Name: Ep 429 - The YouKnowWho's & YouKnowWhat's (feat. Rob Crews, Naim Ali, and Dru Montana)
Uploaded: 2023-02-08T22:58:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 429 - The YouKnowWho's & YouKnowWhat's (feat. Rob Crews, Naim Ali, and Dru Montana)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 429 - The YouKnowWho's & YouKnowWhat's (feat. Rob Crews, Naim Ali, and Dru Montana)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-08. Transcript available.

Ep 429 - The YouKnowWho's & YouKnowWhat's (feat. Rob Crews, Naim Ali, and Dru Montana)

the wild wild west yes dude we're here live matt and shane's secret podcast shane
is away handling
serious business at the super bowl but i do have the bros here dude yes rob
cruise naim ali
drew montana yes here we go do rag and a deer tag thank you thanks for coming
and bailing me out
guys oh dude appreciate you having us i would have sat here by myself and just
went like uh
i don't know uh uh you would have figured it out true i could have had it i
could have talked to
guardian as well yeah but i don't i don't want to you know have you ever done a
solo pot like yeah
i've ripped him on patreon a couple times okay try to talk it gets really weird
especially if you have
a live chat you can break down immediately yeah i've gotten high and did it one
time on patreon
or like for a patreon thing as soon as someone's like you you're like stop that
guy's problem i
couldn't do it with a lot dude you get you get up immediately if i say
something funny and it doesn't
get a million laugh emojis i'm fucking ending the stream dude and you can have
it'll be yeah cool
cool then one guy like you're a loser and a fraud and you go and then you're
talking but you have
another part of your mind that's actually thinking about that what's that guy's
problem and you start
being like no i'm not and you're done you're dude scott adams does a podcast as
a guy who created
dilbert where he sits in front of a live stream me me and shane talked about
this last week where it was
like he's there's like boomer type dudes that are like getting crushed in the
comments yeah because
you guys deal you guys deal with negative comments yet or you guys yeah yeah
yeah we get them we get
some everyone's nice at first and then it flips and people start you get nasty
boys yeah it rules when
you only have like three comments usually that's nice usually three dudes are
pumped on you yeah when
you get like 300 like five of them are going to go it's you fucking piece of
shit yeah we only usually
get bad comments when we do somebody else's podcast so like after this i'm
gonna be like
name he's dressed like i think it's a rite of passage yeah yeah you have to
just endure the the uh
you know dude the comments the opinions the comments secretly love my teeth
yeah they do they're
secretly big fans of my chompers dude they want them that's tight they want
their own pair of these
things i'm gonna start selling them dude they are beautiful dude they're like
abstract thank you
yo you said his teeth abstract yeah dude dude dude you gotta have a good thing
are you are you
familiar with the mobius strip no so when you like invert a circle so that it
goes on like forever
the way it's twisted you never know what side is up or down that you're saying
his teeth that's
up it's actually up dude they're like a small clock dude they're like a pocket
watch in front of your
eyes you're saying his teeth his teeth just like just go above and beyond euclidean
geometry you're
saying you can't 100 i squint when i look at drew that's up actually yeah if
you look at stuff
i'm trying to get away from that stuff if you look at him from the side it's a
giraffe i swear to god
like the sideways giraffe it's weird are you gonna are you gonna invisalign
when you get paid or like
what are you gonna do now it's just a matter of time you guys are gonna get
paid yeah i can't wait
will you invisalign or are you gonna are you gonna get a grill i think i'm
getting gross nice
i went to the dentist the other day and she's pretty hot and she told me she
stared into my face for
like an hour while i was like this and she was like yo your teeth aren't that
bad and i was like don't
lie to me lady but also like i got good eyes and shit like you could have said
that yeah but the
fact that she said that gave me some hope so maybe i don't think i can fix
these things i don't think
they're that bad i don't think they're you know again i'm not like i'm i more
look at girls that
way i don't appraise dudes physically but so i don't know there you go yeah
yeah see we street
no i was trying to bait you into something there i'm just kind of like whatever
you didn't take the
cheese dude good job i have a very attractive dermatologist who's seen my penis
multiple times
and it's just cool you got pimples on your penis no it's just i had dry skin i
was dealing with it
now that i didn't want to get into this dude i had like this crazy dry skin
that i thought was ringworm
it turned out it was just eczema so i was putting ringworm cream on my dick for
like six months dude and
it just turned my dick like completely red and just it was like elephant
graveyard my half my dick was
like pride lance the other half was elephant graveyard like six months until
finally i
showed my i like walked around and paraded my teenist to like urgent care my
doctor non-stop
and then finally i had it they showed it to the dermatologist it was like this
she's a babe
and she was like oh try this it's actually probably it's not that damn that's
the one
place i don't have eczema i have eczema everywhere but my dick dude it sucks i
had the opposite going
on i had no eczema so i was like dude this is definitely ringworm yeah and then
only it's mostly
on my ass though like my ass looks like crocodile skin you never want to see my
cheeks bro never
is it genetic or well i think it's a diet thing like inflammation i drink a lot
i noticed when i'm
eating a lot of sugar that's when my sugar sugar kicks it up stress very stress
gotcha like if
you have if your babes not acting right they'll fly right they'll flare up oh
hell yeah did you ever
try to hit a babe with that be like you're doing shit that's bad for my health
right now oh they
don't give a fuck about that they don't do that at all you're like no like what
