Name: Ep 407 - SUDs (feat. SWIM & Dru Montana)
Uploaded: 2022-09-01T19:50:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 407 - SUDs (feat. SWIM & Dru Montana)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 407 - SUDs (feat. SWIM & Dru Montana)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-01. Transcript available.

Ep 407 - SUDs (feat. SWIM & Dru Montana)

the wild wild west yeah bazos have never eaten soy sauce that's not true i've
seen you consume
soy i've never consumed soy in my life that's this is patently it makes you
lactate i found
that out when i was like nine they never touched it some people claim that's
not yellow five i've
never touched dude and i know i know what adamame is and i like it yeah i know
exactly what it means
you probably start lactating yeah do you think so no that's a second that the
yellow five thing
dropped i stopped eating it and you can see it in my balls i've seen you do the
do you've never
seen my ball you've never seen me drink mountain i've seen you do the do maybe
in like third grade
not since my balls that was before you knew once i found out i never touch
yellow five again
banana runs tossed them every single you've never you've definitely had yellow
five since then i've
not wait what's yellow five it's a food dye so you've ever had cake at like a
family party there's a
sheet cake that's all five you've had yellow five i had soy sauce too so i get
it yeah tamari is it's also
soy sauce anyway but yeah what tamari it's like the gluten-free soy sauce but
still a soy in it
it does you're a so you're a heavy soy dude dude no i used to avoid it then i
stopped because um
if you're as mask as me it's not gonna do anything it's not gonna affect i
actually need it to kind
of counterbalance you're like jones i'm pretty masked so i like it my it's
doctor's orders you ever
get the spins from like too much tea running through you all the time all the
time all the time
too much tea all the time testosterone dude if i go okay i'm on the seventh
floor here right now
if you put me on like the 15th floor if i just start like formulating play i
have to i can't be
like i can only be a certain height within a building yeah my testosterone
levels are so low i
thought we were talking about like english breakfasts and grades i was like
never in my life dude what do
you get the things flow yeah relax dude drink less of it it is dude i want to
get shots i don't know
where to do you start juicing also drew montana ceo of heavy campers yep ceo
student student student
student scientist how was your orientation process it was just mostly lab
safety
and that was your orientation to the entire school like the real orientation
okay i didn't go i was like you know i don't need to what the hell dude this is
your second
shot at yeah but i mean it was it's all like i'm just trying to get the lab
points
so like i didn't want to go through like you know real orientation would just
be like you and
a bunch of 18 year olds right not a community college okay the age spans all
over the place we
got everybody like i'm not even the oldest dude in there yeah there's some
people that are older than me
nice then there's like i'd say the median age is 20. really it's mostly um
people going to school for
physical therapy that want to transfer to like penn state yeah because we did
like the icebreaker
session and everyone was like i believe they're called whores mostly dudes or
just dumb athletes
they want to go to penn state i'm sure they do kinesiologists and whatnot do
you think they finally
get to the state and like they're just like hammered one night at penn state
and like it was all worth
it i think they got that grueling community college was all worth it they get
up there like they try
to party like the kids that have been there for two years oh did you ever party
at penn state once
it's weird it's insane like the drunker people get the more they just start
screaming we are and
yeah and you're like i don't that's anywhere that likes sports though it's like
i guess so yeah
it'll be the spring and people are screaming go birds at a fit philly bar yeah
like penn state
relax penn state's isolated it's just like you're up there it's like the
military for alcoholics and
people get real into the blue and white they do you have nothing else to get
into no one wants to
talk about the pedophilia but i was up there before it broke yeah i was up
there i had a feeling
something that was going on back you're up there yeah i was like dude something's
going on up there
whoa this is before it happened yeah i was like this this program something
about that program had me
kind of being like dude there's something's kind of stuff about this smell
fishy dude we had i want
to suss that dude out i'm not going to obviously name any names but uh someone
we know so what would
you do in this situation someone we know someone you two know or me and you
know you and i know yeah
someone a youngster pedophiles going to school no no i'm good i don't smoke
high cbd legal weed like you do
for age restricting purposes the uh this is big gas big gas i appreciate you
back
d8 on youtube dude i don't know they just they'll just age restrict you like
crazy the technocrats
are out of control it's true but dude you gotta call your boy psych substance
he i've talked about
him before he's up right now he's back he's back yeah he's not he wasn't having
a good algorithm
constantly feeds me him and i'm like i'm trying to write youtube like i'm not i
don't want to
fuck with this guy stop sending me his videos click the thing but i click on
his video to
fucking just like the fuck's he talking about now yeah they wait so yeah they're
right get me again
they're right dude so we you know there's a situation right now i'm trying to
figure out
we know someone they're younger they're in school and they're going like they're
pretty young and
they're having a male teacher now who like all the kids were like looking
forward to we were talking
about this oh yeah yeah pull the mic up a little closer to you my bad my bad it's
a so a female student is
in the hot male teachers class i don't i haven't seen if this guy's hot or not
but they were like
