Name: Ep 447 - Brewski Tumble
Uploaded: 2023-06-07T20:02:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 447 - Brewski Tumble' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 447 - Brewski Tumble' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-07. Transcript available.

Ep 447 - Brewski Tumble

wild wild west yo what the fuck dude hey what the hell the hell's even up dude
chilling man
dude nothing you probably noticed i'm all mushed out right now mushed out dude
yeah a bro off of
a bro off ig a hawaiian mushroom company sent me a bunch of shit so i got it
from the p.o box right
before i left said enough said a lot of lion's mane and shit i'm on britney was
pissed as i took
like all the different mushroom powders at once and left she was like that's
what did that shirts to
everything she was she was hating on everything i was doing i took all the
different mushroom powders
yeah she was like you don't need that much i was like watch me she's like that
shirt's too big i
said watch me dude i haven't taken i was i was walberg dude i was oh you're the
municipal the
mushies mushness you gotta stay prayed up dude show me your underpants municipals
i wish there was
i only wear podcasts underpants how the freaking heck are you you're fine my
allergies certainly
kicked in this morning and i'll tell you what i'm none too pleased but it could
be that gas leak that's
happening in my kitchen what i guess certainly you think the mice's got in
there i think the mice
chewed the line because it stinks over there all right peter whatever mice
broke through a mouse
broke through there that's probably it was worth it it was worth it to get rid
of one of those
fuckers yeah me and my sweet niece i can't get a cat i'm saying get it and then
just fucking re-release
it i could never do that it's a stray cat i could never do that to a sweet
feeling it's a stray cat
i could never it probably wants out open the door how about this open the door
let it make up its own
mind if it stays it stays if it leaves leaves you can also get a cat you can
get someone to come in
here and feed your cat while you're gone but you said the companionship it
would kill it yo then get
i'll do you want better i'll do you want better i'm getting five fucking cats
strays
i want it to be chaos in here
it would smell so bad it'd be nuts oh my god there'd be shit every i would not
clean it
you ever clean a litter box it sucks dude hold it down tough here if one of
them steps out of line
i start beating the fuck out of these cats beating cats is crazy yeah kicking
them dude it's nice to
think about cat ladies eventually going rogue and just beating their fuck you
know they beat their
cats you would well go bad you would well one of them scratching up the couch
oh sit next dude
come back from a tinder date dude the guy was way taller in his picture as you
go back to your
cashier's fucking fuck you it's never gonna happen darth vader
you're mushed up dude yeah i'm all mushed out bro i just stopped taking those
after my vicious
bowel with diarrhea i've been afraid of them it might not have been that
although yeah if you were if you're on the same program from my program i'd
love to say if you're
the same program if it was if it was detroit salad pizza yeah yeah wings i did
not yeah maybe the
mushy's got in there and we're like what the hell's going on here perhaps get
out evacuate dude i had
the most up stomach all week i don't know i don't know what i did i set myself
up for failure
this week and i gotta look into that but like dude i did the heaviest workout
with the dbs
yeah i went with the disgusting brothers and did a leg workout which dude those
two working out is
my one of my favorite things to think about dude did you see spud he's looking
yoked bro no i mean
oh his face face and arm and yeah he fell dude he busted his face up what do
you want from the guy
he came in wounded yesterday they did they did uh stuff island last night yeah
he glued his face
together yeah he split his face in the middle of the night and it's glued it
together went back to bed
glued it and put a neon bandit his arms just mangled he ate it dude i he he
just says he slipped anyone dude
any of us can fall like that i don't think dude any of us can eat it like that
he took a bite in the middle of the night he got up in his socks hit the hardwood
floor
and he fell forward you think he was taking care of business i don't know what
he was doing i think
that looked like look that looked like a brewski tumble to me it did look like
a brewski but
apparently there was he didn't include that there was brewskis no brewskis yeah
i didn't ask i was a
gentleman about i was like i didn't ask either but that's definitely a brewski
fault you can't just
walk to the kitchen and shatter your face and arm there's usually a chipped
tooth involved as well
but no he explained it to me that he had something with his hands and he like
just
fully swan dives right into the floor i mean if it's pitch black
yeah true falling must be crazy he fell through the void dude yeah he felt the
he felt the
grunt i'm trying to think the last time i fell because it is funny that's i'm
falling down as
funny as i haven't eaten it i can't think of the last time i fully oh dude i
fucking ate
i ate it recently i was i don't know i remember the last time i fell i was
hammered at jfk and i fell
in the bathroom no no
you took a brewski tumble i took a brewski tumble at jfk dude oh look it gets
worse i took a brewski
tumble upon arrival i went to buffalo wild wings at arrival and got hammered me
and o'connor were like
arguing me and o'connor got ship-faced you were arriving at the buffalo wild
wings and jfk you
couldn't wait on arrival what the hell i think there was some nba on uh dude
let's just catch
the fourth quarter and then we'll go home i had a couple brewskis started
arguing i think i was mid
argument with him and then i went to the bathroom and he was walking in as i
was still laying on the
ground and i was like this doesn't change anything dude you're still wrong
it ends the argument to me if you slip at the bathroom at jfk your life is
