Name: Ep 413 - King Of The Games (feat. Lil Sasquatch)
Uploaded: 2022-10-12T17:38:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 413 - King Of The Games (feat. Lil Sasquatch)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 413 - King Of The Games (feat. Lil Sasquatch)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-12. Transcript available.

Ep 413 - King Of The Games (feat. Lil Sasquatch)

the wild wild west activate hello you come come alive like chuck e cheese
robots dude
we're here with harry wow wow what you're gonna say my name oh we try to hide
your name yeah
government man put out his government dude someone said i do i try and hide my
last name
you can get it sitting in the parking lot i do last name that's why i never go
by my full name
what your government name what the fuck are you talking about i don't know i
just never have
that's your government but what are you trying to hide he doesn't want to get
run up on in the
parking lot bro you can look like you get yes bro if i saw you eating a berg
bro i'd pull that
for real though what's your thought process on hiding your identity i don't
know i just have
always done it okay was like a work thing uh well i started doing like the
social media
shit when i was in like middle school or high school oh so they didn't they don't
want you
have no knowledge on the record no none that's crazy yeah i was in middle
school that's like
that's all i would have tweeted but you're in middle school with social media
yeah like eighth grade
just when i started doing it and he blew up dude he's a social media icon yeah
you're like social
media macauley calkin yeah pretty much i get that comparison a lot i want to be
your michael jackson dude
you make him spread his butthole on the end of the bed while you whack off
that's exactly what i heard macaulay defended michael by the way yeah he was
good to him
so he said that nah lies who made that up then uh i think the other lying kids
said uh they had
pretty accurate stories but i mean how detailed not accurate how jealous were
they of macaulay though
you're like so jealous you were like you were michael jackson's like side no
dude the one guy
became a dancer really that'll that'll do it too you get touched by god the kid
from what you get
touched by michael yeah then he ended up i think dating britney spears or
something he like he
fucked michael jackson and britney spears that's sick what's he belly aching
about this yeah that's
awesome that's pretty sick it's called paying your dues that's paying your dues
speaking of tragedies
we're gonna make light of that kid getting shot was funny yeah yeah don't let
the other guys at
barstool tell you it wasn't it was a rough showing on my behalf uh no it was
funny at the time when
you and me were talking it was and then when you tried to steal my material you
didn't bring the
delivery that you needed i did not bring the delivery at all i walked i walked
in i was just
like in the most monotone voice ever i was like yeah do you guys see that video
of that kid getting
shot by the cop yeah well everyone goes to a scared place yeah exactly he left
out that it was a white
kid yeah yeah that would have the whole place would have erupted they're like
holy that's hilarious oh
you went out on stage and talked about no no no would have probably worked
better on stage
what i did it on the yak the show that i do on barstool yeah yesterday you
brought to the stool
yeah took it up to the stool you didn't play at all with the boys pull the
stool up yeah they didn't
like it he said i'm gonna pull up a stool i'm gonna tell you guys a funny story
hey guys real rap
real rap pull up the stool police brutality funny it's funny when it happens to
a white guy bro that's not
cool the hell they attack they shut it down seven roan was on your ass dude roan
was on my ass hard
and roan said that he saw the video and said he didn't think it was funny it's
i understand i
thought it was funny because shane was showing it to me 70 times a day yes and
we were crying i did
the first time i saw it i said i did not think it was funny and then when i
thought about showing it
to you while you me and lamare were out to eat lunch in my head i was like i
gotta show these
guys this video then i realized it was funny while i was taking my phone out i
was like wait till you
see this it was it's a kid eating a burger in a mcdonald's parking lot and a
cop with no hesitation
opens his door with his gun out he's like get out of the car the funniest part
dude the picture the
picture they showed i just i only saw the news story his face is just like oh
my god that's the
funny part is the face yeah the funny the funny part is the tragedy yes it's so
crazy that it's
funny yeah yeah well the funniest part of it to me is that there's so many
white dudes out there being
like yeah we all get mistreated by the police it's proofs in the pudding dude i
was thinking we were
talking about that i was like dude that kid the rest of his life somebody's
gonna be like police
brutality needs to stop against black people he's gonna be like uh excuse me
pardon me for a second
uh no he was eating a burger and then i was laughing about thinking about
sitting in a park i've
sat in many parking lots eating a burger by myself you're just you're deep in
thought
out of nowhere staring at like a part like a light in a parking lot eating a
burger in a fast food
parking lot it's just a crime in and of itself it's a crime you're munching you're
looking off into the
walmart parking lot like the door swings open it's shot five times it is funny
dude it is and he was
white anyway and he's living i think he's lived well unfortunately we saw that
news clip and they were
like he's in stable he's gonna be he's in stable condition on barstool they
looked it up and they're
like he's in critical condition yeah yeah and the hangover yeah that would have
been tough it must