you're doing is
killing me and they're like dude fuck off yeah man the fuck up what do you mean
i used to say that to
get out of eating pussy i'll be like i have a tongue condition where it like
gets weaker over time
i was like you don't even want this problem it's gonna be a problem for both
dressed like why are
you getting out of eating pussy she's like sometimes i don't want to do it
really yeah that's you're
tripping i don't love it eating pussy is fun that's i mean i respect dudes that
don't eat
pussy do you not eat pussy no i'll eat it you begrudgingly eat pussy no i'll
eat it but it's like
it's like a kid going to the dentist dude
like i don't want to go but like give me a fucking a lollipop after dude give
me a sucker you know what i'm
saying do you have like because that's foreplay do you have to how do you foreplay
yourself up into
like do you have to be like pushed down no my dick gets pretty hard no i don't
i'm not saying
that i'm saying stop trying to get me to talk about your dick dude i've had a
weird dick too talk
about his wait i've been a weird dick thing we can go to that no my dick's fine
dude it used to be
weird if you got it fixed i got work done oh yeah rob used to have to get uh
sounded because his dick
hole was too small so these are what yeah they put sticks inside of his hole
did they really they
stretched you out pause and my poppy did it stretch your penis all open yeah
and my poppy did it
my poppy put the stick in what poppy my pops like your dad yeah i thought you're
saying you went to
the poppy store dude they're a poppy fix your dick the dominicans on 20. yeah
he with the geminize
in them geminize what's this fix it i got sun chips in a sick hole they didn't
like the sandwich
toothpicks they're fucking hold still pop so your dad fixed your penis hole is
your dad a urologist or is
he just like is that his passion it's kind of like um it's just really good you
know like how like the
vet will like teach you how to like give your dog medicine like that's how that's
what the doctors
did with my dad oh they were like here's how you can train your boy's bird we're
not why didn't they
do it wrap his bird and cheese why didn't the doctors why did they train your
dad to doctor your bird
i mean who else is going to do it the doctor well i have to do it every day
what did you you had to
stick something down your dick you guys have talked about this yeah yeah plenty
of time so you had to
stick some at least that's why they call me the iron cruise so every day you
have to get hard for
this or flaccid um think carefully dealer choice dealer choice it works either
way
was this like an after school thing he was like bro put your book back down we're
gonna yeah it was
credits no it was uh what how old were you doing this if you don't mind me
asking uh i was like
like seven okay that's probably the best time to do it i thought you were the
worst time the best time
was like never i mean if you're you could be like 14 that would be oh yeah that's
yeah 14 would be rough
so what was like the breakdown you're gripping your shaft i presume right uh
yeah yeah okay you're
you're gripping shaft and he's just what's he's sticking down there uh it was
uh
he said he's plunging it the shit's clocked dude there's no way a doctor told
your dad to stick
stuff down your penis hole it was a leaf blower
what is it like a bike pump so wait so so what was the instrument what was the
instrument it had
have been like a specialized it was um it was just like a blue plastic stick
damn and did he at least
lube it up he spit on it he spit on it no no i don't think he lubed it up or
anything to my knowledge
he had lubed it up yeah he can't do that maybe he kept it from me yeah he
probably was yeah he probably
he probably also didn't want you to see the stuff he's probably bro yeah michael's
special stuff but
yeah i think did he ever give you the birds and the bees talk while like fixing
your dick
like look here when a boy and a girl like chill chill chill brother chill
brother yo
how hard does this hurt like uh it did first and then actually it was pretty
smooth
it's like anal it's like yeah for sure it's kind of how long did the treatment
go off for if you break
your penis simon that thing kind of feels good after yeah he was my first i can't
breathe damn dude
that's what was so were you having like compasses like how did the doctor
figure this out was it like
shooting to the side like how do they know you're so you don't want to talk
about this by the we don't
have to talk about it no it's okay too late no it was um i i had like i got a
like a hernia
like an obscurely young age um and then and then i went to the doctor for that
and then there was a
little bird play and then they saw what was going on what the yeah that sucks
but i
do think seven was a good age you got me thinking seven is a good age i had no
uh like schmeckle
insecurity yeah yeah like at that age i'm like this could be the sickest yeah
yeah well being four
weird because you like vaguely you'd have like dreams about him like why am i
thinking about you
you wouldn't really yeah you wouldn't really remember you're old enough to be
like my dad's not
you know if it would have happened when you were four you'd have thought that
aliens was abducting
you at night and doing it to you daily now yeah like that's how that's how
vague the memory would
have been you'd be like damn why are you guys ufos picking me up and sticking
my dick but because
it was seven you actually remember like okay you're the contacts to be like you
know what i mean
as a dad i could never do that to my son he just would have we had to get a
transgender surgery or
something like that that's great yeah i give props to my dad yeah your dad's
the man yeah really yeah
that's wild he had my back in my front
yeah i mean did he have a similar oh no it was because of uh was it because of
the hernia or what
uh no it was just something they noticed as an aside how do they notice that
though i gotta go i
want them to look at mine now yeah my dad might have to fix my penis hole yeah
how do you know if
it's too skinny that's what i'm saying like uh i mean it did make sense i do
kind of like remember
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