Name: Ep 465 - The Prestigious Award
Uploaded: 2023-10-26T19:35:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 465 - The Prestigious Award' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 465 - The Prestigious Award' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-26. Transcript available.

Ep 465 - The Prestigious Award

Wow Wow Wes
You say leave us please leave us in our chambers. You must peace. God don't
make us tap dance
Welcome welcome to the show what a velvety hell we fucking I mean brought upon
ourselves
Golden handcuffs
dude speaking of which
Patreon dude sounds again speaking from handcuffs. Yes, you know which they
sent us a gift
The creative journey is full of unforgettable blah
Let's talk about the journey. It's a joke. The creative journey is full of
unforgettable moments and today we're celebrating a special one
You've created one of the biggest communities on patreon with the people who
love what you do. That's huge
Here's a gift from us crafted by artist Tina you
To mark this incredible achievement
Congratulations on being one of the first ever winners of the creator milestone
award
We can't wait to see what you do next. That's from Jack Conte CEO of
Patreon I was honestly, I didn't want to say this, but I was like if they're
not Lambo keys
I'm gonna be fucking furious. They're definitely not Lambo key. What the fuck
how did you guys pick me on?
Wow
Dude we got a share there better be two of these things in here with the fuck
what the fuck
What the fuck?
We got one. We need to get two. I'm gonna share
This is your week. Next week's my week
No, this is yours. This is yours. This is obviously yours. No, dude. We gotta
share. How does it, uh, what is it?
This is Patreon Creativity Awards, dude. We came up with this super creative
podcast
This is us
This is us
This is us. Let me see. It represents the creative mind. That's us thinking
about different slurs
Or that's us. Maybe this is us, dude. We're in the box. Then we came outside of
it with our thoughts
Create now you're thinking outside of creativity. There's a destructive element
to creativity
Does it stand up? No
All right, my life my uh, my wife might like this fucking bullcrap
It's very very thoughtful
It's fucking sick, dude. It's better than lambo keys
I bet you this thing's worth a ton of money
I guarantee it is
Those are real jewels. Those are real jewels
No, they're not
They are real jewels
Dude, Wes Watson has a Lamborghini yacht, dude. What the fuck are we doing?
No, he doesn't
There might be lambo keys inside of it. Smack it
This is uh, real fucking heavy
It is heavy
It might be a bomb
You have to come up with creative ways to set it
I don't know. There's nothing else in that box?
Dude, I don't think so. There's a ton of just like this stuff
Dude, give us like a hundred dollar gift certificate, dude
What the fuck?
I don't think there's anything else
There's a ton of this paper stuff
That's it, dude
Well, thank you, Patreon
Thank you
Thank you
And thank you for this
Miss you for your
Your work
Beautiful art
Beautiful, beautiful art
I'll subscribe to your Patreon, Miss you
I'm sure you have one
Miss you probably has a Patreon
Subscribe to Miss you's Patreon, I guess
What the hell, dude? We got fucked
That's crazy
Thanks, Patreon
We should send them a gift too
Yeah
Have your daughter craft something
No, that is beautiful
I'll have to scour my fridge for some pictures
That is beautiful
It'll go nicely next to my collection of blue books
True
That I've assembled
Damn, this thing's fucking nuts
I think
What?
Let's see if
Tina
I gotta chill in the mantras
She is a very famous artist
Yeah, she is, dude
This is actually very
Whoa
She's big, dude
Yeah, what is it?
What are you talking about?
I think we're
I think that we were set up with a fine piece of art
Oh, that's what's up
Alright
I'll take it
I'll take it
Can we get a
Thank you
Can we get a price on this thing?
Let me see what her art goes for
What's her last name?
What's her last name?
