Name: Ep 419 - Simposium (feat. WARMODE)
Uploaded: 2022-11-24T02:30:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 419 - Simposium (feat. WARMODE)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 419 - Simposium (feat. WARMODE)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-24. Transcript available.

Ep 419 - Simposium (feat. WARMODE)

wild wild west let's start cardini and let's start right now instead of me
clearly being racist now and go sorry about that whoa baby here we are the
energy is
crazy what a place that you have to keep your shoes on in this place it's so
gross
yeah it's there's a lot of uh blunts and stuff around it seems like a place for
dudes who like
don't understand themselves at all just coming as hard as they can being like
i don't know why i'm cheating on my girlfriend right now i can't stop anything
i guess so just moans echoing out of this there's no soundproofing totally
empty building yeah this
is this is a terrifying place i thought i rented a cool airbnb i rented it
looks like you can see
that it looks cool the pictures look so cool it looks cool right here pictures
look so cool there's
pool table and a cool leather leatherish couch yeah this amazon gets me with
these things i've
thought about it multiple times and it's like 700 bucks how the fuck is 700
bucks and it charges my
phone and it has led lights in it i'm like oh it's staging furniture you might
be a hype beast i'm not
a hype beast at all you might be a hype beast that's a hype beast trap i mean
you saw our studio dude
that's all i gotta say true that's avant-garde that's next level what i'm
saying is you have a hypey shadow
you're getting you see the 700 couch with the leds and the chargers and you're
looking at it well
i just look at it like price point that doesn't make sense that should be like
a four thousand
dollar couch frivolous with the money huh you want me to kill myself come on
here to do this
welcome to the podcast i'm billy mccuster and andrew billy
what's going on with balenciaga what is balenciaga
please welcome our political correspondents what even is that balenciaga they
put out like a yeah
it's couture couture so what happened they dropped yeezy but then they put out
a fashion line of like
i don't even know their ads like in bondage well kind of not with that at all
like little kids uh
holding teddy bears that were in bondage and then not in bondage uh you know
what i mean i know what
you mean yeah they're what is it weird bdsm freak not my bad bdsm teddy bears
yeah i just don't like
the same thing with cuties like that past like you you were just talking about
making a sketch you got
to call someone i got an idea for a sketch you call multiple people yeah this
went through multiple
people and then someone's like yes we'll spend money but i do think liberal edgelords
kind of
like around with pedophilia dirt what's liberal it's liberal edge dirty lefties
if you're there
well anyway more important like in the in the balenciaga it wasn't just that it
wasn't just kids
communards and jacobins hey they they literally had uh there was like a little
a little girl in like
serious woman in an office thing i think i know standing on the bed
ew dude is that the one where the paperwork's there is that the office one i
didn't look at all
these all night can we pause we can say a decade of the rosary can i say a
decade of the rosary in a
room by myself but one of the pieces of paper on the desk is a court transcript
of a child porn
hearing what this is going on there's current q drops people are pre probably
are in trusted
position i'm all patriots are in trusted position i mean dude that's what he
said when i hear about
this it makes me want to smash someone i'm being honest oh yeah i'm all peace
when i hear about
you said in canto's messed up what else gate on youtube bill said in canto is
not good dude
you got to get my to stop watching what happened all that pixar's up if you
start going on um
like youtube and and looking at that stuff the autoplay for the kids feature is
just like it's
non-stop videos of like pregnant uh frozen what's the girl from frozen elsa elsa
elsa and then spider
man is like one real popular thing are you talking about the youtube this is
old but she's in spider
man having sexual intercourse they're doing like she's pregnant and then the
spider man's a doctor
coming in with an injection and it's like supposed to go like she ate too much
food but like it's
clearly like a pregnant person and they're giving injections and it's like yeah
but that's not in the
movie no but in canto just cancel it it's disney cancel it pedophiles all of
them all he's not
making this stuff he's all pedophiles he said in canto sauce watching canto
watch the symbolism dude
watch moana there's tons of swirl yeah that's the point of pixar movies is that
adults like them and
the reason adults like them is because they make the kids in them hot as shit
right and like the
invincible yeah well moana is about a strong uh which one called abuela i'm
into a strong abuela run
family yeah but you you don't have to put all the swirls like there's like fbi
on it does have the
swirl well on it has a swirl yeah but moana is about yeah that's the tongans or
samoans yeah i think
smolens hawaii and they use swirls they love swirls they have that water symbol
it's like two waves
it's not well actually there's one symbol to navigate the seas and it's not a
swirl dude true
all right what else is going on guys but some of you guys still hot on the
trail i don't want trail
pedophilias i mean it's never you need to cut the pedophiles the boys you guys
have you guys been
following the hbo show the val uh the val keith ranieri he was in a uh he had
nexium he was branding
chicks oh yeah yeah so they have a show on hbo and they go through his text
threads he started grooming
a girl at 13 years old he's got uh his text thread he's 45 yeah he's got a text
thread with a 15 year
old where he's talking about how obviously his dick's bigger than her boyfriend's
dick swag you gotta
check that out i mean factually he's probably right it's all connected to the
bronfman's which is
connected to the jfk assassination which is the anniversary today yeah true oh
wow i didn't
even think about that think about that dude true wow damn i didn't know he was
getting on with i know
he had that weird setup where like he made everyone in his organization kiss
each other on the lips so
like no one could tell who was who or really that he was like everyone's wives
and girlfriends he was
people's daughters and stuff oh he took it yeah not the wives he crossed the
line he was
little girls he crossed the line oh he started little girls he started girls
that were working for
him's daughters so why was that documentary about a bunch of 35 year old dumb
asses this is season two
because at first he fired up yeah season two is like when they started doing
that stuff that's what
the bleep that what the bleep guy was like what the bleep what the bleep is
going on oh yeah what the
bleep do we know i thought he my wife it turns out he was like i'm seven and a
half fully hard you know
your boyfriend's only 6.7 damn i didn't see the show i'm sorry dude i'm just
like yeah man he said
your boyfriend's only six points how did he know the boyfriend's dick probably
measured him bro dude
true yeah right next to him and not getting a hard measurement i mean dude i
obviously where'd you
measure from the i pushed down get the root bro i dig up a little bit of soil
from the sack yeah i dig up a
little i'd lay down get hard measure from sack i got them i got the mulching
mound i dig that up a
little bit get down to the roots a 15 year old girl slammed him because he was
like when i'm seven
and a half when i'm fully hard and she's like you haven't been fully hard in a
long time he's 45.