have felt really really rough oh she thought you're gonna have a good time and
everyone's like you're
fucked up that whole flight that whole flight you must have been like perfect i
got my i got my topic for
today's podcast i was like they're gonna think this is funny and then i uh and
then i'm people dm'ing me
just being like dude you're such a piece of and i'm just rolling around my bed
they'll stop talking
about me yeah i'll kill you yeah i'll shoot you right now if you keep talking
like that about me
i'll find you and i'll shoot you i'm gonna start death threading everyone dude
i'll literally come
good move i should start death there's some there's some geyser comic geyser
comics right now talking
shit on me what you know geezer comics that read the new yorker that are still
mad they're like this
article is inexcusable it's so funny talking shit tell them you'll shoot them i
might the guys i'll
shoot you i mean i know you guys i'm gonna fly there and shoot you with a gun i'll
shoot you then
we'll see who's laughing and body cam the footage dude flying like you're i'm
gonna surprise you with
his gun and you're gonna look like an idiot i'm gonna wait until you're getting
some fast food
what i mean what is what is the honest like what's the penalty for holding
someone at gunpoint
it's it's maybe a couple years the most yeah if you videotape yourself holding
a couple comedians
at gunpoint yeah dude quote tweet that guy's tweet material when i get out i
could use two years
off three years off just laying down building years dude yes building years and
then you have the footage
of putting and then i can come out and talk like uh shia and fucking bernthal
just coming out and be
like yo go real talk brother no brother uh but yeah it was funny because one of
the comics i don't
want to name him yeah please don't attack these guys on the internet for real
please don't it's
exactly what they want don't do it yeah yeah if anything attack them in real
life with a weapon
like sam hyde no in real life like you mean in the ring right no i'm gonna kill
him in real life
no the one guy i clicked on his twitter profile pic
uh and it's him in like a hillary clinton mask it's like dude oh you're getting
hit by dork yeah
yeah there's there's a there's a there's a whole wave of comics that are like
old dudes that suck that
got lost in cnn yeah that are just as lame as the dudes lost in fox it is the
light though that's
like the moth light for dudes who truly soggy comedy yes just follow wolf blitzer
actually you're wrong
just follow don lemon into your screen like don knows now here here's the big
here's the big story
yes it's me and sass in the mare we go to buffalo helium great job this weekend
sass oh thank you
harry wow wow dude how'd you get the name how'd you get the name because he's
doing stand-up he's
gonna use a name i went up by my name this weekend so you dropped the little
yeah you dropped a little
uh yeah no the mare was introducing him as harry little sass yeah which was
funny all right we'll
delete all this now no it's fine you sure no i'm not sure what do you have
about 12 hours to decide
you don't want anyone to know what's what's the what's the false now yeah last
time it got out it
was just like a bunch of people like dm-ing my parents and that's part of the
game yeah i know
i know it is that's part of the game bro and like dm-ing my sister on linkedin
i'm gonna find your
sister on linkedin and i'm gonna threaten her with that's networking to be fair
they are networking
i'm gonna find her yeah they're on yeah trying to build their network i know
why should i put on a
resume yeah put my family on yeah i know just dm-ing your sister and be like
your brother sucked
on the podcast just so you know i think your brother's a pussy on the podcast i
listen to
just really funny guys when you've had a long day and you want to unwind like a
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all right so we go to buffalo buffalo helium big time dude it's fun big time it
is fun buffalo helium
is it was fire i had a good time buffalo is it must be the diarrhea capital of
the world oh the food we
ate straight diarrhea one of the one of their delicacies is a pizza log which
is just a spring
roll filled with dough cheese and pepperoni oh it was that we might have for
real had 40 of these
fucking things that was one of those things that's so shitty when you eat but i
had no guilt or like
regret i was like dude those are so fucking good yeah you ever had one no it
sounds like amazing
what's a pizza like a rolled like in like an egg roll type it's just a pizza
roll but instead of
a piece roll it's an egg roll oh so i guess it's fried fucking good yeah it's
fried i mean it was
delicious even at helium which you know comedy club food's not the best i put
my hurt in on i i
focus it on buffalo bites like i always do you focus on the bites yes and i did
some damage i did a lot
of damage on the buffalo bites the diet the diet this week was fucking crazy
really yes we were eating
buffalo bites pizza roll pizza logs i mean it's all the man mila mar and sass
there's no one there
has any control no one had control usually i'm i'm there's one guy that's like
all right let's not
yeah the only time i didn't have buffalo bites and pizza logs was when i made
the pad thai
in my in my room on the first night and i spilt it onto my suitcase and all of
my clothes are covered
in pad thai the microwave microwave pad thai onto his lungs everywhere you
might as well vomited on
your fucking stuff it was so bad it was uh yeah and we kept going to the same
shitty bar every night
it was fun but here's here let's get to the let's get to the heart of the
potatoes yeah dude so gabe davis
he's a wide receiver for the buffalo bills absolute legend yeah uh he brought a
couple of players to
the show so the bros are there this is like friday night saturday friday night
the bros are there
that's sick uh which was ver