Name: Ep 408 - Boy Shit
Uploaded: 2022-09-07T21:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 408 - Boy Shit' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 408 - Boy Shit' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-07. Transcript available.

Ep 408 - Boy Shit

wow wow west this one is steamy in the warehouse you know how much wayne's
worth forbes uh estimated
wayne industries worth what or bruce wayne is a 9.2 billion dollars 9.2 billion
wayne industries
brings and i'm down there slaving away in the warehouse 33 billion dollars a
year dude man
how do they estimate wayne industries they don't they just they just wrote a
thing yeah i should
have read the article but i saw the headline i said i knew it dude he's a
billionaire he's a
billionaire playboy 9.2 billion none of the guys in the warehouse respect him
yeah but who would
ever suspect that a billionaire playboy would be at night time what saving
saving city how bruce wayne
yeah oh shit i shouldn't i shouldn't blow his cover it's batman never mind wait
what wasn't bruce
wayne batman okay what the fuck am i joshing yeah i shouldn't blow his cover
dude not everyone knows
not everyone's seen the movie true my bad dude you wanna know yeah not everyone's
seen the movie yet
so my bad my bad he's bad i saw the first half of batman i was like i don't
like this bruce wayne
fucking dickhead and then you know what i mean and then halfway through i was
like oh he's actually a
good good guy vigilante i thought he was just a you know you should have stood
up and been like what
yeah wait hold on what the uh i had one of those last night i put i watched
fight club for the first
time in a long time did you yeah it's good still kind of gay the way they
talked all the time yeah
like we're we're americans we don't even have fathers fathers supposed to be
god god left us
maybe god doesn't like you maybe we don't need him it's like shut up damn but
uh i watched it with my
girlfriend i was like do you know what happens in this movie and she's like i
haven't seen it in
forever she was like i was like what what do you know about it because i don't
want to ruin it yeah
she was like uh she didn't say that she knew tyler darren was him the entire
time yeah so then we
get to the part where the reveal happens and i was like oh what do you think of
that she's like oh
i know i knew that and i was like i was trying to like pry it out of you i was
like what else happens
in the movie what's like a big thing in the movie nothing she wasn't telling me
we get to the end
she's like yeah everybody knows that why would you act like i didn't know that
i don't know now that
you're saying it like that yeah i guess i was being pretty dumb it'd be like if
somebody saw the sixth
sense before and then you get to the end and you're like how about that like
yeah of course i knew that
that's the whole point of the movie oh dude that movie the sixth sense like
really scared me when i
saw it was so scary i was genuinely quaking i was afraid to go to the lavatory
that night i got back to my
parents i got back home dude and i was afraid to go to the bathroom yeah that
makes sense i was
quaking and then the reveal happened and i went i didn't know a movie could
trick me that hard yeah
i saw that and i was like you ever hear the bargazzi joke about it no he has a
joke where uh it's so
believe like how bad marriage is that it's more believable that the guy and his
wife just don't talk
for you if you can't piece together that he's a ghost by the fact that they
like sit down at dinner
she doesn't say a word like yeah completely skip over the detail yeah but yeah
i was uh watched
fight club last night it is pretty neat it was a pretty neat movie that's good
it's good maybe you
want to go wreak havoc because i hate corporations other than wayne industries
true that's that's i just
want to blow up corporate art because like what the even is that true yeah we
need we need uh what
you might call it although maybe you know george soros at night time is a vigilante
you think
maybe he like gets yeah maybe he puts on some costume and goes out and like and
then he smuggles
venezuelans across yeah yeah maybe he's defending the border at night time it
could be yeah he could
go down and like take handguns off of crime scenes and be like you killed an
innocent man like you know
what i mean try to get rid of police who knows you don't know what billionaires
are up to trump attack
zuckerberg what do you do i i put on the way i like suffering suck attach truck
attacks dude yeah
you attack zuckerberg what do you do to the zuck man calling him a weirdo is
that why zuck posted that
fight video he's like why don't you say that to these hands did he yeah he
posted a training video it
looked fucking scary yeah he called a fucking zuckerberg it was really scary he
called zuckerberg
a weirdo i mean he just was dude i i listened on the way up here i listened to
biden's speech
so trump told the truth again he did he goes that guy's now he has a new
speaking style too he screams
every like 40th word he just screams it yeah that's my style that's the one i'm
good at that's what he
dude he just screams he just screams that guy's a weirdo crowd probably not he
wasn't even that he
he just he hits everyone with a nickname he called some guy a watermelon head
