Name: Ep 450 - Muscle Mommies (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)
Uploaded: 2023-06-29T18:52:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 450 - Muscle Mommies (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 450 - Muscle Mommies (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-29. Transcript available.

Ep 450 - Muscle Mommies (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)

wild wild west yeah what the hell's up guys a little summer loving dude yes the
big kahoon's
away performing at a high level in the beer olympics yeah yeah we're here in
motherfucking
philadelphia they're probably getting that gold medal i really hope so yeah
they better bring back
the gold yeah i feel like you'll win i mean who are they playing against it's
just like
younger athletes isn't it team shirt krillis what's shirt krillis that's shane
and burt's team
who are they playing against something i don't know oh it's shane and burt
against another
oh they're playing against all the pro ballers though really oh the boys i
guess the bus with
the boys yeah yeah yeah just the pro ballers damn damn happy ead y'all happy ead
we need to eat more
than ever dude yeah for real especially at the end of pride dude yeah we got it
gotta eat it out
yeah rebalance i feel like i woke up this morning at three o'clock and had
heterosexual sex with my
wife nice and uh not nothing you know whatever i was trying to wait till july
yeah no you fold it early bro i fold it no hetero nuts
dude you tried so hard
your pride should be the new no nut
it should be
and i had a weird realization this morning that i feel like pride in like 200
years is going to become
like a mardi gras or mummers day parade where like nobody knows how it started
yeah
like what why why are we doing this everyone is flapping their dicks in the
street for a month and everyone is going to be like why are we doing this again
our kids kids will be like i don't know we always have
pride parade is totally gay mummers
it's just less clothes
it is i'm telling you people are going to forget or they'll be like i heard
like they used to not want
guys to blow each other and they're going to go
what that's right yeah that's crazy what are you supposed to do when you're
with your boys
yeah we play ufc 23 and then we blow each other
yeah loser sucks the squad
and they're just like dude
oh dude
it could be loser sucks the squad
within our lifetimes
yeah
it's getting there
it's getting there
it's close
we're like
it's close
i'm sure there's some basketball team players with like some stories
some loser sucks the squad stories
you know how they have the okie cookie stories
yeah
there's total loser suck the squad stories
i hope the beer olympics isn't loser sucks the squad
yeah we're coming out gold medal we ain't gotta worry about that
they gotta get squad sucked though
you drink 40 beers and just throw up on someone's dick
you're getting sucked by the boys though you'll truly be busted
true
well dude you could be you could be demisexual dude
you could you know what demisexual is
nah
i was uh we went out to dinner with friends recently
and the uh someone one of our friends like works i think with the younger
people
uh she was saying that demisexual is like
first of all she was like nobody's straight
she was like it's nudes
you're antiquated yeah if you're like a young kid
you're straight people are kind of like
all right dude like
it's like being a 1950s conservative now they're like
yeah cool man that's that's kind of weird
but she was saying a lot of the people are uh it's like federal reserve we need
demisexual is the new thing
demisexual is the new move where it's like you only it's a step above asexual
it's not great it's asexual graysexual graysexual is when you're mostly like asexual
but every now and again you'll get a little rumble in your penis or something
just go like and you just let it pass that's graysexual and you don't whack you
don't you don't dabble in
don't even it doesn't even i was graysexual when i lived with nate i was graysexual
for sure
you weren't whacking there's no way you weren't when you were whacking in the
shower you told me
it was the thing i still think about when i shower
if i get a weird slip i'm like it's still here
was it like the tar fields in land before time you go in the shower
you're stuck
somebody i'm just yelling
opening the window
it's like sarah the triceratops
you got fucking stuck in a puddle
yo that whole squad was the shit
sarah littlefoot dude the names
why don't they remake that that'd be awesome
they should remake land before time that's one they like let that they let that
go
that would be up there with them doing the new transformers beast wars mix for
me
they bring back land before time and beast wars my childhood is like
i'm reliving
it'd be so nice dude two gay tyrannosaurus
chopper has two dads
dude they're gonna make uh 3d land before time
that would be sick
like if disney made a 3d
like they look real
like a live action land before time
dinosaurs fucking
what's wrong with the big lips
ducky ducky that's the game
i know
but yeah demisexual is when you
so you're not gray sexual
demis when you're not exactly like
you're not dying to just like hook up with people
yeah
but if you become good enough friends with someone
they could ignite the spark in you
like a mental connect like a mental sexual
it's a mental but like you you can only get activated sexually if someone like
proves they love you
dude i'm a demi
which you might be a demi
you might be a demi
but it's funny because it's all these like younger like
like lgbtq kids it's like they're describing like conservative christian love
yeah
demisensual is being conservative in love
you're waiting for the connection in the right time
yeah i'm waiting for a real connection
they're trying not to like uh uh prostitutize being a slut
you know
true yeah
yeah
that's so the good girls can get in on the fun
yeah
yeah they're like i've been dating my boyfriend for 14 years
probably gonna get married i'm fucking gays
i mean i'm like you guys too
yeah i got pink hair
i'm telling you man that's my prediction
a couple hundred years it's gonna be people out there like
