Name: Ep 474 - Lemaire's Long Haul (feat. Lemaire Lee)
Uploaded: 2023-12-31T15:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 474 - Lemaire's Long Haul (feat. Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 474 - Lemaire's Long Haul (feat. Lemaire Lee)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-31. Transcript available.

Ep 474 - Lemaire's Long Haul (feat. Lemaire Lee)

the wild wild west are you playing a yugioh card game or is it more of like an
interactive card game
okay nice on your phone yeah so i don't have to buy packs how much money can
you win from
the yugioh card game uh how much can you win it's like online poker you can win
money oh no
you get game points to buy cars or is it better off is it like does this help
you meet like 12
is that the prize there's no chat there's no chat no chat no i would call them
little
south park game was fun do you remember that we were playing that game was
pretty you were playing
yeah no no the uh the cell phone game it was like it was like yugioh phone
destroyer that was a good
one that was good anyway we're here live with the newest resident in my house i
don't think i've ever
made a worse decision it'll be fun dude it's not fun you're shane it is you're
gonna have to go up
there you have to go over there and be like let's call it lamere lamige lamige
lamige i'm gonna have
to sit backwards on the chair and be like let me we gotta talk i know my my
wife died you're my son
now lamige i know you're sad yeah me doesn't get sad true it's actually up no i
get sad dude no he had
a psychotic break at walmart so now he doesn't get sad he did piss his pants at
walmart and solve
the sadness dilemma that age-old dilemma of being sad as a man yeah what's this
all for what's the
point he broke the plane just piss yourself at a walmart yeah i spilled piss on
myself on the road
because i tried to pee and drive yeah what are you on the road for a long time
yeah we got to get into
this yeah lamere lamere got here last night after how long when did you leave i
left philly at like
3 p.m and you got here the next night at like 9 p.m you didn't stop i didn't
stop i went to uh
my nikki or firestone in arkansas to get my car like that but outside of that
now oh i had to get a new
that's a brave move bro stopping down arkansas way man i couldn't get rid of
those tanks they're still
in my car what tanks i i had uh these quarter kegs when i was getting the weed
remember i was getting
the weed juice in my office yes and there i think there's two there's two of
them right yeah and then
yeah we kicked two of those kegs of weed juice and i was like yellow may i
trade them in that
in the tap it would be probably like 150 bucks and no one's taking no one's
taking them they're like
no one will take the tap they're like we don't take that i guess i haven't
tried to return a keg or
a tap since 2004. i used to deliver beer and i was like yeah you get like 75
bucks for the tap yeah
nah i don't know so no one will take it although those kegs they probably can't
be reused
yeah because they're laden with thc up a graduation party some graduation party
somewhere down here in
texas now i'm sure they rinse them somehow yeah they wouldn't take them you're
like you were trying
to sell yeah i tried to sell it to like three places in philly they're like no
and i went to
three places in arkansas i kind of with arkansas dude arkansas is nice yeah
they're like nah the one
guy was like nobody would buy it from me oh you'd like you'd like arkansas you'd
like the razorbacks
you'd like a little you would love the raise that little woo yeah woo pig suey
yeah let's go
woo pig suey are they war pigs now they're the razorbacks yeah he left the 28th
at 3 p.m yeah and
he arrived the 29th at 8 p.m from philly to texas didn't stop to sleep one headlight
21 hour drive
one headlight yeah yeah half the way damn you diddled out yeah it's a little
you diddle damn
you know people got punched because of you you know how many people got socked
in the arm you know
what diddle is you see a car one head like a little and touch the top and
whoever doesn't last you get
the sock yeah you don't know about to do yeah i helped out with diddle i was
but diddle
you smoke right away when you woke up yeah yeah didler dude it's been so long
since i smoked i
didn't smoke and drive i didn't smoke and drive because i had the headlight and
uh yeah sure that
kind of sucked i was i was ripping vape though i had this mike tyson vape it's
almost out of like
vape juice you were paxton on the mike john mike tyson page yeah he has a vape
line that knockout king
mike tyson in the jaw so you you got high and drove 30 straight hours to get to
texas yeah he
arrives upon arrival how'd you stay awake i took one 10 milligram adderall okay
that's nothing that's
not that 10 milligrams not getting you through a 30 hour drive yeah i mean i
guess i'm just built
different no you're not you would you kept saying that he kept saying i'm built
different he kept saying
i'm built different and then last night we go to the bar and somebody's like
just do a red bull and vodka
he's like i had five celsius's it's like oh yeah well that'll keep you up that's
that's
crazy i had to make paul energy drink or something it's the paul brother prime
no he's not prime prime
celsius is like uh it's a new red bull i think it might be covertates drink is
it no it could be
cover tape rules i can't believe how wrong i was he's back dude they got the celsius
mandarin mango if
mandarin or what is it mandarin marshmallow mandarin marshmallow yeah it was
nice
how many how much caffeine is in the celsius i don't know what it's like is it
like just vitamin b
really am i crazy it's gotta be a ton of caffeine there's 200 milligrams of
caffeine per can
how many do you have that's not too crazy no five but five is crazy was it celsius
i just met one
celsius heat has 350 milligrams of caffeine and are they it was probably celsius
heat if i could think
if i think about it it was probably celsius heat yeah i imagine you knowing
your way around a gas
station beverage i gotta be at the south tower arkansas they got bucky's dude
what
