Name: Ep 460 - Snack Pack (feat. Rich Vos)
Uploaded: 2023-09-19T16:23:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 460 - Snack Pack (feat. Rich Vos)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 460 - Snack Pack (feat. Rich Vos)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-19. Transcript available.

Ep 460 - Snack Pack (feat. Rich Vos)

Wow, wow, Wes.
Hey, hey, no, you're fine.
We're here. We're here.
The ledge, dude, the legend.
Ball. Oh, you do. The legend.
It's so good to be here amongst you.
I know he's going to do that.
I know. I didn't.
You're so comfortable.
I like to turn the hat back around.
Dude, show the mothership.
Oh, no.
Hi. Oh, yeah.
This is how this is how unknown I am.
We were sitting in in the airport.
I was wearing this hat and this guy comes up to me, goes, oh, wow.
I'm going there.
He goes, were you ever there? Yeah.
For a fucking weekend, asshole.
Five sold out.
It's so funny. You weren't there.
This is this is my career real quick.
So over this go over this quick.
Over the summer, like I did
first, I did four shows on Bert's tour.
You were on.
Yeah. Right.
Which was, you know, 15,000, 8,000, whatever.
Then I went to L.A., did the comedy store
and then some other room down by San Diego.
Great week.
You know, you're doing a comedy store.
Then I came home,
did the mothership.
Right.
And five sold out shows, even though every show sells out.
Yeah. But that's right.
That's right.
Still, there's a lot of fans there and they love comedy.
Then I taped a half an hour and then
I did outside on a parking lot under a tent in Jersey.
Like, I mean, it's only 20 minutes from my house
and it was a Friday night.
Fifteen hundred bucks.
Yeah, you know, so like that's why you're the legend.
That's what I'm saying.
You are the legend, but your water, dude, you just go high and low.
And if you go into a hospital and look at a heart monitor,
it goes up and down to go straight across.
You're dead.
They're dead.
Yeah. You see what I'm saying?
Peaks and valleys.
Peaks and valleys.
Thank you.
A lot of valleys, a lot of fucking valleys.
I'm a lowland man myself.
But like I had some valleys this weekend.
I thought that new material was sharp.
It is not good.
I did.
I had to do new material because I had a special come out.
And I was like, nice.
First 30, 35 minutes of the show is brand new.
It was it was good.
The first time I told it in Detroit, I was like, damn, I got it already.
Yep.
Didn't hold up in Orlando and Fort Lauderdale first half hour.
Don't hold up.
You're saying it's like not where you want it to be.
It wasn't because I was having fun telling it the first time.
Yeah.
And then I was the second time, the second week telling it.
I was trying to remember what I said.
Yep.
And it just needs a lot of work.
Do you record audio and listen back?
I need to start doing it.
I do.
It helps.
See, now I don't know if I can.
Then I'll be like, holy shit, I'm the worst of all time.
You got to be your biggest fan.
I swear to God, I'm my biggest hater.
It's not even no one's close.
I listen back and go, that guy has a speech impediment.
It's fucking horrible.
Holy shit.
Why didn't anybody tell me?
Yeah, I had a tough time realizing I don't make any sense 80% of the time.
Yeah.
I'm just like, and then this and I set things up in the most schizophrenic.
You think you're making sense.
I don't make any sense.
And I go, they I think they got it.
You hear it back.
You're like, I hope everybody understood what the joke even was.
I think I got pity laughed all weekend and like, yeah, go ahead, guy.
I don't think that could have been Detroit.
Could have been dudes that are pumped to see me.
You know, here's like, I can't sit down.
I could if I had, but I don't sit and write.
If something comes to me, then I use it.
What do you mean?
I got seven fucking albums for seven albums.
I don't know how.
And four, five of them are really good.
Yeah. The last, you know what?
I mean, they're good.
The first one is your first album with her, whatever bullshit you did.
You know, whatever fucking shit you did back then.
I told them to take it off as serious.
Take that out. Oh, are you kidding me?
If I the stuff I was saying.
But anyhow, like, all right, I'll come up with a bit.
It's and it just take in about a year.
I go, OK, I got a new album or whatever.
Yeah, I can't go out and just do a new half hour.
I don't know how it was.
It was some older.
It was just stuff I used to do.
And it's like, all right, now I think I can more comfortably explain why it's
funny.
And it turns out I can't.
And I need to.
But here's the thing with the work, which sucks.
The real deal is in life is, is it funny to comics?
Because club owners or no one gives a fuck about funny.
They care about numbers.
Yeah, you don't give a fuck.
I've had a club owner.
I said to this, I go, I'm the best I've ever been because that doesn't matter.
What are you selling?
And so, you know, if you could sit like I never seen watch people do comedy.
I sat for an hour and watch you at the stretch.
It was outdoors.
That's. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I said, I watch Chris Porter for an hour.
He's a funny fucking guy is great.
You know, there's certain people that you'll sit and watch going.
That's fucking brilliant.
That's funny.
That's good.
But club owners, you don't see a club owner.
Nine out of ten or eight out of ten are not sitting here watching the show.
I don't want after you come off stage, you go, man, that was a good bit or that
was funny.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Because it, you know, real quick and I'm not, there was two, two promoters
online on Facebook.
They were arguing and one one of the promoters said, you know, I'm old school.
I just like funny.
If you're funny, you know, not how many followers you have, this and that
people, huh?
I, I, I, I, I walked, I walked half the room in Canada.
So one club, one promoter said, I just like, and the other guy's going, you
know,
I don't care about numbers or followers.
And the other one goes, well, I have to keep the doors open.
So I wrote to the other one.
I go, if you went to a restaurant and they gave you the biggest portion on the
planet,
but the food stunk, would you go back?
