Name: Ep 482 - Creamed Out (feat. Lemaire Lee & Shawn Gardini)
Uploaded: 2024-02-21T20:51:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 482 - Creamed Out (feat. Lemaire Lee & Shawn Gardini)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 482 - Creamed Out (feat. Lemaire Lee & Shawn Gardini)' from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-21. Transcript available.

Ep 482 - Creamed Out (feat. Lemaire Lee & Shawn Gardini)

wild wild west hey guys welcome to the podcast this is so great the big dog is
in snl
we're doing a body we have to do the podcast guys we have to do the podcast
you cannot forget the podcast never you guys you guys do you guys even like how
you guys
stimulating yourselves joe come with you cream soda you're gonna pass out in
two seconds no wait
dude i'll be fine i'm gonna be so jazzed up damn dude cream rules everything
around you
cream soda rules everything around you i'm on the bean you're on the cream i'm
on the
ginseng i watched the inspiring video i'm i'm trying to i'm studying those dude
the chinese
yeah dude i'm studying them huh i miss them being out here in texas dude i miss
chinese people
you don't see ah they're kicking around you gotta go to like the camp i don't
hang out with college
chinese college chinese yeah are nice no i went to an engineering school what
the bite your tongue
i went to an engineering school i didn't go for engineering obviously but it
was there was many
college chinese and they are about business yeah they don't around no i was
trying to kiss them
and they'd say no thank you i'm studying engineering dude i watched a video on
uh
who's the guy rizza islam you ever with this he come up in your algorithm he's
like a hard
my algorithm's crazy might be like reza islam rizza islam oh yeah maybe he's
not in good standing
he's like he's like a disciple of the honorable malajah blah blah yeah muhammad
oh i see but
he was going on i was watching the video last night i couldn't fall asleep i
did kill tony last night
and i was just wide awake because i hit the blunt i hit the blood once and you
hit the cup and the l in
the cup i had yeah that was on the micro dose as well he looks like fonsworth
bentley you know the
guy who used to carry the umbrella for diddy yeah looks like dilly's umbrella
yeah dude i was watching
a video last night and he was saying i mean dude first of all like black muslim
dudes i i know they
have they have a regrettable stance on the jews hence the adl's hard slam on
them but look at the
drip though the drip is crazy and dude these theories the theories are off the
hook too yeah he
was saying how he studies white people yeah he's like i study them he's like a
lot of you brothers
don't want to study the white man i watch his every move keep your friends
close and your enemies exactly
i fucking i like that i like that too i like the skinny piece behind in the getty
image
well he claimed that's the gap dude oh according to true oh according to him he
was saying he's he's
saying that white people studied black people and that's where we got all of
our swag from he's talking
going way back uh and so that way we we designed the system we studied y'all
designed the system
and then we held you down with it now you guys have to study us to redesign the
system though it's gonna
be i love the way he's thinking about that i think i kind of agree dude it's
kind of like it doesn't
sound like crazy no it sounds like right because you ever see these geeked up
white boys nowadays dude
yeah yeah but here's the thing though he was like we got to study white people
we got to study their
ways and i understand he's filtering it through like a muslim yeah or almost
like like a black israeli
scope but he is in a way it's it's just like a monumental pull up your pants he's
doing a monumental
but it's in like a sick way he's just kind of like yeah we just got to em we
got to study them
and emulate them and take our swag back we got to show up early and stuff it's
like
you guys wait we were late first you guys are super early man dude i uh amer
you were
right on time today you were 1101 swagged out taking that white swag dude that
prototypical white swag 1101 that white extra minute dude true cream soda and a
cream
backwards is aggressively why is everything got a match i don't know
even the bucky's stop stealing the ancient white swag dude dude dude the bucket
dude
i'm a sweatshirt bucky sweatpants why are you dripping so hard i was dripped
out today though
i had the black yin yang tea and the black pants on my wife came out of the
closet i came out of the
closet paul's but i came out i got a walk-in i'm just balling out but i came
out of the walk-in
i'll just put it like that she saw that i was my wife saw us matching she was
like god damn i threw
dude if you throw a hard match on black people they're like they get like dizzy
for a second
if you match hard they're like yeah they immediately are like they check
themselves yeah they check
themselves they're like damn dude i'm wearing blue and green this is what am i
i should be matched to the
fucking teeth you guys are right that was that might be your swag originally i
don't think europeans
knew about matching before africans would have the they'd have the chain with
the skirt they match
true you guys were on that back in the day of like stretching out your ears and
that's why i'm studying asians right now because i think the asians built the
system my brothers i
think the asians they built the whole people down system i think i mean they do
have a whole people
down system i mean they're doing it pretty good in africa right now yeah i
heard they're down that way
even this is the chinese government or the communist government seems pretty
ironclad i did like watching
videos of them scooping up people and during covet yeah bolting them into their
apartment building
locking them in yeah go ahead sorry no no i was gonna stay political i saw inculter
on uh bill maher
real time bill maher who's this lady from her inculter what's she been up to
like the i don't know
dude she was she was cooking though what was she saying she was saying like uh
she's a fox news lady
