Name: Ep 440 - A Very Interesting Molecule
Uploaded: 2023-04-26T20:47:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 440 - A Very Interesting Molecule' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 440 - A Very Interesting Molecule' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-26. Transcript available.

Ep 440 - A Very Interesting Molecule

wow wow wes all right yes hey everybody welcome to the podcast matt what have
you got for him today
dude i uh oh i don't know man you too man we chatted briefly yesterday yeah did
you finish
meth storm no it actually made me sad didn't make which where'd you get to uh i
got like
probably like 30 minutes in but my grub hub had arrived oh and i started trying
to eat
uh it's a grub storm and then i couldn't eat because they were injecting into
yeah yeah and i
had to turn it off that's maybe nauseous how hard and terrible their lives were
did you get to the
second brother no maybe i didn't get far enough the other brother's so nice
which one the one that
gets out of jail no that guy that one guy finds religion in jail the other guy
has like a he's
like ninja you buy ah yeah it's like if you're a big enough loser someone opens
a drawer and he's like
here's i have secret weaponry for you it's time it's like a 35 dollar like
ninja blade ninja turtle
fucking trident dagger whatever that thing is what's that called i know you
know
is that a sigh i thought it was a sigh it's not a sigh it's something you grab
like this but then
there's two flare it's like a almost like a mini double sickle yeah it's
fucking so funny how dudes
gravitate toward they're like i mean it's obviously people have talked about it
but it still makes me laugh
no when dudes grab just like an advanced don't worry about hack premises karate
don't let that get to
you especially especially on meth don't let witnessing hack premises get true
especially on
meth it was taking meth and getting ninja weaponry one of my bros used to do it
with airsoft guns it's
a dangerous break-in dude if you break into a guy's house he's messed out with
a katana all they were
doing is breaking in you saw the videos of the dea and local police were just busting
into trailers
yeah and the dudes were so they don't all the guys go sir yes sir when they
would get busted yeah
yes sir sir yes sir true so respectful dude it was crazy i liked the in the
beginning just the fat guy
on the on a porsche was like no they're like we saw we have video of you
selling meth at the walmart he's like
i don't think i doubt it like okay well you gotta you're going to jail he's
like well all right i
hadn't done it it wasn't me i hadn't done it yeah yeah that opening scene of
them all ripping meth in
the car is oh it's crazy that's what immediately i was like oh i can't watch
this mother son yeah
injecting into him she's like oh your veins too hard it's hard yeah we might be
able to use this hole
that's already in your arm oh yeah it's the whole family though ripping meth
and driving around it's
crazy that's a look it's fun while it lasts that's a good day once that moment
where the whole fam's
on meth in the car yeah true you got about 10 million i saw the witch doctor he
told me play the name
game in the car dude shani wani bo bonnie fan of pho bonnie that would complicate
i spy with my little
eye big shadow man he's buying everything bats we're in bad country even awake
for six days this is bat
country the four horsemen of the apocalypse la mare bear bo bear banana phantom
fo fair banana name
game is great it's awesome yeah lamisi was at large last night what was the
museum host host of the uh
oh this is the host with the most at the host at the big show the comedy show
how often are you doing
that show at helium uh i'm gonna do it as much as i can before philly's funny
start so i'm gonna try
to do it every week nice um but i gotta get down there it's fun i should have
gone down last night
i mean it's a drive it's a drive for 10 minutes i should have though it would
have been fun
it's next week too i will just blasting out a new stuff i'm trying to do new
stuff every time
i need to do that it's so fun dude that reminds me we should promote dates oh
towards the beginning
yeah i know because my greedy agents added shows oh may what do you have coming
up may 12th and 13th
i'm in cleveland and pittsburgh that's good and i need those come on guys the
hell yeah get out there
cleveland and pittsburgh may 12th and 13th also we're doing that show me tim dylan
nick mullen and big j in charleston south carolina oh some gentlemen going down
there some some northern
some yankees headed down to the south to raise hell yeah dude the big one right
now is comedy
connection rhode island that's this one that'll be fun that's this weekend that's
a big one and
comedy works you've done that before right no it's never been comedy works denver
that's the big one
i mean if that's not already sold out i don't know i haven't probably sold out
i haven't checked but
that's coming up in may 11th to the 13th yes rhode island's this weekend get
the heck out there get
out there what the fuck and if you don't you don't you know what i mean if you
don't whatever i'm
comfortable last night we had a nice crowd of 65 i was delighted that's nice
that's fun dude with
like a couple days from road i didn't think anyone was going to be there it's
fun goofing so fun it was
perfect it's perfect yeah i've gotten over a lot of that where i'm like i know
i'll at least get 60
people now which is just enough cleveland and pittsburgh ones are me up are
they giant
theaters see that's all god i got greedy we had them both sold out and then
myself like i think
we think you can sell this out again if we add another i'm like all right do it
try it yeah yeah
worst comes the worst you pack them all up front i'm not doing that scatter
hurt my feelings no so you
you sit where the ticket you bought all right higher ushers yeah higher ushers
yeah that'd be nice
nope check his ticket i don't he doesn't look like he could be up front riffraff
no no no
that'd be funny if it was just like 100 people in the very upper level awesome
that would be actually
