Name: Ep 441 - B.L.A.D.E.Z. (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)
Uploaded: 2023-05-03T16:45:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 441 - B.L.A.D.E.Z. (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 441 - B.L.A.D.E.Z. (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-03. Transcript available.

Ep 441 - B.L.A.D.E.Z. (feat. Chris O'Connor & Tommy Pope)

wow wow wes cat scoring a goal i saw this has chris written all over chris is
gonna love this
cat scoring dude is that autistic dude that says like yes mundane yeah brood
walks off like it's
something intense there's a crazy event happening this weekend have we begun
dude have we begun
we've only dude do we ever did we ever even stop that's the question from last
week that's the
question this is big dude what was it just a cat scoring a goal yeah autism
watch that's
crazy what they could do these days uh but yeah i don't know anything the
coolest stuff is found
every day a cat wandering on soccer i'm like that definitely happened yeah the
first time i watched
it i did i had a moment where i was like you can't train a cat yeah the first
time you see it the
first time the ball hits and you're like maybe that happened yeah we'll have a
child's brain
like they purposely hit him or yeah the ball was just going by and he hit it he's
just a nice touch
i've seen some dogs surfing i've seen some dogs sitting on the front of a surfboard
dude leaning into a skateboard a cat hitting the upper it was going so fast the
rest of the thing
was a cat at a press conference watching like a fat security guard try and
catch like a raccoon on a
baseball field yeah i was watching yeah there's some good animals on animals on
field
compilations on youtube you can treat yourself to that can we just bleep what
the cat did so we no
no one knows how the heck are you guys but yeah both of you guys have been
sending me that
south african guy i assume yeah he's so funny it's he's he's locked on to it
the way you're locked on to
cat videos i can't get enough of this guy every 10 minutes i hate him did i
send you the one with
the prince harry prince harry gave up a whole nation for his girlfriend yeah
don't you dare settle for
anything than total his comments are it's just ladies being like oh my god
finally a nice guy
he just it's them doing gorge instead of like hot guys being you know pedro salinas
gorgeous yeah yeah
it's just it's just girls being like it's about time guys stand up
but he's also like he's it's so transparent like what he's going through like
there'll be one where
he's like he's like you with my family you with me and then the next one will
be like
listen don't just ghost me don't wait
dude he's just ghost me i ghost you you left me on red i leave you on you'll
tell when
my love's gone yeah if i don't reply immediately dude he's wearing just like a
bart simpson
that's apparently like an 800 shirt from balenciaga sure sure someone told me
that and i went what the
hell dude he's a sociopath who just reads bumper stickers and like they're
powerful and then walks off
it's like dude i mean i've gone on to watch his youtube vlog and i think it's
very illuminating
yeah he's just a hot dumb guy he's a hot dumb guy who's plugged into a thing
and it's just like
all you can do these days is if you get like you got to get super jacked and
then you can just
walk around and put on like cool kid clothes yeah and say something stupid yeah
yeah he's got like
it's a highly profitable endeavor he's a consultant i actually love girls and
if you were with me
i would be nice to you and i would never be mean i've got a couple yes there's
versions of it there's
like western guys i get cowboys oh yeah cowboy hats like yeah i mean it's it's
like what i wear on my
first date with you it's a cowboy guy it's a christian cowboys just riding a
horse the romance novels for
the modern age yeah they're just the deconstructed romance they also do those
there's females that are
romance novel authors that make instagram reels i was in that hole for a while
wait what one girl
is like a hockey groupie so she only writes romantic novels for like hockey so
it'll be like when you're
checked against when your boyfriend versus your ex-boyfriend meet on the ice
and it's just like a
hockey clip two guys fighting i feel like people that write romance novels
there's no way they're
good in bed you know what i mean they're just fantasizing about being good in
bed i bet they're
pretty that's all i do that's all you can do dude describing these sexual
encounters it's like
they've probably never been you know fingered in the woods no i bet they're
maybe they probably blush
i'd imagine they blush i mean just imagine fingering your third grade english
teacher that's all yeah
it's easier to write
away was there any of your teachers in grade school you would have taken down
oh a hundred percent
i my art teacher i think she was grooming me really yeah what was she doing she
would come to my house
personally and we were gonna put macaroni on your penis tommy she was talking
you had an art teacher
that came and gave you private lessons yes yes and she would like she would
like get closer yeah
thanks oh that'd be awesome for an art teacher it'd be funny if that's how all
the guys in the
renaissance were were just tommy's so you want me to what do you want on that
roof
just taking beer breaks because my neck hurts from painting the ceiling look at
his little pecker
put a little pecker on everybody's got small dicks on purpose
i'm i gotta live with it he does yeah not one yes i made a flying machine it
spins around you fly
it does seem like it's literally a corkscrew on top of it michael angelo's
designer da vinci
he can go himself those designs sucked every one of the drawings is like
something i came up with
in like fifth grade he was he was musk for back in the he was coming up with
like futuristic weapons
you guys gotta see some of my bar napkin drawings they're out there your
drawings your painting's good
i saw it i admired your art i said wow that's nice i'll bring it up here i'd
like that we need some
yeah i need some more art wow wow west this is the teacher i wanted to yeah you
