Name: Ep 471 - Introspective Bad Ass (feat. Tommy Pope)
Uploaded: 2023-12-07T23:10:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 471 - Introspective Bad Ass (feat. Tommy Pope)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 471 - Introspective Bad Ass (feat. Tommy Pope)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-07. Transcript available.

Ep 471 - Introspective Bad Ass (feat. Tommy Pope)

the wild wild west yes i was a damn builder
a place called boulder on the wild colorado he wasted away it's pretty good i
slipped and fell
into the wet semen below you need a guitar paul nobody ever paused those dudes
no one ever paused
he fell to wet semen he said cement but yeah oh at least i fell into the wet semen
below
yeah dude that must be funny if you got the three the highway man yeah if you
did gay stuff to them
they would have lost it dude hey knocking the off man we're trying to play the
guitars
no stop showing me your dick pal that ain't funny around here
your balls what the hell my horny needed cock sure i'll take a piece of bubble
gum what the hell
that's your testicle skin partner get your goddamn scrotum out of here
kick his ass don't show your scrotum in this donny fritz get him funky god damn
it funky
don't touch him how the did you guys get into that what that's all highway
country
that was matt's what was the name of your playlist oh introspective badass
playlist
introspective bad you've come across the same genre yourself at a certain point
you can only
listen to introspective badass songs your brothers turned me on to some beach
songs true florida what was
he hit you some yacht rock no but he's got like a it's like a deeper yacht rock
it's like more
emotionally oh soft rock you're talking soft rock you're talking introspective
badass soft rock yeah
soft rock is like for the ladies there's two there's two families of soft rock
one's for the ladies and
one's just for a dude being like where am i going with myself yeah once for
sitting in your bed just
staring at the wall exactly that's all dudes do they don't have a girlfriend
you stare at the wall
slowly die you need a woman just fill you with bad ideas and you go wait what
that's what keeps you
alive it does her mouth and bad ideas otherwise you wouldn't move otherwise
dude if i didn't have a
wife i'd stop moving like tomorrow i'd just be like yeah yes god i would be
like this is so relaxing
then i'd just be like i know this isn't good to talk about but if you did if
your family left
how many days do you think you would lay down that's a great like for real to
catch get up catch
some z's dude not exaggerating catch up on some z's not even depressing z's
just like it would be
fully all the z's he's lost like my bio like you were to like if you were to
suspend my physical
organism out of my family structure or i was just laying there yeah dude i'd be
you'd catch these a
week you'd have to go back to being you'd become a feral pig again dude i'd
wait i would sleep for a
week straight yeah i always thought about that in jack bauer you know let's say
24 hours to do some
wild like just show a sketch of him the next 24 hour just dude just get off the
piss and eat
mcdonald's i knew a dude who used to hold it down where he would tell his wife
he's like i need two
weeks no questions asked catch you later and he said he would just chicks just
go nuts dude like
with the puss everything really coke hooker everything how often would the two
weeks come
in huh how often like what's the distance i think you just i think the wolf
would howl within him and
he'd be like i gotta go i gotta go he would just go nuts that's kind of introspective
badass though
just like it is hey ma'am i gotta hit to the tavern yeah where's my kid i gotta
quench my thirst with
whiskey yeah he would just and he would like explain this to me i'm like okay
and she was cool with it
yeah i don't think so yeah i don't think no i don't think it worked right didn't
you tell me i
think the party got away from i think the dr jekyll mr hyde situation yeah yes
that party week mr hyde
took over here you go i'm never going home yeah i like the party weeks i'll
bring it up each week
you bring the party closer to you yeah you're like i can bring the party right
down the street
yeah and then the bars keep the party right here the party takes i remember
being younger being like
it's kind of boss to be when i was younger i was like yeah that makes sense
yeah you just disappear
for two weeks and do blow two weeks is a lot i mean i've heard what he's at
weekends yeah a long time
every few months you get a weekend to go ac and off two weeks he's got no kids
i don't give up too much identifying information but he oh man he was so
interesting he's embedded
in a family yeah although he's embedded he's embedded in the family but the the
uh yeah that
was i it's got to be nuts though because then when you're like okay i've had
enough it's got to be
you gotta be the saddest dude after those two weeks you'd be like i love you so
much yeah probably
helps a little i could see it coming home and being like i love my wife so much
i never
want to go back to those two weeks yeah you know four days you scream four days
go by and you go
i miss those two weeks i hate my wife but there has to be dude imagine the post
not clarity of
like you scream come into a hooker and then like you crash the coke wears off
and you're just like
you want to go watch my house like i have to go back to my family oh yeah the
that the screaming
scream come guy is still the funniest maybe the funniest thing but that chuck
chuck bary farting
in a hooker's face oh and the scream come guy are the two funniest dudes what's
the loudest grunt you've
made coming i've settled it but i've i should scream i was i wasn't as you were
a loud lover i was a loud
dude yeah i could hear you make love i couldn't help it dude now yeah i've
heard you made love i've
heard you make but you loud i mean loud at sex or you just a loud comer i was
just allowed to come
ready i would i would think i was quiet what decibel we talking here yeah if it
was if it was
real if there was no roommates around it was i would just fully let it go yeah
