Name: Ep 469 - Joesthetics (feat. WARMODE)
Uploaded: 2023-11-22T21:37:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 469 - Joesthetics (feat. WARMODE)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 469 - Joesthetics (feat. WARMODE)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-22. Transcript available.

Ep 469 - Joesthetics (feat. WARMODE)

the wild wild west i gave myself hemorrhoids twice not eating meat yeah you
spent so much
time hey we're here we're here live with war mode happy thanksgiving big deal
coming off of an
amazing game that was electrifying me and bill have been having such a fun time
playing john
madden football against each other i didn't realize he was a contender he he
really that was it that
was bill played both sides of the ball in high school dude true all street he
started playing
defense were you all state that's what i'm talking about you started playing
defense it was pretty
good i'm not sure what else up dude don't be deflated you you got literally
stopped on with not even the
one you finally played on the real skill level yeah even skill level dude i
know like around
but sometimes like i'm actually like sad it's not fun i was like known as like
the guy joking around
stuff but like sometimes i like get sad dude you should start you guys all
right you got to start a
thirst trap ig i know we talked about it i'd rather imagine myself huh i'd
rather now you're sad that'd
be that's a good thirst trap just like dude there's ones on there that's like a
picture of their kid
like newborn and then it's like a flashback sound and it's like life after my
newborn died it's like
bro what on instagram dude i swear to god they don't have those like morning
like women how about that
girl doing the fucking like i love you tick tock to her baby in a fucking yeah
i had like an incubator
and that's crazy yeah it was fucked up what she did does a tick tock dance and
she's like
about pointing to a baby her baby in an incubator you know what's shitty when
you go yeah when you go to
uh whatever it's called nicu it's like the neonatal intensive care unit a lot
of the babies you just
don't see any parents anywhere around the whole time that's wild like oh man it's
just people just
like crap babies out they're going like ventilators from the beginning of their
life and like nobody
comes to visit so really shitty either way what do you think support yeah i'm
so thankful that that
wasn't me yeah so thankful that wasn't me yeah true yeah true spade was left to
die yeah on a mountain
straight was bald in the dark it's your child yeah for a little bit just a
little yeah just a little
bit for a minute for a second we're all orphans for a second yeah that's what
mother theresa was
doing with like people who are dying she would just have a whole thing of just
people dying on towels
that's sick that was her the beach what was that kind of like a trip to the
beach day
in calcutta yeah dude don't sleep well the nuns are uh you know a central part
of the church i saw
two on my way and i said sister you can go ahead of me you saw none really yeah
i had a goat fourth
grade teacher sister elizabeth dude she was the best we all saw the young nuns
i've been getting pumped
on the nuns lately i've told you i'm reading that book about the guy making the
pilgrimage from the via
frangelica start in canterbury england walk to rome it's pretty tight oh yeah
and you get the stamp here
you get to stop at like a little uh like anywhere like the monks are chilling
you get to stop and just
be like is this where you're like buying your sins out of hell like buying your
way out of hell it was
now now you can just like do it and they have a little pilgrim passport and you
stop they'll be like
yeah you can sleep here for the night they have to give you logic nice it's
pretty tight it's like all
west rules yeah it's pretty tight i want to do it i'm going to do the via frangelica
you go through all the
little cities and they have like a little history of every city in france it's
pretty sick that'd be
really cool dude like the angel statues get their heads blown off world war ii
and then they like a
monk will find them and save them and put the statue back up okay check this
out this angel got his
head blown off we saved it got obliterated that's deep bro that's nice oh there's
tons of stuff like
that dude you know saint omer's tomb no saint omer no he walked he wandered the
countryside for like
years trying to beg the lords like please give the peasants some more some of
your guys's land
and he just walked so much that it's like stop working so he became crippled
and then he died and
all the little crippled kids in france visited his tomb and lay their shoes on
his tomb that's nice i
was reading it on the plane i was like when was this huh when was this i don't
know probably in like
the 1700s probably actually probably the 1500s it wasn't it was probably it was
probably the 14 1500s
don't even don't even get us started on napoleon napoleon napoleon yeah bill
thought napoleon was
from the 1400s i thought i could see you well i'll be honest i didn't really
know we talked about
earlier i was i was talking to these two people they didn't know napoleon i
know him no i know but
i'm saying people don't even know he had a huge effect on the world yeah i didn't
know that his
whole family yeah dude his grandson started the fbi yes yeah it's crazy federal
bureau and there's
there's current napoleon there's current bonapartes the one dude looks exactly
like him what yeah he
married some like baroness or something they must be loaded yeah dude they're
the bonapartes
that's pretty good i think he didn't he donate a million francs they never
tried to hit him with
like racists or anything like that what did he donate a million francs to like
the town he went to
military school in i don't know i heard that he did he did go he did help out
corsica a lot yeah he was
a loner in military school he was right now he was weird we all know a lot
about him it's whatever
it's his parents i don't know about him compared to the other boys yeah a
little yeah he was ashamed
