Name: Ep 411 - KIA Boyz (feat. Danny Brown & LeMaire Lee)
Uploaded: 2022-09-29T16:05:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 411 - KIA Boyz (feat. Danny Brown & LeMaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 411 - KIA Boyz (feat. Danny Brown & LeMaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-29. Transcript available.

Ep 411 - KIA Boyz (feat. Danny Brown & LeMaire Lee)

the wild wild west nice we're here dude wow this is it we're here with danny
brown yo yo what up
though a little more just cool two detroit niggas hanging out in matt and shane
come on dude really
two cool guys from detroit hanging out yeah danny punctual as fuck dude yeah i
was anticipating
everyone being 20 minutes late yeah i don't know my dad my dad just always told
me you always got
you got one minute to be late so you might as well be five minutes early that's
nice man so always
just if you're early you're on time if you're on time you're late dude that's
how i got one minute
to be late so you might as well get the traffic patterns i can't do anything
that's how you get
down i got dude early on time yeah i i had a sign above my doorway i tap it
every morning i go out
there's a early on time we're on time you're late and if you're late you got no
excuse
other traffic patterns dude la mare you couldn't control the traffic pattern
was i not part in the
red sea on the way up matt was very much moses in the traffic yeah dude i i'll
do the old drive
like such a cocksucker no no no it was safe it was very safe safe but if i need
to if i'm on the
truck lane if i see an opening on the turnpike might i switch sometimes i do
yeah those little cop
passages oh shit down again i'll help myself to a little i'll thread the needle
it's a good move i do feel
like new york get a pass on being late though like if you're going to be late
anywhere you can be late
in new york kind of you know yeah i also feel like a podcast you can be late
it's like i was gonna i was gonna text you guys this morning and be like dude
if it's too early
no fuck no i wake up i get so mad when someone's like 10 or 11 a.m podcast i
mean it's fine in my
apartment yeah true if i have to go to like gas digital to fucking do lewis's
shit yeah he's a
half hour late yeah that'll get you back when i had to take the train it would
i'd have to wake up at
like nine fuck that yeah it stinks it's too early i am in my mental prime at 11
a.m i'm like the
that's amazing you you guys shut down what you were like billy dude if they're
tired they're
literally just yeah i'm tired 4 p.m it's hard reboot i'm on that old man's
schedule now i'm i'm gonna be
at like 10 11. yep yeah that's nice i'm up at like 4 or 5 a.m every day that's
the best that's
crazy i know i know how old are you 41. it's time to wake up
yeah man 68.
there's some truth today i swear i was just looking at petty labelle the other
day like damn man
petty labelle still look good to the motherfucker man dude that's the schedule
getting up early does
rule my schedule got up i don't know why last couple weeks i've been on the you
late night you're
been 2 a.m 3 a.m but that's your job yeah but i'm done at one or like still if
you don't need to stay
up but if you do stand up you're done at 1 a.m you're up till three like i got
home at one
like 1 30 yesterday last night new fifa came out yeah it's a 3 30 night i got
to get it yeah
adrenaline's pumping you got to get into hot baths the only way you can settle
out it's going to
take a hot bath after a bomb you got to hit the wolverine chamber dude you got
to hit the wolverine
liquid chamber crying in the tub the impossible tub fab it's impossible to jerk
off in a hot bath
dude i'm huge i can't do it i can't fit in any tubs you said you can't whack
i can't fit in tubs just clutch your knees if you get three quarters your body
covered in hot water
you're going to settle down no we've talked about this in the tip of your tiny
dicks just
it's heartbreaking dude especially the water like makes it look smaller but
it does relax you so you do get your best flaccid state in the hot bathtub
so just through the thought but it's literally impossible to fap if your nuts
are in hot water
you can't come i have your balls won't do it i have a tough time whacking off
in the shower
i used to be able to do it when i was a young man that should just make me feel
like i'm in jail man
i love myself too much i gotta put on some candles
i'd make it a big deal dude i've recently cut porn and it's like going into
your own imagination
you're still no porn no porn dude since this is week 30 days i might be 30 days
i think damn that's amazing
it's crazy but i will say you cut porn thing and you're all good then you hit
your imagination you're
like oh my god you're an imagination yeah but it's also i've tried to get into
the thing of like
i'm like it's just about me right now i'm not even going to think about anyone
i'm just going to just
make myself feel yeah that's gay i know so you're trying to make yourself feel
good that's the only
thing it's like what do you think about what am i going to do you got to think
about past sex
that's the other thing too you reboot your entire sexual history but usually
right around my first
kiss i preach
doing the whole sexual history is a nice mental fab you jack from day one day
one
you're going to do it that's great i'm talking about hugging your aunts dude
like
like your earliest sexuality you're just whacking off your kids are asleep
actually your kids are awake screaming you're in another room just no that'll
kill the fab that'll
murder the session yeah that sucks if that intercom comes on dude the sessions
that's the red light
sessions done over covet i was home at my parents house and i was whacking off
and i'd get hit with
it sometimes
upstairs hiding
i think it's really hard to quit porn so that's that's good yeah because i feel
like now it's
everywhere yeah like just going on tick tock i was just we just watching like
video just yeah it's
triggering a gateway drug dude that's the whole i've like been able to watch
the whole thought
process and it's like i can look at some pics of like hot it's it just all goes
back to the point
