Name: Ep 420 - The Future of Streaming is Now
Uploaded: 2022-11-30T21:13:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 420 - The Future of Streaming is Now' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 420 - The Future of Streaming is Now' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-30. Transcript available.

Ep 420 - The Future of Streaming is Now

The wild, wild, Wes.
Hello.
Matt, what do you have over there?
Is that a special announcement?
Yeah, it's a very special announcement.
I'm trying to find the exact thing.
What is the exact verbiage?
Oh, I think we just have to do a...
We have to just mention the...
We're doing a live show.
On sale.
The thing is on sale.
It's on sale right now?
Yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
At the beginning of the episode, which is right now.
Perfect.
Nice.
It's on sale.
The live event is on sale.
Yes.
What is it?
It's a live stream from Moment House.
What is it, though?
What is the show?
It's just a live stream.
It's a show.
It's a special show.
It'll be a live podcast.
It's going to be a live podcast.
Streamed on Moment House.
On Moment House.
Filmed in New York City.
It's going to be in New York City.
Yep.
And there's going to be some big special guests.
Yeah, man.
We're working on the guests.
Yep.
Now that we've secured a date today, I think today we'll be able to reach out
and ask.
The date should be...
If we get the guests.
If we get them.
We'll get somebody, I'm sure.
We're going to get somebody good.
It was huge.
But...
But the date is December 14th.
December 14th.
Chelsea Music Hall.
Live on Moment House.
Chelsea Music Hall.
Chelsea Music Hall.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
I believe they're 10 bucks.
It's 10 bucks?
The tickets.
That'll be fun, dude.
Yeah.
I thought...
When they said pay-per-view, I thought it was going to be like $99.
I was like, fuck, dude.
This is so much pressure.
10 bucks, so...
No.
10 bucks.
When you see the guests we get, you're going to say, I'm glad I spent that $10.
You're going to say, whoa.
10 bucks is going to fly out of your pocket.
10 bucks is going to choose for itself to be like...
Yes.
Hey, 10 bucks.
Get back here.
I guess I'll watch it.
Yes.
Fuck.
I guess I'll check this out.
But yeah, that's going to be...
That's the future.
Streaming stuff is the future.
They figured it out.
Streaming stuff is the future.
Streaming stuff and paying to watch stuff immediately is the future.
It certainly is the present.
Dude, let's just...
Everything's streaming.
Let's just talk about technology.
I was back at my parents' house this weekend.
It's nothing but cable, dude.
It's insane.
Geezer's cable.
And it is so fucked up.
Comcast...
It's terrifying.
Comcast just butt fucks old people.
It's just them speaking into the room.
They'd pay 300 bucks and be like,
Oh, but put on...
Just put on...
The Sopranos...
What episode was that?
God damn it.
SpongeBob.
He worked this thing.
Just put on HGTV.
That's all my mom watches, dude.
It's unbelievable.
Have I talked about this before?
It's insane.
No.
It's just a fucking lady.
It's a girl.
Yes, we have.
It's female porn.
Oh, okay.
It's literally a woman coming in and being like,
this house is fine,
but this is what you need to do.
And the husband's like,
Oh, I don't know, honey.
And she's like,
this isn't a democracy.
We don't talk like that.
I tell you what to do.
And then a bunch of dudes build stuff
and a woman shows up
and is like,
good job, guys.
Yeah.
It's just 10 guys
sawing cabinets in the front yard.
It's insane.
It's like,
the team's working hard.
Well,
those shows also completely warped people's minds
as to like the actual timeline of construction projects.
Yeah.
Because they watch those shows
and they're like,
we have three days to get the kitchen done.
It's like,
bro.
It takes like four weeks.
It takes 10 years.
It never gets done.
And they do houses
and they're like,
we sunk 100K,
we sold it for 500,000.
Every house you see is like,
it's worth $900,000.
It's like a bungalow in Arizona.
My friends have trouble with the contractors
and their house is taking,
for real,
two years.
It's been two years.
Dude.
Of just remodeling.
I know somebody who did this recently
and they were saying like,
you know,
we had a contractor
and they were like,
they can't get anyone to work
because of COVID.
And I was like,
if they were good contractors,
they wouldn't believe
in that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
They wouldn't get in there.
If they were good with their hands,
they would not believe in COVID.
Just the wax build up
from the saws all the time.
They'd be like,
what?
Yeah.
Well,
you don't want to work.
You don't want to,
you don't want a contractor
that believes in science.
No,
not at all.
You want a contractor
that doesn't know anything.
Yeah.
It just shows up
and it's just like,
but it's kind of right.
But also ended up
being kind of right.
Which is,
you know,
something that as a country
we're going to have to walk back
and say,
sorry guys.
Yeah.
I think there is a thing
where as soon as you hit
like 48 ounces
of like 7-Eleven coffee,
you just get the truth.
They glimpse.
True.
They just glimpse
the Akashic Records
every morning
and they're like F-350.
You just listen to Nick Fuentes.
What the hell?
I don't think these things
are going to be that effective
as you say they are.
It's your fourth Sunoco hot dog
at 9.30 in the morning
and you're like,
ugh.
The Democratic parties
are the actual races.
Yeah,
we can rip that sink out.
What do you want?
Radiant floors?
You can probably put them in.
I mean,
it's not a big deal.
Radiant floors are the shit.
Yeah.
Heated floors,
water pipes
flowing through your little floors.
I will say remodeling houses
is very pleasing to the eyes.
