Name: Ep 424 - Tick and Slug (feat. Robert Kelly)
Uploaded: 2023-01-05T22:25:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 424 - Tick and Slug (feat. Robert Kelly)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 424 - Tick and Slug (feat. Robert Kelly)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-05. Transcript available.

Ep 424 - Tick and Slug (feat. Robert Kelly)

Wow, wow, Wes.
Hey, two showed, Matt.
Shannon Sharp, Skip Bayless intro from yesterday's, whatever, what's that show?
Just scanning, what is it?
I don't think it's first take.
It might just be Shannon Skip.
It's not Club Shay Shay.
Did you watch Club Shay Shay?
I don't know what that is.
Club Shay Shay is Shannon Sharp's own podcast.
Oh, nice.
It's pretty good.
I was watching a clip of it when I took a dump today.
So there was the injury to the Bills player, Hamlin, this week.
What happened to him?
Oh, bro.
Did you see it?
No.
I was laying here, watching the game, and it was terrifying.
He got hit.
So he got hit in the chest.
He stands up, and then he drops and passes out and had cardiac arrest.
And he had to get CPR on the field.
All the players are like, you know, they watch the dude maybe die.
They're devastated.
And then they didn't cancel the game.
He was a wide out.
It wasn't even like that.
Okay.
It wasn't crazy.
He just happened to hit him right in the middle of the chest at, I guess, the
exact wrong time.
But then Skip Bayless tweeted out, like, how can we cancel this game?
This game's huge.
This is an important game for the playoffs.
He's football's life.
But then he did end it with, which all is, it's not important now.
He's like, the NFL has to figure out, should they play this game or not?
And then he's like, but it all seems so unimportant now.
So he did.
It's not like he was out there, like, play the game.
Yeah.
He ended his tweet with, it's not important.
Football's not important.
It's about the guy who might be dying.
Yeah.
But then, you know, people started getting on him.
Yeah.
But that was the nature.
I thought the guy just randomly collapsed on the field.
My mind was obviously elsewhere.
I went, does this happen this much?
What?
Like, why are these guys all collapsing?
Yeah, that's what happened.
That's what I thought.
But he got struck.
First thing, I was like.
They have a player on their team, Cole Beasley, who was against the VACs.
And I think he stepped away.
He had to, he quit.
They just brought him back onto the team.
And I wonder if when that happened, he was like.
Have a lot of people in sports.
I'm sure he was devastated.
Have a lot of people in sports collapsed?
That's a rumor.
That's a rumor going around.
Yeah, I was asking, because you watch a lot of sports.
I was curious if you see that a lot.
I've never seen.
The last one who died on the, not died, but Christian Eriksson, this soccer
player.
Yeah.
He's back now.
Okay, he's back.
Because kids, you remember, remembering like every summer kids died.
They're like high school football.
All the time.
I remember hearing about, there is a heart condition athletes get where they
just do.
And I remember hearing about that a long time ago.
But I was wondering, I was curious to ask you.
It's hard not to bang these reclaws right now.
They're so good, dude.
So he got hit.
He dropped.
He dropped.
Yeah.
I mean, it was like truly scary.
Damn.
It was very weird.
The stadium's quiet.
The whole, all the players are fucking sad.
It was really fucked up.
Yeah.
Then they canceled the game, which they absolutely should have.
You can't.
Yeah.
He was in critical condition.
You can't go back out there after one of your buddies.
Yeah.
It's almost dead.
Probably died.
Everyone had to go home.
Yeah.
There were probably grumblings in the crowd, though.
Come on, man.
A couple of Skip Bayless.
A couple of Cincinnati fans just being like, come on, dude.
This is Bengal football.
Yes, Bengal.
This is life or death.
Damn, dude.
But then you saw what happened, dude.
Skip put that out, and people were, you know.
Just the fact that he was like, are we really going to cancel it?
A couple of guys hit him with the race card.
A couple of guys hit him with the fucking.
What?
They're like, if this was a white player, Skip would have never said this.