how old was she 15. god damn they're powerful yeah yeah i just i mean at 15 it's
had to do with a line
like that i mean age is number for bill dude that's what you're doing what the
heck are you so defensive
about i'm not defensive i'm pissed why i got i just got like by this chick at wawa
for what happened i was just waiting to fuel up and the chick pulled right next
to me while i'm waiting
and i'm like dude like obviously trying to get in and like just didn't look at
me the whole time
and she has the botox lips and ladies let me tell you right now it looks ugly
as when you do that
but she's sitting there they're all glossed up and like i'm just honking and
like not
like a dickhead just like kind of trying to get her attention and the dude
tries to back out and the
what's wrong no i'm gonna cut that heat off i mean you're not picking that up
uh there's a thing
right by the door cut the heat we'll keep going we'll persevere so you had some
botox
cut you off dude like i thought you was going by me i just had my turn signal
on to go in
and they don't care about turn signals what's that they don't care about turn
signals
yeah girls don't care yeah like that's what i was chilling they actually care
about turn signals
they don't and they do actually this dude backed up she started pulling up the
whole thing up
backed up again the dude pulled out and then i was gonna go and she just went
right in there
and then like she got out of the car i was like yo chick like i was just
waiting she's like we're
all waiting it's like i know i was just waiting you just went around me she's
like i don't know what
to tell you we all have to wait for gas i was like okay they're psychotic yeah
and you took it huh
you took it i pulled up right next to it and i said some unsavory things to the
fellas next to me
oh they with her hit them with one of my theories if they all didn't have pussies
they'd be dead by now
we would have killed them imagine like yeah we're all waiting i would have thrashed
them
yeah what did the jury of fellows say they were dying laughing the one guy
tried to give me a
spouse dude don't worry about it i'll pull that i'll pull right next to the
most important girl
in the world i'll put right next to her you just tortured her i hate like that
and
they think they can they can do nothing wrong yeah i hear you bro yeah yeah you
can't you have to
just go you can't fight them yeah you can't fight them short circuit we're all
reaching
nothing wrong we're all breaking point dude we're collectively you're about to
break dude
you're about to break everything you say i did i did an unwarranted slam on a
guy in wawa today
some dude in front of me and while i was buying i literally bought two bottles
of water and he had
no lie like 14 soft pretzels and like a bunch of donuts uh the one out here at
the parents house oh
never mind he had like a bunch of soft pretzels like a ridiculous amount a
bunch of donuts and he
like just like was acting all weird and squirrelly and he had like this not a
purse but it was like
you know the old cd-rom cases he carried one of those and kept his money and
credit cards in it
was he a pedophile i don't know dude but he was getting real weird i'm like bro
i was like hey go
ahead and he like kept looking back at my stuff being like damn this guy's only
two things maybe i should
have him go ahead but he didn't do it so i was like whatever and uh and then he
goes and checks out
and the guy's like what are you getting a taste of pennsylvania and like the
casino cash rest in the
guy and he's like no these are uh i'm buying gifts for people and he was all
weird and cagey and i was
like dude what is your last meal the guy was like she said what are they
shooting you and son up
what are you gonna kill yourself yeah for some reason that wawa is actually a
lot of weird like
passerbys you know weird every now and then they always try to hit you with the
i ran out of gas man can
you help me out really all the time too close to delaware yeah true people
trying to get around
yeah it was a bit of a suburban vortex that's a lot of listless blank
expressions dude
it's really up it's grabbing some iced tea like oh where how long have i been
here for
is that what you do in wallace i was scoping people out i think that's how
everybody's lost everybody's lost everybody goes to a gas station is just like
what the
was that that's what that's what i was tapping into my you look at gummy bears
for a second what am 