Name: Ep 428 - 2 Coffee Shane : Business Genius
Uploaded: 2023-02-01T19:27:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 428 - 2 Coffee Shane : Business Genius' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 428 - 2 Coffee Shane : Business Genius' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-01. Transcript available.

Ep 428 - 2 Coffee Shane : Business Genius

the wild wild west oh my freaking gosh dude oh my freaking gosh i'm excited to
see you man
we had such a good time this week i know we did dude the birthday bash
unbelievable dude
matt's black person birthday bash it was a black person birthday party just
filled with honkies
there's a honkies doing the black black birthday bash it was it was awesome it
was a black birthday
bash building it was dude black birthday building bash bright lights in the
birthday bash dude i
walked in it was the day after the yak case race and oh yeah i was hurting and
i was like all right
i'll just wear this sweatsuit it'll definitely be in a hopefully a bar like a
dark yeah yeah
office lighting it was bright i looked nuts dude no nobody cares like a fool in
front of everyone
what are you talking about nobody cared everyone all eyes were on me you think
my outfit got approved
i went yeah it was sick it was jeans and a pangea t-shirt it was the pangea t-shirt
around all
the kids was making me like i was like thinking about like if i was a kid and i
saw my uncle wearing
a pangea shirt i'd be like damn my uncle's up i have like a really up uncle
dude it took me a
while to get a good pangea t-shirt there's a lot of bullshit out there you have
a good too that was
the first that was the best one i could get that wasn't a lot of them are just
so overboard this was
straight up map of pangea regular font pangea rest of it was like i wish i
could go back to pangea and
i was like dude that's still pretty good for me it's doing too much dude yeah
so i just went straight
up and show people no bullshit i'm not around that's me i'm not around about it
i know it's like a
bumper people bumper sticker it they're just like you know wish you could go
back to pants like dude
this isn't a joke dude yeah this is what the whole world used to be landlocked
yes and we got
broken apart apart by earthquakes bullshit why why they basically talked about
that in the bible
yeah everyone there's one everyone was one group and they broke it yeah like
the tower of babel yeah
it was paying pangea yes pangea but yes we got in there it was a good time dude
vortex
dude slap cup was so fun how i was trying to explain it's so fun it's the most
fun you can have
with your cousin the whole time was making me it was so fun that was insane did
you hear what i was
alpha battle what i was hitting him with no i heard the one you're going you
don't get around guys
like me yeah i started with him so bad dude he came over so being he we were
talking so he came
over to my right so so he could slap my cup anytime so i was like dude relax
yeah just relax we'll get
we can get like a selfie in a little yeah just hang out just hang out for a
minute i thought he was
gonna fuck me up and then the game went he got in the last game he got oh it
was so fun i saw him the
next day he was or the day after two days whatever it was but he was uh he was
joking he goes dude he
said the whole way home my friend lg was just like dude pat was devastated yeah
that was fun he got
destroyed because then he had he chugged the full cup yeah just because yeah he
was having fun it was
crazy you got after it i got up the first game i didn't the first game i got
trapped between my two
bros john and andrew and they're the ones who showed me the game they were
unreal they're dude
it's ridiculous and then spud me spud and pat there at the end that was a hot
corner there's so
much pressure there's so much pressure oh yeah yeah britney found this uh like
party hall it was all
like last minute five person party hall it was dude and now that's of course
yes it makes perfect sense
yeah who cares yeah but yeah dude it was yeah not a big deal but it was yeah
and the ladies like a balloon station for photos my wife set that up but yeah
dude i know what a
black person party hall looks like i performed in a couple of them and they
keep the lights on like
that for the black person comedy show me and her got there at first we got
there the first really
the first people there really bring stuff there she's like oh i know there's so
much room we could
have done a 360 camera thing i'm like no dude i just shut it down i was like no
yeah that's great the 360
camera thing is so intimidating dude it really is what do you do with your body
you go on it because
everyone's on there just like real cool but it's like i couldn't do it i wouldn't
be able to go on
there and be like god getting a 360 view of my body just standing there just to
360 he's like
fuck haha now you see me now you don't yeah just go on there and be like true i
like that yeah
i would just flex dude uh if i went on one of those and just flex it on my
black hair
my muscles are so big yes but yeah it was the menu was funny billy was saying
it looked like a place
for like conjugal visits he was exactly right it literally at the beginning
before everybody started
getting turned before the game it was it was not i wouldn't say tense it was
very nice but it was
still like everyone was sober yeah in like a perfectly lit yeah room yeah just
just chilling
yeah yeah then it got things things got a little rowdy yeah but yeah dude the
slap cup is unbelievable
yeah it was extremely enjoyable our women got involved they have to you got to
get them in because
then you get it was so funny when i i heard you right when right when britney
asked to
she was like can i play you're like yeah well yeah okay i heard you i heard you
just for one
second be like god damn it can i play yeah yeah well yeah well what i was
thinking i was going in my
head i'm like there's too many people tables full i understand so i was going
you said yes naturally
yeah and you realize the table was full yeah and there was that slow things up
there's a hot corner
don't need this right now i'm gonna have to take all the drinks she's