why do we do this again
i feel like you won't have the answer to this
but when did demi is demi a fairly new thing
i think so it has to be right i mean it's been around since the 2012s
like demi
yeah it's been around it's been around it's just probably hasn't been like
it hasn't been co-opted by straight kids
yeah some absolute fucking weirdo with a master's degree coined this probably
in 2012
i only like my friends
i did a study of 34 individuals and came up with a new thing
yeah it's insane
yeah i love ruining friendships too
damn dude it must be so crazy though to notice the one time like you're bff and
you're just like
i'd love to go out to dinner with you
yeah
fuck the first time you hit the oh shit
the cross
yeah
you're sick and they bring you soup and you're like
fuck
soup
my brother's like he's he's bi
he's bi
i'm sorry i still come to terms with it
he's bi
bi or pan is he pan or bi
which one's pan
pan is like super bi
where like you're not even worried whether the people you're having sex with or
men or women
you're just like
yes
my brother's pan
he's pan
he's truly pan
i think they're king of lgbt's
i think pans might be secret
have you seen jabri walking around the city
yeah he's the king of the games
is he really
yeah
he dresses like a pirate when he goes out
i gotta show you this picture of him
he wore a spiked collar
to a bar
it's
it's so crazy looking
but at the same time
it's kind of a badass outfit
that's what i'm saying dude
pass it off
pass it off
damn dude
he's like a gay coal miner
he's a pilgrim dude
he's a king
he went full of pirates with a Caribbean
he looks like a settler
he just likes holes
he's coming alive
yeah he's pan dude
yeah
and he was saying like uh
is you really truly the best hang
when you could just like hang out with somebody
play some games
and you're like
wanna fuck
and they're like
yeah
and then you just go about your way
he sells it well
like if you could get hard
that way
he should be the spokesperson
he should be the spokesperson
yeah
he does refuse to bottom
which is still also badass
he does refuse to bottom dude
it's pretty straight
yeah
damn he probably got so much pressure
to bottom
I'd suck dick not to bottom
he's out here surviving dude
alright here's a wild hypothetical
yeah
wild hypothetical
you're gonna suck dick or bottom
it's a pretty big dick
but he also comes loads like Peter North
what do you choose
I don't want my ass to get devastated by this big dick
you want your face
does the amount of cum matter
yes
really
I think so
I honestly
I don't know
if it was a teeny dribble
I'd be like
what the fuck
yeah okay
I spit it right through my teeth
I go
yeah but
no I'd be like
yo for sure
totally you can fuck me
but I'd be super head
I'd just be
I'd be hands free dude
oh my god
we gotta get it in
we only have a couple more days
to be extremely gay
yeah you're right
you're right
we're gonna get back to our normal lives
is it all
is Pride Parade all month long
or is it just like one or two
is it like the
St. Paddy's Day thing
where it turned into like
every weekend
there's just
drunk kids walking around
like
yeah
Pride Month's a long celebration
can I go down there
and masturbate
no
I feel like
I feel like it would take
you could get away with it
for a little bit though
if I masturbate
yeah yeah
you can see Central Park
this has nothing to do with gay sex
I just came down here to masturbate
if you get someone to drink you off
you can stay
yeah true
no I just want to masturbate
on the periphery
like a saboteur dude
an agent provocateur
I'll ruin it for everybody
like right dead next to the parade
I'm gonna go jerk off
next to the White House
I was trying this as a bit
but like
how come there's never like
business gays
it's always like
gay guys
and like fairy
when you never see like
a gay guy in a suit
you know
yes you do
they're always in suits
not at the parade
not at the parade
oh
why don't
gay
you don't see any gay guys
in suits at the parade
they got stuff to do
yeah they're watching
from like the 37th floor office
yeah
the parade is the one time
they can cut loose
it makes sense that they're like
I'm gonna get this off my chest now
I'm gonna spaz out
true
yeah under the business suit
it's just like leather
yeah yeah yeah
finally I could be like
gay Superman
yeah I feel like
yeah I thought you were saying
gay guys don't wear suits
I was like
I think a lot of those guys
wear suits
but yeah
I feel like business
gay dudes probably
still let their hair down
on the weekends
pretty hard
yeah
yeah
I'm pretty sure
they go like fairy mode
for the parade
and stuff only though
it's like a special
occasion thing
yeah
you think they save
all their gay up
for the entire
year's worth
that'd be wild
they just run through
the parade naked
jerking off
yes
there's so many children here
what the kids sing
that connection
people like to make that connection
I don't know
that would be funny
for a flash mob
of like 300 black teenagers
to just fucking T-bone
the pride parade
just run into the side of it
you think they'd bounce off of it
it's like
it's too powerful
we don't have enough energy
in the pause matrix
what do you
what do you guys think
about banning the baklavas
what's that
yeah what is that
the ski mask
the shysty
oh they're banning them
the Phillies
they're trying to figure out
how to ban it
but they're also saying
like well enforcing
it's going to be
racist
a nightmare
oh well
yeah
you gotta go Scooby-Doo
on all the black teams
who's the man under the mask
wait it's a black team
I had no idea
I thought you were white guys
you were black teams
this whole time
I thought a couple of white guys
wandering down
from the Appalachia
on these dirt bikes
we finally cut
that's another black team
I can't believe it
yeah it's going to be
a funny one for them
to try to
regulate
yeah
because they kind of
have to do that
how is it
how is it racist
they're like
you got a mask on
take it off
yeah well my thing
is like you're dressing
like a criminal
yeah
either you're using them
to evade facial recognition
which is like
you know
if that's what you're doing
knock yourself out
or you're pretending
to evade facial recognition
where it's like
you can't pretend
to