pretty safe yeah you could jeer them just be like losers i'm not a loser for
not selling this
if i bought a ticket i'd be right here you're the ones who are losers
i'm making money cleveland what are you doing dude i thought we had a
relationship
hurry up dude yeah pittsburgh is definitely a no-brainer and cleveland i think
will be cleveland's in the
rocks it's a middle that's a heartland dude yeah chili capital cincy cincy so
cleveland i thought ohio
was all chili just cincinnati cleveland is the chili chili so cleveland is
nothing on the rock and roll
hall of fame oh okay and the calves got you that makes the guardians so a
little more brownies out
in cleveland we've got a nice setup then there's animals out there in cincinnati
cincinnati's known
only for their bowls of chili blinders dude good lord dude yeah just in a truck
stop crushing a bowl
of chili taking a shower in the loves taking a shower you're not even a truck
driver you're just
lamair would you shower at a truck stop no no i'm gonna make it in the loves no
dude why are you
you shower at a truck stop i can't i can't do public shits or showers dude oh
okay yeah i'm one of those
just in my house every time you come here just get naked and shit immediately
you might have to get
bigger windows in the back to determine from shitting in there that came out to
here yeah it's stunk out
dude when you listen to a book the whole way up here about like metabolic
health all this stuff
comes up he's like gets a bag of chips like oh lamair did you not hear anything
about fatty liver
if i if i watch one of those documentaries it's like all right i'm keto it
takes two days it takes
two days and then i'm like what the who am i kidding dude he was saying that
people get uh fatty
livers now from sugar there's people it was when you're when you operate it on
they ask you like
do you drink and if you're like drinking more than five nights a nice or five
drinks a night
they have to hit you with like benzodiazepine when you get a surgery so you don't
hit the
fucking dts or in your hospital i didn't know this in your hospital bed they'll
give you you're not
getting the dts from five drinks and that's what this dude that's taking it
with dr peter don't
drink and they're fucking pussies about it dude it bothers me so much like well
you're not supposed
to have more than two drinks oh it's like shut up dude well apparently the
reservatrol study was
complete bullshit too what's that stuff in that was like it's found in the
grape skin it's like makes
mice live to like 500 years old total they try to replicate that study never
worked anywhere mice
what well they're saying like the reservatrol was that stuff remember back in
the day like dude a
glass of wine is actually like good for you they try to replicate that study no
one ever replicated it
it was nonsense it was fake news pure fake news but all he was saying is if a
guy is upwards of
i think you're saying five or six drinks a day you after they're coming off of
surgery you got to give
them you got to give them benzodiazepine what are we talking bud lights or
glasses of whiskey
probably probably three fingers six glasses of whiskey probably three fingers
yeah that'll
fucking oh rocky but and everyone's different too but they were saying the uh
there was guys that would
like the doctor would cut them open to see their liver and be like what the
dude i thought you said
this guy doesn't drink like he doesn't and they start they slowly started to
realize that people who are
eating a lot of sugar get spotty livers from just sugar pretty nuts i'm telling
them i'm saying
lamere dude metabolic disorder is a pathway to the four horsemen of bad health
lamere comes off you're
already galloping dude you're already you're on the horse dude don't let them
try to take you off
they kept listing stuff on that thing on the way the whole way over they would
like say stuff and i'll go
yeah it's tough it really blows listen to that shit yeah it's it's uh yeah it's
a bad one i was i was
happy to shove that in that doctor's face when i had my chicken finger stomach
like you when i
went in there he was like how much are you drinking i told him i was truthful
yeah and he was like oh
well you have this is your this is pancreatitis there's no doubt you have to
your stomach must be
destroyed from this what and then we got the blood work back he's like no you
just your stomach's just
fucked up i was like yeah i knew my blood work was fine yes bitch yeah you look
pussy dude although
the blood work gateways keep moving and drifting towards unhealthy because it's
the media it's the
average yeah so what normal is now yeah yeah they're like you're normal you're
gonna die like every other
i have high my my blood sugar was high when i did mine really yeah i get the
beat the beatus runs in
my family dude my pa has the beatus my ma has the beatus she has the beatus too
yeah yeah they're they're
this guy is supposing that that's like that once you stop being able to kind of
like process
carbohydrates everything else start unless you do something about it say that
everything else kind
of unravels your brain stops working good stuff yeah you get little you get
deposits what i want to
hear you get little deposits of fat in your muscles that just sit there and
they block it's pretty
nuts awesome it is actually pretty sick dude sick but he does talk about how
sick it fat is and he
goes dude like fat's the most secure place to put your excess carbohydrates
because you have too much
you can only have like dude i was kind of pumped about that he was like what i've
been saying dude
you have like five milliliters of sugar in your in your entire bloodstream at
all times he was saying
like glucose or whatever the it's called you have five and if you go up to
seven
diabetic so he's like the sugar game he's like it's dangerous but if you can
get that into fat he's
like you're golden bro do you store like i think like 50 000 calories of fat in
your body ready to
roll ready to roll i might be one of those mice that lives forever you might do
i'm telling you
the book up dude they're talking about what was it lamere what was that
molecule 