cool he's cool they're too young to say he's hot yeah yeah they're young i'm
talking young
oh it's like it's it's this cool male teacher in a grade school and like we're
trying to figure out
if it's appropriate to roll up on them and be like what the fuck i already told
i already dropped the
message what do like the student told me she was like oh i got the cool teacher
this year and i was
like tell him your uncle wants to meet him and see what he's all about give him
that message
he's like hey my uncle wants to meet you and see what you're about you got to
meet this guy like
he's a prom date dude just cock the shotgun like what the fuck are you teaching
no it's more it's
more like so it's just i want to just i wanted to have them have her tell him
like yo my entire
family thinks you're very sus like they want to they genuinely want you to come
she's a younger
student very young how old are we talking we're talking like single didge yeah
oh yeah super young
so i want her to be like yo invite him over for dinner and all of us just grill
him like are you
a pedophile or what dude like what's your deal yeah what's your twist maybe he's
from another time
dude he might just love education that was cool in the medieval times dude
maybe he's doing a period
piece i don't know i don't know be cool dude i want him to just love education
no one loves education
yeah it's true who loves education is like i'm trying i'm saying on the off
chance i'm not going to give
him that benefit of the doubt i'm gonna that's what i'm saying i'm vigilant i'm
gonna pull up on i'm
i'm gonna james o'keefe the school i'm gonna project veritas dude that's those
videos are the
funniest shit i that's like they've completely infiltrated my algorithm what james
o'keefe james
o'keefe project veritas yes he just he tricks dudes into thinking like a chick
wants to him
yeah everything it's the oldest trick in the book dude it is the oldest trick
is he like a uh youtube
uh pedophile hunter no that dude's cool the dude with the hand tats he never
shows his face yeah that
dude fucking rules i actually might connect him i might give him a tip like yo
there's a school this
guy's time to shake him down but yeah james o'keefe he just sends in the honey
pot he sends in the
honey pot and he gets these dudes like just like dudes and like button down polo
shirts just
fucking spill the beans it's like three cores lights and they'll be like pfizer
blah blah blah
you get one chick who's like i mean i want to see how hot these i mean i guess
you don't want to give
away the field operatives but it's like right dude they're probably not that
hot he probably has like
them dialed in where it's like he is the master he's like let's he like sees
who works at google
yeah and then he's like all right go talk to about hunter's laptop and he goes
and finds a chick who he
would be like she's out of my league but maybe true three beers plus that
equation and he's like
censored the whole laptop those dudes always they always have like a modicum of
like power within
their sphere so it does make sense to them they're like some girl wants to like
hang and like chat oh
yeah because i don't know do they come at them as reporters no no no they like
i think they get jobs
there what i don't know there's no way they would say as a reporter i don't
know man i don't i don't
fuck with the veritas heavily enough i fuck with it hard dude i get let down
like billy used to always
my dude watch like they're about to raid the like it's just funny because they
literally will and it
would never come through it would always be like it's not this isn't like that
this is what i'm saying
like project veritas will get someone from a huge company to admit that like
some injectable thing
everyone ignores it everyone ignores everything they said i know they'll be
like nobody cares we knew
it's just so we knew that this like unnamed injectable medicine from 2020 was
going to kill
everyone oh it's not like that and then like but i'm saying like that they'll
drop the heaviest knowledge
and then the news is just like dude you see like so-and-so admitted that and
everyone's like
like fuck that fucking kim kardashian fell off a bike you know i know but that's
like 10 million views
what did he got he got one guy basically being like we're just going to keep
hammering this down
their throats we don't know the one guy came out like who knows dude who cares
it's all about
pressure in the kids but yeah the that stuff it's just funny when he confronts
them and they're like
i don't want to do this he got the guy some dude went out and had like a he was
drinking like a
sex on the beach staring like sitting across from a chick and was sitting there
being like yeah we
don't hire catholics and he went to a restaurant the dude was at it was like yo
what's good dude i'm
james o'keefe you don't hire catholics that's against the law bro article 2b5a56
connecticut law dude
and the guy starts being like i don't consent to this and he's like dude i'm a
reporter he just
stands there he's like i'm a reporter looking for the answers yes the cops
obviously come and he's
like you're arrested and a reporter and they're like dude it's stop and he said
he sounds like
the problem dude james o'keefe he's cool dude he nailed this guy a lot of entrapment
going on here
i mean oh it's entrapment it's fine yeah it's like this is my biggest thing
these dudes are trying to
be too cool for and they do deserve it's like bro you're trying to be too cool
for that's what i'm
fired up do they at least get some no dude it's a full honeypot operation it's
a full honey it's a full honey so these
guys come out and just literally like fuck their careers up over like two
drinks with like a probably
kind of a hot chick this guy for some reason they were talking she was like do
you hire catholics and
he was like no we don't hire them we just throw the resumes away he's like they're
brainwashed
and then he came out i was like why don't you hire catholics dude it's fucked
up yeah it's pretty
tight so they wouldn't hire shy huh they wouldn't hire shy that's what i'm
saying you're telling me as a
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