Name: Ep 468 - Real Deal
Uploaded: 2023-11-17T13:30:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 468 - Real Deal' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 468 - Real Deal' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-17. Transcript available.

Ep 468 - Real Deal

the wild wild west yo we're recording yo wow welcome to the podcast i'm sure
you've already
noticed my sick ass fucking drake pants not a big deal i didn't know they're
drake pants yes dude
these are drake pants dude that's fucking oh now i see the nocta come on bro
you know i'm
this was a drunk purchase that i those are nasty regret as soon as i put them
on no this is this
is proof of the singularity all worlds are coming together like a fat fool i
walked outside somebody
yelled that at me no i doubt it giant fat fool some guy drive by you fat fool
hey i said you get
off my the guy says keep it moving this is a neighborhood nobody yells out of
cars anymore
it doesn't happen i just watched uh drive-by insults on youtube it's the fun it's
still it's still
hilarious it's unbelievable it holds up it's so fucking funny i mean especially
when you do them
in real life it's there's yeah we did it for a while i did i spent my whole
high school years
doing that movie movie theater lines yeah what was the movie theater oh yelling
people waiting
outside of the movie theaters and just yelling at them yeah i mean it's even
just a classic quick
driving by and just be like bitch yeah you can still do it yeah yeah yeah true
although that'd be
such a funny thing to get caught doing that'd be such a funny thing get
arrested for it fat bitch
yeah keep it moving you fat bitch that'd be fun calling guys pussies pussy fuck
you pussy yeah it
just activates a dude's lizard brain right away you if you're driving
especially through a college town
you're like pussy you see four dudes like
the fucking invisible enemies all around them like oh that activated activated
the o'con man when we
were in uh florida state it all fucking pissed me off someone called on pussy
yeah some fucking frat
dude from his top balcony we were walking to the notre dame game and some dude
was like you guys are
fucking gay you guys look like fucking biden voters and i was like oh and then
he was like they were
making fun of me for being pale which is actually kind of they could have from
the fret yeah jacked
frat dudes with their fucking gay abs from a balcony yelling down to us and chris
was like you're white
too i was like shut the fuck up chris oh you're making it worse don't respond
yeah i don't know that
i'd be able to let that go i'd have to be like you guys yell something funny
back you're like hey you're
white true yeah and i i mean he's a classic but didn't you guys all have to
fucking blow each other
to get in your club your little friend club you would have yelled you would
have yelled something
insane back you guys paid money for friends anything speaking of florida state
frats there's a
instagram group that i've been i've been uh staring at like a psycho in the
dark what i've got to show
you these boys one of these kids look i don't want to make fun of the guy
because he's young but
for sure it is that you know what that might have to be like the the new thing
that we do now that we're
elders of like just completely flaming young dudes because it's like a they
used to like cut their
penises open and make them like put their finger through their penis now so we
can make fun of their
account there was rights of passage back in the day yeah so i feel like any
young man's instagram is
totally open to public ridicule and shame bro what are they doing
get ready with your boy for the gym i don't know it's a lot of get ready but
you get ready with your
boys boys and this that that but we're gonna go with the pink cow uh kilker
shorts start off
oh no it's chest day so i'm excited throwing some white socks but i don't think
probably he does he
does get ready get ready yeah it gets worse him and his boys him and his boys
constantly dress up
like army guys at parties they steal valor that's kind of tough no dude
why are they doing that i don't fucking get it dude dude that's like i don't
get it yeah that's like
been on adderall since birth shit man
they're at a party they the dudes they're wearing bulletproof vests and camo
camo pants
there's nothing wrong with that also obviously there's a fucking college check
dude not a big deal
yeah yeah
are they rotc guys
i don't think dude what do you think of what you just saw i mean i don't know
dude it's like uh
fucks me up we're finally we're actually we're definitely old yeah i think they
would fuck up
anybody to see yeah but we're getting old enough where i can't like you i used
to see like a kid
being a douche and i would like i'd be like all right i see what he's going for
you understand it
i don't i can't comprehend no dude dudes wearing army outfits yeah man there's
there's dudes now so
we escaped like our personalities formed pre-internet there's dudes whose
personality has like a serious
molding effect or the internet has like a serious molding effect on their
entire personality
and it's like they're like being shaped they see tick tocks and they're like
yes this is what me
and my boys do we come here's a catchphrase he's 12 he has a catchphrase and he's
like i'm gonna get
ready with you get ready boy i'm gonna get ready but it's like it's nonsense
thank god we had south
park that's all we had yeah it's just south park dude this is adderall and then
your mom telling you
you're handsome for your whole life dude and your dad's just away on business i
will say those are
handsome boys they are handsome boys have abs and are tan and that that tick tock
haircut they're
shredded they're shredded they're gonna one day they'll be our age and they're
gonna have to go
get ready with your get ready boys they'll be shut the up don't bring that up
don't bring up to get
you ready what you get ready boy like dude holy yeah man i mean that's
catastrophic yeah that's like a
life-changing disaster to be posting that dude it's like everyone's they're
