Name: Ep 462 - Protect Our Dawg Parks (feat. Mark Normand & Ari Shaffir)
Uploaded: 2023-10-06T18:48:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 462 - Protect Our Dawg Parks (feat. Mark Normand & Ari Shaffir)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 462 - Protect Our Dawg Parks (feat. Mark Normand & Ari Shaffir)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-06. Transcript available.

Ep 462 - Protect Our Dawg Parks (feat. Mark Normand & Ari Shaffir)

the wild wild west you can move in if you'd like but i think you're perfect i'm
out and i want to
be closer to the pooch yeah it's a good pooch look at this it's like the goodfellas
uh paintings you
too you got the white hair and the dog sorry wow you really do what you look
like that oh yeah put
that graphic in sean you heard him put the graphic in sean put it in why are
you not putting it in
yet come on changing the guards you just learned post means uh matt's in austin
already so he moved
these guys are here yes he moved hey yes mccusker's down there already and that
was quick he had more
visa issues yes we've got a dog here oh yeah protect our dog parks there we go
what are you
fucking laughing at you think it's not funny is that why you're laughing um
actually speaking of
thinking it's not funny this is a funny story i was uh i was at the the cellar
the other night with you
and i was downstairs bombing it was bombing at the vu oh the new stuff the new
stuff
it's so bad every new stuff bit finish one and go hey uh yeah it's crazy how
bad it is i'm with you
and i'm and good good that we're doing theaters yeah this horrific material but
at least the
theaters is our crowd that knows us yeah likes us this cellar people were mad
oh yeah of course
we were mad at me the whole time but also the cough was not gone uh i was
spraying people i was
bombing and coughing the entire set you were really sick yes oh i thought you
made it up no i'm fully
still there oh okay and uh but liz from the cellar came down and i was like she
knew i was gonna bomb
i told her i was like this is i shouldn't be here this is a huge mistake yeah i
haven't done stand up
in a week right and this is all bad and it's a bunch of young guns bringing the
heat and then you go up
with the new shit everyone else is killing all right and then so she was in the
back she sat at the at
the vu and was just dying like just laughing oh that's good clapping when i was
bombing yeah and uh
ian laura saw me at the cellar and he was like i was like i'm having a rough
night and he was like
what are you talking about you were killing i was like what do you mean he's
like i came down
fucking the manager was cheering i was like he was like i walked down i was
like i've never seen
the manager cheer for someone oh that's like no she was actively making fun of
mocking me though
on stage it's the manager was down there mocking the comedian the best time
ever out of that is the
lady who ran crackers remember that lady oh ruth ann ruth ann she was like i
went there with segura
for the first time and uh and she was like he did some jujos and she while i
was
she asked tom should i throw quarters at him oh wow absolutely that's a good
comedy owner but the
worst part is they see the special and they go hey this guy's cooking we got to
go see this guy then
they see you live and they're like maybe it's not a lot not a live guy you know
there's a lot of laugh
tracks and yeah exactly yeah that was uh so that's that's gonna happen again
tonight yeah same i'm with
you and hopefully the cough's gone uh hopefully the cough's still there i don't
know because i
spread it while i was coughing i was like well i have covet i said it to the i
was like pardon me i
have covered oh and they uh they got very upset even more upset and then uh
this is this was the big
hit this is the big joke of the night i told him i knew i had covered because i
did the smell test which
is uh i said i shoved my hand in my ass and smelled it and i couldn't smell it
and then i was like but
i'll tell you what folks you better make sure you don't have taste they were
very very uh it still
it was a nightmarish set that worked that worked that was a real well you got
the opener yeah that
saved that one got me i was on the way back in the bathroom you're saying that
yeah bombing golfing
talking about shoving my hand up my ass can you blame it on like it's like a
flu game thing you're
like oh i'm bombing but i have covet that's why if i was i kind of tried to do
that but they were for
real they already didn't like me from how bad i was doing and then when i said
i also have covet
everyone was like oh great not only did you suck tonight now we're all sick
yeah i'm sick of thinking
of your bomb in bed it wasn't even funny not worth it at least the manager saw
you because if the uh
booker saw you she doesn't have the the humor to be like oh this is funny that
he's done yeah yeah
yeah she'd be like he's he's got to go yeah well i am going so whatever i'll
see you there tonight
yeah yeah yeah we missed you at the skank i know i wish it was so fun bro tell
me about it tons of
drugs well you heard about de rosa obviously i heard about derosa i mean how
public is this knowledge
i don't know oh it's i don't know it's out there it's got to be on everything
that's out there it's
in the skank uh i'm just talking about it privately he said it on a podcast i
heard joe derosa did he
admitted it on a podcast you mean he admitted it on that's what danny yeah true
he confessed to it
on daily are we sure this is public yet oh it's out danny and ryan long i think
had him on i think they
talked about it on their podcast so what exactly happened what happened was it's
best audience in
the world yeah really giving audience and it's impossible to refuse a chant oh
yeah true that
but uh there was a contest uh to see who could be the last ring car girl for
ellis mania and so
there was like we didn't get a second person so any girl come up right now and
uh four girls came up one
was new to being a woman hey there you go you mean she was young uh
what do you mean by that uh i mean uh yeah she was a young woman yeah she was a
fresh woman
very freshly trans fresh trans yeah fresh trans yeah no this is pre-op no-op no-op