should name
her on this yeah yeah she'd love to hear she's probably dead by now or
something she's dead
self-inflicted or you think old age i don't know but she looked exactly like
pam anderson
she looked exactly like blonde hair and tits i'm about to blow the whistle go
to the goog
people are gonna find this one gonna find her obituary dude she's dead no she's
changed her name
multiple times what i don't know there's no way they're gonna find her yeah we
had an eighth grade
teacher with she was old but she had giant tits yeah and it made everyone
everyone was like she's so hot
yes it's crazy how she was not hot yeah but you're 13 you got waterbed tits
yeah it doesn't matter what
you look like we had a certified babe when i was in eighth grade the fifth
grade teacher was a certified
babe and i used to like disruption uh i don't know it might be definitely yeah
oh dude that's babe teacher
oh really good set it up dude how's that geometry you seriously could probably
take her i don't
want to and if she has a family i don't disrespect her but like you could
probably take her down now
i bet connor what's stopping you dude what is she tutoring uh social studies
bro i forgot all the capitals i need help
oh what's the capital thailand bangkok let's kiss
what'd you look at what'd you see
what's her marital status dude get to the goods
dude that'd be so hot you'd be like macron from france i don't think it would
matter
she knew it was you we had some lesbian teachers too there were there was two
and they're called gym
we had a dog the bounty hunter gym teacher i think she wore like wraparound oaklands
oh dude we had a gym teacher in high school that was dog about it pure dog
about it she would call us
snakes she'd be like get in there snake come on snake she was the best speaking
of heaters dog the bounty
hunters ladies that's our yeah enormous she's dead oh she died she died from
what oh man meat over the
cartel send her head over on a turtle dog was like oh no no did she look like
kind of just like him yes
yeah that's so hot yeah the final lady looks exactly like you and then have sex
with her until she dies
maybe the worst bad breath face in history dog the bounty hunter's wife yeah
why yeah wait for sure
bad breath face i got a bad breath here you could see you could see bad breath
on someone's face
well at that point her tit sweat could be like in the zone of the breath
imagine
tit sweat stinks don't be smart dogs beautiful
that casket had springs on it
shocks dude that's kind of we don't seek out someone who looks like the most
like us
to mate with and they're just it's just your sister
true well non-related obviously it's just your sister
i think a lot of people said something what i think a lot of people do find
people there are
couples where they they do look like they're well there's like a science where
you you constantly
look at yourself and then you you know you see yourself as the standard of
beauty what the hell
happened to me
who told you that somebody told you no you're right to think that no i think
there's like
every time you look at me you're like this is it no i mean there's a no i said
just the wrong words
but there's like a normal the doctor prescribed there's a normalcy to your
angles and your look
so that when you see somebody it looks like you're like if i see a woman it's
like that uh that
chapelle sketch that when the haters go back in time he's like don't make fun
of them buck nasty one
of them could be a great great granddaddy he looks off and he sees somebody's
like
yeah i'd be opposite if i see a woman who looks even remotely like me i want to
physically attack her
yeah i want to destroy her yeah dude you know what you can know what i realize
you can do in
your car in road rage if you're road raging with a woman you're within your
legal right from your car to go
oh yeah from your car don't
i may or may not have employed it today i heard you road raging you were road
raging against the
black lady when we were on the i did yeah i did i rode raged her yes it was
like an intense one
really she rode raged me i was chilling i was dude chill zone 10 o'clock in the
morning it's like i'm
at my zenith of chill no it was 10 o'clock in the morning because i was i was
on the phone with you
you've been getting up a little early every now and again and i think it was i
was heading to work
out okay 10 30 workout bam the uh for a second i was like oh dude it could have
been
bullshit but no i was pulling up and there was traffic on gerard avenue just
you know like a
little two-lane street in philly and i go to pull up and there's like a break
in the traffic because i'm
at a red light ready to make a right and like 20 feet behind me there was like
a lady so i didn't
have the light but i was like i have nothing but space and i'm pulling into
traffic so i just pulled
right in and stopped yeah dude she pulled behind me let off the loudest most
insane honk just a big fat
like pissed off black lady just just fully shaking her car screaming out of her
window and i chilled for
a minute and i stopped and i went rolled my window down i went shut the up
of course she went ballistic dude dude dude they treat yeah she kept telling i
live and i don't care
i don't care i don't care that one got pulled back they no everybody treats gerard
like frogger
they just don't stop and there's not that many lights dude when i was in
college i lived in uh in
north philly and two people it's like older lady and then a younger dude were
just sitting in the
middle of the street like the turning lane and as i went to turn she pushed
this kid in front of like
my car and these are pedestrians yeah and it hooked the the purse of this the
younger one and they made
another car made me pull over as if i hit this person they pull out like a siren
and no he's like
coming off he's like you hit it you hit it going nuts so i pull over and then i
was i just got out
i'm like you okay she dropped her purse right and i'm like are you okay i'm
just passing through and
then i realized the kid's like mentally ill so the girl's like yes and then she
go the mom's like she's
not okay she's not okay and now i'm