Tina U
Tina U
Why U
I think it's
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
These things are expensive
Nice
That makes me feel so much better
Just these little tiny ones are going for $6.50
Oh, nice, dude
That makes me feel so much better
Look at that
That's a nice piece as well
If this isn't worth $10,000, I'm gonna kill myself
I think this is probably worth two grand
Oh, thank God
Grand piece
It's definitely gonna
True
Go up in value
True
We are in our Jay-Z phase of out the hood
Now it's time to assemble art
True
And blue books
We are
We'll teach you guys about money
That's what our next album is about
True that
Is how to get out the hood
How to pull your pants up and bounce a checkbook
How to pull your car hearts up, dude
We're gonna get these guys to pull up their car hearts, dude
A lot of mechanics sag
A lot of white mechanics
There is a car
A lot of those guys' car hearts are sagging
When I go in there, it's like
I think it's from like their type 2 diabetes
Like wasting away their muscles on their body
But a lot of those guys sag too
Yeah
So, just think about that
That is something to consider
It's so beautiful
Wow
It's so beautiful
I take it back
I thought
I didn't think it was great
And then I found out it was
It's art, dude
It is art
It is art
Some people don't like this podcast
But then they're listening
They go, wow, hold on
This is actually
Hold on with that
I thought this was crap
And it turns out it's good
I honestly
I have high
When someone's like, dude, trust me
You're gonna wanna see that
I'm like, okay
Maybe we got fucking
It's way better than a fucking plaque
You're talking about his and his four wheeler
I'm thinking his and his four wheelers, dude
I'm thinking raptors, dude
They did know we
They should know we moved to Texas
They should've provided us with some firearms
I thought it was gonna be a gun
Or just hollow points
Yeah, gun, bullets
Yeah
Grenade
Tina, you
Thank you so much
Thank you, Tina
No, for real
It is a good job, Tina
You did a fantastic job
Ooh, hitting her with the follow
Interesting
Oh
Josh
Sorry, Habit
Josh, what the fuck was that, you pervert?
God damn
Josh saw one picture of Tina and hit follow
Yeah, you wanna
Josh, you wanna take this thing into the bathroom?
Just
You wanna attribute this?
You wanna kiss this thing?
You fucking creeped
You creeped
That was crazy you did that
Yo, dude
Sorry, we have a screen now
And Josh, we're seeing Josh's activity on the internet
This will be up on the screen
We can pop this up
What'd you just do?
My, that's my sunglasses
Just these pieces of crap
Oh, thank God
I thought you broke our precious Tina Yu
No, I'm telling you
There might be keys inside of that thing though
I think, I think curiosity's gonna get your cat when I'm not around
I think a hammer's going to that thing
Don't you dare
I would never
Alright
I would never
So what the hell's up?
How was, uh, how was Fakersfield, California?
Fakersfield was a fucking nightmare, dude
Holy shit
Why?
I told every single comedian I told
I was like, I'm going to Bakersfield this weekend
They were like, why?
We're like, oof, get ready
And I was like, oh, shut up
It was all like LA guys
I was like, you guys are being pussies
Yeah, true
You guys don't know what it's like on the fucking east coast
True
Where, where is Bakersfield geographically?
Uh, it's like an hour and a half
Depending, I mean, obviously depending on that fucking LA traffic
True
It's like an hour or two north of LA
Okay
Hour south of Fresno
It was, uh, it was everything they said it was going to be
And more
What was it?
It was just a fucking
It's like an oil town
It's like an old
What?
So I think there was a lot of the boys were working
A lot of working men
True, true
That were ready to let off some steam
Like guys that don't have stuff like this you're saying?
Guys that would be fuming if they saw that
You gotta get that out of my house
Not good, no disrespect to you
I'm just saying if I have visitors
For sure
They come in and it's the only
Everything else in here is beautiful blue books
True
And beautiful blue art
This is a good pop of color
This is my house
I got a little Eiffel 56 house going
Oh blue
I need a blue house
I need a blue car
I need a blue car
Dude, don't break the U
Bakersfield was fucking crazy, dude
They were crazy
This is a crowd
Ryan Moses opened for me
He got on stage
Nice
Before he said his first word
A guy was like
Where's Shane?