meaningless
you're the biggest loser i'm surprised you could get up lesser men would have
stayed there dude
like a fucking everest climber
like a bar you're like a shell on the whole of the boat dude oh it's like a
barnacle they just lay
there dude i uh i took the quite possibly the lamest tumble the other night i
was going up it was like
yeah i always shut all the lights out i like to walk up in the pitch black or
you know relatively dark
in my first floor there's still like light coming through the windows but i'm
carrying my nightly glass
of water up and i go to like turn the blinds my nightly my nightly glass what i
need it i can't
sleep without water it's like a nightly glass it's the vessel you need a glass
of water yeah but
it's the nightly glasses but it is your nightly glass it's different than any
other glass the nightly
glass it's so much different oh yes so i have it dude it's like sometimes i sip
a little like on the
way up and have to like turn around like dude that's my nightly glass i need it
for the brim
so i'm like sitting there i'm carrying it i go to twist the blinds to close
them and i
tumbled just like safely fell on my couch we just spilled the water all over me
it was such a nerd tumble it was fully like again no injuries whatsoever i just
tripped on my couch like
and i there was seconds the water just hit me i was like dude i suck so bad
yeah in a dark room just
fucking wet just like covered in water it was great yeah great now i have to
dry off before bed
great yeah i went right up and told my baby i said you probably love this
because you hate me
yeah but i you would enjoy this you would have loved to have seen me fall i was
just embarrassed alone
which is hard to do yeah i'd rather have you cackling at me at my expense
because you love to see me fail
i don't know what to do but i don't know what to do they they would do it if
you got hit by a car
they'd have to surprise they love it my woman here would remember cheering
against me in ufc yep
what what the hell support me yeah dude especially especially in the octagon
yeah dude people get hurt amazing i just took some aggression out on you dude
you just got punished
brother what are you mad at no i'm not mad at you i do hate you i think he's
mad at your outrageous
claims that you can lift 265 pounds bench press yeah with no warm-up yeah dude
we're lifting heavy
that wouldn't finally a year ago to talk about that we wouldn't have cared
right now now me and mad
i've been lifting heavy you should see me yesterday dude don't talk you couldn't
even you couldn't even
imagine what i was doing yesterday yeah i don't even know what they're called
what it's doing like
you're gonna spread your legs with and hold a kettlebell in between and do you
go like side to side
lunges on each leg damn it's impossible dude how much you do with that a
thousand pounds easily
that's what this is how it all started me and ahmed me and ahmed lifted and he
in the green room
before the show he's just like did you guys lift we're like yeah and he goes
who lifted more and
just immediately made it a competition and then it's not a competition either
just immediately he's
just standing there didn't lift just standing there and he's like i could lift
more i was like dude
why are you doing this to me why are you getting me going to have a fun time
yeah put a bug in your
craw and then as soon as we got done saying he's like no you started it i was
like god damn it
wow i can do it though i can 265. yeah one rep max yep we can settle this
tomorrow we can sell it right
now i told i told my trainer yesterday about it load him up and i said can we
go into that gym tomorrow
so lamerican bench 265. he said yes let's go he also said he didn't believe in
you i said the guy
hasn't benched in probably a decade and he claims 265 just he knows it and what's
the trainer say he
laughed he said that's very funny he said haha it's crazy that he's underestimating
because i'm a freak
dude i'll do it you're a freak i'm a freak dude why are you saying you're a
freak because i'm a freak
what what what the evidence you can't just say i'm a freak true that's a good
point oh this is yeah dude
this is making me laugh so hard we were driving we were going to the the reds
batting practice
and lamer was like i can't i play a little baseball i was like dude you told me
about your baseball
career don't i think he forgot he told me it's so funny it's my favorite story
about the very quit
he was just he just walked off the field oh yeah you left your position just
walked straight home
just standing in the outfield playing with bugs just like you know what
street fighter pizza rolls i'm walking straight off the field that's crazy dude
legendaries
because you're saying you got to go in there if they they they like oh yeah we
were saying yeah i was
like if if at bp they're like i'd be like dude can we get one pitch i just want
to see i just oh my god
you have to if you're there did they give it to you no i had no understanding
about it
what'd they do no it's fully it's just two major league baseball teams you can
they're not just letting
dudes out on the field i got there i was like i'm a moron that i thought this
was you thought there's
a guy being like all right center left yeah yeah yeah yeah
they actually do do that do they really yeah it's awesome guys like just slowly
field balls yeah
it was uh pause it was awesome though it was awesome batting practice would be
sick yeah
hrd would be nice too hello hrd got to see vato hit some bp lemare left a
minute before we got in
as soon as you walked away they're like all right
that did suck though that sucked we were standing outside for like an hour
and uh of just outside the stadium it was the one day it was 90 degrees in cincinnati
just standing there getting cooked it was tough so you took off and you didn't
get into the stadium
no i took a scoot to the game store
free walked away from the game again
you walked away from the game again
keeps walking away from the game why did you walk away from the game dude keep
walking in the cornfield
disappearing
it's not my game dude it's not my game
w