yeah exactly it goes back to the nog you're like i'm gonna look at this pic and
it's just porn brain
yeah i've been observing those things arising me and i'm like no did you guys
see rachel dolezal's
porn i heard her leaks no you didn't see those i heard dolezal's only fans was
nice dude dolezal got
a nice body dude did you whack off the dolezal i didn't whack off but i i
enjoyed it you know
how did i miss this it just well she's had an only fans for like two years but
she just started like
she just started posting news and stuff i enjoyed it is she still black yeah no
yeah she's mad bronze
she got black lady hair she got black lady commercial hair you know how they
all got the same
hair yeah yeah she got a nice body though yeah yeah yeah yeah god damn richard
dolezal seems to have
gotten entirely a pass from the black community because she was like yeah she
was just trying to
help she really was yeah yeah the only people that seem to have a problem are
whites yeah every black
person's like she's trying to help and have you seen her only thing nasty at
doing hair really yeah she
apparently is really nasty at doing hair and it's just like you know that's an
all hands on deck
situation she has really good art too of some black kids of black kids yeah she's
good art she's
great didn't she like she's good she's an artist she's a painter oh really and
a sculpturist
how did you go down this rachel dollars a nasty artist yeah she's fantastic she
has like a hair
clientele that's just like they're like yeah she does a great job i don't care
yeah that's why
black people fuck with her i don't care wait dude she's this price is a
reasonable yeah she doesn't
sew in in 30 minutes yeah she sculpts she sculpts dude she's talented she
rescued two kids from her
abusive parents yeah her parents are apparently adopted black kids and
according to her we're just beating
the fuck out of them dude she is going to lie a little bit she does tell fibs
she lied about a
race pretty big one that's a pretty big one that must make your life so
exciting though what to lie
i'm actually asian the fact that that got so big is really surprising to me
though like it shouldn't
even been a thing i feel like yeah yeah but that's the that's kind of the fly
in the ointment of a lot
of like trans stuff it's like all right well i'm going to translate like you're
not don't you
fucking dare that's the same thing but gender yeah oh you're saying it was
brought in because of the
that's the that's their worst nightmare that's because it's like well okay then
i'm an old asian
lady and they're like don't you you know to steal the experience you can't
steal like yeah you can't
steal like a racial identity just gender so that was a hot that's a hot button
i also think it was a big
story because that was the craziest yeah it was hilarious to me yeah i mean
that's the thing it
was also hilarious the entire country was like like is this real like i couldn't
believe it it was
really it's supposed to be the head she was the head of the n double as the
state of washington
of course washington yeah yeah got a white lady at the top
but it also is like uh usually you don't see it go that way too often
what you know i mean you usually see michael jackson sammy sosa
the transition is usually the other way yeah it's interesting to see a honky
you'd be like yo
i mean it's the heroes it's the hero's journey it's the true here that's the
hero's journey
sammy sosa went from cuban to a racer man he went to boo berry
person you meet who doesn't suss you out immediately you're like okay thank god
we did
it again oh this is my friend you're like all right here we go get it go go go
yeah it's crazy
yeah that was great when her like fifth grade or whatever photos release
her brother white girl in like a tree like it's like wait that's you yeah
i think her brother and her dad were just like this dude this lady yeah bring
her down
yeah that would be annoying yeah she was pretty annoying so what did your black
face pictures
leaked well yeah your old white face yeah your old white face no it'd be
annoying to have rachel
come home for like thanksgiving yeah yeah you guys don't season your food at
all shut the
up enough i think i think it was around the time justin trudeau got popped and
he
fucking dimed her out he's like all right there's a lady there's a bitch there's
probably a whole
network she's like hey what do you think about justin trudeau dude who is that
he's a canadian
canadian prime minister he does blackface constantly he got busted like he got
busted once and he's like
i that was it was halloween 1988 and then it was like nine more pictures and
everyone's like dude what the
fuck he's like i don't even remember like how many times you do blackface he's
like i don't i don't
know yeah he was he got caught yeah that didn't really they didn't really hit
the airwaves that
hard trudeau yeah they hushed that big time is that that wouldn't the one that
was smoking crack
he's with the lord now he is with the lord right now he graduated yeah
he was the man everybody loved him i loved him man yeah he was funny man so rachel
does she doing like
full-fledged porn only fans not full porn only fans just tasteful nudes tasteful
nudes
pussy yeah yeah and you got hair on the monkey no no really yeah true that's
actually yeah that's
a good question she'd have to shave it yep to maintain exactly i mean have
those honky pubes
people got mad at kyle west for asking paul mccartney what like 60s pussy was
like but that's
like a good question you know who got mad at him the people that you don't
remember the internet got
mad at him for that no yes he he's they said when he met paul mccartney he
asked him the first thing
asked him was like what was 60s pussy like that's a real sexual addict question
right
probably the same i had matches a bit fresher a little more right a bit fresher
in terms of
it wasn't like you know they're getting dinged up these days you know like an
alaskan caught salmon
in the 60s if you're a girl the beetles you were probably true but it's like
yeah i mean it was
crazy time they're hitting you there it was like four dudes with five inches a
piece
a