It's pleasing to the eyes.
I do like to see the end product.
Who doesn't?
It is girl TV
until the end product
and then that's for everybody.
You go,
oh.
I go,
ooh.
That is nice.
I like that.
Well,
apparently Spud was telling me
the reality of remodels
is it actually destroys couples
a lot of times.
Of course.
A lot of couples
don't make it.
That's the thing.
In the show,
it's always a guy that's like,
oh,
because it is.
It's for women
so the woman's always right
and the woman's like,
this is what I want
with the cabinets.
This is this,
blah, blah, blah.
In real life,
if they were like,
no,
the new cabinets,
the thing she wants
is going to be an extra
like 50 grand.
Yeah.
Be like,
no.
It's a fight.
You never get me anything.
It's a fight.
It's a fight
and it's also,
you know,
that's a tough position.
That's like Caesar mode
for wives too
because then they have like
all of a sudden
there's just like a team
of like Hispanic immigrants.
Yes.
I'm not even going to say Mexicans
a lot of times
the Guatemalans
and Brazilians as well.
Yes.
But it's like
they get the Lord, dude.
They're on their chase lounge.
They just get like
a six month period.
They can just be like,
move that there,
switch the sink.
Just all fueled by a bank
and then your mortgage
goes up by like 500 bucks a month.
It's pretty crazy.
You can get to be Cleopatra.
Yeah.
For like four months
and be like,
what's that spot on the wall?
I don't like it.
Call the painters in.
Yeah.
And the Von Day contract
is like,
we're done.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
I don't think I've ever heard
of a single remodeling
that the contractor
wasn't a dickhead
according to the customer.
Here's the thing.
A lot of,
it all depends.
We had a remodel
on our house
and it was,
I'm not just saying this,
but like they literally
banged it out
as fast as humanly possible.
Nice.
We had like a looming
pregnancy deadline,
which is a fucking nightmare.
Yeah.
But yeah,
a lot of people put
unrealistic expectations.
Aren't you guys living
in like a...
We were living in an apartment
in the hood
for like three months.
Dude,
what the fuck are you doing?
My pregnant wife
was rolling off
in air mattresses.
Go home.
You should have
stayed at your parents.
No.
Well,
we did say
that was the escape plan.
If it went too long,
but then it would have been
newborn baby
at the parents' house.
Dude,
women have this nesting thing.
That can be nice.
That's what I said.
It's nice to have the parents
with the newborn.
Yeah,
but dude,
it's like...
Fuck the parents.
They hate it,
but fuck them.
All right.
My parents would have loved it.
My mom would have loved it.
My dad would have loved it too.
The kids over at my house
have...
They're running...
Yeah.
I mean,
that's a lot of kids.
Because my sister
tries to bring four kids over here.
It's a lot of kids.
And the parents,
I can hear them.
They complain.
Yeah.
Especially if the kids
just go and make a big mess
and leave.
The kids come in and scream.
Dude,
I was home for four days.
It sucked.
I don't know how
anybody's around kids.
I can't believe
people are around kids
constantly.
It's just screaming.
Yeah.
I don't get to watch my shows.
True.
They're big time
TV hogs.
I'm a TV hog.
So it's a battle.
Yeah,
but dude,
they won't stop.
They won't relent.
Either will I, dude.
Me and Anthony
go to war.
We're just now introducing
Maya to the concept of turns
and it fucks her up so bad.
She's,
it's her turn.
She's all like happy.
I'm like,
she'll be like,
I'm like,
no,
it's my turn.
She's like,
she'll sit there
every two seconds.
Like,
is it my turn?
I'm like,
it's not your turn.
You have to wait.
She'll learn.
All you have to do is
take subtle digs
at whatever someone's watching.
You could,
yeah,
you'll figure out
how to ruin someone's turn.
My girlfriend knows
not to decide
what we watch.
We used to do it
to my sister
with Animal Planet.
We would just be like,
but she would just,
dude,
two inches from the TV
hold down.
It was her Alamo.
She'd be on Animal Planet,
feet touching the wall
in front of the TV
watching.
We're like,
what the fuck?
You watching these guys
fucking jerk horses off?
Come on.
Shut up.
Come on.
Yeah.
Trying to watch
Beavis and Butthead.
This sucks.
I'm not afraid of you.
You should be.
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Goodbye.
But yeah,
dude,
it's a,
the remodel stuff
can definitely,
they can destroy
the marriages.
And dude,
people do do a thing
where it's like,
they'll call a contractor
and be like,
when you come in like,
right now,
they're like,
no,
we have like nine other clients.
We'll put you on our schedule.
How long?
Like,
three weeks.
And the problem is,
the contractors-
Sound like Mr. Marsh.
If they show up
like on a dime,
like we can start right now,
typically you got to watch that.
Yeah.
Because if they're not,
if a contractor isn't busy,
there's a reason usually.
It's because either they stink
or they're a shyster.
So a lot of people
will just like,
get these cut,
these guys will come in low.
No,
it's typically not the case actually.
You got to watch those terms though.
You got to be careful.
A shyster?
No,
is that,
what does shyster mean?
It sounds like a German word.
Fuck.
Shit.
Dude,
I know we're on the contractors
and I'm going to derail it completely.
Thank you.
I've been listening.
Well,
if we're going to bring up anti-Semitism,
dude,
I've been going to sleep
to fucking,
if you're going to be anti-Semitic,
I've been going to sleep 