Name: Ep 475 - Jucy Snooze (feat. James Donald Forbes McCann)
Uploaded: 2024-01-04T22:04:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 475 - Jucy Snooze (feat. James Donald Forbes McCann)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 475 - Jucy Snooze (feat. James Donald Forbes McCann)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-04. Transcript available.

Ep 475 - Jucy Snooze (feat. James Donald Forbes McCann)

the wild wild west oh yeah wow did i have a dream where we had 11 ads you might
have i think i had
a nightmare recently where they sent us 11 ads and i was like god damn it
enough of the earth
four hours of non-stop ad reads are they ever normal products of course they
are dude
it's always like a funny new kind of bong or a new marijuana place is it ever
like a this is a
i don't know nike uh we're working i think we had some morgan and morgan yeah
we had morgan
morgan he's a slip and fall injury he's an injury lawyer yeah we had uh at one
point i think you
i think uh like visa reached out to us too and wanted us to do like a three-minute
visa ad i would
love that we talked about our journey and like how about our finances yeah like
visa made specifically
visa not money itself made our journey yes visa was very important would you
say no to anything i was
like no what's that what would you say no to uh i think we said no to kratom kratom
no kratom what's
kratom kratom we said no to cbd we originally delta eight we said no to delta
eight delta eight but then
they bulldozed us we have to do that i love delta eight people love it no idea
tell me more about this
product so we use illegal in australia right uh it's decriminalized so we just
let it happen and
yeah nice so they let it go here it's basically it's legal it's like fully
legal in some states
medically legal then decriminalized but then they did a thing where through i
think it's like the 2019
farm bill you can grow cbd which is weed it's just like cbd instead of thc but
there's a little bit of thc
then through some loophole they allowed you to sell like 0.3 of the product in
its dry weight to
contain thc so you can sell edibles okay with thc in them and be like i got it
from a hemp plant it's
fucking it's nonsense we've lost the war on marijuana here it's common yeah it's
bad yoke was very
smelly a lot of marijuana everywhere yeah yeah new york it's on the street with
little dogs and i've
actually started a vigilante group you don't smell it really yeah you smell it
down i think it's like
illegal here totally illegal yeah i kind of like it totally makes it fun it
makes it fun and also
it's like yeah dude it's like jacking off at home it is dude you go back to
your parents house you go
there's that spark you have fun when you can get caught it's the rush jacking
off alone is it's very
sad i'll be i'll jack off in this empty house and it's it's it's not as fun
well that's where that's
where toys come out that's where dildo's getting that is where you start to
expand and you go this
is this isn't yeah have you seen jack the snake roberts in the wrestling
documentary where he talks
about going on the road no he's like you go out on the road you leave your
woman behind you got
you got one woman and then you got two women and then you got two women with
toys four women with
toys you go home you're trying to make love to your wife and you can't do it
anymore it's the saddest
moment i think that's jack the snake roberts damn his intro music was great
women with toys is tough
four women with toys four women with toys i think is the end of it yeah it's
like a fight
it's like rodney king at that point he's got four women hitting you with sticks
you have you have
vibrators on each nipple i'd be fried i'd come to some net let's we all want to
be too blue but we're not
trying to be blue if i was getting double vibed on each nipple you've been
working blue lately i have
been working on a blue i want to get clean who is that clean man who's blowing
up who just did snl yeah
i watched him for the first time last week he's wonderful excellent he's
absolutely wonderful he's
yes he's a phenomenal man but he made me rethink my whole dirty act yeah you do
need to clean it up
and you're a good catholic i should be out here doing dirty stuff yes it's
gotten me into trouble
before i think it's closing doors in the catholic community i won't go in too
much but i think uh
i'm not being invited on the speaker's circuit for the catholic speaker circuit
yeah that's dude yeah
that's a little high and mighty for a bunch of pedophiles i reckon the catholics
got bad pr
and they're a big institution but i reckon they've raped fewer children than
some of the other i agree
yeah the united states government probably i think do you have the uniting
church here they're like
methodist happy clappy we love gay people apparently they had the highest rates
of child rate in
australia really but no one talks about it because they you know the methodist
change and the methodists
and the baptists got together and they formed one big rainbow coalition
everyone's welcome here that's
who's gonna your kids i'm sorry we weren't trying to work blue no i like it
yeah no i think this is
exactly how it went last time where we're like all right cut that hole no we're
headed down that path
so i didn't know that's a good that's a good that's a fair point yeah i mean
they're not gonna try and
if you want to have one institution that everyone can be like those are the bad
guys yeah all these
other churches are just by themselves weird pastors fingering kids yeah true
you know well hill song got
done hill song came out here i think do you have hill song no what's that it
was that big australian mega
church that migrated to america justin bieber was a hill song guy really but
then they got done for uh
unpleasantness they were molested yeah there were some issues yeah jeez louise
yeah what is it why
why that i don't know a lot of trust i think you would yeah you want to go
somewhere where people
trust you with their kids and they're and you start talking though you start
taking confession
yeah you hear about a cool story from a kid you go you know slide that thing
open yes but and if you're
