registered a firearm
it's like all right that's the least of my worries yeah that's yeah well there's
two camps some people
are like who cares about the crack you got to worry about like the things he
did against their i don't
even know about that but they're saying like there's like real things then
other people are like
fuck that well it's cracking again i've done no research but wasn't he on the
board for like
companies in ukraine i think so yeah i think so why glenn beck how glenn was
his dad's a fucking
president oh of course but i mean the dude doing crack with his dick out
constantly yeah it was on a
board yeah dude they're like we have to we have a zoom meeting today with the
chairman dude i i genuinely
think that's like a large you know there's like a lack of money and excesses of
money both corrupt
so if you have no money it has a degenerative effect sorry to say that it just
does and then if you
have too much money it kind of has a generative effect yeah see the video of
the little kids in
their underwear like hitting atf agents i did see that dude how crazy is that i
didn't get to watch
it i saw the caption so i figured it was them saying like fuck you bitch ass
like punching cops
it's dude it's just diapers it's like four yeah it's a bunch of like three-year-olds
in batman
underwear i was like fuck you pussy and is punching at like just like fucking
launching punches on atf agents
and there's like dude the argument under that's yeah dude i think i think
social media has proved to be a
negative thing it'll be cigarettes dude i'm telling you in 20 years it's going
to be like you're going
to be having a phone out around a kid and someone's like yo buddy can you take
this can you go outside
yeah don't don't open that shit up around my kid yeah if you're going to look
at bikini pictures of a
girl you knew in high school why don't you take that outside they're going to
make yourself outside you're going like this zooming in so you can get a better
look
look at her body oh just that little fold just that fold in the bikini
yeah i can definitely you can confirm lips have you ever confirmed lips in a
bikini pic
lips confirmed
yes we we have lips that's the gateway to crack dude what lips high school girl
confirming a girl you knew from high school's lips confirming clips now that
she's now that she's got
children the lips are she's at she's down at ocean city maryland oh yeah sun's
out
the lips are like uh some sort of like carving on the little mermaid castle now
they're just like an
ornamental shell it's fully rippled
yeah dude that uh that is a funny it's a funny thing especially while i'm
reading the lafayette book
the one you gave me the marquis de lafayette looking at like the courtesans of
versa
ever say and then seeing the
stuff with a hundred bodies it's the same thing how about these
fucking diss our boy marquis just because he wouldn't fuck other chicks
that dude loved his babe yeah everybody in the royal court was like this guy
sucks
you didn't you're supposed to have a side doing our orgies and having side
pieces in our freak mansion
yep the more you read about versailles the happier i am the boys got in there
and chopped everyone's
heads off well then you start saying like you believe they took it too far
yeah like the guy with his dick out and like take having sex with prostitutes
is running things it's
like well yeah reading a book about pre-revolutionary france yeah i can believe
that
you think we're pre-revolutionary france right now in the status of needles
maybe it's just good times make good times made weak men and weak men are
making bad times right now
dude hunter biden should be worried about his country his daddy's the president
i don't know
you gotta be careful with that saying why a lot of people aren't sure if that's
right
everybody likes to say hard times make good men and you know good times make
soft men hard times make
fucked up evil people true sometimes hard times like world war one you get some
hitlers true you know
true and you get world war ii which you know we like the movies but boy that
was the worst thing of all
time pretty bad it was literally the worst thing that ever happened to the
earth but then after that
you know what happened people pulled their pants up making fucking vcrs that's
what i'm saying we
started telling everyone what to do we pulled our pants up everyone the world
after that we had a
50-year period where everyone pulled their pants up japan started making vcrs i
knew he couldn't resist
i knew he couldn't resist he heard the chatter start doing a proper goodbye you're
out of here
yeah um i'm gonna need probably eight or ten you need eight to ten tickets on
thursday night
okay believe me there's seats all over the place
sold out it's still at pittsburgh improv sold out baby
all right also your car the cars are facing the law i told you guys i told you
guys i told you guys
no they won't they did when they've ticketed your car
i saw him parked the other way so i parked the other way and i said phil's
gonna come out and
he's gonna say guys just so you know your car's facing the opposite direction
they're gonna
they're gonna ticket you i've seen them ticket you i'd love to see them touch
my car if those
fucking dumb pigs come out i'm gonna push them phil this house we believe in
science
true if i see blue lives around my car i'm gonna fucking go off
fuck the blue lives
trump's a pussy
phil they put the rumble strips
phil trump's a pussy
yeah bullshit
told you told you that's so good how how well do i know that man that's so good
as the red light
comes on he's he's got to be around the camera he's a little gory hound dude
and i also yeah he
was gonna tell us you get ticketed for parking okay opposite direction oh my
god um yeah but yeah
hard times might make fucking insane people true so this is true you know it's
a kalyuga if you get if
you get hit with some trauma as a young man you might end up a little dinged up
and you might end up
well what i think happens though that starving a country i think yeah true but
then once you fully
starve the country you have enough people who are like completely dissociate
from real life and then
they just sit in their head and make good ideas all day and then they make a
lot of good ideas
there is that side i think people suck no matter what the internet dude the
internet was born
yes i watched hyper normalization this week so i'm dude i'm tapped into you
know cyberspace
really yeah all the artists and the counter-culturalists had to escape dude the
politicians weren't going
to help we had to escape into cyberspace yeah which is where we are right now
yeah i think they
found us in cyberspace and now that's launched a fully commercialized
enterprise that i think is
having a negative effect on the entire world all that matters is my nephew has
this true that rules
this is real this thing he doesn't have fucking social media no he has that i
mean you could do
that all day you could do that all day that's better but yeah that uh that is
funny it's funny
to watch people argue over those tapes and being like fuck i saw the same thing
being like okay so
are we smoking a little bit of crack yeah whatever it's like i mean i agree
that gets whatever but
you know it's uh clearly though i think it points to the fact that we may be
being run by highly
incapable people with very dark personal lives that have the power to scrub
them through the media and
suppress people and you know maybe they'll lead to something bad i don't know
we'll see i think it's
gonna lead to something fucking catastrophic i mean i think it's gonna lead to
something real
catastrophic so do i but i hope not i hope we're just gay you know you know
every podcaster's like
the end of the world's coming we're all fucked i don't this is bad i hope i don't
think it's the
end of the world i think we're i think it's the end of our eternal comfort that's
what that's what
covid was it was like you know geezers obviously died sucks and other people
died sucks but like
in terms of the stuff other parts of the world deal with it was probably like
if that had hit africa
yeah that'd have been another day that'd be a day in the life yeah hitting like
a fucked up part of
africa there's a cold going around it's like yeah well there's hippos that eat
us when we get water
yeah so that's a problem now you know that's not all of africa no obviously
gross generalization
there's obviously very advanced but i'm sure i'm sure there would be parts of
it though that would
have hit it would have hit and it would have been like yeah uh more people that
would have been
like the ticker on the news be like more slightly more people than usual died
today yeah let's go
back to marquis what do you think of marquis that off here i like him what do
you like about i just
like h