Some stuff like that.
What?
So Skip's on the defensive, dude.
He's crab throwing right now.
If you watch that part closely, he's breathing so hard.
He's got a fight adrenaline going, because Shannon's like,
and I disagreed with Skip's tweet.
I'm not going to get into that.
Well, time out.
I thought we weren't going to bring that up.
I can't finish my monologue, Skip.
What would you do if I died, Skip?
Yeah, that's it.
Skip didn't play football.
Fuck no.
So Shannon hits him.
SS, Shannon Sharp.
Shannon Sharp.
The SS officer hits him with that so many times, dude.
He's always like, it's a brotherhood out there, you know?
Like, all the time, dude.
It's so fucked up.
Damn, he's a sports writer.
Yeah.
And the shit, you know, SS, obviously, he's been out there.
SS comes on and big dogs him constantly.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
But Shannon, or Skip Bayless is a bitch ass, dude.
Is he really?
Yeah.
He, like, talks shit to players.
Kind of funny, but.
He talks shit to SS.
He's like, you weren't that great.
Like, stuff like that.
Does he really?
Shannon Sharp was one of the nastiest players on game day 98 from what I
remember.
He was.
That's a good, that's a good pull.
He was nasty.
Yeah.
Damn.
So that was the whole thing.
He was kind of like, dude, let's play the game here.
No, that's, see, that's the thing.
It, it got interpreted as that.
It looked like he was saying, how can we, he said, how can we cancel this game?
Yeah.
It's very important.
But all of it, now it's not important.
That was the, it was an old man fucking.
He thought he was getting deep.
He did.
He was like, this is a new epoch in football.
Like, we're actually worried about how can we cancel it though?
For real.
He should have put a thinking face emoji on the tweet.
He would have been fine.
Or the monocle.
One monocle guy.
But yeah.
Damn.
So he's crushed right now because he wanted to basically discard a young black
body so
he could go play football.
Was that, was that kind of.
So he could continue to watch to see how the playoffs shake out.
There's so much playoff implications, dude.
How can we cancel this?
Literally a guy, a kid who was dying.
They were resuscitating him on the field.
And he was like.
I think he tweeted it while the guy was on the field.
Being resuscitated.
He was like, this is a big fucking game.
So yeah.
All right.
The more I'm talking about it.
Yes.
That's a bad.
He was tip of the spear.
He was tip of the spear.
But it also does like, there are dudes who do say that, who are like, football's
fucking
life.
This game is my fucking life.
It's like, well, there is a life.
Yeah, there is a life.
And he was like, football's life.
Football's life, right?
Yeah.
Dude, send it.
You're the man.
He's like, fuck.
Oh.
SS, don't fucking talk about it.
SS buried him on his own show.
SS didn't show up the day after.
He was supposed to be there.
He didn't show up.
What?
So it kind of looked like it was like he was in unity against Skip.
For the tweet.
Dude, that's the funniest.
Two adult men.
That's the funniest situation ever.
A guy's dying.
You're like, this is the biggest game ever.
Will we stop?
Will we not?
And it's just like, dude, you want to kill this guy.
You're racist.
You're like, you're racist.
I thought we weren't going to talk about the tweet.
That's the funniest thing.
Well, obviously, they want to talk about it.
The boss is asking me to talk about it.
I know, dude.
Fuck.
Dude, it was unbelievable.
So during this game, they kept cutting.
They had to leave.
ESPN switched to their in-studio team who just had to sit.
They had no idea how long this was going to take.
Who's on the panel?
Booger.
Booger was on the panel.
Adam Schefter and Susie Colbert.
Isn't it Susie Colbert?
Who'd she play for?
She played.
She's the Lynx.
She's one of the Lynx greats.
Really?
Nah.
She's a sports journo.
Adam Schefter, I believe, is a journo.
Yeah.
Booger, obviously.
Yeah, obviously.
D-line.
Obviously, he played.
Booger played.
But they had to sit there and like, there's nothing you can say.
Damn, did I just thought about it?
