Name: Ep 442 - The Devil's Day
Uploaded: 2023-05-10T17:15:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 442 - The Devil's Day' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 442 - The Devil's Day' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-10. Transcript available.

Ep 442 - The Devil's Day

wild wild west hey what the hell's going on sean gardini something about him
last night
yeah about last night bro i did the showcase okay helium last night whitest
crowd he has so far
lightest i knew the day would come i thought you said whitest they're also
probably the whitest
as well sick i mean they've been pretty white crowds but this is only the white
showed up this
time only pretty much yeah whites only did show up i didn't want it that way
but that's
what happened yeah but dude uh we go there i'm like i'm all cocky because the
last couple shows
like 100 some people and i'm like brad what are we looking at what's what do we
got tonight he's like
44 and i was like yeah i got there i said i knew this day would come no i said
i knew this day would
come we had a nice run so i go in there and the crowd you know it's a small
crowd people start to
question if they're at the right thing if it's a smaller crowd people start
getting kind of like
weirded out yeah dude gardini comes out we're a couple deep in cardini comes
out dude we've been
getting licked bro you've been you said we'll lick them tomorrow yeah yeah you've
had the devil's day
a couple people out there had the devil's day dude guard dog guard dog is back
there on a half a stove
going i'm gonna lick them tomorrow comes out dude lick them tomorrow though
dude i was i said the boys
become a man i was watching him i said i think the boys become a man he kills
yeah the garden he had a
fantastic set in a hell yeah pretty you know not the best of circumstances dude
comes out i say god
damn it he finally mumbled his way into he mastered the mumble last night i
watched the mumble be
mastered i went god damn yeah the mumble's nice always become a boy became a
man last night on stage
uh don't you think trans people are stupid
dude i could have been happier i was sitting there going this is the best
nice took command of the whole room i watched i said god damn he's a young custer
he's a young
custer dude yeah you might be custer dude i decided you were obviously grant
chairman obviously
there's no doubt yeah obviously there's no doubt
well marry you frederick douglas
yeah it was it was fun though it's a good time i was happy to see it that's
awesome dude the mayor on the
way up man his navigation has taken just another development that i couldn't
have seen coming
wrong eggs of the mayor dude oh my god dude dude on the way i'm sorry this is
the quote i was looking
for about grant chairman this was sherman on grant he said he stood by me when
i was crazy and i stood
by him when he was drunk now sir we stand by each other always
god might be the cast we might be grant chairman i'm flexing my fucking might
be grant chairman dude
unbelievable so what did lamizzi do on the way such a good quote dude it's i
love it the uh i was
telling him after a couple exits i was like lamera are they they like planning
me a surprise birthday
party or something like are you trying to keep me away like what is he driving
like a fool just kept
messing i'll be sitting there like i you know don't bother him and i'm like uh
hey dude we're on this
one right like that yeah wrong exit my god no big deal i had three minutes
really nobody deal and then
we're getting on the rfk bridge he's just i'm like dude this is the one man we
can't miss this one oh
like bro are you what the hell's going on i was i was just you know i was just
off
oh you what's what's in your head at the end he's high
you get stoned you hired a driver and he gets high every day
even if it's the exact same drive every time he's gonna forget no i didn't
forget dude i'm the
worst i was like dude if you're worse than me in navigation no i didn't need
the nav dude i didn't
need the nav i had oh you tried to go no nav you did try to go no nav yeah it
just use them i was
nailing it i was an elegant why is he saying differently because the nav came
up
these are the crucial exits we need critical exits almost missing the rfk
bridge was pretty funny
although i did was blowing his mind lemare to be fair to you i'd showed lemare
311 music the album
dude bro it was too powerful that was part of the argument that was back to the
prince argument
anytime my managers in the green room i hit her with this is better than prince
somebody somebody
was like my first conference concert was 311 and i was like better than prince
bro do you know 311
story amber's the color of your energy back when they their old albums they
were basically rap metal
and reggae combined and they were like dude you guys gotta pick a genre and
stick to it we'll never
be able to get you on the radio yeah like what if we don't like you'll be on
the road forever and they
went sick that's what we want to do anyway year two of the road they were like
whoops
whoops i'm dying no they just finally came up with the hit album they're like
fuck it we'll put you guys yeah we don't care awesome ever since they just been
like whatever
who was first sublime or 311 oh that's a good question because there's that
whole genre of like
california like white reggae rap you know where 311 is from omaha yes i did
know that from
fucking omaha yes i think they might have been around the same time
311 might be a little older than them maybe i don't know i did know they were
from omaha
yeah because sublime was more like 96 was which one sublime was 96 and 311 was
1988 yeah 311 was 88
bro yeah they started they've been going since i was alive yeah it's like 311
has been kicking for 35
years yeah dude they've been ripping dude i i would listen i haven't listened
to 311 music that album
album music on the way dude we listened on the way up and i was like hold all
mixed up when i was a
kid all mixed up was that's blue that's the blue one yeah all right i wasn't
early they came out and
