Name: Ep 436 - Ample Men (feat. Sam Tallent)
Uploaded: 2023-03-29T16:31:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 436 - Ample Men (feat. Sam Tallent)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 436 - Ample Men (feat. Sam Tallent)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-29. Transcript available.

Ep 436 - Ample Men (feat. Sam Tallent)

the wild wild west he's like i know last time that we hung out i was just the
producer now
now i'm cool i was the producer now i'm the produced yeah yes you sound like
um that was a great clip to start out on man what riffraff yeah that was great
yeah it's
very fun i just i gotta watch that every day to be like whenever i'm worried
about anything like
wait this guy that guy exists i need to tap into that yeah it's the best but
sam you were saying
because that's something i'd like to go back to yeah what did sean tell you uh
sean said hey i
want to let you know i'm cool now why'd you say that or was it a voice to text
message i didn't
sam's busting my chops i would never lie from there how's the producer shot
looks good
that's a great idea you gotta run ideas like this by me dude no this is your
world dude no way dude
i forgot i had i had that camera just sitting in my house i forgot all about it
was in my basement
it's a great idea yeah producer shot dude prod shot i want the mayor to do
found footage holding
it as close to sean's yo getting tight zoom on them yeah i'd like to see more
of the mayor and sean the
blair bitch project yeah the mayor and sean are two handsome nice boys they are
handsome man i like
to look at them both of them are sweet guys they're specimens man they are they're
from different ends
it's unbelievable they're both the same species yeah aliens would be pissed
yeah like we're never gonna
figure this out no sean did nothing but invite me to come to his show he was
very sweet to me damn
he big-timed you said i can get you tickets to my show yeah he's like i put you
on the guest list i
can't get you in yeah no green room access but oh you can yeah i got you you
can stand physically
prevent you from getting like dude come on dude yeah he put his hands on me you
were just sean
was on tour all week oh you're doing like arenas the wheels on the bus dude i
was just doing theaters
just theaters dude listen to them man wow it's going to his head
a little taste so much fun what's your preferred pyrotechnic
what was in the t-shirt cannon sean no t-shirt cannon wow wow all right you can
edit that part
you don't need that you don't need to take that it's all good dude we're just
job it's a warm-up dude
it's just warming up honestly it's it's for the best before it'd be like we'd
be la mary and sean
inflating us dude if this were ancient greece we'd be getting inflated by these
guys yeah so you
could you could give them the knowledge they needed to engage with holding like
yeah like stuff about
cubes from them and then they fillet us and they all right here's the deal with
fucking cubes yeah
here's a little tube like what the fuck's this like it's just like a double
multiplier like what the
fuck if it's a triangle it's just as long to this side as it is to that side
i want to teach you about the world of ideal head i did i can't believe i didn't
inflate any of my
geometry teachers it's kind of fucked up that's why you don't retain it well i
was actually pretty
decent but yeah i would have remembered more if you were good at geometry i was
nasty i don't know how
dude what pi r squared terrible at algebra and i took geometry off as well and
i'd be like doing the
proofs like well it's that like how do you know i'm like i don't i don't
remember one i was hopeless
dude those proofs i somehow could be like bam and spit them out for like a b
average it was just there
dude i know what a parallelogram is but that's about it what's a parallelogram
it's a it's like
a rectangular square it's where the two sides are exactly parallel that's all i
remember i did like
to think about the parallel lines going on forever that was the one thing in
geometry class that i was like
fuck yeah dude line segments they'll never touch yeah never dude it's kind of
sad like forever
they want to touch dude that's all they want two points they're so close unrequited
lines
yeah just running parallel makes me think about parallel universes we should
just go full
parallelogram maybe think about parallel universe move 100 grams i went to
school in 1991
it's cracked like deep and starkest yeah you can just talk in rhymes i'm like
an am radio it's a
stream of constant nonsense it'll just go on forever you're just gonna start
talking in sound effects
you pulled my hood up on me dude i'm sorry guys this is a great powerful sam
talent hey everyone
i'm so concerned at whatever angle i sit on this couch people are gonna call me
a wad load there's
no way to sit there's no way to sit on this that's why i've gone full mummy
yeah i'm just bobsled this
entire time yeah because if i sit forward they're gonna be like good lord damn
if we got the folds on
that sweatshirt if we got you on a luge dude you'd be flying first turn you're
in the orbit
must be so cool to be big and strong like you guys dude i'm such a twerp i'm
such a twerp dude
i was asking i was fucking twerp i was asking sam about the one of those hokas
yeah he was like
they're perfect for the ample man yeah yeah they are dude calling us ample men
i might be stealing
ample valor definitely dude you don't need those bro i need these no you don't
i want feet i come
from ample men dude i'm just a midget hokas brand themselves is like for ultra
marathon runners but
just dudes who punish cc's just big ample men walking yeah executive cut says
the tailor at my wedding
called me dude i went to really yeah the executive yeah he's like we're gonna
need an executive cut
for you and your groomsmen i was like whatever that means yes yeah i like when
they do that for big
guys oh yeah when they have nomenclature your presidential size yeah big royal
yes damn that's awesome they said that though get a big bathtub for you i got i
took a bath this
weekend how was it it's fucking insane yeah it's great because it's a treat for