And they're so afraid.
You're definitely Shannon Sharp.
I'm Skip right now.
Why?
You played.
You played at higher level.
It's a brotherhood.
You don't understand.
I'm Skip, dude.
You're just a writer, dude.
You're a writer.
I'm a gamer.
I was thinking about that before.
I'm like, dude, how can I position myself as Shannon Sharp?
And this whole thing was like, nah, I'm Skip.
I played the game.
You watched the game like Adam Schefter.
So they were all trying to like put it together on the fly?
They were all trying to like dance around.
They were all afraid to say something.
I mean, you know, it was genuinely an emotional thing.
You just watched the guy possibly die.
Is he dead?
He's still alive right now.
But it was, you're watching it like, holy fuck.
And then it cuts to these people in one of these sports shows.
Being like, man, at the desk, like, that's the thing about football.
It's very dangerous.
But they're like, Booger, what do you think about that?
He's like, I can't talk right now.
Like, we respect that.
That's fine for you to do that.
Adam, how do you feel?
They should have hit those like, this is actually the first time a guy almost
died in 15 years.
They always do like facts about like, this is the first batter, first left-handed
batter.
They kind of did.
Yeah, they kind of did.
Did they?
Yeah, they were brought up like other times.
They've seen something like this happen.
Yeah.
But there was nothing they could say.
So they just had to awkwardly do like fake sports talk for 20 minutes.
Remember when the Challenger exploded?
That was pretty nuts too, right guys?
Yeah, it was uncomfortable to watch.
Dude, that's crazy.
They should have never had them on.
They should have just cut their-
They should have sold, sold, sold, commercial.
Commercial.
Sold.
Yeah.
Because putting three people on in a fucking ESPN studio while a kid's getting
resuscitated.
Yeah.
So were they like the fiddler?
They were hitting him with like the heart shocker?
I think they did.
You couldn't see it.
He's in ICU?
He's currently in the ICU.
They're still working to get him to breathe on his own.
Yeah, he can't breathe on his own.
No, he's like, he's fucked up.
Yeah.
Critical condition.
He, dude, I think it'll come out that he did die on the field.
Yeah, probably.
That's what happened, I think, to Christian Eriksson, that soccer player.
Really?
I think he was dead for like a minute.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Hawkeye was in the ICU as well.
Wait, who's Hawkeye?
Oh, yeah, Hawkeye.
No one even cares.
No one gave a fuck, dude.
Also Dana Whitey and his wife.
I saw one tweet.
Did you see what he got ran over by?
He got hit by a snowplow.
It's huge.
I Googled it, dude.
It looked like Thanos himself.
You better take that back, dude.
You think Thanos sent the fucking plow?
Just when he was living his domestic life, dude, he finally got to live the
domestic life.
And the fucking enemies got out.
I mean, it's so bad.
He almost died.
He's good.
Holy shit.
You look at the thing I ran over by.
It says, was run over by a snowplow weighing more than 14,000 pounds.
Yeah, dude, it's huge.
He was clearing his neighbor's driveway, being a nice guy.
Run over by a seven-ton snowplow.
Yeah, dude, fucked him up.
It fucked him up.
I saw a picture of it.
I went, Jesus fucking Christ.
That's really terrible.
Is he all right?
He's all right.
He's in the ICU, but I don't know why.
Don't call him a dork in the hospital now.
Dude, he's a fucking...
Talk about it.
Why does he look like a dork?
Hospital selfies are dorky.
But, dude, he got ran over, truly Avenger level, ran over by a fucking
industrial snowplow.
And he's in stable condition.
Champed it.
Took a selfie.
It's crazy.
That was his team.
He couldn't work.
He was too fucked up, but he said his team took the photo of him.
We're coming back out there.
Dude, I might have to Shannon Sharpie right now, dude.
I do not agree with that.
I do not think that's funny.
I don't know why.
It's not.
It's serious.
Honestly, it's funny.
When I was reading...
When I was seeing it at my breakfast this morning, I thought about him out in
the fiel