about it and he wasn't sure i mean that's how you make such a man i'm just for
alert what happens to
him he ends up on an island yeah exile his ass twice twice twice first time so
mad
about how did he get un-exiled first time they put him on an island he broke
out and took over europe
jack sparrie are you kidding me dude are you serious he's a bit of a papillon
they put him on
they put him on an island he escaped french for butterfly and did it again
what and then they sent him to i forget what it's called it's real far jamaica
that's right
why go on napoleon man yeah big girls to put a napoleon man no they sent him he
got how the
did he go helena saint helena got it not a big deal not a big deal nailed it
dang bro he's not my
favorite ulysses s grant's my favorite ulysses s grant versus napoleon who
would win oh didn't grant
study napoleon oh that's like lebron and michael droga i mean now we're talking
and napoleon studied
the great and caesar true he started all the boys he loved those boys it's like
a lineage uh yeah
studying that but i wish i studied that stuff what's his name duke of wellington
was like napoleon was
the goat really i beat him napoleon was the goat though it's pretty sick anyway
i'm excited for the
film i've heard negative reviews about it so far yeah i'm not liking this whole
uh allegedly they're
making him out to be like a super simp which bothers me he does have some nasty
letters he's horny boy
wait so what what's the what's the complaints about are they saying like it's
just like not real
somebody texted me and said it was like maybe an intentional comedy what i was
like no it was not
that would be great if they ironically did a napoleon movie i think somebody
told me that it'd be so
funny if he came out he's like i can't even i think they had to do it again
because joaquin phoenix
just changed his interpretation of napoleon like after they wrote it and gave
it to him i don't know
i i think i heard that really i think they had to like just change the movie
from what it was written
to just accommodate sounds familiar joaquin what it sounds like trump hitler
trump hitler yeah yeah
i actually think that's what happened i think joaquin just was like no this is
how he would do it he's
just the joker he's just the joker the whole time true the role that role
changes people dude it
changes that role and change i told him did you want him i told uh what's his
name he glad you i told him
i said watch out that rolls that changes you you did all right that ice machine
gets going dude see how
scary that thing is at night dude that would kill me startling you god oh you
turn that off yeah i felt
bad because my i have like ceiling fans that have like a light on them you can
use it
nuts dude i thought someone was in my kitchen that's crazy what's it making
like the cubes yeah giant
blocks of ice dude i turned my my remote to trigger other fans in different
rooms i turned my light off
my fan on in my room yesterday and it turned the light on downstairs where the
dog sleeps they just
slept in like total lightness i came downstairs in the morning matilda was just
looking at me
just laid on the thing with her eyes wide open like what the jack's probably
was fine he's blind and give a
fuck he passed out but yeah dude i i'm under severe duress right now yeah that
ice machine's just going
that's all right it's just ice falling i gotta make some turkey jump i'm tasked
with making the turkey
for the family this year dang oh that sucks how you doing i'm excited i'm gonna
brine it i'm gonna
brine it but i have the toughest of judges coming down dude what's brining it
uh it's when you put it's
like you yeah you will get accused of under seasoning no matter what i get the
toughest but dude just
brine just intentionally put too much seasoning yeah so when everyone's like
this is a little
you know i'll be like oh yeah you guys don't understand seasoning just put habaneros
on it
it's like a front like a fruit punch bowl of hot sauce no it was uh yeah no you
you put it in a sugar
salt herb combination and like it penetrates into the flesh and flavors the
flesh of the turkey nice i'm
going to knock their socks off i think you will if not it's going to be the
house will totally melt
down if that turkey doesn't come out right who the whole thing is dry do you
have a baser yeah
i got a baser i got a flavor i got a flavor injector this is big this is like a
racial
pressure of making it i'm yeah i'm representing dude i'm fucking you have to
represent represent
all right we can talk about it i got bullied dude this is why i try not to wear
cool stuff
whenever i wear cool i literally put on a represent t-shirt
that one not this one a different one it's all i have they gave me a box of
represent t-shirts
all i wear is represent t-shirts uh but i one of them just says represent huge
across the back and
i was like i'm just going to get coffee i literally when i put it on i was like
why do i care no one
cares this doesn't matter nothing's gonna happen i went into this coffee shop
this guy goes all right
you can go ahead in front of me we're gonna take a while to order and i start
going and he pulled his
wife back from the counter was like gotta let this guy go first he's
representing right now
sometimes they just gotta feel like the big fella for a little bit yeah but why
do you do that you
should have turned around and just go just out of curiosity what's the point of
it why does that make
you why do bad things happen talk about me like that you should have spazzed
dude i could have
i should have bent down and screamed as loud as i could in his daughter's face
he wasn't big i could have had i could have mangled his family yeah dude when i
was in liverpool
this dude this dude was like are you filming my kids and i was like nah dude my
gopros off i was
just trying to buy a backpack so my backpack broke and this guy just goes he
starts talking to his wife
pointing at me basically accusing me of videotaping little kids that's why i
could have killed this
dude he was like in his 50s oh he accused you being a pedo yeah man he pedo pop
i hope that dude
feels good i hope he feels like a big boy tip right now i wanted to kil