Then I got on stage
And that guy left during my set
The guy who was being a cocksucker
That's so nice
I finished a joke
A guy in the front row goes
You stink
And I was like
What?
And he goes
No, I said Jews stink
And I was like
Oh no, dude
What the fuck are you doing, dude?
It's like a bad dream
It really was
And then I was like
Well, I mean
Security's obviously doing nothing
They're just sitting there
Because there was a guy sitting next to the side of the stage
I was like
So don't worry, you can say whatever you want
Security here sucks
And then I looked back
And security's fighting a guy
Like four rows back
I was like
Nevermind
Security's going hard as fuck, dude
It was chaos
And it was hot
It was hot
Well, you're in theater now too
Babyfield rules
So the theater
The security all have flashlights
Oh, they were
Hey, hey, what are you doing out there?
Yeah, they were
Security was going fucking nuts in there
There was fights
There was fights, dude
It was
The boys just got off the oil drill
The theater is fucking awesome though
And I like the town of Bakersfield
Yeah, you really?
It's like an old, shitty town
It's very nice
It's kind of nice
It's one of the few towns I've been to
That still looks like a unique place
Yeah
You know?
That makes sense
Bakersfield's good
But the shows, the boys were just rowdy
That's all
True
I think that
I could be wrong
But I was
I went to that theater
The Fox Theater
And then I was
On the flight home
I was watching Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
And I think she goes to that theater
Really?
Yeah
I did the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
When I saw it
I was
There you go
I was laughing all weekend
Thinking about you coming out
And being like, what's up?
Fakersfield
Fakersfield
That would've resulted in chaos
They'd be like, you don't call us that
We're not fakers
Fuck you
We're not fucking fakers, dude
They were whistling
Really?
The guys kept whistling in between jokes
Oh man
I was like, please stop
And then of course that resulted in
Non-stop whistling for the rest of the show
Jesus Christ, dude
It was
It was
Did you take a time?
It sounds like you took a time machine
To perform for Cowboys
I did
That's crazy
I did, dude
They were rooting toting
But then
I'll be back
True
I need revenge
You gotta go back to Fakersfield
Fakersfield
And then I did the celebrity theater in Phoenix
Which was a dream come true
That was nice
I was afraid of the round
Oh, how was that?
It was great
The first time I did it
I was very nervous
And we used a mic with a cord
Yeah
Which made a big difference
Because when you're walking around
You got lassoed
Yeah, you're like tripping up
Took your lassoed myself
I just only turned left the first time I did it
But this time it was wireless
And it made a world of difference
Yeah, it's gotta be nice
I also was talking shit
Which I have since been paying for
It was in Phoenix
And the Phillies beat them that night
And they all
Somebody yelled out
They were like, "Philly sucks"
I was like, "Scoreboard pussy"
It was 6-1, dude
Yeah
Now you gotta go back to Philly
That's it
Good season
At least the Cardinals are good
Good season
True
Those are the Phillies I know though
Those were the Phillies we knew, dude
Just blowing it
Yeah, I heard yesterday
How do you feel about your Phillies?
Told you I'm proud of them, man
They made it that far
I'm proud of my Phillies
For making it that far
I really am
I mean, dude
Getting up 6-1 and blowing it
It's kind of a loser shit
But
Yeah
You know, that's what we do
They were up
No, they won that game
That was 6-1 was the score
They were up 2-0 in the series
Oh, my bad, my bad
Then they went back
Oh, yeah, duh
Then they went back to Phoenix
Lost the first two
So it's 2-2
Then they won game three in Phoenix
To make it 3-2 Phillies
That's what it was
So now we got 6-7 back in Philly
And they blew it
And they blew it
And they fucking blew it
And they fucking blew it, yeah
Yeah
Yeah, our friend was ther