for sure no i'm
gonna guess no-op black ops because the black arts ops yeah so there was a
penis on this woman so one
lady was like i could lick my elbow people like great good talent next lady's
gonna lick my tit
definitely one up clubhouse leader better and then uh and then uh this the
third lady was like woman
i could suck my own dick the woman said she could suck her the new woman the
new well yeah i mean it's
not one i think it gives it away now at this point you have the details to know
which one's which
i could suck my own dick and i was like well this is gonna make you the leader
but obviously yeah she
was i gotta get hard first someone has to get me hard whoo baby here we go and
the audience chose
big joe right away start chanting joe and he wasn't uh resisting yeah i might
say no no he was he said
he goes no way zero chance and then the chant included his last name and then
he was like okay i'll do it
under one condition i'll i'll handy this lady into hardness what the fuck get a
beggar bucket because
he lost three grand the night before and uh he did it for three grand yeah he
goes people have to
put money in this bucket pass it around everyone's like absolutely and he went
upstairs to uh to get
her hard this is night one by the way this is a thursday one day one day one if
i knew we had a friend
that i could make do something gay for three grand you would have already been
doing i would have done
this you would have i knew derosa was that cheap he'd do it for less because
this was a 99 yeah he
wanted to do it for sure and this is a big old lady this is like a leah thomas
oh i heard i heard she
she was like uh six foot six four yeah when she said no when she said let's go
she got into a three
point stance yeah yeah i think she beat adesanya yeah uh once she was wait this
lady was uh a six
foot she was six penn state six pretty pretty big arms pretty big arms pretty
big arms pretty pretty
okay yeah if this was i'd say if this was 1994 before you'd heard of such
things you would have been like
i don't know that's really cute pretty the same way jocko willeneck is pretty
handsome woman
yeah similar jocko willeneck yeah whatever
there's a call if i laugh i cough yeah so i was up there bombing and then
laughing that i was bombing
i couldn't talk yeah so yeah so they went upstairs she gets hard says
says hey i'm never gonna be able to maintain her all the way back down the
steps around to the stage
they go upstairs in the venue yeah upstairs and around to a bathroom
um and so she's like there's no way there's not i can walk downstairs into a
comical environment this is
not going to stay hard that long that's got to be a weird walk to know you're
going to a bathroom to
know you're going to jerk off a trans person so what are you thinking about in
that walk hoagies
he's thinking about the new hoagie coming he's got a new idea i guess so yeah
exactly just getting
him in his q zone the easty the tranny what is he doing the upside down why did
he do that it changes
through yeah um so anyway they get him down she's telling us a story and then
uh she was like there's
no way and then lewis was like well did you come and she goes someone did oh
what she goes yeah i got the come on my leg to prove it oh oh god are we sure
he's made this public
oh yeah it's out there i mean it's nothing from a thousand people but we're
sure he made it public
follow up on this and i talked about on my pod for an hour we're gonna follow
up make sure it's
public yes this is very out and he de rosa was he was they they carried him on
their shoulders he
was like the mayor of las vegas what a winner to go for credit i called him
because i heard about it
soda told me that night yeah and i called him to i was like are you sure this
happened so it was like i
got to make sure it happened i mean i was there as there as anyone and i called
him to make fun of him
obviously and as soon as he answered i was like i can't make fun i love him
what do you mean all you
do is make fun of him no i've i've worked on it but he said he worked on that
relationship he said he
liked it he's like it was hot i'm gonna do it again no shame it sounds hot so
that you do that thing
if that was a girl that'd be an awesome experience hell yeah you know but so
yeah she blew him and then
he's got an only fans oh she's got a big dick too that's what she said she was
like it was meaty
pull her up but yeah i asked him the size difference and he was like it was
almost time and a half two
to one yeah yeah he had a blackjack cock yeah wait the the they had a bigger
penis yes no no not they
i'm just trying to get the pronouns correct i didn't want to assume i think
that's the wrong one i think
it's singular her her she carl not they that's a different thing carla uh that's
that's so that
was day one of skank fest carl and then the a's in parentheses did anything
else happen that was even
nah that was the after part you heard about it i don't want to say beep the
name
yeah right here get the time stamp wow wow oh cut the whole thing out what
happened wes anyway and
we're back yeah so a lot of crazy happened crazy crazy it was wild how was the
bees you guys get to
see six at all i didn't see him at all he gets to those things and he gets
around there i didn't even
see him there's a couple female sixes but uh that was the top of the game 10
right yeah that's true
no i was i was genuinely like before it obviously i like i i was supposed to
get there thursday
i was like i'm never gonna make it i'm very sick i'm gonna change my flight to
saturday
i'll leave monday and then by the time i got to saturday or friday night i was
like i'm
fucked i gotta cancel this so i did lose a lot of money on flights and i got a
nice hotel ah i just
had to cancel it and you go first class as well yeah yeah it was a lot i fucked
up but flies a
helicopter there i was also happy because i was like nice i get to fucking
sleep this weekend true
but then i started looking at pictures we did not stories and i was like i wish
i was at skank fest
it is a bitch to get there i had i flew the day of the flood so i was like the
last chopper out of
nam because it was oh yeah it was crazy i was al