Name: Ep 478 - Gone Boy (feat. Jon DelCollo)
Uploaded: 2024-01-24T21:26:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 478 - Gone Boy (feat. Jon DelCollo)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 478 - Gone Boy (feat. Jon DelCollo)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-24. Transcript available.

Ep 478 - Gone Boy (feat. Jon DelCollo)

wild wild west is that nocta no this is not knocked up but that's a fair guess
i know you
you do know me thank you john del calo's here thanks for having me fellows john
look at that
look at this i didn't even notice your drip dude you like it you probably don't
i like it
you look nice these are the perfect airport pants what you got you can dump you
can dump
oh yeah are they neat what if you get hot in the airport you're going to take
them off
they're just a double layer yeah you for real should zip those off going
through tsa
true put them in the yeah put them in the container you could probably take
your dick out and tsa
big i didn't know i thought you guys there's so many zippers on this thing dude
i don't know
getting the scanner thing just take your pants all the way down like so serving
right yeah you could
easily try to comply i'm just there's just so many rules here i always forget
then they'd find out
they'd be like i'm looking at your schedule you fly every single week well you've
been pulling your
dick out on tsa every single week it'd be a good way to seek revenge on them be
so funny yeah like
when i got random the other day i should just like all right my bad just like
took my pants off like
well i i don't know like i didn't i didn't really shower this morning so get in
there boys it's gonna
be rough what do they do to you for the rando nothing they just put me through
the scanner i have
tsa pre-check so they put me oh yeah they like didn't let me go through the
metal detector pre-check
you're allowed to go through metal detector yeah it's pretty nice unless you
get scanned then you
get well if you get it yeah yeah randomized they'll like toss you through there
might be the most lazy
thing i've done in my life is still not get really i would still haven't got it
i fly every five
every yeah multiple times a week yeah i would never do brenny literally picked
me up and was like just
go in this building i'm like i don't have time for this you also never five
minutes you never need it
in philly you do philly yeah i don't know philly is i just like going not i
like going just to the
metal detector yeah of course that's the best part yeah so it is nice but every
time every time i think
about getting it i'm like i've never yeah i've never needed it you can't just
do it online you have
to show up to an office you gotta show up to an office approved that's how
clear gets you yeah
clear like you want clear you're like i'm here early i'll sign up yeah how much
is it like nine
hundred dollars a month that's fine i'll just cancel after the 30 days is that
expensive it
actually is expensive really check something like 80 bucks for five years
obviously sean
thank you well you want to get the facts straight i understand you are the lifeblood
of
the truth of this podcast sean you and lamare although lamare has a tenuous
relationship with the truth
lamare wait you gotta tell him how i'm sorry why why does limit does lamare fib
no i would say
oh yeah uh but you went to jiu-jitsu yesterday right yeah i went to 10th planet
jiu-jitsu yes it
was pretty fun i saw justin gaethje there i had to act like i didn't see him
that's awesome really
pretty cool yeah i was like oh seeing gaethje is neat yeah and then especially
you get to train in
front of him yeah no no no he was uh he went to he was on the others he was
kickboxing so you should
have got over there and said what's good dude what's good say you're the real bmf
yeah you're the black
the real bmf what are you doing there i was it was the first time yeah uh this
gym it was just basically
like training rolling and stuff yeah i didn't know anything i would like to see
that i was delighted
upon your arrival when you came back because before you left i've the
confidence through the
roof yeah before but he was going to he was like i'm going to 10th planet and
then i walk outside he's
smoking a blunt and i was like lamare you can't smoke a blunt before your big
training and he was like
here's what's going to happen because here's what's going to happen i'm going
to go in there
they're going to put me in a beginner's class i'm going to tap like two or
three people they're going
to move me up to the thing they're going to go you're actually a white belt or
maybe even a blue belt
you said those exactly i said one strike i said you told me you were going to
tap one guy you said you
were going to get one or two people i'd get one guy you said one or two i said
one guy you said one
or two i'm certain of no dude one guy it was for sure one guy nobody's dude
zero bodies zero bodies
i got caught at the end of each like round though like there was like 10
seconds left and i'm like
it dude i'm tired you tapping with 10 seconds i didn't even know i didn't know
i was just not
breathing there was times i was like i can't breathe right now and i had to
just like yeah that's
okay that's a reason to tap though yeah i didn't tap yourself like i'm out yeah
just jogging
i tried to tap before it started to like hurt for real you know like the
i know i know yeah lamero i am i know you talk about it but i am a one strike
wipeout
yeah i'm if you surpass me then you can do security detail for me
can i buy a day pass to wrestle you tomorrow can we just go in there and
wrestle each other i want to
wrestle you the mare is nasty is he scrappy he'll you up oh yeah i mean dude we
can move the table
right now john is kind of uh lamera is strong but also he would wrestle the out
of you
does he have experience dude we can move the table right failed out of like
three different
he's tried three different jujitsu trials did you ever get tech followed by
your own best friend in
grade school would you say i'm sorry i got tech fold oh wait you wrestled yeah
i got some experience
