Name: Ep 414 - The Winter of '87
Uploaded: 2022-10-19T21:17:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 414 - The Winter of '87' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 414 - The Winter of '87' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-19. Transcript available.

Ep 414 - The Winter of '87

Wow, wow, Wes.
Hi, you guys ready for a podcast?
Guys, we're about to do that right now.
What do you like more than podcasting?
Nothing.
It's time for podcasting.
It's podcast time.
God.
It's time.
You ready for a reprieve from your job for a podcast?
Yeah.
Get ready.
Strap in.
The next hour, maybe a little more than an hour, you're going to get to have a
little
fun instead of your fucking monotonous bullshit job.
Now it's time to enjoy things.
What is that thing from the Shakespeare play?
Horatio, the jester, would bore me upon his wings and lift me to the heights of
heaven?
Oh, yeah.
That's what we're going to do.
Yes.
Bear me upon your wings.
Lift me.
Lift us.
Send me to the heights.
You better lift us, Matt.
I'm going to try, dude.
Try your best.
I'll try.
I mean, dude, I actually did.
I did come equipped with an interesting story.
I have one interesting story, but I think I've told it before.
Who cares?
But it's a spooky tale.
I was trying to find spooky tales for a Halloween type.
Do you want to hear spooky, bro?
Do you have spooky tales?
Yes, dude.
Okay, you've got a spooky tale?
Very spooky tale.
Oh, nice.
I got a spooky one, too.
Really?
Yeah, but mine's not.
Let's save it at the same time.
Make this podcast the best.
All right.
Double the spookies.
That would be too scary.
True.
True.
Let's not do that.
This guy might tear in his forklifts.
What if we got canceled for being too spooky, dude?
We're like, dude, that thing was way too spooky.
That'd be pretty sick.
That'd be crazy, dude.
They're like, we can't put it.
If YouTube took this down.
It took down, yay.
Fully?
They took him off.
They took his episode he did where he was.
He did go DEFCON 3.
He actually.
What do they finally.
I guess they looked at him saying George Bush doesn't care about black people.
And they're like, you know what?
This is just.
That's fine.
Oh, yeah.
They finally took a look at it.
Yeah.
Like that was out of hand.
Yeah.
They're getting him.
That'll happen, man.
Yeah.
The only.
I mean, I don't care that much.
For sure.
JP Morgan taking his money away.
Yeah.
It's pretty fucking intense.
Yeah.
That's.
Yeah.
You know, you're not allowed to have a bipolar breakdown on fucking on and hold
a microphone
and do it.
You lose.
They take your money.
They say, take it somewhere else, pal.
I'm sure another bank was like, yeah, for sure.
Definitely.
I heard someone trying to say they took it before all that anyway.
Why?
Oh, really?
He's probably doing some wild shit.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I like the victim blame.
Who?
He's the victim.
Kanye West.
In that particular instance, yes.
Yeah.
The bank taking his saying no.
My thing is he was punching up.
He was punching up.
Is it?
I mean, has anyone ever laid out the clear cut?
Like what exactly is punching up and what's punching down?
I know like white guys around, you know, we're punching down.
That's what these racist libs say.
I think I'm just throwing horizontal punches in my buddies like this.
Because we're all on the same plane.
We're not even punching.
We're giving a little dead arm going, hey, pal.
Life's hard, isn't it?
We're all in this together, dude.
It's fun to joke.
Have they ever laid out of it?
Is it black?
Is it?
Is it black?
It depends who you ask.
It depends who you ask.
It depends who you ask.
Matt?
We're not doing this right away.
It's all right.
Okay, I'm telling spooky stories.
Things are starting to look up for me again, dude.
True, true, true, true.
Punch regularly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fuck, dude.
You're fucking killing me.
I watched that fucking video you sent me.
I was like, Jesus Christ.
What's your spooky tale?
Spooky tale?
Dude, so last night, I wake up.
It's 3 o'clock in the morning.
No.