sold three million copies of that right blue was blue is when i started that's
when i got in them too
i'll be honest i'm not stealing 311 valor i came post blue obviously an older
brother he was like check
out 311 music and i was like yes sir how sick is it it's do i know any hits
from it uh you might not
you honestly you might i don't none of them none of them were hits but the
whole album was like
man so if i was telling the mayor i'm like dude lemare imagine you're down in
your basement
you and your friends have taken it like a four by four from your dad wax it up
and you guys are grinding
it on your skateboards blasting this he was he rightly he was like this is bad
kid music dude yeah it is
dude it's so fucking nasty all mixed up came out it was right around the time
the space jam
soundtrack came out i was fucking hit him high hit him look that song yeah that
was big that song
wasn't that and all mixed up was on rotation dude i don't want to get us a
copyright strike but dude
it's so nice dude 311 please don't punish us 311 you have mercy on us don't
copyright strike us
but dude it's it's so nasty we're on the way up and it was just god i was on i
was in cloud nine we all
we were listening to bad bunny for a second on the way up yeah i haven't gotten
into it bro i was
telling them i was like i might be a bad bunny guy i like spanish you know dude
don't read the lyrics
why they're so ridiculous i can't listen to it anymore why they're just stupid
they're the dumbest
it's the like yeah the guy might as well just like come in your face oh if you're
listening dude i was
so we the first some hot spaniard jizzing on us dude yeah the whole time you
thought you were like
that's kind of cool the guy's being basically he's hoping the air dude he's a
dog humping the air the
whole time dude i had the first one i had was uh i hate horny music bro this is
the horniest horny music
actually you fucking bothers me that's what happened when dudes sing about sex
um it bothers me dude the
first so the first song i had it was tt me pergunto this all started honestly
pride became before the
fall i could have just stayed in ignorance but i started showing off to the
mayor i said pergunto
means question ask me a question nice i was like that it means he goes what's tt
mean i said i have
no idea don't worry about it i was like me question question me dude tt me pergunto
means
ants asking him a question yeah all his aunt wants to know dude is why do you
have so many girlfriends
dude he said i'm gonna take him to the vip dude it's just fucking he said
basically songs about taking
women to his vop section vip section to say hi to his auntie he said let the
ones i already slept with
smile the ones who have forgotten about me smile too he's showing off ladies he
bangs to his auntie
in the vip i'm like first first reaction i went all right i guess that's kind
of sick
what else you got there dude so then we go to the next song tarot
dude this is the horniest stuff in the world let me find the uh
they're so funny dude so it's like if you uploaded a story so you can get
replies if i
said a fire emoji it's because you got me horny horny horny's like replied or
like they say horny
twice you're a tone from the back and even more delicious on the front
what was the part from the back he said you're toned from the back but even
more toned yeah but
more delicious from the front oh so your butt looks good but i like eating your
pussy yeah it's yeah
it's kind of nice muy delicioso i'm reading that i'm going all right get alizioso
yeah but if you're just a lad dude you're just a lad
putting together building some house there's more there's dude there's a nice
let me spread sunblock
on you so you don't get burned but there are a lot of pretty babes here but you've
got it playing
with me that entertains you don't be mean you treat me like a meme you treat me
like a meme i'm ready
for you and you pull away from me damn it what a conceited little girl she puts
her heart in the
cooler she says all the summer she'll be single like dude what the what you are
is an abuser
i got you a beer and you drink up the heart yeah yeah yeah yeah he's telling
this chick she's a dickhead
sounds like a civil war letter really it's crazy this is insane but that's his
whole all of his
songs are just that baby give me this signal if you keep on looking at me like
that i'll kiss you
i'll kiss you his lyrics are crazy
he is bad he's so nasty dude he's so nasty but yeah it's just him being like i'm
such a nasty
fucking boy stay away from me but i want to be a good boy but he's truly nasty
dude i didn't even
get into the half of it there's so many lyrics that are just like the horniest
dude ever grabbing
a girl by the arm like seriously fucking come here i'm more of a rainstorm take
me away from the norm
true that's what i'm saying you know i mean something nice dude i was like lemare
we have to
shut this off this this is because i was making a case i was like lemare he
might be better than drake
bad but dude this song but i didn't know what he was saying i was just making
up all the lyrics in
my head and i'm like insane dude bad bunny's nasty people love bad bunny i
think he's he's
like i'm talking international appeal yeah he's huge he it's ridiculous
obviously he's not drake but
dude as soon as i look up the lyrics i went man this guy's got some horny
lyrics though dude nothing
like this guy yeah those are weird let me i'm gonna show you my aunt i'll bring
you to the bar and you
can smile at my aunt if we've had sex what that's gonna be crazy yeah so i said
instantly take that
back i was like drake's way more of a worse you guys need to record your
conversation on the way
i'd love to hear what you two are up to pinkie in the brain on the way up well
yeah so no i took it
back i hit him with 311 music and i said bro this is the stuff do you guys are
you guys ever quiet
rarely yeah we'll be quiet for a while when i dude i told you i hit you with
those steel magnolias
i'm on that new mushroom mushroom yeah bro i was sitting there we were quiet
for a little bit and i was
like i'll take one of those now yeah they're dude they're fantastic the one n