i couldn't help
it it felt so damn good yeah if you if you do release uh an orgasm that loud
where you're screaming
i am always worried i'm gonna fart oh yeah because that's like a you know
because you're pushing all
the everything's going out brother i've done it i've farted during orgasm
multiple times dude it's
it happens yeah it happens it's all right there was ones i i got reminded of
one recently like
that one time you farted you know you know and i was like what and i was like
oh dude i forgot i was
getting hit it's probably like a year old i farted during head i'm not lying it
felt too damn good
chuck your wife baby feel too damn good it's not my fault you stashed my soul
that's an immediate
stoppage right yeah i was coming i was coming i was always in the edge oh okay
yeah i the coming
brought it on his blue hormones right as soon as she started let me get settled
in babe it's also
got to be like a urinal for it too it's not like loud it's just got to be like
a wrong sweaty butt
it's also sweaty butt dude yeah sweaty butt yeah his head's sweaty butt just flapping
out like
your legs are completely straight she's like that is my personal curse that i
can't come unless i'm
like the nutcracker my legs i'm gonna help on the show for real proper posture
no that's not you're
not wrong dude i need a chestnut right in my jaw i'm gonna pop i'm gonna pop
his legs locked is a
thing sometimes i'll be jacking off my god damn like my knee yeah you hurt your
knee yeah it's
like your elbow after throwing darts for an hour what the crazy ideas today he's
limp out of the shower
i feel like i get more vocal the more i come like if if it's like a three-day
beat-off yeah or three
beat-off day like the third you're going feral yeah you start growing tuss well
yeah it's tough time yeah
there's nothing coming out it's the more it's the better it feels you're oh the
deeper you get into
it yeah you're saying once you get rid of all the comments just but it's just
it's a grunt it's your
body straight yeah that's your body screaming your body stop stop just one more
babe yeah just one more
body i'll come rich right now i'll be honest i'm personally i'm covered i'm
loaded bro yeah it's
crazy i just found out i want to get my sperm tested and they'd say you can't
beat off for
three days oh no so you're up to five yeah eligible so i'm gonna wane off like
if i was
trying to quit drinking you get sick i'm only gonna drink five it's gonna be
like those vehicular tests
in the desert yeah my god the force unleashed dude our boy was saying it the
jerk-off booths are like
classic like there's like magazines and like vhs tapes still really it's like
people just go in there
and they they perform like you would in the 70s or 80s instead of just using
your phone like they're
grabbing vhs tapes filled with other dudes glazed with other dudes comb oh my
god popping in a vcr and
hitting the viewing booth touching buttons what make what made you want to get
your sperm there's
this guy they're jerking off with you yeah uh i just want i'm it when i turned
44 and i was
interested to see what the boys are up to what's going on true yeah they're
back swimming see if they're
just see if they're all gone singing in a circle see if it's a lazy river yeah
yeah see see how many dead
soldiers we have which is good to know too be cool to like see what's up yeah
just thousands of them
bloated on a battle field especially if you can't get pregnant or you can't
inseminate yeah it'd be
nice to blame the woman never tell her yeah oh yeah something's wrong with you
yeah i must go away
for two weeks to find my next piglet yeah 100 of mine mine works yeah it's you
that's failing us
we need an heir would you break up with a woman if you definitely wanted kids
and you found that she
couldn't i don't know that's a tough one yes it depends how much i cared about
her but yeah i don't
know let's go let's get a surrogate or maybe i get a second girlfriend that can
actually share it now
all of a sudden we're talking a very nice fantasy yeah it's a tough combo that's
actually kind of yeah
that'd be kind of nice too just even obviously you don't fuck the surrogate but
like being like
my cum's in there oh yeah yeah anytime you see her you go god damn yeah yeah my
jizz is in there
hopefully just get reminded of her breakfast like wait so i don't i'm this
whole thing's kind of
mystifying me where's my cum exactly it's in the lady nice i'll be right in
your pussy it's good to
hear i'll give you 20 grand carry my seed or just to make it like her feel
better about the thing you
could shoot into her and have her drip it into the oh my god just to keep
everyone in the last
little cum swap people don't feel left out like an avatar tale too labious yeah
that's an unfortunate
circumstance people run into and you have to just be like you'd have to be like
all right we're going
to adopt 10 kids we're going to adopt 10 kids and we're going to hold down a
1950s household where you
have to do everything yeah if you have the money it's nice to collect them like
trading cards get all
different colors and you can get foster kids and get paid you know what i mean
yeah let's get a wild
ass family yeah yeah yeah i'm talking native to cambodian the whole thing yeah
there's not a big
jump there native to camp they look the exact same they look very similar um it's
a poignant observation
it is well you know somewhere close close to the equator for sure yeah yeah you
want more of a continuum
yeah i want it yeah i want something dude i'm just mad at beyonce right now
what's wrong with her did
you read her later did you see her movie she sucks dude she's turning into oprah
for me i can't stand
to look at her now what happened she's just too dramatic with all her riches
yeah yeah well her she
put out her yeah it's like get the you are an empress yeah she is now you sound
like a part of the beehive
you called her empress yeah i did she put out a movie like taylor's i didn't
like apparently it's
the thing they're putting out like tour movies their concerts yeah concert
movies so she put out a
concert movie written directed produced by queen b herself obviously nice yeah
she directed it ye