definitely not gonna make a
single cup yeah i had to take that's what happened i had to take my woman's
that's what happened and
then you have to have mercy yes yes i got caught in a vortex and there was no
mercy on me i was just
dude i got destroyed and i had to drink the last the full cup and it was like i
had no room in my
i had just eaten like a bazillion wings two chicken sandwiches two big pieces
of cake like let's play
slap top and the last time i played i barely drank i was just killing it i got
destroyed dude i was
dying you're the birthday boy i was the birthday i had a birthday belly dude
that was fun though
it was so much fun with the helium guys you sang some fucking karaoke that was
unbelievable
that's all i wanted you know i love karaoke yeah i know you do you know i love
it thank you man it
was all right you're on your lady it was unbelievable britney's good i watched
the tape that was shocking
i watched the tape i said i could have you know i could have done my third
exercise as paul's i could
have went i saw you strengthen your vocal cords really yeah you want to
straight you don't want to put
any intonation on it you'll have you belt it dude and then you can sing you can
sing yeah i took one
singing lesson i told you you crank voice yeah i took one singing lesson in my
life the dude told me
he goes don't it's not for you just because you have he's like you're you have
a deviated septum
he's like you'll never be one of the greats he's gonna give a deviated you said
i'm either gonna be
one of the greats or i'm not doing it yeah well he this dude was pretty discouraging
dude he was an
opera i went to an opera singer's basement one time and took one singing once
i didn't know exactly what i was gonna do when i was in college i didn't know
what i was gonna do
with my life yet dude my things i was like maybe i'll be a singer what you were
a good singer you are
a good singer it wasn't totally out of the realm you can play guitar and you
can sing a little that's
what i'm saying it is batshit crazy you went to a fucking opera singer's
basement get a hot wife
yeah of course he's a hot spanish wife he was like a lex luthered guy in a townhouse
just hitting notes
on a keyboard and like do that one he would go mm-hmm and he was at one point
he like spent he was
like open your mouth and i had to like him obviously didn't like have sex with
me whatever but he was
like the fact that my jaw on hinges was a problem he goes oh no that's that's
not ideal and then there
was like he's like yeah the deviated septum man you're gonna have a tough time
i was like bro i'm
just trying to fucking try and that was it yeah and he was like and you're like
well i guess you can
continue if you want but he was like there's you know he's like it's whatever
how much did it cost
it wasn't much it was like 40 50 bucks for the initial one it was a nice racket
oh dude 50 bucks somebody comes down he crosses the dream he goes all right
he could have strung me along he was being dead honest he hit me with like he's
like bro if you
want to get to my level he's like i can't say that you ever will i was like
fair enough it was pretty
tight he did give me some key things of like you always want to make sure it's
coming from your stomach
can't sing from your nose and if you if you think you're a nasal singer just
hold your nose while
you sing it shouldn't affect your intonation at all really i mean again these
are hard effects
you have to you have to learn the rules before you can break them you know what
i mean obviously
people break the rules there's a lot of lawbreakers in here tonight yeah dude
that was fun the party
karaoke good time all literally all around a good time do you know i had no
granny made it to helium
i didn't know they made it yeah they made it there they got in i didn't see
them i don't think
they came early and they're like yeah these guys i was back there i was sitting
back there with
adam friedland yeah he also crushed karaoke yeah he did really good it was wild
yours was nice too that was fun yours was a little overboard with the hitler
stuff that was fun i
thought it was funny that was hilarious then i got done and i was like i
probably shouldn't have said
all that it was funny you were you were sliding them in where like you had to
be looking for it
yeah if you people were just listening like what like if i was a girl and i
like could barely pay
attention what was going on i was i it would have went right on my yeah what
did he yell i was like
nothing baby he's just joking who's that couple i don't know they were just out
by the bar freak
couple came in and dominated out by the bar woman with her nipples out yeah she
wasn't wearing a bra
i noticed weird i noticed that i liked it i locked in what happened was they
were like you know with no
disrespect they were like a weird artsy couple and i think they thought like we're
going to show these
squares something about karaoke and they ran into a absolute buzz song yeah
they were nice for like
if they're you know if you're bopping around to follow your lady didn't they
what did they go
after yeah one lady had to go out yeah she had to go out britney went first he
had let it off yeah
she dude she loved she was so eager and she was excited to go first in my head
i was like
yeah all right we'll see coal dude by the way she just picks keisha cole first
note first words out
of her mouth i was like no oh yeah this is wild she's a phenomenal singer yeah
she's a fan of my
my daughters should probably be divas i hope they're not wwe just actual not wwe
i don't want them to
trash their bodies i just want them to smoke crack and get hit by their boyfriends
you want to die in
the bathtub let them do some cracking a little crack fucking pass away from
crack is that what whitney died
from no i don't think i don't think you can die from crack yeah i think he's
living crack makes you for
real immortal i think so i think you're i think your chest can seize up who the
what what comedy i was
just watching somebody stand up talking about oh i think it was louie talking
about uh homeless people
in like phoenix just standing o