Name: Ep 459 - Wett Spesh (feat. Colum Tyrrell)
Uploaded: 2023-09-14T19:48:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 459 - Wett Spesh (feat. Colum Tyrrell)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 459 - Wett Spesh (feat. Colum Tyrrell)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-14. Transcript available.

Ep 459 - Wett Spesh (feat. Colum Tyrrell)

the wild wild west oh we're going we're lucked good mike just son of a how am i
just talking
about a panaceous nasty little you little gremlin this is that grandma laugh it
is a grim laugh
he's a jack-o-lantern dude you are it's almost spooky time i know we've reached
the spooky time
are you spooky cycle yeah it's almost spooky time we just wait for halloween
over and over yeah i
love halloween dude what are you gonna go as this year oh dude i don't know we
had a couple ideas
what the i might go as fetterman and just wear like fetterman would be nice
might just my normal
outfit it's my hoodie and gym shorts uh speaking up i just saw fetterman he was
talking he sounds
all right he does he's a lot better yeah maybe he saw jamie fox he's recovering
from that yeah true
or you think i don't want to start political talk but you think he got cloned
that's a
tough one they might clone fetterman might be the hardest yeah true it's a
tough guy to clone it's
a tough one to recreate federman's a giant senator from pennsylvania that's he
had a stroke and then
he he kept putting him on debate stages was he banged up was he he literally
couldn't talk yeah
the first debate he went on they were like all right opening comments are to
you mr fatterman he goes
pennsylvania pennsylvania good night oh man and he won he beat the other guy
yeah the other guy sucks so
bad that he won yeah there's a lot of strokes and alzheimer's are all the rage
right now
yeah the other guy who was the guy who's having a stroke that everyone was like
i hope you
fucking die uh you fucking die oh yeah i gotta go my twitter do you guys mind
if i pause right now
and go to twitter and say i hope you fucking diamond yeah ha ha ha yeah hope he
dies i hate that
politician so much i'm sick of him i already voted on abortion i want to kill
him yeah you're allowed
to wish death on your political enemies yeah that's embarrassing pretty humiliating
but if you go on
and say i hope nancy pelosi dies they're no yeah true or who's the other lady
they all loved ruth
ruth vader she did die and she actually cost them a lot she cost them abortion
oh really yeah she was
she should have retired she wouldn't retire yes she should have retired under
obama she's like chuck
liddell just like wouldn't get out of there no no no it's not good for anyone
don't go in there
it's gotta be so hard i wouldn't get on fighting rampage jackson chuck don't
fight a guy named
rampage jackson you don't know your name anymore the days are gone imagine
though could you give up
that seat yeah they're like we should have term limits like dude if i got in
there i would not be
able to step down from being like no it's just too powerful the gentleman from
rhode island no no
absolutely not you're gonna give that up i'd be like no fucking over my dead
body yeah yeah i mean yeah
it's like we should they should not be able to insider trade oh now you're
saying it now my nuts
before i went on i said i should change shorts my penis is nuts i don't care if
your penises
i don't want my penis out why mine's securely nestled in my groin mine will be
nestled nicely
mine's a baby bird in his mother's nest it is just nice
cully fresh off the special how do you feel uh it's been very well received
very nice messages
which i watched it today and i thought it was really great thanks i didn't
share it yesterday
because i think the good move was sharing somebody's special is the next day
true yeah everybody shares
it at once true yeah you gotta wait a couple days and then you give it a nice
yeah that'd be great
i appreciate it of course someone go watch it most importantly you big philly
fan base here i'm
gonna be at helium and september 20th no tickets plenty available to the point
where i may not actually
be there no you're gonna be a lot of yes lazy late ticket buyers in philly flyer
walked by it did you
it's my neck of the woods oh no at least i promote it oh it was up on the front
part that's cool okay i was
so happy when i saw my fat face on there for the first time i said mama we did
it i said baby yeah
break out the red panties baby we done it i called my mom actually did you
really i said mom break out
the red panties i didn't quite understand what that meant yeah break out the
floral pattern
we got the big floral pattern break out the giant stained on the pants
the street on their pants mom what point do you think women just give up their
sexy i don't
think it's up to them i think their vaginas give out someone is mung and yeah
it flies out of it for
years the vaginas eat them probably the vaginas give out yeah they probably
claim them the vaginas
all day their vaginas are just
although it is a period of rest and recuperation geese yeah they don't break
those things out all
the time no they might zap them every i think they get hit with the bugs after
yeah they get zapped
although they get they probably get slammed when they get when they find with
the 50 year olds probably
slam as hard as possible at that point it's probably nothing but just it's
either like gentle kenny
loggins love making or pop pop pop yeah especially at that point you hate your
wife's guts using your
you think you're cracking hard uh 50. i think they're going to slamming for no
in fact i might have
seen amateur home videos yeah okay violence but short of me like a football
game like very intense
violence for like five seconds 30 second break intense violence
that's actually how i make this oh i'm gonna start drilling why are breaks frowned
upon why
do you have to do the whole thing and why like can you spread love i don't know
i try not to let
anybody get in my head you know what i'm saying i try not to let any outside
forces dictate how i
make love yeah yeah this is how i make love this is if you get out start the