not releasing the pressure valve yourself it's like yeah if you're totally pent
up yeah i guess yeah
you get kind of i don't know though but you wouldn't go for a child yeah people
always say this they're
like the celibacy turns people into pedophiles i don't think not coming would
make you go it's got to be a
six-year-old no but the celibacy attracts gay dudes for sure yeah true and i'm
not saying gay guys are
pedophiles no but being self it's gay that's what you're saying yes being celibate
is gay i imagine it
would be if you were never going to have a wife it would be easier to give up
not having a wife it's
very nice to have a wife yeah yeah it's a good way to be a closeted gay man it's
become a priest so i
mean i had to do it otherwise guys i'd love to be getting with you guys but i
made a covenant with god
and i just gotta hang out with the bros yeah yeah yeah true no that'd be it'd
be much harder to be
celibate as a gay man because all the opportunities are there all the time true
if you really wanted
to not have sex with anybody a gay man would have the hardest time i meant celibate
like not marry a
woman oh i mean celibate as in you'd never reject yeah yeah yeah you can have
sex with men doesn't count
the having sexual men does not it's not it doesn't it doesn't take it's not a
body count it doesn't add
to it at all if someone asks how many people have you sex with i only include
women i don't count
all the men i've had sex with have you you didn't watch maestro you ever seen
maestro it's great
what's my show it's bradley cooper being leonard bernstein and he's a gay man
do you get a little
trouble tossing our nose on that one he is extremely jewish he tossed on a
prosthetic nose people were
like chill dude chill because cooper doesn't i'm not coming at it he's a
beautiful man but he has a
decent schnoz yeah he went for an enhancement yeah he got an upgrade he went
for a burntine
nose they were like you're playing a jewish guy and he was like all right he's
like all right i've been
waiting for this moment my whole life put on a plague mask lots of gold rings
yeah and he just hunches
over and does that the whole time put out a small golden toss that nose on dude
look at that thing
damn i mean dude if that's what the guy looked like what's the fuss yeah what
did the guy look like
it was probably he probably had yeah because if they threw on the beak and he
had it was like a tiny
nose oh no he over exaggerated yo that's a schnoz dude coops got a bigger head
he's got to be
proportional that's also the angle they're trying to make him look bad that
other guy had dude bernstein
had a schnoz coops does look something about it looks strong more prominent but
i don't know i don't
think that's why it was controversial it's an anti-gay movie it's a secretly it's
the first
most anti-gay movie i've ever seen what's what happens so he has sex with men
he's a composer and
uh conductor and he falls in love with a woman and he is happy but he still
likes to the men
but he really wants to be serious and a composer and just sit on his own and
write but he loves
hot boys in the club too much and so he just keeps doing that and then he feels
sad that he's not
composing that he's having a beautiful time with svelte young men so then what's
the resolution of
the movie he's a very sad his wife dies he's extremely old and sweaty and he's
in a nightclub
with a beautiful young black man dancing together and then it's over he never
gets to be a great composer
because he's just too busy he was too busy with it he was in a club yeah it
ends with him it's like
something like pump it up that he's dancing to in the club it's um joe budden
it's uh
that's kind of a good way to go he looks old if you're gay and you're in the if
he's an old
shitty guy he's with a young the boys love him yeah he's a very happy he's a
young hot boy listening
to 50 cent that rules no it's like oh in the damn pump it up oh that's really
yeah whoa it's not it's
something like that but like i don't know man it's like that really was the
reason he wasn't a great
composer because he was like he was having sex with his wife so when he's with
his wife how much
time is he spending then he goes and composes and he comes back and he goes i've
composed i see that
makes sense he needs to escape his wife yes so he comes out and writes good
composing you know when
he's with the boys he's like i'm not doing but sucking saturday was for the
boys saturday was hot boys
it's very good i loved it i cried it's a good movie you cried i cried i didn't
cry in or quite on the
western front i did yeah i wept but i was uh it was a mistake to watch that in
the afternoon before
the show yeah all choir in the western front i continue to watch it i keep
watching it it's good
it's a i enjoy it it was a good movie yeah that is a good plot people were
saying that's a gay like
what he was supposed to like have like the gay young boy be the muse for like
the best song ever
wait what do they they want the movie was about his life and unfortunately he
wasted his life having sex
with young boys when he should have been composing and maybe his wife reality
gets in the way of the
woke people telling the story they want to tell but true they should remake it
where like he writes
like a hit lady gaga song everyone's like yay you're a hero yeah he was having
sex with young boys
squander his time yeah i mean it would fill up all your time and your butt i
see him i think of him as a
top he was a top my guess is that he was topping or a power bottom i don't know
if that's a term you have
yeah we have that here we have power bottoms here do you have a lot of power
bottoms in australia i
see them out in the back they walk backwards the dynamic twinks stay getting
out there i think i
have the bear physique i could never bear physique yeah so what bears are bears
tops or bottoms what
are bears never thought about like the role they play in terms of like the
penetrative act
because i know there's like bears seals
otters seal isn't there an otter an odd i think an outer is like a hairless i'm
technically an honor it's
like a hairless kind of in between i'm not like i'm not like a twink which 