Name: Ep 406 - Sneak Attack (feat. Stuff Island)
Uploaded: 2022-08-25T19:17:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 406 - Sneak Attack (feat. Stuff Island)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 406 - Sneak Attack (feat. Stuff Island)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-25. Transcript available.

Ep 406 - Sneak Attack (feat. Stuff Island)

the wild wild west oh yeah dude what's up dude that's what's crazy is how
broken his body is
too like his first of all his shoulder is off of his shoulder he literally
looks like
you know you know when the terminator comes over the conveyor belt like his
arms off
i'm so excited for the fight when is it september 10th yeah oh man i mean dude
he's basically he's
gonna be i hope it does this doesn't occur but he might be the first martyr of
you it's martyrdom
it's total no i'm saying just for your body what is what's going on it's it's
literally
full love of the game it's a comp it's the deepest compliment who's the guy he's
fighting
it was comes out oh yeah he wins he's the next big thing but he's he's he's he's
really
people up although that gilbert fight he he struggled a little he's not a knockout
guy though
is he's kind of like a grindy into dust he's like a khabib yeah like a white muzzy
yeah he's a white
muslim probably bites you he's from yeah yeah i think he's chechen he's scarier
of a human being in a
white muslim yeah it's true that whole area is terrifying dude dude imagine i
was in that black
flags book why'd you break it down the what one of their little neighborhoods
yeah knocking on a
white muzzy's door asking for milk or yes i mean first of all i'm not going to
speak for all of
muslim society but i would imagine if we took all of them like yo who could
beat their wives the most
without getting in trouble probably if you did like a serious gallop poll there's
that on the top layer
you're like i just beat the out of my not all obviously but like there's
definitely areas
must be something with that beard because white doesn't white dudes in philly
with that beard
yeah definitely yeah 100 hit if you don't have a mustache with one of those beards
you are
absolutely beating the out of your life yeah and you can also think your wife's
yelling at you and
you're going like this you probably get moments of clarity you're just charging
up like i grew
this i didn't think i could get this beard this long you probably deck this
chick you just remember
you remember verses of the quran that are like women should submit well god
said it so dude
they're poetic flares top-notch too anytime they write letters it's like you
will pay for this in
blood and souls and i'm like holy that black flag yeah matt put me onto this it's
the isis book
so oh yeah you're listening to the car that was francis shout out francis how
about zarkawi
writing gay love letters to his dude such a such a did he want those out or
somebody got into his
journal he was writing like love letters to his sister that were like real oh
whoa oh that was
so he had a lot of time on his hands so he was writing every other letter in
different colors
yeah but i was drawing flowers like a middle school girl did he have like the
bubbly handwritings
yeah he was sitting there going when you're
you're so gay you hold up just waiting for a bomb to smash yeah but he loved
his mom and so and i think
he like had a romantic entanglement with his sister i don't want to do i don't
want to ruin the guy's
reputation yeah i don't want to ruin the guy's reputation i was a little bummed
out that like
we just drone strike these dudes yeah but then there's a part of me that's also
pretty happy about
yeah like the like jihadi john you remember that guy he was a british dude that
went over there and
was like beheading people for isis oh really he got he got drunk first wasn't
he the first guy he was
part of the beatles is what they're called yeah yeah more british you're way
you're far you're far ahead
no i just remember that i didn't get there okay okay but we drone striked him
and there's a part
of me that's like man that guy should be tortured yeah like one of them one of
them serving life in
england it's like kill him yeah yeah definitely actually they don't do that i
guess rendition
yeah get him somewhere else you're making him a martyr yeah true but if he's
fully got the
download of like militant militant islam he's going like sweet yeah it's death
it's martyrdom or victory
bro yeah that's like i like the bin laden move where you just like snip a piece
off him
dump him in the ocean allegedly allegedly yeah but then again most of these
drone strikes are like he's
gone yeah like you're not finding a trace he was vaporized i looked up the wikipedia
of jihadi john
and they're like it was a literally a perfect drone strike no one else got hurt
he got vaporized
and uh yeah it made me happy a little bit to be like they're all like we're
mortar we're martyrs
we're like it's this devout thing and then some guy with the computer's like
delete that guy delete
that guy i mean also too when you don't understand technology like there's got
to be areas of that
that have like way behind on tech so they're like what happened is like dude a
missile just came out
apparently a guy on a computer dude yeah probably like a guy in arizona with
like a joystick yeah that
was my favorite thing to explain that imagine explaining that to them though
yeah if you've
just been like a shepherd like a had like a pastoral existence and all of a
sudden you're like there's
a dude all the way over there that hit a button and that guy's dead you're
probably like your mind
was spinning the craziest also how good their speeches have to be to rally
people against that
that i'm telling you it's blood and souls there's nothing but like a fire the
fire of passion
you did a couple of they're also putting that's a pretty easy speech it's a
real easy speech you
hit someone's wedding you remember that yeah yeah he used he used the um when
they put a couple red
weddings what was he what was he abu who was what was the prison thing abu jafar
oh well grabe was
the yeah that's when he cut off that dude's head they talked about the america