day dip in in the afternoon
get out at night time bust go to oh you're talking about all day yeah dipping
in just a little bit
of what this feels like yeah yeah that's it popping out i mean it's pretty much
yeah yeah it might be
it might just be a latent kink of mine i don't think i don't think i've ever
stopped for anything
like i've never like stopped them like let me go to the bathroom we'll come
back in
like once i'm in i was like that's it that's where this is what we're doing
yeah it's i like working
myself up to a nice pee and peeing and going to bed spring actually have to pee
that's a fun time
i like to pee i like it as hard as i can then pee in the toilet and go to bed
have that weird pee where your penis looks weird after you're done peeing
gets leopard spots you ever get the leopard spot ticket does anybody else have
that no
rushes out of your penis you get leopard spots uh not um i'm trying to explain
this bro i was hoping
somebody else knew what i was talking about yes gardini yes i don't know is
there like a penis
the tip you're talking about yeah what happens well it's a spotty it's tough to
explain like braille
no it's blotchy because all the blood's rushing out okay okay if that makes any
sense i have overanalyzed
my dick i'm more of a bowling pin man a bowling pin i also i've experienced
that myself dude i got a
me and britney did mdma obviously sorry about all the i was on the receiving
end of that jesus christ
we started going through our phones never take oh my god we're just texting
everyone you loved them
oh calling every yeah yeah it was actually really really sweet it was really
nice dude i took a piss
halfway through and i came back out and we both let my i had like furious adderall
whatever type of penis
that looks like it was crazy looking it was like purple my dick was like purple
and just like
it's wild completely misshapen i drug penises it reaches especially if you don't
take that drug
yeah then you take it you're like holy i didn't know my dick could look like molly's
all time you
go what yeah yeah yeah like that i don't know everybody talks about i know i
hear that all the
time not even close no i yeah maybe people are just taking like amphetamines
and then just
dude by the way that was miraculous yeah we squashed all of our beef i i can't
believe how well that worked
that's amazing we were beefing dude for years yeah beefing and it was like we
sat there for
now i was like yeah this will be cool dude we get along now it's like we're we're
both
molly with this is weird yeah now it's gonna wear off but that's when it's time
to hit the molly again
yeah yeah well dude it's no one that's double the dose this time you're capable
of that no one that's
in your back pocket i'm like dude we i was like telling her i'm like we can
make it two more years and do
molly again and like each other yeah no problem i mean dude we just solved the
divorce rate crisis
we got a hotel room at 10 30 in the morning took it and just laid yeah i
started getting phone calls
at about 11. yeah 11 15 i started getting a lot of phone calls and you guys
were like come on come on
just answer answer the phone come on please i was like guys put the phone this
is about you guys we'll
talk when you're done and then you guys were like all right we're cool now give
us a call you guys are
still you guys are still high and we went to a pta it was really nice though it
was very sweet yeah it
was dude we went to a pta you guys can make me cry quick dude really all it
takes is somebody calling
me and saying they love me and i'm like yeah dude we were i love you guys too i
was in the no snakes
allowed drugstore when you guys called were you really yeah i got teared up in
there i was trying
to buy some citrus skull that's my plug in the city dude it hit me and i i don't
like the on come of
that at all dude that shit kicking in i was terrified it's a scary wave dude i
should hold
me like a baby dude i was just like i was sitting there like all right when's
he going to kick in
when i'm going to shed all my defense mechanisms dude because my brother was
like yeah you take it
and you start like you're like you talk all your defenses drop and i'm like did
my defenses drop
yep nope nope nope all of a sudden i was like i don't like this you gotta hold
me and she was like
holding on to me and i was like i don't know why i don't tell anyone i have
problems i need to open up
more oh that's what the hoss man did the same thing dude dude it was like i
want out of this i don't
want to do this anymore oh my god shut up but so this is your first time ever
doing nothing done it
before oh my god it's it's never done it i don't know how you do it out like i
have i only have to
be like indoors yeah doing it at a party i would have fell apart i the time we
did it at helium yeah you
were on stage well went on stage that was a disaster that's how it was like the
first time
i ever really did crazy i mean it was big j got me he got revenge after the dosing
the acid dosing
that was already that wasn't even me sure but uh yeah he brought me on stage
and he was like see
it's not that funny oh dude i'm sorry oh my god uh but then anytime at helium i
would go to the
manager's office no just sit there i couldn't be around the gas digital gremlins
that harsh isn't
yeah even though they're the ones supplying the mollies so i can't be mad at
them yeah that's what
i was curious about what is the harsh i i was curious how it could be harsh
because i was there
dude we were sitting in a hotel room like coiled around each other like we were
just like two snakes
yeah completely coiled and being like i love you so much dude oh my god dude i
was pure i went sir
galahad instantly i was like i love you so much girls are the best i love girls
you guys are so fucking weird but seriously you're so cool yeah it was dude it
was four hours of just
it was i do think it is the best thing in the world for a married couple you
have to do it yeah
you're single get after it crazy dude i'm telling that's what everyone thinks
but you're dropping
defense mechanisms that are also distorting reality but it is also sending a
bunch of whatever the
chemical to 