when he was like talking about it who do you hit it with that that's a tough
one to
fucking recover i forget former president looks at you goes you fucking
watermelon i forget the guy
he attacked it was like he names people i don't like i don't you had to like
read the news and do
some of the people zuckerberg i know he went some guy came to my white house a
weirdo you guys might
heard him zuckerberg he's like really dug in when he was talking about the
withdrawal and where was
at afghanistan yeah he was like they left tanks planes and goggles he just
yells
goggles he just yells every fourth we left all the night vision goggles which
actually which actually
ends up being a real problem yeah because that's like the one major advantage
is at night they were
batman at night they can't see us that's pretty sick i didn't even think about
how much of a tactical
advantage that was cheating i mean we're over there fully cheating they can't
see at night dude they
have no military training there's like kids standing outside like holding an ak-47
guarding a tent
in the middle of the night oh it's so dark from a mile away just a bonfire he's
gone next oh yeah he
screams now he just screams every six word yeah i was talking dude i was
talking that's i mean that's
awesome to finish sentences i was talking to a member the i was talking to one
of the team's guys
and i was making fun of him for that you know yeah i was joshing about it on
stage about how it's
cheating you guys are going over there it's literally night vision and like
they he was saying they were
trying to get rid of their i i could be wrong here but like there was somebody
at the un that was like
this is kind of a war crime you guys are really cheating actually but i mean
they're fighting isis
who's really cheating those guys are really cheating that is yeah so we'll blow
up civilians yeah it's
like that's really cheating you don't need night vision to see this yeah we're
gonna do it in broad
daylight uh yeah it was fun i finished that book i finished that did you yeah
yeah yeah i didn't
finish yet it's it's pretty disheartening is it really let me find out what zarkawi
and then what
the boys wanted which was just sectarian violence they wanted this the sunnies
and the shits yeah it's
sad i got to that part where they were stoking the division they're just
suicide bombing every
fucking prayer idiots sunnis and shiites fell right into it yeah dumb ass dumb
asses yeah the catholics
never fell for it with the protestants never no i'm like dude that's bullshit i'm
not that's
this must be an insert that's up to try to incite violence on that level yeah
just suicide bomb
innocent people at a prayer yeah like a festival just run into a crowd it's the
worst it's positive
worst thing you possibly do it's probably the worst thing it's literally the
worst thing you do it's
also i would go ahead and say suicide bombing is up there with the worst things
you can do
yeah i think it's fair i mean yeah that's a pretty that's one of the most
terrible that was kamikaze
pretty similar oh that's pretty lit yeah that's on a military base i mean it's
probably the i'm not
saying the lives of soldiers are that expendable but it's like for some reason
they weren't hitting
civilians they were hitting battleships and they were outnumbered yeah dude
yeah shout out to the
kamikazes for that did imagine going to the mall i'm like i need new sneakers
yeah just blows up yeah
fuck ow dang it damn it dude i was on the second floor god damn yeah being just
on the outskirts of
one of those blasts just getting fucking like knocked over like what the fuck
dude this place sucks
ruins your whole fucking day that would your day up just getting pushed over by
air yeah the worst part
too when they taught when the guy's like so stoked about like how famous he is
of an islamist leader
yeah he's like dude i'm definitely better than bin law it's like no no no you
guys are the
fucking worst you guys are the worst guys there's no hierarchy in there it's
like no i'm actually i'm
bin laden used to be the shit now i'm obviously the shit dude you're never
gonna be bin laden i just
killed so many kids and they think it's the sunnis dude everybody thinks it's
the sunnis i've done it
again i'm gonna put out a video saying it was me yeah those guys stunk yeah but
that was their
shit that was like dude that was stuff there was enough people to be like yo
that dude's i think that guy
might be my favorite yeah i can radical islamist leader he's there to be like
they're gonna bring
it about we're coming victory is upon us we're gonna take rome we're about to
completely take the
united states like dude no you're not you're just ruining your fucking con you're
ruining like the
five countries around yourself yeah you can't it just you can't king abdullah
here's the
fucking man that dude rules jordanian king that i haven't followed up with him
since the book
which i think ends in like 2012. does it or 13. i don't think it gets even to
the paris attacks
yeah i didn't whenever i talk if i talk about a book once on a podcast i'm like
done yeah i finished
the book i was on chapter three i talked about it i'm done yeah yeah i got a
more important book
coming around right now pirates dude hey condex we're supposed to be kind of
help you hey what's
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