That's the scariest hour.
Pretty scary, dude.
Isn't that the witching hour?
I mean, midnight's scary.
I thought the witching hour was 3.
It could be.
It definitely is.
I think 3 o'clock is the absolute peak of darkness.
Yeah, but it's also against God.
3 o'clock in the morning?
For some reason, 3 to 4 is the witching hour.
So I'm up, dude.
It's the witching hour.
Does that mean the witching hour is in witches?
Or is that just a word?
Witches, demons, ghosts.
Yes, 3 a.m.
That's when they appear and they're the most powerful.
Yeah.
Is it because it's against God?
Oh, yeah.
You should say that on no mic.
Witches, demons, ghosts are most powerful at 3 to 4 a.m.
I believe that.
East coast, west coast time.
They do follow time zones.
They're like, well, it's 3 o'clock.
In Denver, it's Cali time.
Yeah, dude.
Witching hour.
I'm up.
Maya wakes up.
Pretty standard stuff.
So I go down.
You know, you do the thing where, like, sometimes they put themselves back to
sleep, which is
nice because they do sometimes.
You're like, yes.
And then somebody.
Well, you hear them cry and then they pass back out.
And they pass back out.
Yeah.
So it's like something.
So I'm laying there.
I'm playing the monitor, sitting there, like laying, chilling.
Yeah.
And then it's like you get like two minutes of quiet.
You're like right on.
And all of a sudden it's fuck.
So I go downstairs.
It's spooky as hell.
I go down.
Lay with her for a little bit.
Kind of fall asleep a little bit.
She passes out.
I go.
And I'm building this all up because when I disrupt my sleep during the witching
hour
and go back to bed around like 430, it's sleep paralysis time.
Almost every time.
Oh, man.
Dude.
So, but I like it.
I'm a sicko, dude.
Yeah, but what type of sleep paralysis are we talking?
Visions?
No, here's what happens to me.
So I don't pull myself out of it.
I know it's coming because when I'm laying there, it goes.
I get these legs and like it's I can't explain it, but it doesn't.
It's not like a brain shock or brain zap, but it's like a it's just like
sensation that
like goes.
It'll happen.
And then like a minute later, it'll happen again.
It starts going faster and faster.
And eventually I enter the sleep paralysis tunnel where it's like I'm fucked up.
I used to get scared and I'd pop myself up out of that.
Lately, I've been going into it.
Yes.
Let me tell you, that was a spooky, spooky experience.
What happened?
So when I whenever I go into spooky skeletons seven, sending shivers down your
spine.
Yes, this is what happens.
Whenever I like when you first go into the sleep paralysis, it's nothing but
like the
spookiest shit possible.
I went into it and it was just like and you see like the scary shit.
I was like, I can't breathe.
And I'm just laying there just like and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, thank God
I woke
up.
I'm still dreaming.
What type of stuff did you see?
Just like scary.
I always see like scary figures.
Now, this is in your room, correct?
This is eyes closed.
In a dream.
I'm completely.
It's like my eyes are closed.
I can't open my eyes.
I can't move.
I used to, I can, if I fully fight it, I can get out of it.
Yes.
But I've been like just trying to sink into it and see where it goes.
Dude, it's spooky, dude.
It's just like, like scary fate.
Like, you know, those masks people put on as like a big scary shit like that.
Scary faces.
And like, it's like weird figures.
It's scary.
And it's, this is all with my eyes closed.
Yeah.
And I have opened my eyes before and seen it in my room for a second.
More so like the shadow figures.
Shadow figures are the scary guys.
Spookiest.
I used to see, I see them in three.
I always have three pieces.
Yeah, that's a very common thing.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Did you know that was common?
No, I didn't know.
Yeah.
You see them in three.
The one guy in the documentary sees three.
Really?
Usually one guy's wearing like a top hat.
Yes, dude.
And it's fucking big square shoulders.
How scary is that?
Top hat, dude.
So, dude, so I'm sitting there.