no that's no that's
not abu grave that's i'm saying he brought up abu grade in that speech oh yeah
yeah he was like
you fucking pussies where's your fucking zeal you motherfuckers and he's cut
off this like
entrepreneur's head he was like trying to make towers yeah he's trying to make
communication
towers everybody's in tech get the out of it yeah he's a tech nut the
production quality the terrorist
videos were fucking the best yeah they were doing good the cages the remember
the one where they just
pulled up like a toyota corolla they handcuffed on the steering wheel and then
one guy just got on a
knee with a rocket launcher no i don't remember that no one watches no that one
was sick oh god
and they drowned and they dropped them in a fucking in a pool like an olympic
pole in a cage really
yeah because the fire one was insane the janadium pilot was bad put him in a
cage and then had
a line of gasoline yeah so they like and they filmed it like yeah it was a
movie yeah
4k movie hd 1080 oh my god dude but they're still there's everything imagine
that dude at best buy
being like mom what are the specs on this camera what are you going to use it
for mom i'm shooting
a film with my buddies a sketch the beheading videos they kind of with you they
didn't get
you need to watch the actual like head come off oh yes with the bird don't you
get to watch
the whole thing start cutting and then cut to just hold in the head no you
watch the american version
no i was yeah they must have remained they went through the whole they must
have released that
after it's behind a paywall it's good it's like they do with porn videos you
know where they don't
show you're coming on her face subscribe if you want to see the guys about to
bust and then they
cut nah i'm about to blow up this mole see if you want to subscribe that book
is honestly the best
francis ellis shout out oh he recommended it he took me aside he said look
listen to this now i said all
it's only audio can you get a a payment right no you're gonna write you get a
regular book
you probably get flagged i mean it's just the story of isis oh yeah it's not
like isis recruiting
pamphlet yeah yeah the first ten you're in dude but they're making a slight
good they got uh they
got salmon rusty they got him yeah yeah muslims are still firing dude yeah they
would he just
went in for like a dinner and then they cut him up no he was giving a speech
yeah oh he was yeah
yeah you're thinking about the other journalists yeah and i think people
thought it was like a
i've heard people there thought it was like a theatrical performance how'd they
get rushed
that just happened right yeah he was giving a speech and the guy started stabbing
him no
he was giving a speech about why he should be allowed to say islam's violent
and a radical islamist
stabbed him to death like dude yeah no we're not oh my god actually there's a
lot of us who are peaceful
did he give this speech prior to and that's how they knew he was given another
one so no he wrote
that book uh no i think he wrote the book oh satanic verses oh yeah he was on
the list to begin with
he's been on the way i ran the state of iran put out a fatwa on him yeah who's
the guy that married
the uh the hot indian chef uh salmon roshi padma lakshmi padma yeah she's a
smoke and marry that dude's ugly
he's funny yeah married a chef yeah padma oh wait i got that right that's how
you ran the bali with
stars yeah fatwa yeah um they're pretty they're pretty nasty that's a bad boy
though it's like
she's like an angel married he's hideous look at this look at this one and two
oh my god it's a
powerful man dude no he looks good yeah he's a powerful new york times best out
look at that guy
dude look at those eyes though those eyes pierce your soul yeah dude that book
money and then look
at that angel yeah greatest hits in the world dude he's like he's like a jason
bourne character yeah
yeah he literally got stabbed at like a convention out of like an action he was
like in pittsburgh
was it really where was where to get stabbed it's always going down in pittsburgh's
yeah they were
getting stabbed at like an intellectual black tie event is the horniest you can
get a chick
oh my god yeah yeah high society but also in danger high society yeah it's as
hot as it gets
it's pretty good or chick he's put french fries in his casket it was in the oh
okay yikes damn probably
not that far from here there's no security against this with this guy how did
that happen i think
he'd like lost some jewish in his speeches i've seen up security money yeah
yeah he wrote the satanic
verses like a decade ago yeah it was like the 80s yeah yeah i think like 30
years yeah yeah yeah i
think you're right actually because he was in full-on hiding for a while like
and they got everything
they got a ton of people associated with the book they were killing like
produce like the publisher
they killed really yeah they got a lot of you they got a japanese dude a
partner got hit i don't know
but that's dangerous one of the partners got hit that's a battle that'll get me
activated do you
want to get my deal going yeah partners go down i'm just a partner trying to be
like this is
i want to start a new political party that's just japanese people and spanish
like mexicans
like we got to come together and form a coalition the japanese and the mexicans
yeah oh yeah i want to be
their boss that would be a good party i'm in charge they're dropping mexico or
like hispanic migrant
workers just be a fun party they are dropping that dude shout out texas
governor abbott yeah just
busting the boys up to bust them up bro new york and dc just like see how it is
see if you guys want
to change your mind on this open borders thing yeah what is there what if it
does rule to have like
nine million bucks yeah they're busting them back oh they're busting them back
yeah
getting back on the bus this is good for a new bus
i might outfit a pickup truck follow me if you want to live let's just start a
contracting company
follow me it's only what come on how about my dodge drago we're going to look
deeper now we're going to
demolish this world the mega bus h