You know what I mean?
He didn't get back to me.
So he didn't get back to me because he knew, do you go for quality or quantity?
You know, so quantity.
Now I've been a big golden corral, man.
I've been to the old country buffet.
But you know what I'm saying now?
Now it's a quick fix.
Yeah, for sure.
It's a quick fix, you know, fucking.
I don't know.
I'm and I'm not bitter.
I love doing calm.
You know, I love you.
Yeah, of course.
I'm just saying it's a quick thing in everything in life.
Yeah, it wasn't a quick fix when you guys when you were like tough crowd.
I remember you guys talking shit on like that fan and like guys that were like
new that were blown up.
No, I don't need to name a particular guy.
Yeah, I did apologize to him because me and Patrice were brutal.
It was so funny.
And I didn't email him saying, hey, listen, I'm sorry that I did this back in
the day.
And being he doesn't know how to read like nothing.
I just got back to pictures.
What do you see?
Anyhow, so so.
You know, we'll count.
I want you to know.
I'm sorry, by the way, I'm sorry for that.
I don't I didn't mean to take a shot.
I can't believe you did that.
He's he was good.
Listen, back.
No, we didn't.
I don't know.
I mean, it was.
But back then, wasn't it the same way, though?
Like, guys, no, I think guys back then would more would mainly go after kind of
like
guitar racks or jugglers or, you know, variety acts.
Yeah, the comedy is better now than it was back then, though.
Well, I don't know.
I just know I'm fucking great.
True, true.
You are like me on the on the on the on the on the fucking around.
I don't fail.
You know, bulletproof.
I'm real bulletproof.
I've seen you in action.
We witnessed it.
I mean, this is a touchy subject.
I know you're going to get fired up.
But no one's been able to do that.
No one ever has done what you did on that.
I made it through it.
I don't even know.
You didn't even make it through it.
You dominated.
You transcended the show.
You transcended the form.
You made fun of people that were anonymously talking shit on you.
And one and one without knowing what they were saying.
No, he turned and looked at one point.
Oh, you little fucker, but still, you know, rules.
We just even still, dude, that was everyone who did that.
I would host that for like, I'll do like ten up front.
I get like three into it.
I'm like, oh, we're going to bring the first shaking.
It's terrible, dude.
I would get up there and shake.
I was so bad.
I was doing rooms just ripped like twenty five.
Yeah, just like what were they saying?
The meanest thing in the world is being like losers.
I spent more money on my team than they made combined.
That one got all of us.
I still remember that.
That was like seven years ago.
I remember that insult.
It's funny.
I mean, I was doing rooms with, you know, 400 fucking black people
sitting like this up front, you know, rooms that black comics were scared.
Before they had cell phones, though, imagine now it's harder.
It's harder to be close to look at this room.
This room, the Pervent Lounge was so rough.
The show, they said it starts at ten.
You get there, it doesn't start till twelve.
What? Every fucking any any black celebrity in New Jersey.
You know, Shannon Briggs, the boxer, Queen Latifah.
Nobody, but everybody was always there.
And there was a comic bombing and I mean, he was bombing.
And this dude just walked up to the stage and threw chicken bones out.
Oh, my God. Right.
I had I got to walk off.
You got to be done.
You got to be done. Yeah.
I mean, you know, we had to go to a chicken bone.
Like, yeah, you're right.
You're right. You're right.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'll take these to the trash for you guys.
I'll throw those out.
Oh, it's just.
I don't know.
Back in the back in the day, we didn't really.
I don't know.
There was listen, if there was Internet,
Twitter, Instagram, all that shit back during tough crowd.
You guys are all over it.
Are you kidding me?
Crowd work.
Patrice would be posting crowd work clips.
Yeah, captions.
That fucking motherfucker.
I brought him into ONA.
I brought him. Yeah.
The second week he started trash.
Like I walked him in.
He goes like through the back.
And he thought, what do you think you're in Goodfellas?
Walking me through the kitchen or whatever.
Like and so we got we were on there one day
and I was driving a little Porsche Boxer
and he had some big like Escalade.
And he's going, you guys were doing real well.
He's going to make a fuck.
Go and use it.
He's going you selfish fuck.
You have a little two seater and, you know, you know,
and he's trash and I mean, beat me down with your dumb Rolex.
Not even real.
I mean, like I walked out of there fucking route.
Two days later, I send him my email.
I'm like the price of his car.
New verse mine and mine was more.
And he calls me laughing, going, you're still thinking about this, right?
He would just fucking kill you.
And like it was nothing.
And then, you know, oh, I love you hashing out on the email.
Email sincerely, Richard.
My car's worth more than your car.
Hashing out on email.
Yeah, this email's on my car's worth more than yours.
It was a new car.
Yes.
And he called me selfish because he had a big Escalade
because that cocksucker couldn't stop eating cheesecakes.
And he had to have something bad to put his fat ass in.
I'm sorry.
You're the fucking selfish guy.
Whatever.
He was we had.
So we were I was dropping him off one night in Jersey City.
I got to use the bathroom.
So we're walking to his house and he looks at me.
He goes, man, I don't have a fucking thing going on in this business.
No agent can't get work.
Nothing.
I go, you I can't fucking I can't get hired.
I can't.
And we just both started cracking up and kept walking.
We we did we did an audition together.
Me and Patrice for the head of casting for ABC
to be the two leads in the sitcom.
Right.
So we go in there, we go in there.
Patrice won't take his face out of the paper and I can't act.
So I go ahead, go ahead.
So we're doing this scene together and Marcy Phillips,
the head of casting, is yelling at me going what I go.
He he won't look at me.
How do I connect with him?
I can't connect on each oth