Isn't that spooky that I knew that the guy in your dream wore a fucking hat?
Yeah, it is fucking up.
Isn't that fucking scary?
That was the first time I had, I like woke up and was in my room, but hallucinating
with
sleep paralysis.
That was the hat man.
That was with his two fucking minions, dude.
He has two minions right on either side of him.
Yeah, man.
It's so scary.
What the fuck was that?
Dude, I don't know.
What the fuck?
I don't know.
It's got to be fucking.
But see, that's the thing.
It's not.
So like, if you want to talk about like, it's some weird thing that's deep in
every human
that it's like, we're all scared of snakes.
This is what we think about.
Why the fuck would it be wearing a hat?
Hats are relatively new when it comes to human evolution in our brain.
Yeah, probably epigenetics.
But like, top hats are pretty new.
Yeah, dude.
That's not something our ancestors would have also thought of.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
It's fucked up.
What the fuck is this thing, dude?
You're talking about the collective unconscious.
These are the archetypes that are built into the base of the human psyche.
So for some reason, dudes in top hats with two boys.
Three bros coming right at you.
Three bros.
One of them's clearly the boss.
Two without.
It's so scary.
But dude, so I'm laying there, dude.
I go with it.
I'm like, all right, cool.
I pass like the scary spot.
And this is what I get inception to where I'm like, oh, that was weird.
Thank God I woke up.
But then what happens is I'm like, the thing rattles me so much that I lose my
bearings.
So I wake up and I'm walking around my room and I'm like, man, I can't use my
feet that well.
And I'm like, the fuck's going on?
And like, I want now I'm like a totally different place.
I don't realize I'm dreaming.
I'm just walking around like a different house.
And there's like three kids in a bed.
And I was like, hey, guys.
And they were just completely different kids.
And they were like, ah, ah.
And I was like, oh, shit.
And I start getting like super confused.
Like, where the fuck am I?
And I'm walking around.
It was that.
And I'd wake up.
Oh, thank God I'm awake.
And I'd walk out of my room and back into some weird setting.
I did this like five times last night.
It was like five successive dreams.
And then finally, Brittany tapped me with her foot.
And I was like, oh, okay, cool.
I'm in my room.
Well, you must have been.
Bro, I was fully.
I was fucked.
I'm sorry.
As you were, kids.
Who are these kids?
Dude, it was not.
It's kind of cool, though, because when you finally come back.
Dude, it's like wake up, dream, wake up, dream.
And you get like really disoriented.
And when you come back too, I had a glow all morning.
I was just like, man, this is great.
You're so happy to be back.
Happy to be back in life.
You're happy to be back, dude, in this dimension.
You're seeing me right now after a full coma.
I slept for 11 hours.
Did you really?
I woke up an hour ago.
I'm like.
Do you remember your dreams?
Over the podcast thing.
I did not remember last night.
We got to start sharing our dream journals.
I did tell you I had a recent dream about you.
Yeah.
And you were sad.
In the dream.
In the dream.
Really?
And for some reason, I thought it was because you were getting made fun of on
the internet.
And I was consulting you.
I probably called you.
Yeah.
I was like, shoot.
Probably once a week, one of us are like, fuck these guys.
And the other guy has to go, dude, fuck them.
You're the best.
Literally every week.
He has to be like, dude, fuck them.
They don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
But yeah, dude.
That's become all of our friendships.
Yeah.
All of our bros have a podcast.
Yeah.
And all of them occasionally get fucking crushed.
And you just got to talk to each other and be like, dude, you're the best.
I love you.
Don't worry about it.
I'm telling you, man.
It's fucking, it's coal dust.
And every other, every time it's not you, you go, look, dude, I'm, I'm pretty
good at
it now.
I don't let the comments bother me.
And then two months later, it's like, the comments are so fucking mean.
I'm telling you, man, it's just, it's just new enterprise.
This is what we'll be breathing in for a while.
We're going to get the black lung.
Except that we'll just go, I think I am ga