you definitely you know your way i'll be honest i know my way around
i know every aisle i walk in i go where is it i get it i know every eye you up
to gate on are you
up to date on like gatorade technology i am what are they where are they at
right now uh gatorade like
electrolyte not electrolyte it's always obviously it's got electrolytes gator
light gator light it's
like pedia light gatorade oh really yeah that's the newest tech they also got gatorade
next chance
it's fifth gen gatorade it's the mock five closest shave so the mayor drives 30
straight hours nothing
but adderall and five celsius chipotle chipotle 10 minutes into driving he's
like i'm in maryland
i stopped for chipotle it's like it takes five minutes to get to maryland from
philadelphia
you started the drip and we're like oh there's an exit yeah i gotta fuel up
yeah you fueled up a
gigantic dump it's just a huge dump that arkansas paid for he got all the way
down arkansas did be
that mighty dude dude you talk some adderall and adderall dumps nice too
what's the article what's the adderall it's just an amphetamine dump where yeah
you hold it for a
while you're like i'll never shit you got full chipotle bowl coming out of the
bucky's in arkansas
screaming out of the atmosphere the taxpayers in arkansas oh yeah i'm happy
that's all their
tax money oh dude they're gonna be they're gonna be standing on it like a get
an asteroid lancer
sir we don't know where this came from you have to wake up a white woman
professor to
try to communicate with it the only expert in the field the only expert is a
woman
anyway so you drove 30 straight hours we'll get more into the journey but what
i want to talk about
is how impressive you i mean the performance you put on yeah he gets here
showers we go to a bar
this guy just drove 30 straight hours he's ready to go out that's crazy he
wants to paint the town red
that's what i was saying i was like dude are you sure this is crazy you put on
a fancy vest he looked
good thank you it goes out i'd say 20 30 minutes in is where things started
unraveling the boy collapsed
yeah of course he thought he had it no at the bar at the other yeah yeah no it
was the lemon drops
dude the lemon drops oh yeah i kept making him do shots yeah i mean like dude
if you're tired just do a shot
and then no red bull and then le maire hit me with a classic le maire move
which is just a
horrendous opinion at the bar at the bar he his opinions you can get me so
angry
i don't know if anyone can make me angrier
this was the take he saw the adam sandler drew barrymore movie blended
and he said it was better than happy gilmore and billy madison what's the movie
blended about
i didn't i haven't seen it it's about uh adam sandler's wife dies drew barrymore
gets divorced they
both got three kids and then they meet they have a really bad date at first and
then they meet
throughout like a safari just like the life and then like uh the bosses or drew
barrymore's friend
is dating adam sailor's boss so then they get a safari together because the the
boss breaks
up with his girlfriend they're like we're going to go do this weird thing in africa
and damn yeah
sandman just wrote a movie about his wife dying and meeting another lady dude
it's beautiful
it's kind of a boss move but what's your movie about baby like oh that's the
guy his wife dies
he's the worst way ever so usually he's confused so he just gets pussy with his
lady she did die
from some bad cancer sick move yeah he must have wrote that movie in like two
days yeah he's like
and then i accidentally run into the hot chick again then all these movies were
about cancer for
a movie or for a second really like funny people was about cancer and then like
blended it's about
cancer yeah yeah it starts to really interrupt your social life right around
that age
yeah hit 50 and it's like people start grabbing it but back to the main the
opinion so yeah it's
better than happy gilmore yeah dude yeah why so why so what's like what what
really what grabbed you
it just it was just it was a touching flick nice it was it was heartwarming it
was nice to watch love
bloom and not be forced in a rom-com you know i'm with you on that so you're
talking about you're
talking about a whole new thing yeah but what about happy gilmore and virginia
vennett
that was great love that was so nice against mama's wishes that was forced as
hell it's not forced
at all the new bad boy on tour shoot him and gavin saying doug kick him off the
tour virginia vennett
going hey this guy's a ratings dream i mean this is crazy that you oh so she
was like she was using
him for ratings now yeah that's not real love dude no then they go on a date at
a hockey rink and he
says if you make that shot we we have to kiss if you miss it she drills it dude
i don't talk about
your all-time backfire if she drills it i don't remember this is the most one
of the most quotable
movies of all time i know i'm i'm telling you i'm losing my mind it's my
problem i'm confused i used to be
confident i'm not i used to know what was going on i was putting my kid down
today and i for real was
like by the by the way too you're always in a dark room when you have a kid so
like that's why the
edibles have to stop because like you one day they kick in you're in a pitch
black room with your kid
and you're just like oh god and it's the face you have to be brave dude you can't
be a pussy but i was
getting up today about like my inner self my actual organism body and i wasn't
high at all but i was just like
dude i just someone has to just put me down man i've lost the thread i fully
lost oh yeah dude i
get on all i do is look at social media you have to i just look at the only
safe place i get on twitter
and see the most horrific things possible dude that drone dude yeah it was
brutal video i don't want to
see anything anymore dude i saw a video yesterday this like i think it was russian
drone pilot just
killing these two ukrainian dudes none of that stuff comes up for me and uh
then the next post was like a barstool sports like look how hot this chick is
i was like oh my god what a terrible world yeah but then you just live outside
of the phone world
and like dude it's i'm dyi