guys like us it's so
great did you do it finally there's a tub big enough for me during the show now
they dropped it from the
after i would have drowned puked in the tub i do them after stand up to calm it'll
like get me ready
for sleep do you use salts up i gotta start bringing them he gave me he gave me
some salts i got some
salts i was feeling ill once and you sent me some salts dude they're nice oh
yeah i did i forgot about
that be a carrier pigeon dude i opened the closet yesterday and i saw them and
i thought man that was
very nice matt were they lavender scented yeah yeah good good good god i did
use salts in my bath dude
aromatherapy with salts yeah such a relief very nice water as hot as you know
although i did piss
pretty quickly in the tub in the tub yeah oh did you at least did you at least
arc up and shoot it
in the air did you piss i laid and looked at my penis while it was pissing oh
you saw the river you
saw the car yeah i saw the stream dude you gotta go down and i laid in my own
piss
and then i blew my nose once because i thought i was in the shower
it was just boogers and piss i took an unreal monsters bath
the glamorous life disgusting bath i had to shower after the bath yeah that's
actually probably good
for you though just sitting here they say drinking your piss is good for you i've
never heard anyone
debunk that a little bit of piss i heard it's good how deep of a dive have you
done on that though
not very bear grills not very bear grills drank his piss every episode you
remember yeah did he
really yeah he didn't even have to as soon as he got off the plane he just be
like one for me
yeah pour some out for the real though they filmed that show it was like a
regular it wasn't like he
was actually out in the wild no there was a whole team of producers and cameras
watching him like
drinking caprice sometimes you have to drink your own piss in the woods yeah he's
in the woods drinking
his piss yeah like behind the airport in the woods and discovery nat geo is
like this is our guy yeah
that was a good show dude i was watching river monsters too river monsters is
nice yep were they
catching big fish yeah dude carp really they go catfish pretty historic
creatures i saw him he was in
indonesia catching puffer fish that were biting guys what there's a bunch of
puffer fish biting
motherfuckers jesus he's catching get rid of them yeah people are going to say
i look like a puffer fish
in this video now dude i got don't give them any good i got hit hard after the
last one because i
wore a long sleeve key west shirt and they were like oh good kirby's on this i
was like why am i reading
these what's the matter with me i did it last night i read some youtube
comments what'd you read i was just
bored i was sitting here i started scrolling until i tried i tried to find one
yeah i got one trying
to find you scrolled and there were so many good ones there were so many good
ones then i finally
found one i was like this was crazy they're like this guy's great i'm so glad i
found this yeah
and it's like oh michael even more is so funny it's like it's like he doesn't
know yeah the guy
who's complimenting him he doesn't know yeah then you find the guy who calls
you a loser and you're
like he knows yeah he gets dark souls connecting online yeah some guy just
typing it going oh
that's what happens when those parallel lines connect true just sadness chaos
yeah that is
fun seeking out the one that just really hurts your feelings and just going it's
crazy yeah
i knew it you do it to yourself because it's a new feeling it's like it's a
realer feeling than
gratitude and it's just cutting yourself where no one can see true it is kind
of like cutting you're
very actually right about finding a complete stranger that calls you a dickhead
yeah i knew
it yeah i was thinking about when we like we eventually start to die and then
like be like
processing your death as well as online comments i mean lord will and the cast
goes into like just
cass is not going anywhere going into death might not stop you imagine just
dying and being like this
guy is a jerk i'm being serious about my death it's really affecting me he's
calling me gay
yeah it'd be tough all those negative comments reverse though when you die yeah
best guy they used to
attack patrice oh yeah you get on the ona subreddit they'd be like gorilla no
this is that soda told me
i didn't look back then so sort of sort of the beans on the ona subreddit yeah
you see he spilled the
billions of beans no what he's what he's the news alleges that he revealed that
it was the it was
their last season he goes oh was i not supposed to say that i didn't know that
he was on like tv
i don't know if it's just the media he spilled the beans on legion skanks i
think he spilled the
bees it was like yeah you know it's the final um oh uh i don't know if i'm
supposed to say this
not my last season of the show so nice so nice he's the best he's got my
favorite smoky hill brain
over here in new york city you can't take trash out of aurora colorado and
expect him to be your
mouthpiece for your multi-million dollar show true i love my god i would go to
it when i when i first
moved here i was at his apartment every day and it's just it was it was funny
to see what happens when
a trash person gets money like that yeah his whole apartment was just wrestling
figures it was just
it wasn't even like replica belts it wasn't even like set up it was like a
folding table
like a plastic table on the side with just all over it wrestling belts
everywhere i would play him in
video games he would wear them put it on his shoulder so everyone would come
home to colorado
around christmas we'd be like damn what's it like in the big city and he'd be
like oh my god it's the
greatest you guys got to come out there and then like a bunch of terrible open
micers would hit
him up when they come to new york and he'd be like i can't get you on anything
he's he's the king yeah he is he would take me to the cellar yeah i couldn't
sit at the table i
would just sit at the bar and stare at the people at the table somebody would
be like who's that guy
who's your 