getting like child although
i mean again we're doing it true at least our stuff has depth dude stuff is so
deep that's the difference
but dude imagine like it's they're getting like child star brain for no reason
they're just bringing
child star brain onto themselves and then it's you know i don't know i mean i
guess they're
fucking ladies and getting no i found all i fell into a deep boy hole the other
night
and uh while i was in that deep boy hole rooting around that kid made another
video where he
was like saving himself for marriage he loves jesus that guy specifically yes
yeah but dude that's a uh
that's like it that's become like a new hot guy ploy i think the boys are into
like edging
now we're getting now we're getting somewhere if you're telling me these kids
aren't coming now i'm
totally with the militia the sexy militia good sexy militia dude we're sexy
militia we're just trying
to show people our abs show our abs work out don't never yeah but they're going
to end up kissing each
other dude that's the problem that is that is a breeding ground for dudes
kissing because they're
they're getting like they're watching you're watching tiktok you're like yeah
boy we live together with
dudes in philly i came close to i almost kissed bea yeah i mean it happens woodman
would show his abs
woodman would be in that crew oh dude it was that whole house the whole time
was just us waking up
with each other like we can't seriously dude i know it's so tempting but we can't
but we didn't make
if we were making that much content we would have definitely kissed each other
yeah so yeah being like
in a content house dude you know what i just watched the uh i didn't watch all
of it i kind of fell
asleep i watched jake paul jake paul is the boxer i watched him on aubrey marcus's
podcast and he was
explaining how he was like a young man in a content house he was like it just
totally like took over
my entire personality it's pretty wild good for him oh dude yeah he's like
being honest about it
it was pretty tight he does him and aubrey marcus do like toad venom together
and
shit and just crying it's tight he's like brother we dude the arby marcus
podcast is my favorite thing
in the world i've never heard of it he it's just him talking about plant
medicine journeys and him
i probably have seen it it's tight if they're on i would have seen it by now it's
just him being like
the devil's real and like i've done so much fucking ayahuasca i know the devil's
real and people being like
dude me too i've done i was good dude i know the devil's real and i'm like dude
i i knew it was real
this whole time yeah but yeah it was me it was making me laugh it was kind of
it was refreshing
to see old paul just up there and being like yeah dude i was a dumb ass nice
yeah he's talking about
his father being emasculated he's like i watched my father just lose everything
what to his mom no not
that it was just like i mean probably too but like he just like tried a
business and it failed and he's
like he came to me when i was a young boy he's like just like beside himself
like i failed i we have
to move he's like i just watched my father being you can never tell your kids
you failed no you have to be
like turn down the fucking lights turn off that we're moving to a smaller house
yeah yeah you
can never do it yeah have to just be like yeah man that was like the whole
point of catch me if you
can you ever see that movie yeah i don't remember yeah in the beginning his dad
like can't get alone
and shit like that yeah and he spazzes you can't if you're a dad you can't tell
your kids you failed
or let them see you fail no no no you know we've talked about it like you're
falling down in front of
you you're like your dad gets drunk and falls oh dude what a loser you got it
you got to hide that
from it it's jarring dude you see your dad fall when you're little you're like
yo what the that
guy's supposed to be like walking and stuff janitor's set of keys falls out of
his light dungarees
oh you learn he's just been chained to the school the janitor key ring goes to
the school he can only
go 50 feet away from it as far as i can come son good luck in your game yeah
yeah dude no you have
to just here's the thing if you're a dad and like your shit's not going your
way you just identified an
outside force and demonize it being like i was going everything was going well
but then these
motherfucking x y and z filling whatever you want you know what i mean it could
be anything yeah
blame an outside force then raise your kid to hate those people for no reason
that he so that he holds
you in high esteem yeah don't take that out that's the key yeah it's the key to
life for sure any good
nation this isn't our fault this is not our fault at all we are the best we're
actually the good guys
again in every conflict again we're good again can you believe it i know and
then we should just have
the most that's all it's that simple we should have the most yeah man but those
those kids will do all
right man they're gonna be fine they've just thankfully they're wearing all
that face paint
true hopefully no one can identify them in a few years yeah i mean yeah there's
the luck or the good
thing behind that there is such a like a deluge of just that like it'll just
all wash out like yeah
i was just a hot ab guy for a while and i'm like that's cool yeah i was it's
better than what i was
doing yeah true just drunk crying so there's yeah but that comes with like that
comes he's squeezing
i'm not gonna i'm not gonna on this kid but that does i wouldn't be surprised
if like that that stuff
goes hand in hand with like grabbing a girl's face as hard as you can and be
like look me in the eye
it really does it does dude i see that you're painting a very vivid picture
that's
every one of those dudes screams in women's faces oh dude at some point it's
just like what the
you can't do this to me yeah you can't do this to me but again i've been there
too i've sent some
fucking gay ass emails yeah i said emails through the emails like i fucking
miss you i love you so
fucking much emails are a good venue for that though it wasn't it