she's just like a uh she's like a republican commenter i guess well there you
go there you go
there you go american commentor and arthur author yeah all right she used to
ride with djt pretty hard
yeah okay she hates djt now oh really she hates him now he's i don't know he's
a comment dude no
offense bro who do you who are you pulling for in the uh upcoming election me i
was going to rfk dude
sorry yeah knock on wood you get a lot of hate for that on twitter if you like
rfk people like he's
gonna take your guns and take like dude he said i don't have watch it look
there watch it that's my
president dude i'll take i'll take it you'll give your guns to your president
yeah i don't have any right
now but we'll see when i get one we'll see you should get one so you can give
it to the government
eventually yeah dude right now what was what was she saying what's her deal she
was saying uh
she was she was talking to uh van jones who uh works for cnn who's van jones he's
like the black
guy gay black guy swindy i don't think he's he doesn't like mace windy he's
like liberal mace
van jones isn't gay no i don't think he's got a perfect gay black guy name yeah
he's he's uh
he's for sure pretending because like during the whole interview they were just
condescending to
aunt coulter but she was saying the realest dude what was she saying she was
saying like uh the only
difference between like murder rates the real difference between murder rates
isn't like race it's
single mother versus two family homes or single parent for sure family homes
that's the actual real
like uh reason for murder rates you need a dad to be like back in my day son we
used our hands
that didn't make you a man my dad used to love doing that that was my dad's
whole stance on the
police brutality thing they used to use your hands like i don't know why these
young kids use their
guns all the time they're afraid to put their hands on somebody back in my day
i used to love to get my
hands dirty yeah old old men love fighting dude i could totally see your guy
your dad dropping the hat
taking the holster off me like square up square up yeah that would be so sick
if you had to square
up as a cop a cop should square up more that should be totally like it should
be sanctioned yeah that's
the best movie scene oh yeah for sure that movie with jake didn't naeem square
up with like six cops
yeah they're arresting his i think ex-wife and then he tried to protect her
on business he was protecting his guns he's like god damn it they're taking my
wife now
yeah that's what's gonna happen dude dude the government took all of our wives
the guns is a decoy they're gonna take all of our wives dude we're gonna be
like what the hell
why are we so alone now so coulter she was saying some real dude she's and uh
everybody was like uh
they were like condescending to her it was real weird because she wasn't like
wrong yeah they were
just treating her like she was an idiot what they're being like well obviously
dads leave the house
as i've seen ben shapiro does that he's like well you need to have two parents
in a household they're
like yeah obviously we would like that but that's not the case but they need to
go get a newborn
sean sorry forgive you that's literally what van said he was like yeah that
would be nice if that
was possible it's like yeah why isn't it possible everything is possible i know
i know i love when he
says that though people are like well in the real world yeah you have to leave
your kids dude it's
up though you can totally leave your kids what do you mean like it's not
illegal do anything i could
leave my kids today yeah i could literally get an apartment and abandon my
family and be in perfect
legal standing it's nuts and then if you don't pay the government you go to
jail are you making an
escape plan i'm just saying it's backwards the policies should be flipped
around yeah if you leave
your family you should go to jail yeah if you're like dude i'm leaving my
family yeah and if unless
you'd have to like prove that your babe is so brutal yeah be like bro it's not
me or you could
say like i'll stay she's got to go and a judge has to be like she's brutal dude
yeah she's so annoying
yo she's so brutal majority of your peers would have to be like yo she's brutal
you should have seen her
at the super bowl party bro she wasn't eating no case so brutal she was doing
that thing where she
was like quiet mad at me and the judge was like god damn it i'm fine the fact
that you're asking me is
bothering me like that's not that's not true you're making my concern my
concern for you bothers you
very well judge yeah no you can totally leave your family no penalty no legal
penalty whatsoever
but if you crazy i think they get paid off the child support payments and they
take the government
parents obviously but like the the government i think takes like a transactional
fee from every
child support dude it's billions of dollars a year yeah yeah well and there's
also like uh like the when
you leave you get wealth when there's like one just a single mom in the house
with like a kid
you automatically get like welfare or wick or whatever right yeah and not to
ruin the game but
there's a lot of times i've my my family's been on welfare and they've just
been dating dudes and
hiding them like oh yeah that's kind of hot people are coming you got to leave
real quick having a secret
boyfriend from the government's kind of hot yeah out of them in the attic like
true damn frank dude don't
make a noise the government will take away our money if they find you damn
frank you can't drive my
mitsubishi outlander anymore that one lady just got busted for a secret
boyfriend what lady there
was a i don't know if she she was like the da in georgia who hired the
prosecutor against trump not
bobert no it was a lady it was a black lady she got like for real fried vaccine
waters no bro not her old
black ass no oh dude this lady got well dude the lady got um where is she from
joja jojo jojo jojo she
got she got fried it was like if you look up trump hearing cash lady it'll come
up but she got fried
she's got a baby yeah dude listen to her she's kind of fine dude bro she all
right her her story is so
funny yo dude i bet she got a god damn