he's got some actual experience yeah i know what i'm doing i don't have any i
had i did wrestling for
a week and i quit i'm here for a few days i think we should get on the mat you
guys should whoa john
with some scary confidence here we got to bring greco roman back dude this brazilian
bullshit yeah i think it is i think the jiu-jitsu stuff's getting dominated a
little dude the white
muslims have saved us they're just mauling these brazilian dudes it used to be
scary when you saw
a brazilian coming out of the tunnel now it's oh yeah those guys just get
tossed around a little yeah
yesterday's casia what's that yesterday's casia oh yeah of course that's portuguese
but yeah they're not really they're not as scary anymore they're not as scary
gracie's were scary
and then it's yeah they really yeah because they're the only ones that knew
what the
they were doing and then the dudes came down from the caucus and then the
caucus mountains came down
and yeah started buttfucking everybody now we need bo nichols to save us we
need we need a white
hero true just a good christian white none of these muslim whites you know what
i mean john do you
think i could take lamere uh i dude i'm telling you it would be i swear i don't
know man although
you're a dad now you do have he has dad strength it just happens right yeah i
haven't tested it but
i'm assuming i can lift the car now i think i think both you the endurance is
going to be an issue yeah
we're gonna have to take five minute breaks between one minute rounds if we
move this table you guys
could get into greco-roman positioning and just do like a quick drill i have to
unzip my pants into
shorts would you actually be open to something like that because i would never
if i was on a podcast
i would never do that no but you would be would you consider it here yes no
okay this has to be in a
sanctioned uh we need a wrap i hear you i need points yeah yeah gardini knows
the game yeah i can
ref for you guys if you want to yeah he was a wrestler you think i can take him
i think gardini's
good at wrestling i know but i have a hundred pounds on him i'll give you that
what's your what's
your experience with wrestling um up to seventh grade oh no john i still recall
a lot of the moves true
the fight's still in you yeah it's muscle memory go dog tell them what song you
used to walk out on the
mat too that'll strike fair i used to walk out to ain't no grave by johnny cash
oh damn they didn't
even let me have music when i walked out true you gotta earn it they actually
turned the lights out and
everybody left i like the fighting you though oh yeah yeah i think i could ah
how much do you weigh we
might have to do a hell in the cell right here my weight will not be an
advantage with lamair so i'll
need to use my my cunning and my my wrestling memory do i have enough coming
are you sore right now though
from yesterday's yeah yeah you might get him now he's recovering all right yeah
tomorrow's the day
then i'm going to that gym with you 10th planet yeah are they will they let a
guy like me walk in there
oh yeah give them if you tell me the score to settle with lamair don't for sure
all right
lamair i would love to see you oh man that would have been so fun to see you in
there it wasn't that
bad no i know but like taking instructions oh yes that's yeah that doesn't seem
like something you
would do he seems not the kind of guy that would just go to a gym by himself
and start feeling up guys
this is exactly who lamair is that's awesome he would go i can do that i'm
gonna do that and then
then he'll come home and go i'm never gonna do that i got he does try he gives
it he gives it a try
do you think you're ever going to go back uh yeah i gotta go back i got one
more free trial on
thursday that's it yeah all right thursday is the day okay i'll start my free
trial on thursday
dude it was too expensive they don't know this it's too expensive for me
but it's too expensive for me too i'm a day pass guy how much is it a month how
much is it a month
it was like for unlimited it was like 210 a month it's brutal if you talk like
this somebody's gonna
listen to this and give you free jujitsu in austin you might get a scholarship
dude you might get a
more scholarship scholarship i would love a jujitsu scholarship i don't i don't
know if i want you
doing this the confidence is already too high if you actually have a day of
training behind you
you're gonna be like yeah i'm the best no way dude i'm gonna be humble it
already came out in your ufc
five you you were good me and him played you guys you you could tell he had
some training he knew what
he was doing is he learning most of his from the video game i don't think he's
learned anything
other than from video games i swear to god i don't think he was good in school
i don't think he's
read a book you think he's a creative player this is somebody's creative player
for sure
that is what i make my creative players look like i make lamere in almost every
ufc game yeah
it's an easy character to make true or uh have you been playing a lot of video
games no i haven't
played video games in years really yeah do you play video games no what do you
do in your spare time
i look at my phone for eight hours a day nice and then i sleep for nine hours a
day and i hold a
baby for a couple hours nice it's a chill ass time yeah it's pretty sick i was
thinking about getting
back into video games though i'll tell you you get a little older they're not
as i mean i try you saw
me yesterday i was trying my hardest i'm trying to get into the games like i
used to and i don't have
it fifa fifa was good the last two weeks yeah it's hard not playing against
another person i get like
weird on the computer yeah yeah yeah that would be i i still think ufc is you'll
see against somebody
else against someone is the most fun yeah it is i could play for 12 hours it is
enjoyable but it's a very
nice time i think the learning curve would be too long for me to figure that
game out ufc you
we can play it you can do it i love fresh blood dude the vidges i i slowed down
and now i was forced
to netflix documentaries that's actually it actually worked out that was good
yeah yeah you watc